THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL : THE DEFINITIVE EDITION

Anne Frank

Edited by Otto H. Frank and Mirjam Pressler

Translated by Susan Massotty

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BOOK FLAP

Anne Frank's The Diary of a Young Girl is among the most enduring documents of the

twentieth century. Since its publication in 1947, it has been read by tens of mil ions

of people al over the world. It remains a beloved and deeply admired testament to the

indestructable nature of the human spirit.

Restore in this Definitive Edition are diary entries that had been omitted from the

original edition. These passages, which constitute 30 percent more material, reinforce

the fact that Anne was first and foremost a teenage girl, not a remote and flawless

symbol. She fretted about, and tried to copie with, her own emerging sexuality. Like

many young girls, she often found herself in disagreement with her mother. And like

any teenager, she veered between the carefree nature of a child and the ful -fledged

sorrow of an adult. Anne emerges more human, more vulnerable, and more vital than

ever.

Anne Frank and her family, fleeing the horrors of Nazi occupation, hid in the back of

an Amsterdam warehouse for two years. She was thirteen when the family went into

the Secret Annex, and in these pages she grows to be a young woman and a wise

observer of human nature as wel . With unusual insight, she reveals the relations

between eight people living under extraordinary conditions, facing hunger, the

ever-present threat of discovery and death, complete estrangement from the outside

world, and above al , the boredom, the petty misunderstandings, and the frustrations of

living under such unbearable strain, in such confined quarters.

A timely story rediscovered by each new generation, The Diary of a Young Girl stands

without peer. For both young readers and adults it continues to bring to life this

young woman, who for a time survived the worst horror of the modern world had seen

-- and who remained triumphantly and heartbreakingly human throughout her ordeal.

For those who know and love Anne Frank, The Definitive Edition is a chance to

discover her anew. For readers who have not yet encountered her, this is the edition

to cherish.

ANNE FRANK was born on June 12, 1929. She died while imprisoned at

Bergen-Belsen, three months short of her sixteenth birthday. OTTO H. FRANK was

the only member of his immediate framily to survive the Holocaust. He died in 1980.

MIRJAM PRESSLER is a popular writer of books for young adults. She lives in

Germany.

Translated by Susan Massotty.

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FOREWORD

Anne Frank kept a diary from June 12, 1942, to August 1, 1944. Initial y, she wrote

it strictly for herself. Then, one day in 1944, Gerrit Bolkestein, a member of the

Dutch government in exile, announced in a radio broadcast from London that after the

war he hoped to col ect eyewitness accounts of the suffering of the Dutch people

under the German occupation, which could be made available to the public. As an

example, he specifically mentioned letters and diaries.

Impressed by this speech, Anne Frank decided that when the war was over she would

publish a book based on her diary. She began rewriting and editing her diary,

improving on the text, omitting passages she didn't think were interesting enough and

adding others from memory. At the same time, she kept up her original diary. In the

scholarly work The Diary of Anne Frank: The Critical Edition (1989), Anne's first,

unedited diary is referred to as version a, to distinguish it from her second, edited

diary, which is known as version b.

The last entry in Anne's diary is dated August 1, 1944. On August 4, 1944, the eight

people hiding in the Secret Annex were arrested. Miep Gies and Bep Voskuijl, the two

secretaries working in the building, found Anne's diaries strewn al over the floor. ,Miep Gies tucked them away in a desk drawer for safekeeping. After the war, when it

became clear that Anne was dead, she gave the diaries, unread, to Anne's father, Otto

Frank.

After long deliberation, Otto Frank decided to fulfil his daughter's wish and publish

her diary. He selected material from versions a and b, editing them into a shorter

version later referred to as version c. Readers al over the world know this as The

Diary of a fauna Girl.

In making his choice, Otto Frank had to bear several points in mind. To begin with,

the book had to be kept short so that it would fit in with a series put out by the

Dutch publisher. In addition, several passages dealing with Anne's sexuality were

omitted; at the time of the diary's initial publication, in 1947, it was not customary to write openly about sex, and certainly not in books for young adults. Out of respect for

the dead, Otto Frank also omitted a number of unflattering passages about his wife and

the other residents of the Secret Annex. Anne Frank, who was thirteen when she

began her diary and fifteen when she was forced to stop, wrote without reserve about

her likes and dislikes.

When Otto Frank died in 1980, he wil ed his daughter's manuscripts to the Netherlands

State Institute for War Documentation in Amsterdam. Because the authenticity of the

diary had been chal enged ever since its publication, the Institute for War

Documentation ordered a thorough investigation. Once the diary was proved, beyond a

shadow of a doubt, to be genuine, it was published in its entirety, along with the

results of an exhaustive study. The Critical Edition contains not only versions a, band

c, but also articles on the background of the Frank family, the circumstances

surrounding their arrest and deportation, and the examination into Anne's handwriting,

the document and the materials used.

The Anne Frank-Fonds (Anne Frank Foundation) in Basel (Switzerland),. which as

Otto Frank's sole heir had also inherited his daughter's copyrights, then decided to

have anew, expanded edition of the diary published for general readers. This new

edition in no way affects the integrity of the old one originally edited by Otto Frank,

which brought the diary and its message to mil ions of people. The task of compthng

the expanded edition was given to the writer and translator Mirjam Pressler. Otto

Frank's original selection has now been supplemented with passages from Anne's a and

b versions. Mirjam Pressler's definitive edition, approved by the Anne Frank-Fonds,

contains approximately 30 percent more material and is intended to give the reader

more insight into the world of Anne Frank.

In writing her second version (b), Anne invented pseudonyms for the people who

would appear in her book. She initial y wanted to call herself Anne Aulis, and later

Anne Robin. Otto Frank opted to cal his family by their own names and to fol ow

Anne's wishes with regard to the others. Over the years, the identity of the people

who helped the family in the Secret Annex has become common knowledge. In this

edition, the helpers are now referred to by their real names, as they so justly deserve

to be. All other persons are named in accordance with the pseudonyms in The Critical

Edition. The Institute for War Documentation has arbitrarily assigned initials to those

persons wishing to remain anonymous.

The real names of the other people hiding in the Secret Annex are:

THE VAN PELS FAMILY

(from Osnabri ck, Germany):

Auguste van Pels (born September 9, 1890)

Hermann van Pels (born March 31, 1889)

Peter van Pels (born November 8, 1926)

Called by Anne, in her manuscript: Petronel a, Hans and Alfred van Daan; and in the

book: Petronella, Hermann and Peter van Daan.

FRITZ PFEFFER

(born April 30, 1889, in Giessen, Germany):

Called by Anne, in her manuscript and in the book: Alfred Dussel.

The reader may wish to bear in mind that much of this edition is based on the b

version of Anne's diary, which she wrote when she was around fifteen years old.

Occasional y, Anne went back and commented on a passage she had written earlier.

These comments are clearly marked in this edition. Natural y, Anne's spel ing and

linguistic errors have been corrected. Otherwise, the text has basical y been left as

she wrote it, since any attempts at editing and clarification would be inappropriate in a historical document.

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I hope I wil be able to confide everything to you, as I have never been able to

confide in anyone, and I hope you wil be a great source of comfort and support.

-- : --

June 12, 1942

I hope I wil be able to confide everything to you, as I have never been able to

confide in anyone, and I hope you wil be a great source of comfort and support.

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE ON SEPTEMBER 28, 1942: So far you truly have been

a areat source of comfort to me, and so has Kitty, whom I now write to regularly.

This way of keeping a diary is much nicer, and now I can hardly wait for those

moments when I'm able to write in you. Oh, I'm so alad I brought you along!

SUNDAY, JUNE 14, 1942

I'll begin from the moment I got you, the moment I saw you lying on the table among

my other birthday presents. (I went along when you were bought, but that doesn't

count.)

On Friday, June 12, I was awake at six o'clock, which isn't surprising, since it was

my birthday. But I'm not al owed to get up at that hour, so I had to control my

curiosity until quarter to seven. When I couldn't wait any longer, I went to the dining

room, where Moortje (the cat) welcomed me by rubbing against my legs.

A little after seven I went to Daddy and Mama and then to the living room to open

my presents, and you were the first thing I saw, maybe one of my nicest presents.

Then a bouquet of roses, some peonies and a potted plant. From Daddy and Mama I

got a blue blouse, a game, a bottle of grape juice, which to my mind tastes a bit like

wine (after al , wine is made from grapes), a puzzle, a jar of cold cream, 2.50 guilders and a gift certificate for two books. I got another book as wel , Camera Obscura (but

Margot already has it, so I exchanged mine for something else), a platter of

homemade cookies (which I made myself, of course, since I've become quite an expert

at baking cookies), lots of candy and a strawberry tart from Mother. And a letter from

Grammy, right on time, but of course that was just a coincidence.

Then Hanneli came to pick me up, and we went to school. During recess I passed out

cookies to my teachers and my class, and then it was time to get back to work. I

didn't arrive home until five, since I went to gym with the rest of the class. (I'm not

al owed to take part because my shoulders and hips tend to get dislocated.) As it was

my birthday, I got to decide which game my classmates would play, and I chose

vol eybal . Afterward they all danced around me in a circle and sang "Happy Birthday."

When I got home, Sanne Ledermann was already there. Ilse Wagner, Hanneli Goslar

and Jacqueline van Maarsen came home with me after gym, since we're in the same

class. Hanneli and Sanne used to be my two best friends. People who saw us together

used to say, "There goes Anne, Hanne and Sanne." I only met Jacqueline van Maarsen when I started at the Jewish Lyceum, and now she's my best friend. Ilse is Hanneli's

best friend, and Sanne goes to another school and has friends there.

They gave me a beautiful book, Dutch Sasas and Lesends, but they gave me Volume II

by mistake, so I exchanged two other books for Volume I. Aunt Helene brought me a

puzzle, Aunt Stephanie a darling brooch and Aunt Leny a terrific book: Daisy Goes to

the Mountains.

This morning I lay in the bathtub thinking how wonderful it would be if I had a dog

like Rin Tin Tin. I'd cal him Rin Tin Tin too, and I'd take him to school with me,

where he could stay in the janitor's room or by the bicycle racks when the weather

was good.

MONDAY, JUNE 15, 1942

I had my birthday party on Sunday afternoon. The Rin Tin Tin movie was a big hit

with my classmates. I got two brooches, a bookmark and two books. I'l start by

saying a few things about my school and my class, beginning with the students.

Betty Bloemendaal looks kind of poor, and I think she probably is. She lives on some

obscure street in West Amsterdam, and none of us know where it is. She does very

wel at school, but that's because she works so hard, not because she's so smart.

She's pretty quiet.

Jacqueline van Maarsen is supposedly my best friend, but I've never had a real friend.

At first I thought Jacque would be one, but I was badly mistaken.

D.Q.* [* Initials have been assigned at random to those persons who prefer to remain

anonymous.] is a very nervous girl who's always forgetting things, so the teachers

keep assigning her extra homework as punishment. She's very kind, especial y to G.Z.

E.S. talks so much it isn't funny. She's always touching your hair or fiddling with your buttons when she asks you something. They say she can't stand me, but I don't care,

since I don't like her much either.

Henny Mets is a nice girl with a cheerful disposition, except that she talks in a loud

voice and is real y childish when we're playing outdoors. Unfortunately, Henny has a

girlfriend named Beppy who's a bad influence on her because she's dirty and vulgar.

J.R. - I could write a whole book about her. J. is a detestable, sneaky, stuck-up,

two-faced gossip who thinks she's so grown-up. She's really got Jacque under her

spel , and that's a shame. J. is easily offended, bursts into tears at the slightest thing and, to top it al off, is a terrible show-off. Miss J. always has to be right. She's

very rich, and has a closet full of the most adorable dresses that are way too old for

her. She thinks she's gorgeous, but she's not. J. and I can't stand each other.

Ilse Wagner is a nice girl with a cheerful disposition, but she's extremely fInicky and

can spend hours moaning and groaning about something. Ilse likes me a lot. She's very

smart, but lazy.

Hanneli Goslar, or Lies as she's called at school, is a bit on the strange side. She's

usually shy -- outspoken at horne, but reserved around other people. She blabs

whatever you tell her to her mother. But she says what she thinks, and lately I've

corne to appreciate her a great deal.

Nannie van Praag-Sigaar is smal , funny and sensible. I think she's nice. She's pretty

smart. There isn't much else you can say about Nannie. Eefje de Jong is, in my

opinion, terrific. Though she's only twelve, she's quite the lady. She acts as if I were a baby. She's also very helpful, and I like her.

G.Z. is the prettiest girl in our class. She has a nice face, but is kind of dumb. I think they're going to hold her back a year, but of course I haven't told her that.

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE AT A LATER DATE: To my areat surprise, G.Z.

wasn't held back a year after al .

And sitting next to G.Z. is the last of us twelve girls, me.

There's a lot to be said about the boys, or maybe not so much after all.

Maurice Coster is one of my many admirers, but pretty much of a pest. Sal ie

Springer has a filthy mind, and rumor has it that he's gone al the way. Stil , I think

he's terrific, because he's very funny.

Emiel Bonewit is G.Z.'s admirer, but she doesn't care. He's pretty boring. Rob Cohen

used to be in love with me too, but I can't stand him anymore. He's an obnoxious,

two-faced, lying, sniveling little goof who has an awfully high opinion of himself.

Max van de Velde is a farm boy from Medemblik, but eminently suitable, as Margot

would say.

Herman Koopman also has a filthy mind, just like Jopie de Beer, who's a terrible flirt

and absolutely girl-crazy.

Leo Blom is Jopie de Beer's best friend, but has been ruined by his dirty mind.

Albert de Mesquita came from the Montessori School and skipped a grade. He's real y

smart.

Leo Slager came from the same school, but isn't as smart.

Ru Stoppelmon is a short, goofy boy from Almelo who transferred to this school in

the middle of the year.

C.N. does whatever he's not supposed to.

Jacques Kocernoot sits behind us, next to C., and we (G. and I) laugh ourselves silly.

Harry Schaap is the most decent boy in our class. He's nice.

Werner Joseph is nice too, but al the changes taking place lately have made him too

quiet, so he seems boring. Sam Salomon is one of those tough guys from across the

tracks. A real brat. (Admirer!)

Appie Riem is pretty Orthodox, but a brat too.

SATURDAY, JUNE 20,1942

Writing in a diary is a real y strange experience for someone like me. Not only

because I've never written anything before, but also because it seems to me that later

on neither I nor anyone else wil be interested in the musings of a thirteen-year-old

schoolgirl. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I feel like writing, and I have an even greater

need to get all kinds of things off my chest.

"Paper has more patience than people." I thought of this saying on one of those days when I was feeling a little depressed and was sitting at home with my chin in my

hands, bored and listless, wondering whether to stay in or go out. I final y stayed

where I was, brooding. Yes, paper does have more patience, and since I'm not planning

to let anyone else read this stiff-backed notebook grandly referred to as a "diary,"

unless I should ever find a real friend, it probably won't make a bit of difference.

Now I'm back to the point that prompted me to keep a diary in the first place: I don't

have a friend.

Let me put it more clearly, since no one will believe that a thirteen year-old girl is

completely alone in the world. And I'm not. I have loving parents and a

sixteen-year-old sister, and there are about thirty people I can cal friends. I have a

throng of admirers who can't keep their adoring eyes off me and who sometimes have

to resort to using a broken pocket mirror to try and catch a glimpse of me in the

classroom. I have a family, loving aunts and a good home. No, on the surface I seem

to have everything, except my one true friend. Al I think about when I'm with friends

is having a good time. I can't bring myself to talk about anything but ordinary

everyday things. We don't seem to be able to get any closer, and that's the problem.

Maybe it's my fault that we don't confide in each other. In any case, that's just how

things are, and unfortunately they're not liable to change. This is why I've started the diary.

To enhance the image of this long-awaited friend in my imagination, I don't want to

jot down the facts in this diary the way most people would do, but I want the diary

to be my friend, and I'm going to cal this friend Kitty.

Since no one would understand a word of my stories to Kitty if I were to plunge right

in, I'd better provide a brief sketch of my life, much as I dislike doing so.

My father, the most adorable father I've ever seen, didn't marry my mother until he

was thirty-six and she was twenty-five. My sister Margot was born in Frankfurt am

Main in Germany in 1926. I was born on June 12, 1929. I lived in Frankfurt until I

was four. Because we're Jewish, my father immigrated to Hol and in 1933, when he

became the Managing Director of the Dutch Opekta Company, which manufactures

products used in making jam. My mother, Edith Hollander Frank, went with him to

Hol and in September, while Margot and I were sent to Aachen to stay with our

grandmother. Margot went to Hol and in December, and I fol owed in February, when I

was plunked down on the table as a birthday present for Margot.

I started right away at the Montessori nursery school. I stayed there until I was six,

at which time I started first grade. In sixth grade my teacher was Mrs. Kuperus, the

principal. At the end of the year we were both in tears as we said a heartbreaking

farewel , because I'd been accepted at the Jewish Lyceum, where Margot also went to

school.

Our lives were not without anxiety, since our relatives in Germany were suffering

under Hitler's anti-Jewish laws. After the pogroms in 1938 my two uncles (my

mother's brothers) fled Germany, finding safe refuge in North America. My elderly

grandmother came to live with us. She was seventy-three years old at the time.

After May 1940 the good times were few and far between: first there was the war,

then the capitulation and then the arrival of the Germans, which is when the trouble

started for the Jews. Our freedom was severely restricted by a series of anti-Jewish

decrees: Jews were required to wear a yel ow star; Jews were required to turn in

their bicycles; Jews were forbidden to use street-cars; Jews were forbidden to ride in

cars, even their own; Jews were required to do their shopping between 3 and 5 P.M.;

Jews were required to frequent only Jewish-owned barbershops and beauty parlors;

Jews were forbidden to be out on the streets between 8 P.M. and 6 A.M.; Jews were

forbidden to attend theaters, movies or any other forms of entertainment; Jews were

forbidden to use swimming pools, tennis courts, hockey fields or any other athletic

fields; Jews were forbidden to go rowing; Jews were forbidden to take part in any

athletic activity in public; Jews were forbidden to sit in their gardens or those of their friends after 8 P.M.; Jews were forbidden to visit Christians in their homes; Jews

were required to attend Jewish schools, etc. You couldn't do this and you couldn't do

that, but life went on. Jacque always said to me, "I don't dare do anything anymore,

'cause I'm afraid it's not al owed."

In the summer of 1941 Grandma got sick and had to have an operation, so my

birthday passed with little celebration. In the summer of 1940 we didn't do much for

my birthday either, since the fighting had just ended in Hol and. Grandma died in

January 1942. No one knows how often I think of her and stil love her. This birthday

celebration in 1942 was intended to make up for the others, and Grandma's candle was

lit along with the rest.

The four of us are stil doing wel , and that brings me to the present date of June 20,

1942, and the solemn dedication of my diary.

SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 1942

Dearest Kitty! Let me get started right away; it's nice and quiet now. Father and

Mother are out and Margot has gone to play Ping-Pong with some other young people

at her friend Trees's. I've been playing a lot of Ping-Pong myself lately. So much

that five of us girls have formed a club. It's called "The Little Dipper Minus Two." A really sil y name, but it's based on a mistake. We wanted to give our club a special

name; and because there were five of us, we came up with the idea of the Little

Dipper. We thought it consisted of five stars, but we turned out to be wrong. It has

seven, like the Big Dipper, which explains the "Minus Two." Ilse Wagner has a

Ping-Pong set, and the Wagners let us play in their big dining room whenever we

want. Since we five Ping-Pong players like ice cream, especial y in the summer, and

since you get hot playing Ping-Pong, our games usually end with a visit to the

nearest ice-cream parlor that allows Jews: either Oasis or Delphi. We've long since

stopped hunting around for our purses or money -- most of the time it's so busy in

Oasis that we manage to find a few generous young men of our acquaintance or an

admirer to offer us more ice cream than we could eat in a week.

You're probably a little surprised to hear me talking about admirers at such a tender

age. Unfortunately, or not, as the case may be, this vice seems to be rampant at our

school. As soon as a boy asks if he can bicycle home with me and we get to talking,

nine times out of ten I can be sure he'l become enamored on the spot and won't let

me out of his sight for a second. His ardor eventual y cools, especial y since I ignore

his passionate glances and pedal blithely on my way. If it gets so bad that they start

rambling on about "asking Father's permission," I swerve slightly on my bike, my schoolbag fal s, and the young man feels obliged to get off his bike and hand me the

bag, by which time I've switched the conversation to another topic. These are the

most innocent types. Of course, there are those who blow you kisses or try to take

hold of your arm, but they're definitely knocking on the wrong door. I get off my bike

and either refuse to make further use of their company or act as if I'm insulted and

tell them in no uncertain terms to go on home without me. There you are. We've now

laid the basis for our friendship. Until tomorrow.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, JUNE 21, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Our entire class is quaking in its boots. The reason, of course, is the upcoming

meeting in which the teachers decide who'll be promoted to the next grade and who'l

be kept back. Half the class is making bets. G.Z. and I laugh ourselves sick at the two

boys behind us, C.N. and Jacques Kocernoot, who have staked their entire vacation

savings on their bet. From morning to night, it's "You're going to pass, No, I'm not,"

"Yes, you are," "No, I'm not." Even G.'s pleading glances and my angry outbursts can't calm them down. If you ask me, there are so many dummies that about a quarter of

the class should be kept back, but teachers are the most unpredictable creatures on

earth. Maybe this time they'l be unpredictable in the right direction for a change. I'm

not so worried about my girlfriends and myself.

We'l make it. The only subject I'm not sure about is math. Anyway, al we can do is

wait. Until then, we keep tel ing each other not to lose heart.

I get along pretty well with all my teachers. There are nine of them, seven men and

two women. Mr. Keesing, the old fogey who teaches math, was mad at me for the

longest time because I talked so much. After several warnings, he assigned me extra

homework. An essay on the subject "A Chatterbox." A chatterbox, what can you write about that? I'd wbrry about that later, I decided. I jotted down the assignment in my

notebook, tucked it in my bag and tried to keep quiet.

That evening, after I'd finished the rest of my homework, the note about the essay

caught my eye. I began thinking about the subject while chewing the tip of my

fountain pen. Anyone could ramble on and leave big spaces between the words, but the

trick was to come up with convincing arguments to prove the necessity of talking. I

thought and thought, and suddenly I had an idea. I wrote the three pages Mr. Keesing

had assigned me and was satisfied. I argued that talking is a female trait and that I

would do my best to keep it under control, but that I would never be able to break

myself of the habit, since my mother talked as much as I did, if not more, and that

there's not much you can do about inherited traits.

Mr. Keesing had a good laugh at my arguments, but when I proceeded to talk my way

through the next class, he assigned me a second essay. This time it was supposed to

be on "An Incorrigible Chatterbox." I handed it in, and Mr. Keesing had nothing to complain about for two whole classes. However, during the third class he'd final y had

enough. "Anne Frank, as punishment for talking in class, write an essay entitled

'Quack, Quack, Quack,' said Mistress Chatterback.'"

The class roared. I had to laugh too, though I'd ) nearly exhausted my ingenuity on

the topic of chatterboxes. It was time to come up with something else, j something

original. My friend Sanne, who's good at poetry, offered to help me write the essay

from beginning to end in verse. I jumped for joy. Keesing was trying to play a joke on

me with this ridiculous subject, but I'd make sure the joke was on him. I finished my

poem, and it was beautiful! It was about a mother duck and a father swan with three

baby ducklings who were bitten to death by the father because they quacked too

much. Luckily, Keesing took the joke the right way. He read the poem to the class,

adding his own comments, and to several other classes as wel . Since then I've been

al owed to talk and haven't been assigned any extra homework. On the contrary,

Keesing's always i making jokes these days.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

It's sweltering. Everyone is huffing and puffing, and in this heat I have to walk

everywhere. Only now do I realize how pleasant a streetcar is, but we Jews are no

longer al owed to make use of this luxury; our own two feet are good enough for us.

Yesterday at lunchtime I had an appointment with the dentist on Jan Luykenstraat. It's

a long way from our school on Stadstimmertuinen. That afternoon I nearly fell asleep

at my desk. Fortunately, people automatical y offer you something to drink. The dental

assistant is real y kind.

The only mode of transportation left to us is the ferry. The ferryman at Josef

Israelkade took us across when we asked him to. It's not the fault of the Dutch that

we Jews are having such a bad time.

I wish I didn't have to go to school. My bike was stolen during Easter vacation, and

Father gave Mother's bike to some Christian friends for safekeeping. Thank goodness

summer vacation is almost here; one more week and our torment wil be over.

Something unexpected happened yesterday morning. As I was passing the bicycle

racks, I heard my name being cal ed. I turned around and there was the nice boy I'd

met the evening before at my friend Wilma's. He's Wilma's second cousin. I used to

think Wilma was nice, which she is, but al she ever talks about is boys, and that gets

to be a bore. He came toward me, somewhat shyly, and introduced himself as Hello

Silberberg. I was a little surprised and wasn't sure what he wanted, but it didn't take

me long to find out. He asked if I would al ow him to accompany me to school. "As

long as you're headed that way, I'l go with you," I said. And so we walked together.

Hel o is sixteen and good at telling al kinds of funny stories.

He was waiting for me again this morning, and I expect he wil be from now on.

Anne

WEDNESDAY, JULY 1, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Until today I honestly couldn't find the time to write you. I was with friends all day

Thursday, we had company on Friday, and that's how it went until today.

Hel o and I have gotten to know each other very wel this past week, and he's told

me a lot about his life. He comes from Gelsenkirchen and is living with his

grandparents. His parents are in Belgium, but there's no way he can get there. Hel o

used to have a girlfriend named Ursula. I know her too. She's perfectly sweet and

perfectly boring. Ever since he met me, Hel o has realized that he's been fal ing asleep at Ursul's side. So I'm kind of a pep tonic. You never know what you're good for!

Jacque spent Saturday night here. Sunday afternoon she was at Hanneli's, and I was

bored stiff.

Hel o was supposed to come over that evening, but he cal ed around six. I answered

the phone, and he said, "This is Helmuth Silberberg. May I please speak to Anne?"

"Oh, Hello. This is Anne."

"Oh, hi, Anne. How are you?" "

"Fine, thanks."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry but I can't come tonight, though I would like to have a word with you. Is it al right if I come by and pick you up in about ten minutes

"Yes, that's fine. Bye-bye!"

"Okay, I'll be right over. Bye-bye!"

I hung up, quickly changed my clothes and fixed my hair. I was so nervous I leaned

out the window to watch for him. He final y showed up. Miracle of miracles, I didn't

rush down the stairs, but waited quietly until he rang the bel . I went down to open

the door, and he got right to the point.

"Anne, my grandmother thinks you're too young for me to be seeing you on a regular

basis. She says I should be going to the Lowenbachs', but you probably know that I'm

not going out with Ursul anymore."

"No, I didn't know. What happened? Did you two have a fight?"

"No, nothing like that. I told Ursul that we weren't suited to each other and so it was better for us not to go together anymore, but that she was welcome at my house and

I hoped I would be welcome at hers. Actual y, I thought Ursul was hanging around

with another boy, and I treated her as if she were. But that wasn't true. And then my

uncle said I should apologize to her, but of course I didn't feel like it, and that's why I broke up with her. But that was just one of the reasons.

"Now my grandmother wants me to see Ursul and not you, but I don't agree and I'm

not going to. Sometimes old people have real y old-fashioned ideas, but that doesn't

mean I have to go along with them. I need my grandparents, but in a certain sense

they need me too. From now on I'll be free on Wednesday evenings. You see, my

grandparents made me sign up for a wood-carving class, but actual y I go to a club

organized by the Zionists. My grandparents don't want me to go, because they're

anti-Zionists. I'm not a fanatic Zionist, but it interests me. Anyway, it's been such a

mess lately that I'm planning to quit. So next Wednesday wil be my last meeting.

That means I can see you Wednesday evening, Saturday afternoon, Saturday evening,

Sunday afternoon and maybe even more."

"But if your grandparents don't want you to, you? shouldn't go behind their backs."

"All's fair in love and war."

Just then we passed Blankevoort's Bookstore and there was Peter Schiff with two

other boys; it was the first time he'd said hel o to me in ages, and it real y made me

feel good.

Monday evening Hel o came over to meet Father and Mother. I had bought a cake and

some candy, and we had tea and cookies, the works, but neither Hel o nor I felt like

sitting stiffly on our chairs. So we went out for a walk, and he didn't deliver me to

my door until ten past eight. Father was furious. He said it was very wrong of me not

to get home on time. I had to promise to be home by ten to eight in the future. I've

been asked to Hello's on Saturday.

Wilma told me that one night when Hello was at her house, she asked him, "Who do

you like best, Ursul or Anne?"

He said, "It's none of your business."

But as he was leaving (they hadn't talked to each other the rest of the evening), he

said, "Well, I like Anne better, but don't tel anyone. Bye!" And whoosh. . . he was out the door.

In everything he says or does, I can see that Hello is in love with me, and it's kind

of nice for a change. Margot would say that Hel o is eminently suitable. I think so too, but he's more than that. Mother is also full of praise: "A good-looking boy. Nice and polite." I'm glad he's so popular with everyone. Except with my girlfriends. He thinks they're very childish, and he's right about that. Jacque stil teases me about him, but

I'm not in love with him. Not really. It's all right for me to have boys as friends.

Nobody minds.

Mother is always asking me who I'm going to marry when I grow up, but I bet she'll

never guess it's Peter, because I talked her out of that idea myself, without batting an eyelash. I love Peter as I've never loved anyone, and I tell myself he's only going

around with al those other girls to hide his feelings for me. Maybe he thinks Hel o

and I are in love with each other, which we're not. He's just a friend, or as Mother

puts it, a beau.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, JULY 5, 1942

Dear Kitty,

The graduation ceremony in the Jewish Theater on Friday went as expected. My

report card wasn't too bad. I got one D, a C- in algebra and al the rest B's, except

for two B+'s and two B-'s. My parents are pleased, but they're not like other parents

when it comes to grades. They never worry about report cards, good or bad. As long

as I'm healthy and happy and don't talk back too much, they're satisfied. If these three things are al right, everything else wil take care of itself.

I'm just the opposite. I don't want to be a poor student. I was accepted to the Jewish

Lyceum on a conditional basis. I was supposed to stay in the seventh grade at the

Montessori School, but when Jewish children were required to go to Jewish schools,

Mr. Elte finally agreed, after a great deal of persuasion, to accept Lies Goslar and me.

Lies also passed this year, though she has to repeat her geometry exam.

Poor Lies. It isn't easy for her to study at home; her baby sister, a spoiled little

two-year-old, plays in her room al day. If Gabi doesn't get her way, she starts

screaming, and if Lies doesn't look after her, Mrs. Goslar starts screaming. So Lies

has a hard time doing her homework, and as long as that's the case, the tutoring she's

been getting won't help much. The Goslar household is real y a sight. Mrs. Goslar's

parents live next door, but eat with the family. The there's a hired girl, the baby, the always absentminded and absent Mr. Goslar and the always nervous and irrita Ie Mrs.

Goslar, who's expecting another baby. Lies, who's al thumbs, gets lost in the mayhem.

My sister Margot has also gotten her report card.

Bril iant, as usual. If we had such a thing as "cum laude," she would have passed with honors, she's so smart.

Father has been home a lot lately. There's nothing for him to do at the office; it must

be awful to feel you're not needed. Mr. Kleiman has taken over Opekta, and Mr.

Kugler, Gies & Co., the company dealing in spices and spice substitutes that was set up in 1941.

A few days ago, as we were taking a strol around our neighborhood square, Father

began to talk about going into hiding. He said it would be very hard for us to live cut

off from the rest of the world. I asked him why he was bringing this up now.

"Wel , Anne," he replied, "you know that for more than a year we've been bringing clothes, food and furniture to other people. We don't want our belongings to be seized

by the Germans. Nor do we want to fal into their clutches ourselves. So we'l leave

of our own accord and not wait to be hauled away."

"But when, Father?" He sounded so serious that I felt scared.

"Don't you worry. We'll take care of everything. just enjoy your carefree life while you can."

That was it. Oh, may these somber words not come true for as long as possible.

The doorbel 's ringing, Hel o's here, time to stop.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, JULY 8, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

It seems like years since Sunday morning. So much has happened it's as if the whole

world had suddenly turned upside down. But as you can see, Kitty, I'm stil alive, and

that's the main thing, Father says. I'm alive all right, but don't ask where or how. You probably don't understand a word I'm saying today, so I'll begin by telling you what

happened Sunday afternoon.

At three o'clock (Hel o had left but was supposed to come back later), the doorbell

rang. I didn't hear it, since I was out on the balcony, lazily reading in the sun. A little while later Margot appeared in the kitchen doorway looking very agitated. "Father has received a call-up notice from the SS," she whispered. "Mother has gone to see Mr.

van Daan" (Mr. van Daan is Father's business partner and a good friend.)

I was stunned. A cal -up: everyone knows what that means. Visions of concentration

camps and lonely cells raced through my head. How could we let Father go to such a

fate? "Of course he's not going," declared Margot as we waited for Mother in the living room. "Mother's gone to Mr. van Daan to ask whether we can move to our

hiding place tomorrow. The van Daans are going with us. There will be seven of us

altogether." Silence. We couldn't speak. The thought of Father off visiting someone in the Jewish Hospital and completely unaware of what was happening, the long wait for

Mother, the heat, the suspense -- al this reduced us to silence.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again. "That's Hel o," I said.

"Don't open the door!" exclaimed Margot to stop me. But it wasn't necessary, since we heard Mother and Mr. van Daan downstairs talking to Hel o, and then the two of

them came inside and shut the door behind them. Every time the bel rang, either

Margot or I had to tiptoe downstairs to see if it was Father, and we didn't let anyone

else in. Margot and I were sent from the room, as Mr. van Daan wanted to talk to

Mother alone.

When she and I were sitting in our bedroom, Margot told me that the call-up was not

for Father, but for her. At this second shock, I began to cry. Margot is sixteen --

apparently they want to send girls her age away on their own. But thank goodness she

won't be going; Mother had said so herself, which must be what Father had meant

when he talked to me about our going into hiding. Hiding. . . where would we hide? In

the city? In the country? In a house? In a shack? When, where, how. . . ? These

were questions I wasn't al owed to ask, but they stil kept running through my mind.

Margot and I started packing our most important belongings into a schoolbag. The first

thing I stuck in was this diary, and then curlers, handkerchiefs, schoolbooks, a comb

and some old letters. Preoccupied by the thought of going into hiding, I stuck the

craziest things in the bag, but I'm not sorry. Memories mean more to me than

dresses.

Father final y came hQme around five o'clock, and we called Mr. Kleiman to ask if he

could come by that evening. Mr. van Daan left and went to get Miep. Miep arrived and

promised to return later that night, taking with her a bag ful of shoes, dresses,

jackets, underwear and stockings. After that it was quiet in our apartment; none of us

felt like eating. It was stil hot, and everything was very strange.

We had rented our big upstairs room to a Mr. Goldschmidt, a divorced man in his

thirties, who apparently had nothing to do that evening, since despite all our polite

hints he hung around until ten o'clock.

Miep and Jan Gies came at eleven. Miep, who's worked for Father's company since

1933, has become a close friend, and so has her husband Jan. Once again, shoes,

stockings, books and underwear disappeared into Miep's bag and Jan's deep pockets. At

eleven-thirty they too disappeared.

I was exhausted, and even though I knew it'd be my last night in my own bed, I fell

asleep right away and didn't wake up until Mother cal ed me at five-thirty the next

morning. Fortunately, it wasn't as hot as Sunday; a warm rain fel throughout the day.

The four of us were wrapped in so many layers of clothes it looked as if we were

going off to spend the night in a refrigerator, and al that just so we could take more

clothes with us. No Jew in our situation would dare leave the house with a suitcase

full of clothes. I was wearing two undershirts, three pairs of underpants, a dress, and

over that a skirt, a jacket, a raincoat, two pairs of stockings, heavy shoes, a cap, a

scarf and lots more. I was suffocating even before we left the house, but no one

bothered to ask me how I felt.

Margot stuffed her schoolbag with schoolbooks, went to get her bicycle and, with Miep

leading the way, rode off into the great unknown. At any rate, that's how I thought of

it, since I still didn't know where our hiding place was.

At seven-thirty we too closed the door behind us; Moortje, my cat, was the only

living creature I said good-bye to. According to a note we left for Mr. Goldschmidt,

she was to be taken to the neighbors, who would give her a good home.

The stripped beds, the breakfast things on the table, the pound of meat for the cat in

the kitchen -- all of these created the impression that we'd left in a hurry. But we

weren't interested in impressions. We just wanted to get out of there, to get away and

reach our destination in safety. Nothing else mattered.

More tomorrow.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, JULY 9, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

So there we were, Father, Mother and I, walking in the pouring rain, each of us with

a schoolbag and a shopping bag filled to the brim with the most varied assortment of

items. The people on their way to work at that early hour gave us sympathetic looks;

you could tel by their faces that they were sorry they couldn't offer us some kind of

transportation; the conspicuous yellow star spoke for itself.

Only when we were walking down the street did Father and Mother reveal, little by

little, what the plan was. For months we'd been moving as much of our furniture and

apparel out of the apartment as we could. It was agreed that we'd go into hiding on

July 16. Because of Margot's call-up notice, the plan had to be moved up ten days,

which meant we'd have to make do with less orderly rooms.

The hiding place was located in Father's office building. That's a little hard for

outsiders to understand, so I'll explain. Father didn't have a lot of people working in

his office, just Mr. Kugler, Mr. Kleiman, Miep and a twenty-three-year-old typist

named Bep Voskuijl, all of whom were informed of our coming. Mr. Voskuijl, Bep's

father, works in the warehouse, along with two assistants, none of whom were told

anything.

Here's a description of the building. The large warehouse on the ground floor is used

as a workroom and storeroom and is divided into several different sections, such as

the stockroom and the mil ing room, where cinnamon, cloves and a pepper substitute

are ground.

Next to the warehouse doors is another outside' door, a separate entrance to the

office. Just inside the office door is a second door, and beyond that a stairway. At the top of the stairs is another door, with a frosted window on which the word "Office" is written in black letters. This is the big front office -- very large, very light and

very ful . Bep, Miep and Mr. Kleiman work there during the day. After passing through

an alcove containing a safe, a wardrobe and a big supply cupboard, you come to the

smal , dark, stuffy back office. This used to be shared by Mr. Kugler and Mr. van

Daan, but now Mr. Kugler is its only occupant. Mr. Kugler's office can also be reached

from the hallway, but only through a glass door that can be opened from the inside

but not easily from the outside. If you leave Mr. Kugler's office and proceed through

the long, narrow hallway past the coal bin and go up four steps, you find yourself in

the private office, the showpiece of the entire building. Elegant mahogany furniture, a

linoleum floor covered with throw rugs, a radio, a fancy lamp, everything first class.

Next door is a spacious kitchen with a hot-water heater and two gas burners, and

beside that a bathroom. That's the second floor.

A wooden staircase leads from the downstairs hal way to the third floor. At the top of

the stairs is a landing, with doors on either side. The door on the left takes you up to the spice storage area, attic and loft in the front part of the house. A typical y Dutch, very steep, ankle-twisting flight of stairs also runs from the front part of the house

to another door opening onto the street.

The door to the right of the landing leads to the "Secret Annex" at the back ofthe house. No one would ever suspect there were so many rooms behind that plain gray

door. There's just one smal step in front of the door, and then you're inside. Straight

ahead of you is a steep flight of stairs. To the left is a narrow hal way opening onto

a room that serves as the Frank family's living

[INSERT MAP HERE]

room and bedroom. Next door is a smaller room, the )edroom and study of the two

young ladies of the family. ro the right of the stairs is a windowless washroom. with

a link. The door in the corner leads to the toilet and another one to Margot's and my

room. If you go up the itairs and open the door at the top, you're surprised to see

such a large, light and spacious room in an old canalside house like this. It contains a stove (thanks to the fact hat it used to be Mr. Kugler's laboratory) and a sink.

This wil be the kitchen and bedroom of Mr. and Mrs. van Daan, as well as the

general living room, dining room and study for us al . A tiny side room is to be Peter

van Daan's bedroom. Then, just as in the front part of the building, there's an attic

and a loft. So there you are. Now I've introduced you to the whole of our lovely

Annex!

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, JULY 10, 1942

Dearest Kitty, I've probably bored you with my long description of our house, but I

still think you should know where I've ended up; how I ended up here is something

you'l figure out from my next letters.

But first, let me continue my story, because, as you know, I wasn't finished. After we

arrived at 263 Prinsengracht, Miep quickly led us through the long hal way and up the

wooden staircase to the next floor and into the Annex. She shut the door behind us,

leaving us alone. Margot had arrived much earlier on her bike and was waiting for us.

Our living room and al the other rooms were so full of stuff that I can't find the

words to describe it. Al the cardboard boxes that had been sent to the office in the

last few months were piled on the floors and beds. The smal room was fil ed from

floor to cethng with linens. If we wanted to sleep in properly made beds that night,

we had to get going and straighten up the mess. Mother and Margot were unable to

move a muscle. They lay down on their bare mattresses, tired, miserable and I don't

know what else. But Father and I, the two cleaner-uppers in the family, started in

right away.

Al day long we unpacked boxes, filled cupboards, hammered nails and straightened up

the mess, until we fel exhausted into our clean beds at night. We hadn't eaten a hot

meal al day, but we didn't care; Mother and Margot were too tired and keyed up to

eat, and Father and I were too busy.

Tuesday morning we started where we left off the night before. Bep and Miep went

grocery shopping with our ration coupons, Father worked on our blackout screens, we

scrubbed the kitchen floor, and were once again busy from sunup to sundown. Until

Wednesday, I didn't have a chance to think about the enormous change in my life.

Then for the first time since our arrival in the Secret Annex, I found a moment to tell

you al about it and to realize what had happened to me and what was yet to happen.

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, JULY 11, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Father, Mother and Margot still can't get used to the chiming of the Westertoren

clock, which tel s us the time every quarter of an hour. Not me, I liked it from the

start; it sounds so reassuring, especial y at night. You no doubt want to hear what I

think of being in hiding. Wel , all I can say is that I don't really know yet. I don't

think I'l ever feel at home in this house, but that doesn't mean I hate it. It's more

like being on vacation in some strange pension. Kind of an odd way to look at life in

hiding, but that's how things are. The Annex is an ideal place to hide in. It may be

damp and lopsided, but there's probably not a more comfortable hiding place in al of

Amsterdam. No, in al of Hol and.

Up to now our bedroom, with its blank wal s, was very bare. Thanks to Father --

who brought my entire postcard and movie-star col ection here beforehand -- and to

a brush and a pot of glue, I was able to plaster the walls with pictures. It looks much

more cheerful. When the van Daans arrive, we'l be able to build cupboards and other

odds and ends out of the wood piled in the attic.

Margot and Mother have recovered somewhat. Yesterday Mother felt wel enough to

cook split-pea soup for the first time, but then she was downstairstalking and forgot

al about it. The beans were scorched black, and no amount of scraping could get them

out of the pan.

Last night the four of us went down to the private office and listened to England on

the radio. I was so scared someone might hear it that I literally begged Father to take

me back upstairs. Mother understood my anxiety and went with me. Whatever we do,

we're very afraid the neighbors might hear or see us. We started off immediately the

first day sewing curtains. Actually, you can hardly call them that, since they're nothing but scraps of fabric, varying greatly in shape, quality and pattern, which Father and I

stitched crookedly together with unskil ed fingers. These works of art were tacked to

the windows, where they'll stay until we come out of hiding.

The building on our right is a branch of the Keg Company, a firm from Zaandam, and

on the left is a furniture workshop. Though the people who work there are not on the

premises after hours, any sound we make might travel through the wal s. We've

forbidden Margot to cough at night, even though she has a bad cold, and are giving her

large doses of codeine.

I'm looking forward to the arrival of the van Daans, which is set for Tuesday. It wil

be much more fun and also not as quiet. You see, it's the silence that makes me so

nervous during the evenings and nights, and I'd give anything to have one of our

helpers sleep here.

It's real y not that bad here, since we can do our own cooking and can listen to the

radio in Daddy's office.

Mr. Kleiman and Miep, and Bep Voskuijl too, have helped us so much. We've already

canned loads of rhubarb, strawberries and cherries, so for the time being I doubt we'l

be bored. We also have a supply of reading material, and we're going to buy lots of

games. Of course, we can't ever look out the window or go outside. And we have to

be quiet so the people downstairs can't hear us.

Yesterday we had our hands full. We had to pit two crates of cherries for Mr. Kugler

to can. We're going to use the empty crates to make bookshelves.

Someone's cal ing me.

Yours, Anne

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE ON SEPTEMBER 2g, 1942: Not beina able to ao

outside upsets me more than I can say, and I'm terrified our hidina place wil be

discovered and that we'll be shot. That, of course, is a fairly dismal prospect.

SUNDAY, JULY 12, 1942

They've al been so nice to me this last month because of my birthday, and yet every

day I feel myself drifting further away from Mother and Margot. I worked hard today

and they praised me, only to start picking on me again five minutes later.

You can easily see the difference between the way they deal with Margot and the way

they deal with me. For example, Margot broke the vacuum cleaner, and because of

that we've been without light for the rest of the day. Mother said, "Wel , Margot, it's easy to see you're not used to working; otherwise, you'd have known better than to

yank the plug out by the cord." Margot made some reply, and that was the end of the story.

But this afternoon, when I wanted to rewrite something on Mother's shopping list

because her handwriting is so hard to read, she wouldn't let me. She bawled me out

again, and the whole family wound up getting involved.

I don't fit in with them, and I've felt that clearly in the last few weeks. They're so

sentimental together, but I'd rather be sentimental on my own. They're always saying

how nice it is with the four of us, and that we get along so wel , without giving a

moment's thought to the fact that I don't feel that way.

Daddy's the only one who understands me, now and again, though he usually sides

with Mother and Margot. Another thing I can't stand is having them talk about me in

front of outsiders, telling them how I cried or how sensibly I'm behaving. It's horrible.

And sometimes they talk about Moortje and I can't take that at al . Moortje is my

weak spot. I miss her every minute of the day, and no one knows how often I think

of her; whenever I do, my eyes fil with tears. Moortje is so sweet, and I love her so

much that I keep dreaming she'l come back to us.

I have plenty of dreams, but the reality is that we'll have to stay here until the war

is over. We can't ever go outside, and the only visitors we can have are Miep, her

husband Jan, Bep Voskuijl, Mr. Voskuijl, Mr. Kugler, Mr. Kleiman and Mrs. Kleiman,

though she hasn't come because she thinks it's too dangerous.

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE IN SEPTEMBER 1942: Daddy's always so nice. He

understands me perfectly, and I wish we could have a heart-to-heart talk sometime

without my bursting instantly into tears. But apparently that has to do with my age.

I'd like to spend all my time writing, but that would probably get boring.

Up to now I've only confided my thoughts to my diary. I stil haven't gotten around to

writing amusing sketches that I could read aloud at a later date. In the future I'm

going to devote less time to sentimentality and more time to reality.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 1942

Dear Kitty,

I've deserted you for an entire month, but so little has happened that I can't find a

newsworthy item to relate every single day. The van Daans arrived on July 13. We

thought they were coming on the fourteenth, but from the thirteenth to sixteenth the

Germans were sending out cal -up notices right and left and causing a lot of unrest,

so they decided it would be safer to leave a day too early than a day too late.

Peter van Daan arrived at nine-thirty in the morning (while we were stil at

breakfast). Peter's going on sixteen, a shy, awkward boy whose company won't amount

to much. Mr. and Mrs. van Daan came half an hour later.

Much to our amusement, Mrs. van Daan was carrying a hatbox with a large chamber

pot inside. "I just don't feel at home without my chamber pot," she exclaimed, and it was the first item to find a permanent place under the divan. Instead of a chamber

pot, Mr. van D. was lugging a col apsible tea table under his arm.

From the first, we ate our meals together, and after three days it felt as if the seven

of us had become one big family. Natural y, the van Daans had much to tel about the

week we'd been away from civilization. We were especially interested in what had

happened to our apartment and to Mr. Goldschmidt.

Mr. van Daan fil ed us in: "Monday morning at nine, Mr. Goldschmidt phoned and

asked if I could come over. I went straightaway and found a very distraught Mr.

Goldschmidt. He showed me a note that the Frank family had left behind. As

instructed, he was planning to bring the cat to the neighbors, which I agreed was a

good idea. He was afraid the house was going to be searched, so we w=nt through all

the rooms, straightening up here and there and clearing the breakfast things off the

table. Suddenly I saw a notepad on Mrs. Frank's desk, with an address in Maastricht

written on it. Even though I knew Mrs. Frank had left it on purpose, I pretended to

be surprised and horrified and begged Mr. Goldschmidt to burn this incriminating piece

of paper. I swore up and down that I knew nothing about your disappearance, but that

the note had given me an idea. 'Mr. Goldschmidt,' I said, 'I bet I know what this

address refers to. About six months ago a high-ranking officer came to the office. It

seems he and Mr. Frank grew up together. He promised to help Mr. Frank if it was

ever necessary. As I recal , he was stationed in Maastricht. I think this officer has

kept his word and is somehow planning to help them cross over to Belgium and then

to Switzerland. There's no harm in tel ing this to any friends of the Franks who come

asking about them. Of course, you don't need to mention the part about Maastricht.'

And after that I left. This is the story most of your friends have been told, because I

heard it later from several other people."

We thought it was extremely funny, but we laughed even harder when Mr. van Daan

told us that certain people have vivid imaginations. For example, one family living on

our square claimed they sawal four of us riding by on our bikes early in the morning,

and another woman was absolutely positive we'd been loaded into some kind of

military vehicle in the middle of the night.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21, 1942

Dear Kitty,

Now our Secret Annex has truly become secret.

Because so many houses are being searched for hidden bicycles, Mr. Kugler thought it

would be better to have a bookcase built in front of the entrance to our hiding place.

It swings out on its hinges and opens like a door. Mr. Voskuijl did the carpentry work.

(Mr. Voskuijl has been told that the seven of us are in hiding, and he's been most

helpful.)

Now whenever we want to go downstairs we have to duck and then jump. After the

first three days we were al walking around with bumps on our foreheads from banging

our heads against the low doorway. Then Peter cushioned it by nailing a towel stuffed

with wood shavings to the doorframe. Let's see if it helps!

I'm not doing much schoolwork. I've given myself a vacation until September. Father

wants to start tutoring me then, but we have to buy all the books first.

There's little change in our lives here. Peter's hair was washed today, but that's

nothing special. Mr. van Daan and I are always at loggerheads with each other. Mama

always treats me like a baby, which I can't stand. For the rest, things are going

better. I don't think Peter's gotten any nicer. He's an obnoxious boy who lies around

on his bed all day, only rousing himself to do a little carpentry work before returning

to his nap. What a dope!

Mama gave me another one of her dreadful sermons this morning. We take the

opposite view of everything. Daddy's a sweetheart; he may get mad at me, but it

never lasts longer than five minutes.

It's a beautiful day outside, nice and hot, and in spite of everything, we make the

most of the weather by lounging on the folding bed in the attic.

Yours, Anne

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE ON SEPTEMBER 21, 1942: Mr. van Daan has been as

nice as pie to me recently. I've said nothina, but have been enjoyina it while it lasts.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Mr. and Mrs. van Daan have had a terrible fight. I've never seen anything like it, since Mother and Father wouldn't dream of shouting at each other like that. The argument

was based on something so trivial it didn't seem worth wasting a single word on it.

Oh wel , to each his own.

Of course, it's very difficult for Peter, who gets caught in the middle, but no one

takes Peter seriously anymore, since he's hypersensitive and lazy. Yesterday he was

beside himself with worry because his tongue was blue instead of pink. This rare

phenomenon disappeared as quickly as it came. Today he's walking around with a

heavy scarf on because he's got a stiff neck. His Highness has been complaining of

lumbago too. Aches and pains in his heart, kidneys and lungs are also par for the

course. He's an absolute hypochondriac! (That's the right word, isn't it?)

Mother and Mrs. van Daan aren't getting along very wel . There are enough reasons

for the friction. To give you one small example, Mrs. van D. has removed al but

three of her sheets from our communal linen closet. She's assuming that Mother's can

be used for both families. She'll be in for a nasty surprise when she discovers that

Mother has followed her lead.

Furthermore, Mrs. van D. is ticked off because we're using her china instead of ours.

She's still trying to find out what we've done with our plates; they're a lot closer than she thinks, since they're packed in cardboard boxes in the attic, behind a load of

Opekta advertising material. As long as we're in hiding, the plates will remain out of

her reach. Since I'm always having accidents, it's just as wel ! Yesterday I broke one

of Mrs. van D.'s soup bowls.

"Oh!" she angrily exclaimed. "Can't you be more careful? That was my last one."

Please bear in mind, Kitty, that the two ladies speak abominable Dutch (I don't dare

comment on the gentlemen: they'd be highly insulted). If you were to hear their

bungled attempts, you'd laugh your head off. We've given up pointing out their errors,

since correcting them doesn't help anyway. Whenever I quote Mother or Mrs. van

Daan, I'l write proper Dutch instead of trying to duplicate their speech.

Last week there was a brief interruption in our monotonous routine. This was provided

by Peter -- and a book about women. I should explain that Margot and Peter are

al owed to read nearly all the books Mr. Kleiman lends us. But the adults preferred to

keep this special book to themselves. This immediately piqued Peter's curiosity. What

forbidden fruit did it contain? He snuck off with it when his mother was downstairs

talking, and took himself and his booty to the loft. For two days al was wel . Mrs.

van Daan knew what he was up to, but kept mum until Mr. van Daan found out about

it. He threw a fit, took the book away and assumed that would be the end of the

business. However, he'd neglected to take his son's curiosity into account. Peter, not

in the least fazed by his father's swift action, began thinking up ways to read the rest of this vastly interesting book.

In the meantime, Mrs. van D. asked Mother for her opinion. Mother didn't think this

particular book was suitable for Margot, but she saw no harm in letting her read most

other books.

You see, Mrs. van Daan, Mother Said, there's a big difference between Margot and

Peter. To begin with, Margot's a girl, and girls are always more mature than boys.

Second, she's already read many serious books and doesn't go looking for those which

are no longer forbidden. Third, Margot's much more sensible and intel ectually

advanced, as a result of her four years at an excel ent school."

Mrs. van Daan agreed with her, but felt it was wrong as a matter of principle to let

youngsters read books written for adults.

Meanwhile, Peter had thought of a suitable time when no one would be interested in

either him or the book. At seven-thirty in the evening, when the entire family was

listening to the radio in the private office, he took his treasure and stole off to the

loft again. He should have been back by eight-thirty, but he was so engrossed in the

book that he forgot the time and was just coming down the stairs when his father

entered the room. The scene that followed was not surprising: after a slap, a whack

and a tug-of-war, the book lay on the table and Peter was in the loft.

This is how matters stood when it was time for the family to eat. Peter stayed

upstairs. No one gave him a moment's thought; he'd have to go to bed without his

dinner. We continued eating, chatting merrily away, when suddenly we heard a piercing

whistle. We lay down our forks and stared at each other, the shock clearly visible on

our pale faces.

Then we heard Peter's voice through the chimney: "I won t come down!"

Mr. van Daan leapt up, his napkin falling to the floor, and shouted, with the blood

rushing to his face, "I've had enough!"

Father, afraid of what might happen, grabbed him by the arm and the two men went

to the attic. After much struggling and kicking, Peter wound up in his room with the

door shut, and we went on eating.

Mrs. van Daan wanted to save a piece of bread for her darling son, but Mr. van D.

was adamant. "If he doesn't apologize this minute, he'll have to sleep in the loft."

We protested that going without dinner was enough punishment. What if Peter were to

catch cold? We wouldn't be able to cal a doctor.

Peter didn't apologize, and returned to the loft.

Mr. van Daan decided to leave well enough alone, though he did note the next morning

that Peter's bed had been slept in. At seven Peter went to the attic again, but was

persuaded to come downstairs when Father spoke a few friendly words to him. After

three days of sul en looks and stubborn silence, everything was back to normal.

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Today I'l tel you the general news here in the Annex. A lamp has been mounted

above my divan bed so that in the future, when I hear the guns going off, I'l be able

to pull a cord and switch on the light. I can't use it at the moment because we're

keeping our window open a little, day and night.

The male members of the van Daan contingent have built a very handy wood-stained

food safe, with real screens. Up to now this glorious cupboard has been located in

Peter's room, but in the interests of fresh air it's been moved to the attic. Where it

once stood, there's now a shelf. I advised Peter to put his table underneath the shelf,

add a nice rug and hang his own cupboard where the table now stands. That might

make his little cubbyhole more comfy, though I certainly wouldn't like to sleep there.

Mrs. van Daan is unbearable. I'm continual y being scolded for my incessant chatter

when I'm upstairs. I simply let the words bounce right off me! Madame now has a

new trick up her sleeve: trying to get out of washing the pots and pans. If there's a

bit of food left at the bottom of the pan, she leaves it to spoil instead of transferring it to a glass dish. Then in the afternoon when Margot is stuck with cleaning al the

pots and pans, Madame exclaims, "Oh, poor Margot, you have so much work to do!"

Every other week Mr. Kleiman brings me a couple of books written for girls my age.

I'm enthusiastic about the loop ter Heul series. I've enjoyed all of Cissy van

Marxveldt's books very much. I've read The Zaniest Summer four times, and the

ludicrous situations stil make me laugh.

Father and I are currently working on our family tree, and he tel s me something

about each person as we go along. I've begun my schoolwork. I'm working hard at

French, cramming five irregular verbs into my head every day. But I've forgotten much

too much of what I learned in school.

Peter has taken up his English with great reluctance. A few schoolbooks have just

arrived, and I brought a large supply of notebooks, pencils, erasers and labels from

home. Pim (that's our pet name for Father) wants me to help him with his Dutch

lessons. I'm perfectly willing to tutor him in exchange for his assistance with French

and other subjects. But he makes the most unbelievable mistakes!

I sometimes listen to the Dutch broadcasts from London. Prince Bernhard recently

announced that Princess juliana is expecting a baby in January, which I think is

wonderful. No one here understands why I take such an interest in the Royal Family.

A few nights ago I was the topic of discussion, and we al decided I was an

ignoramus. As a result, I threw myself into my schoolwork the next day, since I have

little desire to still be a freshman when I'm fourteen or fifteen. The fact that I'm

hardly allowed to read anything was also discussed. At the moment, Mother's reading

Gentlemen, Wives and Servants, and of course I'm not al owed to read it (though

Margot is!). First I have to be more intellectual y developed, like my genius of a

sister. Then we discussed my ignorance of philosophy, psychology and physiology (I

immediately looked up these big words in the dictionary!). It's true, I don't know

anything about these subjects. But maybe I'l be smarter next year!

I've come to the shocking conclusion that I have only one long-sleeved dress and

three cardigans to wear in the winter. Father's given me permission to knit a white

wool sweater; the yarn isn't very pretty, but it'l be warm, and that's what counts.

Some of our clothing was left with friends, but unfortunately we won't be able to get

to it until after the war. Provided it's stil there, of course.

I'd just finished writing something about Mrs. van Daan when she walked into the

room. Thump, I slammed the book shut.

"Hey, Anne, can't I even take a peek?"

"No, Mrs. van Daan."

"Just the last page then?"

"No, not even the last page, Mrs. van Daan."

Of course, I nearly died, since that particular page contained a rather unflattering

description of her.

There's something happening every day, but I'm too tired and lazy to write it al

down.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Father has a friend, a man in his mid-seventies named Mr. Dreher, who's sick, poor

and deaf as a post. At his side, like a useless appendage, is his wife, twenty-seven

years younger and equal y poor, whose arms and legs are loaded with real and fake

bracelets and rings left over from more prosperous days. This Mr. Dreher has already

been a great nuisance to Father, and I've always admired the saintly patience with

which he handled this pathetic old man on the phone. When we were still living at

home, Mother used to advise him to put a gramophone in front of the receiver, one

that would repeat every three minutes, "Yes, Mr. Dreher" and "No, Mr. Dreher," since the old man never understood a word of Father's lengthy replies anyway.

Today Mr. Dreher phoned the office and asked Mr. Kugler to come and see him. Mr.

Kugler wasn't in the mood and said he would send Miep, but Miep canceled the

appointment. Mrs. Dreher cal ed the office three times, but since Miep was reportedly

out the entire afternoon, she had to imitate Bep's voice. Downstairs in the office as

wel as upstairs in the Annex, there was great hilarity. Now each time the phone

rings, Bep says' 'That's Mrs. Dreher!" and Miep has to laugh, so that the people on the other end of the line are greeted with an impolite giggle. Can't you just picture it?

This has got to be the greatest office in the whole wide world. The bosses and the

office girls have such fun together!

Some evenings I go to the van Daans for a little chat. We eat "mothbal cookies"

(molasses cookies that were stored in a closet that was mothproofed) and have a good

time. Recently the conversation was about Peter. I said that he often pats me on the

cheek, which I don't like. They asked me in a typical y grown-up way whether I

could ever learn to love Peter like a brother, since he loves me like a sister. "Oh, no!" I said, but what I was thinking was, "Oh, ugh!" Just imagine! I added that Peter's a bit stiff, perhaps because he's shy. Boys who aren't used to being around girls are

like that.

I must say that the Annex Committee (the men's section) is very creative. Listen to

the scheme they've come up with to get a message to Mr. Broks, an Opekta Co. sales

representative and friend who's surreptitiously hidden some of our things for us!

They're going to type a letter to a store owner in southern Zealand who is, indirectly,

one of Opekta' s customers and ask him to fil out a form and send it back in the

enclosed self-addressed envelope. Father wil write the address on the envelope

himself. Once the letter is returned from Zealand, the form can be removed and a

handwritten message confirming that Father is alive can be inserted in the envelope.

This way Mr. Broks can read the letter without suspecting a ruse. They chose the

province of Zealand because it's close to Belgium (a letter can easily be smuggled

across the border) and because no one is allowed to travel there without a special

permit. An ordinary salesman like Mr. Broks would never be granted a permit.

Yesterday Father put on another act. Groggy with sleep, he stumbled off to bed. His

feet were cold, so I lent him my bed socks. Five minutes later he flung them to the

floor. Then he pulled the blankets over his head because the light bothered him. The

lamp was switched off, and he gingerly poked his head out from under the covers. It

was all very amusing. We started talking about the fact that Peter says Margot is a

"buttinsky." Suddenly Daddy's voice was heard from the depths: "Sits on her butt, you mean.

Mouschi, the cat, is becoming nicer to me as time goes by, but I'm stil somewhat

afraid of her.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Mother and I had a so-cal ed "discussion" today, but the annoying part is that I burst into tears. I can't help it. Daddy is always nice to me, and he also understands me

much better. At moments like these I can't stand Mother. It's obvious that I'm a

stranger to her; she doesn't even know what I think about the most ordinary things.

We were talking about maids and the fact that you're supposed to refer to them as

"domestic help" these days. She claimed that when the war is over, that's what they'l want to be called. I didn't quite see it that way. Then she added that I talk about'

'later" so often and that I act as if I were such a lady, even though I'm not, but I don't think building sand castles in the air is such a terrible thing to do, as long as

you don't take it too seriously. At any rate, Daddy usual y comes to my defense.

Without him I wouldn't be able to stick it out here.

I don't get along with Margot very wel either. Even though our family never has the

same kind of outbursts they have upstairs, I find it far from pleasant. Margot's and

Mother's personalities are so alien to me. I understand my girlfriends better than my

own mother. Isn't that a shame?

For the umpteenth time, Mrs. van Daan is sulking. She's very moody and has been

removing more and more of her belongings and locking them up. It's too bad Mother

doesn't repay every van Daan "disappearing act" with a Frank "disappearing act."

Some people, like the van Daans, seem to take special delight not only in raising their

own children but in helping others raise theirs. Margot doesn't need it, since she's

naturally good, kind and clever, perfection itself, but I seem to have enough mischief

for the two of us. More than once the air has been fil ed with the van Daans'

admonitions and my saucy replies. Father and Mother always defend me fiercely.

Without them I wouldn't be able to jump back into the fray with my usual composure.

They keep tel ing me I should talk less, mind my own business and be more modest,

but I seem doomed to failure. If Father weren't so patient, I'd have long ago given up

hope of ever meeting my parents' quite moderate expectations.

If I take a smal helping of a vegetable I loathe and eat potatoes instead, the van

Daans, especially Mrs. van Daan, can't get over how spoiled I am. "Come on, Anne,

eat some more vegetables," she says.

"No, thank you, ma'am," I reply. "The potatoes are more than enough."

"Vegetables are good for you; your mother says so too. Have some more," she insists, until Father intervenes and upholds my right to refuse a dish I don't like.

Then Mrs. van D. real y flies off the handle: "You should have been at our house,

where children were brought up the way they should be. I don't call this a proper

upbringing. Anne is terribly spoiled. I'd never allow that. If Anne were my daughter. .

."

This is always how her tirades begin and end: "If Anne were my daughter. . ." Thank goodness I'm not.

But to get back to the subject of raising children, yesterday a silence fell after Mrs.

van D. finished her little speech. Father then replied, "I think Anne is very well

brought up. At least she's learned not to respond to your interminable sermons. As far

as the vegetables are concerned, al I have to say is look who's calling the kettle

black."

Mrs. van D. was soundly defeated. The pot cal ing the ketde black refers of course to

Madame herself, since she can't tolerate beans or any kind of cabbage in the evening

because they give her "gas." But I could say the same. What a dope, don't you think?

In any case, let's hope she stops talking about me.

It's so funny to see how quickly Mrs. van Daan flushes. I don't, and it secredy annoys

her no end.

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28,1942

Dearest Kitty,

I had to stop yesterday, though I was nowhere near finished. I'm dying to tel you

about another one of our clashes, but before I do I'd like to say this: I think it's odd that grown-ups quarrel so easily and so often and about such petty matters. Up to

now I always thought bickering was just something children did and that they outgrew

it. Often, of course, there's sometimes a reason to have a real quarrel, but the verbal

exchanges that take place here are just plain bickering. I should be used to the fact

that these squabbles are daily occurrences, but I'm not and never wil be as long as

I'm the subject of nearly every discussion. (They refer to these as "discussions"

instead of "quarrels," but Germans don't know the difference!) They criticize

everything, and I mean everything, about me: my behavior, my personality, my

manners; every inch of me, from head to toe and back again, is the subject of gossip

and debate. Harsh words and shouts are constantly being flung at my head, though I'm

absolutely not used to it. According to the powers that be, I'm supposed to grin and

bear it. But I can't! I have no intention of taking their insults lying down. I'll show

them that Anne Frank wasn't born yesterday. They'll sit up and take notice and keep

their big mouths shut when I make them see they ought to attend to their own

manners instead of mine. How dare they act that way! It's simply barbaric. I've been

astonished, time and again, at such rudeness and most of al . . . at such stupidity

(Mrs. van Daan). But as soon as I've gotten used to the idea, and that shouldn't take

long, I'l give them a taste of their own medicine, and then they'l change their tune!

Am I real y as bad-mannered, headstrong, stubborn, pushy, stupid, lazy, etc., etc., as

the van Daans say I am? No, of course not. I know I have my faults and

shortcomings, but they blow them al out of proportion! If you only knew, Kitty, how I

seethe when they scold and mock me. It won't take long before I explode with

pent-up rage.

But enough of that. I've bored you long enough with my quarrels, and yet I can't

resist adding a highly interesting dinner conversation.

Somehow we landed on the subject of Pim's extreme diffidence. His modesty is a

wel -known fact, which even the stupidest person wouldn't dream of questioning. Al

of a sudden Mrs. van Daan, who feels the need to bring herself into every

conversation, remarked, "I'm very modest and retiring too, much more so than my

husband!"

Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? This sentence clearly il ustrates that she's not exactly what you'd call modest!

Mr. van Daan, who felt obliged to explain the "much more so than my husband,"

answered calmly, "I have no desire to be modest and retiring. In my experience, you get a lot further by being pushy!" And turning to me, he added, "Don't be modest and retiring, Anne. It wil get you nowhere."

Mother agreed completely with this viewpoint. But, as usual, Mrs. van Daan had to add

her two cents. This time, however, instead of addressing me directly, she turned to

my parents and said, "You must have a strange outlook on life to be able to say that to Anne. Things were different when I was growing up. Though they probably haven't

changed much since then, except in your modern household!"

This was a direct hit at Mother's modern child-rearing methods, which she's defended

on many occasions. Mrs. van Daan was so upset her face turned bright red. People

who flush easily become even more agitated when they feel themselves getting hot

under the col ar, and they quickly lose to their opponents.

The nonflushed mother, who now wanted to have the matter over and done with as

quickly as possible, paused for a moment to think before she replied. "Wel , Mrs. van Daan, I agree that it's much better if a person isn't overmodest. My husband, Margot

and Peter are all exceptional y modest. Your husband, Anne and I, though not exactly

the opposite, don't let ourselves be pushed around."

Mrs. van Daan: "Oh, but Mrs. Frank, I don't understand what you mean! Honestly, I'm extremely modest and retiring. How can you say that I'm pushy?"

Mother: "I didn't say you were pushy, but no one would describe you as having a

retiring disposition."

Mrs. van D.: "I'd like to know in what way I'm pushy! If I didn't look out for myself here, no one else would, and I'd soon starve, but that doesn't mean I'm not as modest

and retiring as your husband."

Mother had no choice but to laugh at this ridiculous self-defense, which irritated Mrs.

van Daan. Not exactly a born debater, she continued her magnificent account in a

mixture of German and Dutch, until she got so tangled up in her own words that she

finally rose from her chair and was just about to leave the room when her eye fell on

me. You should have seen her! As luck would have it, the moment Mrs. van D. turned

around I was shaking my head in a combination of compassion and irony. I wasn't

doing it on purpose, but I'd followed her tirade so intently that my reaction was

completely involuntary. Mrs. van D. wheeled around and gave me a tongue-lashing:

hard, Germanic, mean and vulgar, exactly like some fat, red-faced fishwife. It was a

joy to behold. If I could draw, I'd like to have sketched her as she was then. She

struck me as so comical, that sil y little scatterbrain! I've learned one thing: you only really get to know a person after a fight. Only then can you judge their true

character!

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

The strangest things happen to you when you're in hiding! Try to picture this.

Because we don't have a bathtub, we wash ourselves in a washtub, and because

there's only hot water in the office (by which I mean the entire lower floor), the

seven of us take turns making the most of this great opportunity. But since none of

us are alike and are al plagued by varying degrees of modesty, each member of the

family has selected a different place to wash. Peter takes a bath in the office kitchen, even though it has a glass door. When it's time for his bath, he goes around to each

of us in turn and announces that we shouldn't walk past the kitchen for the next half

hour. He considers this measure to be sufficient. Mr. van D. takes his bath upstairs,

figuring that the safety of his own room outweighs the difficulty of having to carry

the hot water up al those stairs. Mrs. van D. has yet to take a bath; she's waiting to

see which is the best place. Father bathes in the private office and Mother in the

kitchen behind a fire screen, while Margot and I have declared the front office to be

our bathing grounds. Since the curtains are drawn on Saturday afternoon, we scrub

ourselves in the dark, while the one who isn't in the bath looks out the window

through a chink in the curtains and gazes in wonder at the endlessly amusing people.

A week ago I decided I didn't like this spot and have been on the lookout for more

comfortable bathing quarters. It was Peter who gave me the idea of setting my

washtub in the spacious office bathroom. I can sit down, turn on the light, lock the

door, pour out the water without anyone's help, and al without the fear of being seen.

I used my lovely bathroom for the first time on Sunday and, strange as it may seem,

I like it better than any other place.

The plumber was at work downstairs on Wednesday, moving the water pipes and

drains from the office bathroom to the hallway so the pipes won't freeze during a cold

winter. The plumber's visit was far from pleasant. Not only were we not al owed to

run water during the day, but the bathroom was also off-limits. I'll tel you how we

handled this problem; you may find it unseemly of me to bring it up, but I'm not so

prudish about matters of this kind. On the day of our arrival, Father and I improvised

a chamber pot, sacrificing a canning jar for this purpose. For the duration of the

plumber's visit, canning jars were put into service during the daytime to hold our calls of nature. As far as I was concerned, this wasn't half as difficult as having to sit still al day and not say a word. You can imagine how hard that was for Miss Quack,

Quack, Quack. On ordinary days we have to speak in a whisper; not being able to talk

or move at al is ten times worse.

After three days of constant sitting, my backside was stiff and sore. Nightly

calisthenics helped.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1942

Dear Kitty,

Yesterday I had a horrible fright. At eight o'clock the doorbel suddenly rang. Al I

could think of was that someone was coming to get us, you know who I mean. But I

calmed down when everybody swore it must have been either pranksters or the

mailman.

The days here are very quiet. Mr. Levinsohn, a little Jewish pharmacist and chemist,

is working for Mr. Kugler in the kitchen. Since he's familiar with the entire building,

we're in constant dread that he'l take it into his head to go have a look at what used

to be the laboratory. We're as stil as baby mice. Who would have guessed three

months ago that quicksilver Anne would have to sit so quietly for hours on end, and

what's more, that she could?

Mrs. van Daan's birthday was the twenty-ninth. Though we didn't have a large

celebration, she was showered with flowers, simple gifts and good food. Apparently

the red carnations from her spouse are a family tradition.

Let me pause a moment on the subject of Mrs. van Daan and tell you that her

attempts to flirt with Father are a constant source of irritation to me. She pats him on the cheek and head, hikes up her skirt and makes so-cal ed witty remarks in an effort

to get's Pim's attention. Fortunately, he finds her neither pretty nor charming, so he

doesn't respond to her flirtations. As you know, I'm quite the jealous type, and I can't abide her behavior. After al , Mother doesn't act that way toward Mr. van D., which is

what I told Mrs. van D. right to her face.

From time to time Peter can be very amusing. He and I have one thing in common:

we like to dress up, which makes everyone laugh. One evening we made our

appearance, with Peter in one of his mother's skin-tight dresses and me in his suit.

He wore a hat; I had a cap on. The grown-ups split their sides laughing, and we

enjoyed ourselves every bit as much.

Bep bought new skirts for Margot and me at The Bijenkorf. The fabric is hideous, like

the burlap bag potatoes come in. Just the kind of thing the department stores wouldn't

dare sel in the olden days, now costing 24.00 guilders (Margot's) and 7.75 guilders

(mine).

We have a nice treat in store: Bep's ordered a correspondence course in shorthand for

Margot, Peter and me. Just you wait, by this time next year we'll be able to take

perfect shorthand. In any case, learning to write a secret code like that is real y

interesting.

I have a terrible pain in my index finger (on my left hand), so I can't do any ironing.

What luck!

Mr. van Daan wants me to sit next to him at the table, since Margot doesn't eat

enough to suit him. Fine with me, I like changes. There's always a tiny black cat

roaming around the yard, and it reminds me of my dear sweet Moortje. Another

reason I welcome the change is that Mama's always carping at me, especial y at the

table. Now Margot will have to bear the brunt of it. Or rather, won't, since Mother

doesn't make such sarcastic remarks to her. Not to that paragon of virtue! I'm always

teasing Margot about being a paragon of virtue these days, and she hates it. Maybe

it'l teach her not to be such a goody-goody. High time she learned.

To end this hodgepodge of news, a particularly amusing joke told by Mr. van Daan:

What goes click ninety-nine times and clack once?

A centipede with a clubfoot.

Bye-bye, Anne

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1942

Dear Kitty,

Everybody teased me quite a bit yesterday because I lay down on the bed next to Mr.

van Daan. "At your age! Shocking! " and other remarks along those lines. Sil y, of course. I'd never want to sleep with Mr. van Daan the way they mean.

Yesterday Mother and I had another run-in and she really kicked up a fuss. She told

Daddy al my sins and I started to cry, which made me cry too, and I already had

such an awful headache. I final y told Daddy that I love "him" more than I do Mother, to which he replied that it was just a passing phase, but I don't think so. I simply

can't stand Mother, and I have to force myself not to snap at her all the time, and to

stay calm, when I'd rather slap her across the face. I don't know why I've taken such

a terrible dislike to her. Daddy says that if Mother isn't feeling wel or has a

headache, I should volunteer to help her, but I'm not going to because I don't love her

and don't enjoy doing it. I can imagine Mother dying someday, but Daddy's death

seems inconceivable. It's very mean of me, but that's how I feel. I hope Mother will

never read this or anything else I've written.

I've been al owed to read more grown-up books lately. Eva's Youth by Nico van

Suchtelen is currently keeping me busy. I don't think there's much of a difference

between this and books for teenage girls. Eva thought that children grew on trees, like

apples, and that the stork plucked them off the tree when they were ripe and brought

them to the mothers. But her girlfriend's cat had kittens and Eva saw them coming out

of the cat, so she thought cats laid eggs and hatched them like chickens, and that

mothers who wanted a child also went upstairs a few days before their time to lay an

egg and brood on it. After the babies arrived, the mothers were pretty weak from al

that squatting. At some point, Eva wanted a baby too. She took a wool scarf and

spread it on the ground so the egg could fall into it, and then she squatted down and

began to push. She clucked as she waited, but no egg came out. Final y, after she'd

been sitting for a long time, something did come, but it was a sausage instead of an

egg. Eva was embarrassed. She thought she was sick. Funny, isn't it? There are also

parts of Eva's Youth that talk about women sel ing their bodies on the street and

asking loads of money. I'd be mortified in front of a man like that. In addition, it

mentions Eva's menstruation. Oh, I long to get my period -- then I'll really be grown

up. Daddy is grumbling again and threatening to take away my diary. Oh, horror of

horrors! From now on, I'm going to hide it.

Anne Frank

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1942

I imagine that. . .

I've gone to Switzerland. Daddy and I sleep in one room, while the boys'. study is

turned into a sitting room, where I can receive visitors. As a surprise, they've bought

new furniture for me, including a tea table, a desk, armchairs and a divan. Everything's simply wonderful. After a few days Daddy gives me 150 guilders -- converted into

Swiss money, of course, but I'l cal them guilders -- and tells me to buy everything

I think I'll need, al for myself. (Later on, I get a guilder a week, which I can also

use to buy whatever I want.) I set off with Bernd and buy:

3 cotton undershirts @ 0.50 = 1.50

3 cotton underpants @ 0.50 = 1.50

3 wool undershirts @ O. 75 = 2.25

3 wool underpants @ O. 75 = 2.25

2 petticoats @ 0.50 = 1.00

2 bras (smallest size) @ 0.50 = 1.00

5 pajamas @ 1.00 = 5.00

1 summer robe @ 2.50 = 2.50

1 winter robe @ 3.00 = 3.00

2 bed jackets @ O. 75 = 1.50

. Anne's cousins Bernhard (Bernd) and Stephan Elias.

THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL 53

1 smal pil ow @ 1.00 = 1.00

1 pair of lightweight slippers @ 1.00 = 1.00

1 pair of warm slippers @ 1.50 = 1.50

1 pair of summer shoes (school) @ 1.50 = 1.50

1 pair of summer shoes (dressy) @ 2.00 = 2.00

1 pair of winter shoes (school) @ 2.50 = 2.50

1 pair of winter shoes (dressy) @ 3.00 = 3.00

2 aprons @ 0.50 = 1.00

25 handkerchiefs @ 0.05 = 1.00

4 pairs of silk stockings @ 0.75 = 3.00

4 pairs of kneesocks @ 0.50 = 2.00

4 pairs of socks @ 0.25 = 1.00

2 pairs of thick stockings @ 1.00 = 2.00

3 skeins of white yarn (underwear, cap) = 1.50

3 skeins of blue yarn (sweater, skirt) = 1.50

3 skeins of variegated yarn (cap, scarf) = 1.50

Scarves, belts, col ars, buttons = 1.25

Plus 2 school dresses (summer), 2 school dresses (winter), 2 good dresses

(sumr.ner), 2 good dresses (winter), 1 summer skirt, 1 good winter skirt, 1 school

winter skirt, 1 raincoat, 1 summer coat, 1 winter coat, 2 hats, 2 caps. For a total of

10g.00 guilders.

2 purses, 1 ice-skating outfit, 1 pair of skates, 1 case (containing powder, skin

cream, foundation cream, cleansing cream, suntan lotion, cotton, first-aid kit, rouge,

lipstick, eyebrow pencil, bath salts, bath powder, eau de cologne, soap, powder puff).

Plus 4 sweaters @ 1.50,4 blouses @ 1.00, miscel aneous items @ 10.00 and books,

presents @ 4.50.

OCTOBER 9, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Today I have nothing but dismal and depressing news to report. Our many Jewish

friends and acquaintances are being taken away in droves. The Gestapo is treating

them very roughly and transporting them in cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in

Drenthe to which they're sending al the Jews. Miep told us about someone who'd

managed to escape from there. It must be terrible in Westerbork. The people get

almost nothing to eat, much less to drink, as water is available only one hour a day,

and there's only one toilet and sink for several thousand people. Men and women sleep

in the same room, and women and children often have their heads shaved. Escape is

almost impossible; many people look Jewish, and they're branded by their shorn heads.

If it's that bad in Hol and, what must it be like in those faraway and uncivilized places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of them are being

murdered. The English radio says they're being gassed. Perhaps that's the quickest

way to die.

I feel terrible. Miep's accounts of these horrors are so heartrending, and Miep is also

very distraught. The other day, for instance, the Gestapo deposited an elderly, crippled Jewish woman on Miep's doorstep while they set off to find a car. The old woman

was terrified of the glaring searchlights and the guns firing at the English planes

overhead. Yet Miep didn't dare let her in. Nobody would. The Germans are generous

enough when it comes to punishment.

Bep is also very subdued. Her boyfriend is being sent to Germany. Every time the

planes fly over, she's afraid they're going to drop their entire bomb load on Bertus's

head. Jokes like "Oh, don't worry, they can't al fall on him" or "One bomb is all it takes" are hardly appropriate in this situation. Bertus is not the only one being forced to work in Germany. Trainloads of young men depart daily. Some of them try to sneak

off the train when it stops at a smal station, but only a few manage to escape

unnoticed and find a place to hide.

But that's not the end of my lamentations. Have you ever heard the term "hostages"?

That's the latest punishment for saboteurs. It's the most horrible thing you can

imagine. Leading citizens -- innocent people -- are taken prisoner to await their

execution. If the Gestapo can't find the saboteur, they simply grab five hostages and

line them up against the wal . You read the announcements of their death in the paper,

where they're referred to as "fatal accidents.'

Fine specimens of humanity, those Germans, and to think I'm actually one of them!

No, that's not true, Hitler took away our nationality long ago. And besides, there are

no greater enemies on earth than the Germans and the Jews.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14, 1942

Dear Kitty,

I'm terribly busy. Yesterday I began by translating a chapter from La Belle Nivemaise

and writing down vocabulary words. Then I worked on an awful math problem and

translated three pages of French grammar besides. Today, French grammar and history.

I simply refuse to do that wretched math every day. Daddy thinks it's awful too.

I'm almost better at it than he is, though in fact neither of us is any good, so we

always have to cal on Margot's help. I'm also working away at my shorthand, which I

enjoy. Of the three of us, I've made the most progress.

I've read The Storm Family. It's quite good, but doesn't compare to Joop ter Heul.

Anyway, the same words can be found in both books, which makes sense because

they're written by the same author. Cissy van Marxveldt is a terrific writer. I'm

definitely going to let my own children read her books too.

Moreover, I've read a lot of Korner plays. I like the way he writes. For example,

Hedwig, The Cousin from Bremen, The Governess, The Green Domino, etc.

Mother, Margot and I are once again the best of buddies. It's actual y a lot nicer that

way. Last night Margot and I were lying side by side in my bed. It was incredibly

cramped, but that's what made it fun. She asked if she could read my diary once in a

while.

"Parts of it," I said, and asked about hers. She gave me permission to read her diary as wel .

The conversation turned to the future, and I asked what she wanted to be when she

was older. But she wouldn't say and was quite mysterious about it. I gathered it had

something to do with teaching; of course, I'm not absolutely sure, but I suspect it's

something along those lines. I really shouldn't be so nosy.

This morning I'lay on Peter's bed, after first having chased him off it. He was furious, but I didn't care. He might consider being a little more friendly to me from time to

time. After all, I did give him an apple last night.

I once asked Margot if she thought I was ugly. She said that I was cute and had nice

eyes. A little vague, don't you think?

Wel , until next time!

Anne Frank

PS. This morning we all took turns on the scale. Margot now weighs 132 pounds,

Mother 136, Father 155, Anne 96, Peter 14g, Mrs. van Daan 117, Mr. van Daan 165.

In the three months since I've been here, I've gained 19 pounds. A lot, huh?

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

My hand's stil shaking, though it's been two hours since we had the scare. I should

explain that there are five fire extinguishers in the building. The office staff stupidly forgot to warn us that the carpenter, or whatever he's called, was coming to fill the

extinguishers. As a result, we didn't bother to be quiet until I heard the sound of

hammering on the landing (across from the bookcase). I immediately assumed it was

the carpenter and went to warn Bep, who was eating lunch, that she couldn't go back

downstairs. Father and I stationed ourselves at the door so we could hear when the

man had left. After working for about fifteen minutes, he laid his hammer and some

other tools on our bookcase (or so we thought!) and banged on our door. We turned

white with fear. Had he heard something after al and now wanted to check out this

mysterious-looking bookcase? It seemed so, since he kept knocking, pul ing, pushing

and jerking on it.

I was so scared I nearly fainted at the thought of this total stranger managing to

discover our wonderful hiding place. Just when I thought my days were numbered, we

heard Mr. Kleiman's voice saying, "Open up, it's me." We opened the door at once.

What had happened?

The hook fastening the bookcase had gotten stuck, which is why no one had been able

to warn us about the carpenter. After the man had left, Mr. Kleiman came to get Bep,

but couldn't open the bookcase. I can't tell you how relieved I was. In my imagination,

the man I thought was trying to get inside the Secret Annex had kept growing and

growing until he'd become not only a giant but also the cruelest Fascist in the world.

Whew. Fortunately, everything worked out al right, at least this time.

We had lots of fun on Monday. Miep and Jan spent the night with us. Margot and I

slept in Father and Mother's room for the night so the Gieses could have our beds.

The menu was drawn up in their honor, and the meal was delicious. The festivities

were briefly interrupted when Father's lamp caused a short circuit and we were

suddenly plunged into darkness. What were we to do? We did have fuses, but the fuse

box was at the rear of the dark warehouse, which made this a particularly unpleasant

job at night. Stil , the men ventured forth, and ten minutes later we were able to put

away the candles.

I was up early this morning. Jan was already dressed. Since he had to leave at

eight-thirty, he was upstairs eating breakfast by eight. Miep was busy getting

dressed, and I found her in her undershirt when I came in. She wears the same kind

of long underwear I do when she bicycles. Margot and I threw on our clothes as well

and were upstairs earlier than usual. After a pleasant breakfast, Miep headed

downstairs. It was pouring outside and she was glad she didn't have to bicycle to

work. Daddy and I made the beds, and afterward I learned five irregular French verbs.

Quite industrious, don't you think?

Margot and Peter were reading in our room, with Mouschi curled up beside Margot on

the divan. After my irregular French verbs, I joined them and read The Woods Are

Singingfor Al Eternity. It's quite a beautiful book, but very unusual. I'm almost

finished.

Next week it's Bep's turn to spend the night.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1942

My dearest Kitty,

I'm very worried. Father's sick. He's covered with spots and has a high temperature.

It looks like measles. Just think, we can't even call a doctor! Mother is making him

perspire in hopes of sweating out the fever.

This morning Miep told us that the furniture has been removed from the van Daans'

apartment on Zuider-Amstellaan. We haven't told Mrs. van D. yet. She's been so

"nervenmassig"* [*nervous] lately, and we don't feel like hearing her moan and groan again about al the beautiful china and lovely chairs she had to leave behind. We had

to abandon most of our nice things too. What's the good of grumbling about it now?

Father wants me to start reading books by Hebbel and other well-known German

writers. I can read German fairly wel by now, except that I usual y mumble the

words instead of reading them silently to myself. But that'l pass. Father has taken the

plays of Goethe and Schil er down from the big bookcase and is planning to read to

me every evening. We've started off with Don Carlos. Encouraged by Father's good

example, Mother pressed her prayer book into my hands. I read a few prayers in

German, just to be polite. They certainly sound beautiful, but they mean very little to

me. Why is she making me act so religious and devout?

Tomorrow we're going to light the stove for the first time. The chimney hasn't been

swept in ages, so the room is bound to fil with smoke. Let's hope the thing draws!

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1942

Dear Kitty,

Bep stayed with us Friday evening. It was fun, but she didn't sleep very wel because

she'd drunk some wine. For the rest, there's nothing special to report. I had an awful

headache yesterday and went to bed early. Margot's being exasperating again.

This morning I began sorting out an index card file from the office, because it'd fal en over and gotten al mixed up. Before long I was going nuts. I asked Margot and Peter

to help, but they were too lazy, so I put it away.

I'm not crazy enough to do it all by myself!

Anne Frank

PS. I forgot to mention the important news that I'm probably going to get my period

soon. I can tel because I keep finding a whitish smear in my panties, and Mother

predicted it would start soon. I can hardly wait. It's such a momentous event. Too bad

I can't use sanitary napkins, but you can't get them anymore, and Mama's tampons can

be used only by women who've had a baby. i

COMMENT ADDED BY ANNE ON JANUARY 22, 1944: I wouldn't be able to write

that kind of thing anymore.

Now that I'm rereading my diary after a year and a half, I'm surprised at my childish

innocence. Deep down I know I could never be that innocent again, however much I'd

like to be. I can understand the mood chanaes and the comments about Margot,

Mother and Father as if I'd written them only yesterday, but I can't imagine writina so

openly about other matters. It embarrasses me areatly to read the panes dealina with

subjects that I remembered as beina nicer than they actually were. My descriptions

are so indelicate. But enouah of that.

I can also understand my homesickness and yearning for Moortje. The whole time I've

been here I've longed unconsciously and at times consciously for trust, love and

physical affection. This longing may change in intensity, but it's always there.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1942

Dear Kitty,

The British have finally scored a few successes in Africa and Stalingrad hasn't fal en

yet, so the men are happy and we had coffee and tea this morning. For the rest,

nothing special to report.

This week I've been reading a lot and doing little work. That's the way things ought

to be. That's surely the road to success.

Mother and I are getting along better lately, but we're never close. Father's not very

open about his feelings, but he's the same sweetheart he's always been. We lit the

stove a few days ago and the entire room is stil fil ed with smoke. I prefer central

heating, and I'm probably not the only one. Margot's a stinker (there's no other word

for it), a constant source of irritation, morning, noon and night.

Anne Frank

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Mother's nerves are very much on edge, and that doesn't bode wel for me. Is it just

a coincidence that Father and Mother never scold Margot and always blame me for

everything? Last night, for example, Margot was reading a book with beautiful

illustrations; she got up and put the book aside for later. I wasn't doing anything, so I picked it up and began looking at the pictures. Margot carne back, saw' "her" book in my hands, knitted her brow and angrily demanded the book back. I wanted to look

through it some more. Margot got madder by the minute, and Mother butted in:

"Margot was reading that book; give it back to her."

Father came in, and without even knowing what was going on, saw that Margot was

being wronged and lashed out at me: "I'd like to see what you'd do if Margot was

looking at one of your books!"

I promptly gave in, put the book down and, according to them, left the room' 'in a

huff." I was neither huffy nor cross, but merely sad.

It wasn't right of Father to pass judgment without knowing what the issue was. I

would have given the book to Margot myself, and a lot sooner, if Father and Mother

hadn't intervened and rushed to take Margot's part, as if she were suffering some

great injustice.

Of course, Mother took Margot's side; they always take each other's sides. I'm so

used to it that I've become completely indifferent to Mother's rebukes and Margot's

moodiness. I love them, but only because they're Mother and Margot. I don't give a

darn about them as people. As far as I'm concerned, they can go jump in a lake. It's

different with Father. When I see him being partial to Margot, approving Margot's

every action, praising her, hugging her, I feel a gnawing ache inside, because I'm crazy about him. I model myself after Father, and there's no one in the world I love more.

He doesn't realize that he treats Margot differently than he does me: Margot just

happens to be the smartest, the kindest, the prettiest and the best. But I have a right

to be taken seriously too. I've always been the clown and mischief maker of the

family; I've always had to pay double for my sins: once with scoldings and then again

with my own sense of despair. I'm no longer satisfied with the meaningless affection

or the supposedly serious talks. I long for something from Father that he's incapable

of giving. I'm not jealous of Margot; I never have been. I'm not envious of her brains

or her beauty. It's just that I'd like to feel that Father real y loves me, not because

I'm his child, but because I'm me, Anne.

I cling to Father because my contempt of Mother is growing daily and it's only

through him that I'm able to retain the last ounce of family feeling I have left. He

doesn't understand that I sometimes need to vent my feelings for Mother. He doesn't

want to talk about it, and he avoids any discussion involving Mother's failings. And yet Mother, with all her shortcomings, is tougher for me to deal with. I don't know how I

should act. I can't very wel confront her with her carelessness, her sarcasm and her

hard-heartedness, yet I can't continue to take the blame for everything.

I'm the opposite of Mother, so of course we clash. I don't mean to judge her; I don't

have that right. I'm simply looking at her as a mother. She's not a mother to me --

I have to mother myself. I've cut myself adrift from them. I'm charting my own

course, and we'll see where it leads me. I have no choice, because I can picture what

a mother and a wife should be and can't seem to find anything of the sort in the

woman I'm supposed to call "Mother."

I tell myself time and again to overlook Mother's bad example. I only want to see her

good points, and to look inside myself for what's lacking in her. But it doesn't work,

and the worst part is that Father and Mother don't realize their own inadequacies and

how much I blame them for letting me down. Are there any parents who can make

their children completely happy?

Sometimes I think God is trying to test me, both now and in the future. I'll have to

become a good person on my own, without anyone to serve as a model or advise me,

but it'l make me stronger in the end.

Who else but me is ever going to read these letters? Who else but me can I turn to

for comfort? I'm frequently in need of consolation, I often feel weak, and more often

than not, I fail to meet expectations. I know this, and every day I resolve to do

better.

They aren't consistent in their treatment of me. One day they say that Anne's a

sensible girl and entitled to know everything, and the next that Anne's a sil y goose

who doesn't know a thing and yet imagines she's learned all she needs to know from

books! I'm no longer the baby and spoiled little darling whose every deed can be

laughed at. I have my own ideas, plans and ideals, but am unable to articulate them

yet.

Oh well. So much comes into my head at night when I'm alone, or during the day

when I'm obliged to put up with people I can't abide or who invariably misinterpret my

intentions. That's why I always wind up coming back to my diary -- I start there

and end there because Kitty's always patient. I promise her that, despite everything,

I'll keep going, that I'l find my own way and choke back my tears. I only wish I

could see some results or, just once, receive encouragement from someone who loves

me.

Don't condemn me, but think of me as a person who sometimes reaches the bursting

point!

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9,1942

Dearest Kitty,

Yesterday was Peter's birthday, his sixteenth. I was upstairs by eight, and Peter and I

looked at his presents. He received a game of Monopoly, a razor and a cigarette

lighter. Not that he smokes so much, not at al ; it just looks so distinguished.

The biggest surprise came from Mr. van Daan, who reported at one that the English

had landed in Tunis, Algiers, Casablanca and Oran.

"This is the beginning of the end," everyone was saying, but Churchil , the British Prime Minister, who must have heard the same thing being repeated in England,

declared, "This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Do you see the difference? However, there's

reason for optimism. Stalingrad, the Russian city that has been under attack for three

months, stil hasn't fallen into

German hands.

In the true spirit of the Annex, I should talk to you about food. (I should explain that they're real gluttons up on the top floor.)

Bread is delivered daily by a very nice baker, a friend of Mr. Kleiman's. Of course,

we don't have as much as we did at home, but it's enough. We also purchase ration

books on the black market. The price keeps going up; it's already risen from 27 to 33

guilders. And that for mere sheets of printed paper!

To provide ourselves with a source of nutrition that wil keep, aside from the hundred

cans of food we've stored here, we bought three hundred pounds of beans. Not just

for us, but for the office staff as wel . We'd hung the sacks of beans on hooks in the

hal way, just inside our secret entrance, but a few seams split under the weight. So

we decided to move them to the attic, and Peter was entrusted with the heavy lifting.

He managed to get five of the six sacks upstairs intact and was busy with the last

one when the sack broke and a flood, or rather a hailstorm, of brown beans went

flying through the air and down the stairs. Since there were about fifty pounds of

beans in that sack, it made enough noise to raise the dead. Downstairs they were sure

the house was fal ing down around their heads. Peter was stunned, but then burst into

peals of laughter when he saw me standing at the bottom of the stairs, like an island

in a sea of brown, with waves of beans lapping at my ankles. We promptly began

picking them up, but beans are so smal and slippery that they rol into every

conceivable corner and hole. Now each time we go upstairs, we bend over and hunt

around so we can present Mrs. van Daan with a handful of beans.

I almost forgot to mention that Father has recovered from his il ness.

Yours, Anne

P.S. The radio has just announced that Algiers has fal en. Morocco, Casablanca and

Oran have been in English hands for several days. We're now waiting for Tunis.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Great news! We're planning to take an eighth person into hiding with us!

Yes, real y. We always thought there was enough room and food for one more person,

but we were afraid of placing an even greater burden on Mr. Kugler and Mr. Kleiman.

But since reports of the dreadful things being done to the Jews are getting worse by

the day, Father decided to sound out these two gentlemen, and they thought it was an

excellent plan. "It's just as dangerous, whether there are seven or eight," they noted rightly. Once this was settled, we sat down and mentally went through our circle of

acquaintances, trying to come up with a single person who would blend in wel with

our extended family. This wasn't difficult. After Father had rejected al the van Daan

relatives, we chose a dentist named Alfred Dussel. He lives with a charming Christian

lady who's quite a bit younger than he is. They're probably not married, but that's

beside the point. He's known to be quiet and refined, and he seemed, from our

superficial acquaintance with him, to be nice. Miep knows him as well, so she'll be

able to make the necessary arrangements. If he comes, Mr. Dussel will have to sleep

in my room instead of Margot, who wil have to make do with the folding bed.*

[*After Dussel arrived, Margot slept in her parents' bedroom.] We'll ask him to bring

along something to fil cavities with.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Miep came to tel us that she'd been to see Dr. Dussel. He asked her the moment she

entered the room if she knew of a hiding place and was enormously pleased when

Miep said she had something in mind. She added "that he'd need to go into hiding as soon as possible, preferably Saturday, but he thought this was highly improbable, since

he wanted to bring his records up to date, settle his accounts and attend to a couple

of patients. Miep relayed the message to us this morning. We didn't think it was wise

to wait so long. All these preparations require explanations to various people who we

feel ought to be kept in the dark. Miep went to ask if Dr. Dussel couldn't manage to

come on Saturday after all, but he said no, and now he's scheduled to arrive on

Monday.

I think it's odd that he doesn't jump at our proposal. If they pick him up on the

street, it won't help either his records or his patients, so why the delay? If you ask

me, it's stupid of Father to humor him.

Otherwise, no news.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1942

Dearest Kitty!

Mr. Dussel has arrived. Everything went smoothly. Miep told him to be at a certain

place in front of the post office at 11 A.M., when a man would meet him, and he was

at the appointed place at the appointed time. Mr. Kleiman went up to him, announced

that the man he was expecting to meet was unable to come and asked him to drop by

the office to see Miep. Mr. Kleiman took a streetcar back to the office while Mr.

Dussel fol owed on foot.

It was eleven-twenty when Mr. Dussel tapped on the office door. Miep asked him to

remove his coat, so the yel ow star couldn't be seen, and brought him to the private

office, where Mr. Kleiman kept him occupied until the cleaning lady had gone. On the

pretext that the private office was needed for something else, Miep took Mr. Dussel

upstairs, opened the bookcase and stepped inside, while Mr. Dussel ooked on in

amazement.

In the meantime, the seven of us had seated ourselves around the dining table to

await the latest addition to our family with coffee and cognac. Miep first led him into

the Frank family's room. He immediately recognized our furniture, but had no idea we

were upstairs, just above his head. When Miep told him, he was so astonished he

nearly fainted. Thank goodness she didn't leave him in suspense any longer, but

brought him upstairs. Mr. Dussel sank into a chair and stared at us in dumbstruck

silence, as though he thought he could read the truth on our faces. Then he stuttered,

"Aber . . . but are you nicht in Belgium? The officer, the auto, they were not coming?

Your escape was not working?"

We explained the whole thing to him, about how we'd deliberately spread the rumor of

the officer and the car to throw the Germans and anyone else who might come looking

for us off the track. Mr. Dussel was speechless in the face of such ingenuity, and

could do nothing but gaze around in surprise as he explored the rest of our lovely and

ultrapractical Annex. We al had lunch together. Then he took a short nap, joined us

for tea, put away the few belongings Miep had been able to bring here in advance and

began to feel much more at home. Especial y when we handed him the fol owing

typewritten rules and regulations for the Secret Annex (a van Daan production):

PROSPECTUS AND GUIDE TO THE SECRET ANNEX

A Unique Facility for the Temporary

Accommodation of Jews and Other

Dispossessed Persons

Open al year round: Located in beautiful, quiet, wooded surroundings in the heart of

Amsterdam. No private residences in the vicinity. Can be reached by streetcar 13 or

17 and also by car and bicycle. For those to whom such transportation has been

forbidden by the German authorities, it can also be reached on foot. Furnished and

unfurnished rooms and apartments are available at al times, with or without meals.

Price: Free.

Diet: Low-fat.

Runnina water in the bathroom (sorry, no bath) and on various inside and outside

wal s. Cozy wood stoves for heating.

Ample storage space for a variety of goods. Two large, modern safes.

Private radio with a direct line to London, New York, Tel Aviv and many other

stations. Available to al residents after 6 P.M. No listening to forbidden broadcasts,

with certain exceptions, i.e., German stations may only be tuned in to listen to

classical music. It is absolutely forbidden to listen to German news bulletins

(regardless of where they are transmitted from) and to pass them on to others.

Rest hours: From 10 P.M. to 7:30 A.M.; 10:15 A.M. on Sundays. Owing to

circumstances, residents are required to observe rest hours during the daytime when

instructed to do so by the Management. To ensure the safety of al , rest hours must

be strictly observed!!!

Free-time activities: None al owed outside the house until further notice.

Use of language: It is necessary to speak softly at al times. Only the language of

civilized people may be spoken, thus no German.

Reading and relaxation: No German books may be read, except for the classics and

works of a scholarly nature. Other books are optional.

Calisthenics: Daily.

Singing: Only softly, and after 6 P.M.

Movies: Prior arrangements required.

Classes: A weekly correspondence course in shorthand. Courses in English, French,

math and history offered at any hour of the day or night. Payment in the form of

tutoring, e.g., Dutch.

Separate department for the care of smal household pets (with the exception of

vermin, for which special permits are required).

Mealtimes:

Breakfast: At 9 A.M. daily except holidays and Sundays; at approximately 11:30 A.M.

on Sundays and holidays.

Lunch: A light meal. From 1:15 P.M. to 1:45 P.M.

Dinner: Mayor not be a hot meal.

Mealtime depends on news broadcasts.

Obligations with respect to the Supply Corps: Residents must be prepared to help with

office work at al times. Baths: The washtub is available to al residents after 9 A.M.

on Sundays. Residents may bathe in the bathroom, kitchen, private office or front

office, as they choose.

Alcohol: For medicinal purposes only.

The end.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Just as we thought, Mr. Dussel is a very nice man. Of course he didn't mind sharing a

room with me; to be honest, I'm not exactly delighted at having a stranger use my

things, but you have to make sacrifices for a good cause, and I'm glad I can make this

smal one. "If we can save even one of our friends, the rest doesn't matter," said Father, and he's absolutely right.

The first day Mr. Dussel was here, he asked me all sorts of questions -- for

example, what time the cleaning lady comes to the office, how we've arranged to use

the washroom and when we're al owed to go to the toilet. You may laugh, but these

things aren't so easy in a hiding place. During the daytime we can't make any noise

that might be heard downstairs, and when someone else is there, like the cleaning

lady, we have to be extra careful. I patiently explained all this to Mr. Dussel, but I

was surprised to see how slow he is to catch on. He asks everything twice and stil

can't remember what you've told him.

Maybe he's just confused by the sudden change and he'l get over it. Otherwise,

everything is going fine.

Mr. Dussel has told us much about the outside world we've missed for so long. He

had sad news. Countless friends and acquaintances have been taken off to a dreadful

fate. Night after night, green and gray military vehicles cruise the streets. They knock on every door, asking whether any Jews live there. If so, the whole family is

immediately taken away. If not, they proceed to the next house. It's impossible to

escape their clutches unless you go into hiding. They often go around with lists,

knocking only on those doors where they know there's a big haul to be made. They

frequently offer a bounty, so much per head. It's like the slave hunts of the olden

days. I don't mean to make light ofthisj it's much too tragic for that. In the evenings

when it's dark, I often see long lines of good, innocent people, accompanied by crying

children, walking on and on, ordered about by a handful of men who bul y and beat

them until they nearly drop. No one is spared. The sick, the elderly, children, babies

and pregnant women -- al are marched to their death.

We're so fortunate here, away from the turmoil. We wouldn't have to give a moment's

thought to al this suffering if it weren't for the fact that we're so worried about those we hold dear, whom we can no longer help. I feel wicked sleeping in a warm bed,

while somewhere out there my dearest friends are dropping from exhaustion or being

knocked to the ground.

I get frightened myself when I think of close friends who are now at the mercy of the

cruelest monsters ever to stalk the earth.

And al because they're Jews.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

We don't real y know how to react. Up to now very little news about the Jews had

reached us here, and we thought it best to stay as cheerful as possible. Every now

and then Miep used to mention what had happened to a friend, and Mother or Mrs.

van Daan would start to cry, so she decided it was better not to say any more. But

we bombarded Mr. Dussel with questions, and the stories he had to tel were so

gruesome and dreadful that we can't get them out of our heads. Once we've had time

to digest the news, we'l probably go back to our usual joking and teasing. It won't do

us or those outside any good if we continue to be as gloomy as we are now. And

what would be the point of turning the Secret Annex into a Melancholy Annex?

No matter what I'm doing, I can't help thinking about those who are gone. I catch

myself laughing and remember that it's a disgrace to be so cheerful. But am I

supposed to spend the whole day crying? No, I can't do that. This gloom wil pass.

Added to this misery there's another, but of a more personal nature, and it pales in

comparison to the suffering I've just told you about. Stil , I can't help tel ing you that lately I've begun to feel deserted. I'm surrounded by too great a void. I never used to

give it much thought, since my mind was filled with my friends and having a good

time. Now I think either about unhappy things or about myself. It's taken a while, but

I've final y realized that Father, no matter how kind he may be, can't take the place of my former world. When it comes to my feelings, Mother and Margot ceased to count

long ago.

But why do I bother you with this foolishness? I'm terribly ungrateful, Kitty, I know,

but when I've been scolded for the umpteenth time and have all these other woes to

think about as wel , my head begins to reel!

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2g, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

We've been using too much electricity and have now exceeded our ration. The result:

excessive economy and the prospect of having the electricity cut off. No light for

fourteen days; that's a pleasant thought, isn't it? But who knows, maybe it won't be so

long! It's too dark to read after four or four-thirty, so we while away the time with

al kinds of crazy activities: tel ing riddles, doing calisthenics in the dark, speaking

English or French, reviewing books -- after a while everything gets boring. Yesterday

I discovered a new pastime: using a good pair of binoculars to peek into the lighted

rooms of the neighbors. During the day our curtains can't be opened, not even an inch,

but there's no harm when it's so dark.

I never knew that neighbors could be so interesting. Ours are, at any rate. I've come

across a few at dinner, one family making home movies and the dentist across the

way working on a frightened old lady.

Mr. Dussel, the man who was said to get along so wel with children and to absolutely

adore them, has turned out to be an old-fashioned disciplinarian and preacher of

unbearably long sermons on manners. Since I have the singular pleasure (!) of sharing

my far too narrow room with His Excel ency, and since I'm generally considered to be

the worst behaved of the three young people, it's all I can do to avoid having the

same old scoldings and admonitions repeatedly flung at my head and to pretend not to

hear. This wouldn't be so bad if Mr. Dussel weren't such a tattletale and hadn't

singled out Mother to be the recipient of his reports. If Mr. Dussel's just read me the

riot act, Mother lectures me all over again, this time throwing the whole book at me.

And if I'm really lucky, Mrs. van D. cal s me to account five minutes later and lays

down the law as well!

Really, it's not easy being the badly brought-up center of attention of a family of

nitpickers.

In bed at night, as I ponder my many sins and exaggerated shortcomings, I get so

confused by the sheer amount of things I have to consider that I either laugh or cry,

depending on my mood. Then I fal asleep with the strange feeling of wanting to be

different than I am or being different than I want to be, or perhaps of behaving

differently than I am or want to be.

Oh dear, now I'm confusing you too. Forgive me, but I don't like crossing things out,

and in these times of

scarcity, tossing away a piece of paper is clearly taboo. So I can only advise you not

to reread the above passage and to make no attempt to get to the bottom of it,

because you'l never find your way out again!

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Hanukkah and St. Nicholas Day nearly coincided this year; they were only one day

apart. We didn't make much of a fuss with Hanukkah, merely exchanging a few smal

gifts and lighting the candles. Since candles are in short supply, we lit them for only

ten minutes, but as long as we sing the song, that doesn't matter. Mr. van Daan

made a menorah out of wood, so that was taken care of too.

St. Nicholas Day on Saturday was much more fun. During dinner Bep and Miep were

so busy whispering to Father that our curiosity was aroused and we suspected they

were up to something. Sure enough, at eight o'clock

we al trooped downstairs

through the hal in pitch darkness (it gave me the shivers, and I wished I was safely

back upstairs!) to the alcove. We could switch on the light, since this room doesn't

have any windows. When that was done, Father opened the big cabinet.

"Oh, how wonderful!" we al cried.

In the corner was a large basket decorated with colorful paper and a mask of Black

Peter.

We quickly took the basket upstairs with us. Inside was a little gift for everyone,

including an appropriate verse. Since you're famthar with the kinds of poems peo ple

write each other on St. Nicholas Day, I won't copy them down for you.

I received a Kewpie dol , Father got bookends, and so on. Well anyway, it was a nice

idea, and since the eight of us had never celebrated St. Nicholas Day before, this was

a good time to begin.

Yours, Anne

PS. We also had presents for everyone downstairs, a few things .left over from the

Good Old Days; plus Miep and Bep are always grateful for money.

Today we heard that Mr. van Daan' s ashtray, Mr. Dussel's picture frame and Father's

bookends were made by none other than Mr. Voskuijl. How anyone can be so clever

with his hands is a mystery to me!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

Mr. van Daan used to be in the meat, sausage and spice business. He was hired for

his knowledge of spices, and yet, to our great delight, it's his sausage talents that

have come in handy now.

We ordered a large amount of meat (under the counter, of course) that we were

planning to preserve in case there were hard times ahead. Mr. van Daan decided to

make bratwurst, sausages and mettwurst. I had fun

watching him put the meat

through the grinder: once, twice, three times. Then he added the remaining ingredi

ents to the ground meat and used a long pipe to force the mixture into the casings.

We ate the bratwurst with sauerkraut for lunch, but the sausages, which were going

to be canned, had to dry first, so we hung them over a pole suspended from the

cethng. Everyone who came into the room burst into laughter when they saw the

dangling sausages.It was such a comical sight.

The kitchen was a shambles. Mr. van Daan, clad in his wife's apron and looking fatter

than ever, was working away at the meat. What with his bloody hands, red face and

spotted apron, he looked like a real butcher. Mrs. D. was trying to do everything at

once: learning Dutch out of a book, stirring

the soup, watching the meat, sighing and

moaning about her broken rib. That's what happens when old (!) ladies do such stupid

exercises to get rid of their fat behinds! Dussel had an eye infection and was sitting

next to the stove dabbing his eye with camomile tea. Pim, seated in the one ray of

sunshine coming through the window, kept having to move his chair this way and that

to stay out of the way. His rheumatism must have been bothering him because he

was slightly hunched over and was keeping an eye on Mr. van Daan with an agonized

expression on his face. He reminded me of those aged invalids you see in the

poor-house. Peter was romping around the room with Mouschi, the cat, while Mother,

Margot and I were peeling boiled potatoes. When you get right down to it, none of us

were doing our work properly, because we were al so busy watching Mr. van Daan.

Dussel has opened his dental practice. Just for fun, I'll describe the session with his

very first patient.

Mother was ironing, and Mrs. van D., the first victim, sat down on a chair

in the

middle of the room. Dussel, unpacking his case with an air of

importance, asked for

some eau de cologne, which could be used as a disinfectant, and vaseline, which would

have to do for wax. He looked in Mrs. van D.'s mouth and found two teeth that made

her wince with pain and utter incoherent cries every time he touched them. After a

lengthy examination (lengthy as far as Mrs. van D. was concerned, since it actual y

took no longer than two minutes), Dussel began to scrape out a cavity. But Mrs. van

D. had no intention of letting him. She flailed her arms and legs until Dussel finally let go of his probe and it . . . remained stuck in Mrs. van D.'s tooth. That real y did it!

Mrs. van D. lashed out wildly in all directions, cried (as much as you can with an

instrument like that in your mouth), tried to remove it, but only managed to push it

in even farther. Mr. Dussel calmly observed the scene, his hands on his hips, while

the rest of the audience roared with laughter. Of course, that was very mean of us.

If it'd been me, I'm sure I would have yel ed even louder. After a great deal of

squirming, kicking, screaming and shouting, Mrs. van D. final y managed to yank the

thing out, and Mr. Dussel went on with his work as if nothing had happened. He was

so quick that Mrs. van D. didn't have time to pul any more shenanigans. But then, he

had more help than he's ever had before: no fewer than two assis tants; Mr. van D.

and I performed our job wel . The whole scene resembled one of those engravings

from the Middle Ages entitled" A Quack at Work." In the meantime, however, the patient was getting restless, since she had to keep an eye on "her" soup and "her"

food. One thing is certain: it'l be a while before Mrs. van D. makes another dental

appointment!

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

I'm sitting here nice and cozy in the front office, peering out through a chink in the

heavy curtains. It's dusky, but there's just enough light to write by.

It's real y strange watching people walk past. They al seem to be in such a hurry

that they nearly trip over their own feet. Those on bicycles whiz by so fast I can't

even tel who's on the bike. The people in this neighborhood aren't particularly

attractive to look at. The children especial y are so dirty you wouldn't want to touch

them with a ten-foot pole. Real slum kids with runny noses. I can hardly understand

a word they say.

Yesterday afternoon, when Margot and I were taking a bath, I said, "What if we took a fishing rod and reeled in each of those kids one by one as they walked by, stuck

them in the tub, washed and mended their clothes and then. . ."

"And then tomorrow they'd be just as dirty and tattered as they were before," Margot replied.

But I'm babbling. There are also other things to look at cars, boats and the rain. I can hear the streetcar and the children and I'm enjoying myself.

Our thoughts are subject to as little change as we

are. They're like a

merry-go-round, turning from the Jews to food, from food to politics. By the way,

speaking of Jews, I saw two yesterday when I was peeking through ; the curtains. I

felt as though I were gazing at one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It gave me

such a funny feeling, as if I'd denounced them to the authorities and was now spying

on their misfortune.

Across from us is a houseboat. The captain lives there with his wife and children. He

has a smal yapping dog. We know the little dog only by its bark and by its tail,

which we can see whenever it runs around the deck. Oh, what a shame, it's just

started raining and most of the people are hidden under their umbrellas. Al I can see

are raincoats, and now and again the back of a stocking-capped head. Actual y, I

don't even need to look. By now I can recognize the women at a glance: gone to fat

from eating potatoes, dressed in a red or green coat and worn-out shoes, a shopping

bag dangling from their arms, with

faces that are either grim or good-humored,

depending on the mood of their husbands.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22, 1942

Dearest Kitty,

The Annex was delighted to hear that we'l al be receiving an extra quarter pound of

butter for Christmas. According to the newspaper, everyone is entitled to half a pound,

but they mean those lucky souls who get their ration books from the government, not

Jews in hiding like us who can only afford to buy four rather than eight ration books

on the black market. Each of us is going to bake something with the butter. This

morning I made two

cakes and a batch of cookies. It's very busy upstairs, and

Mother has informed me that I'm not to do any studying or reading until al the

household chores have been finished.

Mrs. van Daan is lying in bed nursing her bruised rib. She complains al day long,

constantly demands that the bandages be changed and is general y dissatisfied with

everything. I'll be glad when she gets back on her feet and can clean up after herself

because, I must admit, she's extraordinarily hardworking and neat, and as long as she's

in good physical and mental condition, she's quite cheerful.

As if I don't hear "shh, shh" enough during the day because I'm always making "too much" noise, my dear roommate has come up with the idea of saying "shh, shh" to me al night too. According to him, I shouldn't even turn over. I refuse to take any

notice of him, and the next time he shushes me, I'm going to shush him right back.

He gets more exasperating and egotistical as the days go by. Except for the first

week, I haven't seen even one of the cookies he so generously promised me. He's

partic ularly infuriating on Sundays, when he switches on the light at the crack of

dawn to exercise for ten minutes.

To me, the torment seems to last for hours, since the chairs I use to make my bed

longer are constantly being jiggled under my sleepy head. After rounding off his

limbering-up exercises with a few vigorous arm swings, His Lordship begins dressing.

His underwear is hanging on a hook, so first he lumbers over to get it and then

lumbers back, past my bed. But his tie is on the table, so once again he pushes and

bumps his way past the chairs.

But I mustn't waste any more of your time griping about disgusting old men. It won't

help matters anyway. My plans for revenge, such as unscrewing the lightbulb, locking

the door and hiding his clothes, have unfortu nately had to be abandoned in the

interests of peace.

Oh, I'm becoming so sensible! We've got to be reasonable about everything we do

here: studying, listen ing, holding our tongues, helping others, being kind, making

compromises and I don't know what else! I'm afraid my common sense, which was in

short supply to begin with, wil be used up too quickly and I won't have any left by

the time the war is over.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

This morning I was constantly interrupted, and as a result I haven't been able to finish a single thing I've begun.

We have a new pastime, namely, fil ing packages with powdered gravy. The gravy is

one of Gies & Co.'s products. Mr. Kugler hasn't been able to find anyone else to fil the packages, and besides, it's cheaper if we do the job. It's the kind of work they

do in prisons. It's incredibly boring and makes us dizzy and giggly.

Terrible things are happening outside. At any time of night and day, poor helpless

people are being dragged out of their homes. They're allowed to take only a knapsack

and a little cash with them, and even then, they're robbed of these possessions on

the way. Families are torn apart; men, women and children are separated. Children

come home from school to find that their parents have disap peared. Women return

from shopping to find their houses

sealed, their famthes gone. The Christians in

Hol and are also living in fear because their sons are being sent to Germany. Everyone

is scared. Every night hundreds of planes pass over Hol and on their way to German

cities, to sow their bombs on German soil. Every hour hundreds, or maybe even

thousands, of people are being kil ed in Russia and Africa. No one can keep out of

the conflict, the entire world is at war, and even though the

Al ies are doing better, the end is nowhere in sight.

As for us, we're quite fortunate. Luckier than millions of people. It's quiet and safe

here, and we're using our money to buy food. We're so selfish that we talk about

"after the war" and look forward to new clothes and shoes, when actually we should be saving every penny to help others when the war is over, to salvage whatever we

can.

The children in this neighborhood run around in thin shirts and wooden shoes. They

have no coats, no caps, no stockings and no one to help them. Gnawing on a carrot to

still their hunger pangs, they walk from their cold houses through cold streets to an

even colder classroom. Things have gotten so bad in Holland that hordes of children

stop passersby in the streets to beg for a piece of bread.

I could spend hours telling you about the suffering the war has brought, but I'd only

make myself more miserable. Al we can do is wait, as calmly as possible, for it to

end. Jews and Christians alike are waiting, the whole world is waiting, and many are

waiting for death.

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, JANUARY 30, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

I'm seething with rage, yet I can't show it. I'd like to scream, stamp my foot, give

Mother a good shaking, cry and I don't know what else because of the nasty words,

mocking looks and accusations that she hurls at me day after day, piercing me like

arrows from a tightly strung bow, which are nearly impossible to pull from my body.

I'd like to scream at Mother, Margot, the van Daans, Dussel and Father too: "Leave

me alone, let me have at least one night when I don't cry myself to sleep with my

eyes burning and my head pounding. Let me get away, away from everything, away

from this world!" But I can't do that. I can't let them see my doubts, or the wounds they've inflicted on me. I couldn't bear their

sympathy or their good-humored

derision. It would only make me want to scream even more.

Everyone thinks I'm showing off when I talk, ridicu lous when I'm silent, insolent

when I answer, cunning when I have a good idea, lazy when I'm tired, selfish when

I eat one bite more than I should, stupid, cowardly, calculating, etc., etc. Al day long I hear nothing but what an exasperating child I am, and although I laugh it off and

pretend not to mind, I do mind. I wish I could ask God to

give me another

personality, one that doesn't antagonize everyone.

But that's impossible. I'm stuck with the character I was born with, and yet I'm sure

I'm not a bad person. I

do my best to please everyone, more than they'd ever

suspect in a mil ion years. When I'm upstairs, I try to laugh it off because I don't

want them to see my troubles.

More than once, after a series of absurd reproaches, I've snapped at Mother: "I don't care what you say. Why don't you just wash your hands of me -- I'm a hopeless

case." Of course, she'd tel me not to talk back and virtual y ignore me for two days.

Then suddenly all would be forgotten and she'd treat me like everyone else.

It's impossible for me to be all smiles one day and venomous the next. I'd rather

choose the golden mean, which isn't so golden, and keep my thoughts to myself.

Perhaps sometime I'l treat the others with the same contempt as they treat me. Oh,

if only I could.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Though it's been ages since I've written to you about the squabbles, there's still no

change. In the begin ning Mr. Dussel took our soon-forgotten clashes very seriously,

but now he's grown used to them and no longer tries to mediate.

Margot and Peter aren't exactly what you'd call "young"; they're both so quiet and boring. Next to them, I stick out like a sore thumb, and I'm always being told,

"Margot and Peter don't act that way. Why don't you fol ow your sister's example!" I hate that.

I confess that I have absolutely no desire to be like Margot. She's too weak-willed

and passive to suit me; she lets herself be swayed by others and always backs down

under pressure. I want to have more spunk! But I keep ideas like these to myself.

They'd only laugh at me if I offered this in my defense.

During meals the air is filled with tension. Fortunately, the outbursts are sometimes

held in check by the "soup eaters," the people from the office who come up to have a cup of soup for lunch.

This afternoon Mr. van Daan again brought up the fact that Margot eats so little. "I suppose you do it to keep your figure," he added in a mocking tone.

Mother, who always comes to Margot's defense, said in a loud voice, "I can't stand

that stupid chatter of yours a minute longer."

Mrs. van D. turned red as a beet. Mr. van D. stared straight ahead and said nothing.

Stil , we often have a good laugh. Not long ago Mrs. van D. was entertaining us with

some bit of nonsense or another. She was talking about the past, about how well

she got along with her father and what a flirt she was. "And you know," she

continued, "my father told me that if a gentleman ever got fresh, I was to say,

'Remem ber, sir, that I'm a lady,' and he'd know what I meant." We split our sides

laughing, as if she'd told us a good joke.

Even Peter, though he's usual y quiet, occasional y gives rise to hilarity. He has the

misfortune of adoring foreign words without knowing what they mean. One afternoon

we couldn't use the toilet because there were visitors in the office. Unable to wait,

he went to the bathroom but didn't flush the toilet. To warn us of the unpleasant

odor, he tacked a sign to the bathroom door: "RSVP -- gas!" Of course, he meant

"Danger -- gas!" but he thought "RSVP" looked more elegant. He didn't have the faintest idea that it meant "please reply."

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Pim is expecting the invasion any day now. Churchil has had pneumonia, but is

gradual y getting better. Gandhi, the champion of Indian freedom, is on one of his

umpteenth hunger strikes.

Mrs. van D. claims she's fatalistic. But who's the most afraid when the guns go off?

None other than Petronel a van Daan.

Jan brought along the episcopal letter that the bishops addressed to their parishioners.

It was beautiful and inspiring. "People of the Netherlands, stand up and take action.

Each of us must choose our own weapons to fight for the freedom of our country,

our people and our reli gion! Give your help and support. Act now!" This is what

they're preaching from the pulpit. Wil it do any good? It's definitely too late to help

our fel ow Jews.

Guess what's happened to us now? The owner of the building sold it without informing

Mr. Kugler and Mr. Kleiman. One morning the new landlord arrived with an architect

to look the place over. Thank goodness Mr. Kleiman was in the office. He showed the

gentlemen al there was to see, with the exception of the Secret Annex. He claimed

he'd left the key at home and the new owner asked no further questions. If only he

doesn't come back demanding to see the Annex. In that case, we'l be in big trouble!

Father emptied a card file for Margot and me and filled it with index cards that are

blank on one side. This is to become our reading file, in which Margot and I are

supposed to note down the books we've read, the author and the date. I've learned

two new words: "brothel" and "coquette." I've bought a separate notebook for new words.

There's a new division of butter and margarine. Each person is to get their portion on

their own plate. The distribution is very unfair. The van Daans, who always make

breakfast for everyone, give themselves one and a half times more than they do us.

My parents are much too afraid of an argument to say anything, which is a shame,

because I think people like that should always be given a taste of their own medicine.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 4, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Mrs. van D. has a new nickname -- we've started cal ing her Mrs. Beaverbrook. Of

course, that doesn't

mean anything to you, so let me explain. A certain Mr.

Beaverbrook often talks on the English radio about what he considers to be the far too

lenient bombardment of Germany. Mrs. van Daan, who always contradicts everyone,

including Churchil and the news reports, is in complete agreement with Mr.

Beaverbrook. So we thought it would be a good idea for her to be married to him, and

since she was flattered by the notion, we've decided to cal her Mrs. Beaverbrook

from now on.

We're getting a new warehouse employee, since the

old one is being sent to

Germany. That's bad for him but good for us because the new one won't be famthar

with the building. We're stil afraid of the men who work in the warehouse.

Gandhi is eating again.

The black market is doing a booming business. If we had enough money to pay the

ridiculous prices, we could stuff ourselves sil y. Our greengrocer buys potatoes from

the "Wehrmacht" and brings them in sacks to the private office. Since he suspects we're hiding here, he makes a point of coming during lunchtime, when the warehouse

employees are out.

So much pepper is being ground at the moment that we sneeze and cough with every

breath we take. Everyone who comes upstairs greets us with an "ah-CHOO." Mrs. van D. swears she won't go downstairs; one more whiff of pepper and she's going to get

sick.

I don't think Father has a very nice business. Noth ing but pectin and pepper. As long

as you're in the food business, why not make candy?

A veritable thunderstorm of words came crashing down on me again this morning.

The air flashed with so many coarse expressions that my ears were ringing with

"Anne's bad this" annd "van Daans' good that." Fire and brimstone!

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

We had a short circuit last night, and besides that, the guns were booming away until

dawn. I stil haven't gotten over my fear of planes and shooting, and I crawl into

Father's bed nearly every night for comfort. I know it sounds childish, but wait till it happens to you! The ack-ack guns make so much noise you can't hear your own

voice. Mrs. Beaverbrook, the fatalist, practical y burst into tears and said in a timid

little voice, "Oh, it's so awful. Oh, the guns are so loud!" -- which is another way of saying "I'm so scared."

It didn't seem nearly as bad by candlelight as it did in the dark. I was shivering, as

if I had a fever, and begged

Father to relight the candle. He was adamant: there was to be no light. Suddenly we

heard a burst of machine-gun fire, and that's ten times worse than antiaircraft guns.

Mother jumped out of bed and, to Pim's great annoyance, lit the candle. Her resolute

answer to his grumbling was, "After al , Anne is not an ex-soldier!" And that was the end of that!

Have I told you any of Mrs. van D.'s other fears? I don't think so. To keep you up

to date on the latest adventures in the Secret Annex, I should tel you this as wel .

One night Mrs. van D. thought she heard loud footsteps in the attic, and she was so

afraid of burglars, she woke her husband. At that very same moment, the thieves

disappeared, and the only sound Mr. van D. could hear was the frightened pounding of

his fatalistic wife's heart. "Oh, Putti!" she cried. (Putti is Mrs. van D.'s pet name for her husband.) "They must have taken all our sausages and dried beans. And what

about Peter? Oh, do you think Peter's stil safe and sound in his bed?"

"I'm sure they haven't stolen Peter. Stop being such a ninny, and let me get back to sleep!"

Impossible. Mrs. van D. was too scared to sleep.

A few nights later the entire van Daan family was awakened by ghostly noises. Peter

went to the attic with a flashlight and -- scurry, scurry -- what do you think he

saw running away? A whole slew of enormous rats!

Once we knew who the thieves were, we let Mouschi sleep in the attic and never saw

our uninvited guests again. . . at least not at night.

A few evenings ago (it was seven-thirty and stil light), Peter went up to the loft to

get some old newspapers. He had to hold on tightly to the trapdoor to climb down the

ladder. He put down his hand without looking, and nearly fell off the ladder from

shock and pain. Without realizing it, he'd put his hand on a large rat, which had bitten him in the arm. By the time he reached us, white as a sheet and with his knees

knocking, the blood had soaked through his pajamas. No wonder he was so shaken,

since petting a rat isn't much fun, especial y when it takes a chunk out of your arm.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, MARCH 12, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

May I introduce: Mama Frank, the children's advocate! Extra butter for the youngsters,

the problems facing today's youth -- you name it, and Mother defends the younger

generation. After a skirmish or two, she always gets her way.

One of the jars of pickled tongue is spoiled. A feast for Mouschi and Boche.

You haven't met Boche yet, despite the fact that she was here before we went into

hiding. She's the warehouse and office cat, who keeps the rats at bay in the

storeroom.

Her odd, political name can easily be explained. For a while the firm Gies & Co. had two cats: one for the warehouse and one for the attic. Their paths crossed from

time to time, which invariably resulted in a fight. The warehouse cat was always the

aggressor, while the attic cat was ultimately the victor, just as in politics. So the

warehouse cat was named the German, or "Boche," and the attic cat the Englishman, or "Tommy." Sometime after that they got rid of Tommy, but Boche is always there to amuse us when we go downstairs.

VVe've eaten so many brown beans and navy beans that I can't stand to look at

them. Just thinking about them makes me sick.

Our evening serving of bread has been canceled.

Daddy just said that he's not in a very cheerful mood. His eyes look so sad again, the

poor man!

I can't tear myself away from the book A Knock at the Door by Ina Bakker Boudier.

This family saga is extremely well written, but the parts dealing with war, writers and

the emancipation of women aren't very good. To be honest, these subjects don't

interest me much.

Terrible bombing raids on Germany. Mr. van Daan is grouchy. The reason: the

cigarette shortage.

The debate about whether or not to start eating the canned food ended in our favor.

I can't wear any of my shoes, except my ski boots, which are not very practical

around the house. A pair of straw thongs that were purchased for 6.50 guilders were

worn down to the soles within a week. Maybe Miep will be able to scrounge up

something on the black market.

It's time to cut Father's hair. Pim swears that I do such a good job he'll never go to

another barber after the war. If only I didn't nick his ear so often!

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1943

My dearest Kitty,

Turkey's entered the war. Great excitement. Anxiously awaiting radio reports.

FRIDAY, MARCH 19, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

In less than an hour, joy was fol owed by disappoint ment. Turkey hasn't entered the

war yet. It was only a cabinet minister talking about Turkey giving up its neu trality

sometime soon. The newspaper vendor in Dam Square was shouting "Turkey on

England's side!" and the papers were being snatched out of his hands. This was how

we'd heard the encouraging rumor.

Thousand-guilder notes are being declared invalid. That'll be a blow to the black

marketeers and others like them, but even more to pe Ie in hiding and anyone else

with money that can't be accounted for. To turn in a thousand-guilder bil , you have

to be able to state how you came by it and provide proof. They can stil be used to

pay taxes, but only until next week. The five-hundred notes wil lapse at the same

time. Gies & Co. stil had some unaccounted-for thousand-guilder bil s, which they

used to pay their estimated taxes for the coming years, so everything seems to be

aboveboard.

Dussel has received an old-fashioned, foot-operated dentist's dril . That means I'l

probably be getting a thorough checkup soon.

Dussel is terribly lax when it comes to obeying the rules of the house. Not only does

he write letters to his Charlotte, he's also carrying on a chatty correspondence with

various other people. Margot, the Annex's Dutch teacher, has been correcting these

letters for him. Father has forbidden him to keep up the practice and Margot has

stopped correcting the letters, but I think it won't be long before he starts up again.

The Fuhrer has been talking to wounded soldiers. We listened on the radio, and it was

pathetic. The questions and answers went something like this:

"My name is Heinrich Scheppel."

"Where were you wounded?"

"Near Stalingrad."

"What kind of wound is it?"

"Two frostbitten feet and a fracture of the left arm."

This is an exact report of the hideous puppet show aired on the radio. The wounded

seemed proud of their wounds -- the more the better. One was so beside himself at

the thought of shaking hands (I presume he still had one) with the Fuhrer that he

could barely say a word.

I happened to drop Dussel's soap on the floor and step on it. Now there's a whole

piece missing. I've already asked Father to compensate him for the damages, especial y

since Dussel only gets one bar of inferior wartime soap a month.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Mother, Father, Margot and I were sitting quite pleasantly together last night when

Peter suddenly came in and whispered in Father's ear. I caught the words "a barrel

fal ing over in the warehouse" and "someone fiddling with the door."

Margot heard it too, but was trying to calm me down, since I'd turned white as chalk

and was extremely nervous. The three of us waited while Father and Peter went

downstairs. A minute or two later Mrs. van Daan came up from where she'd been

listening to the radio and told us that Pim had asked her to turn it off and tiptoe

upstairs. But you know what happens when you're trying to be quiet -- the old stairs

creaked twice as loud. Five minutes later Peter and Pim, the color drained from their

faces, appeared again to relate their experiences.

They had positioned themselves under the staircase and waited. Nothing happened.

Then al of a sudden they heard a couple of bangs, as if two doors had been

slammed shut inside the house. Pim bounded up the stairs, while Peter went to warn

Dussel, who finally pre sented himself upstairs, though not without kicking up a fuss

and making a lot of noise. Then we al tiptoed in our stockinged feet to the van Daans

on the next floor. Mr. van D. had a bad cold and had already gone to bed, so we

gathered around his bedside and discussed our suspicions in a whisper. Every time Mr.

van D. coughed loudly, Mrs. van D. and I nearly had a nervous fit. He kept coughing

until someone came up with the bright idea of giving him codeine. His cough subsided

immediately.

Once again we waited and waited, but heard nothing. Finally we came to the

conclusion that the burglars had taken to their heels when they heard footsteps in an

otherwise quiet building. The problem now was that the chairs in the private office

were neatly grouped around the radio, which was tuned to England. If the burglars

had forced the door and the air-raid wardens were to notice it and call the police,

there could be very serious repercus sions. So Mr. van Daan got up, pulled on his coat

and pants, put on his hat and cautiously fol owed Father down the stairs, with Peter

(armed with a heavy hammer, to be on the safe side) right behind him. The ladies

(including Margot and me) waited in suspense until the men returned five minutes

later and reported that there was no sign of any activity in the building. We agreed

not to run any water or flush the toilet; but since everyone's stomach was churning

from al the tension, you can imagine the stench after we'd each had a turn in the

bathroom.

Incidents like these are always accompanied by other disasters, and this was no

exception. Number one: the Westertoren bel s stopped chiming, and I'd always found

them so comforting. Number two: Mr. Voskuijl eft early last night, and we weren't

sure if he'd given Bep the key and she'd forgotten to lock the door.

But that was of little importance now. The night had just begun, and we still weren't

sure what to expect. We were somewhat reassured by the fact that between

eight-fifteen -- when the burglar had first entered the building and put our lives in

jeopardy, and ten-thirty, we hadn't heard a sound. The more we thought about it, the

less likely it seemed that a burglar would have forced a door so early in the evening,

when there were stil people out on the streets. Besides that, it occurred to us that

the warehouse manager at the Keg Company next door might stil have been at work.

What with the excitement and the

thin walls, it's easy to mistake the sounds.

Besides, your imagination often plays tricks on you in moments of danger.

So we went to bed, though not to sleep. Father and Mother and Mr. Dussel were

awake most of the night, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that I hardly got a wink

of sleep. This morning the men went downstairs to see if the outside door was stil

locked, but al was wel !

Of course, we gave the entire office staff a blow-by-blow account of the incident,

which had been far from pleasant. It's much easier to laugh at these kinds of things

after they've happened, and Bep was the only one who took us seriously.

Yours, Anne

PS. This morning the toilet was clogged, and Father had to stick in a long wooden

pole and fish out several pounds of excrement and strawberry recipes (which is what

we use for toilet paper these days). Afterward we burned the pole.

SATURDAY, MARCH 27, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

We've finished our shorthand course and are now working on improving our speed.

Aren't we smart! Let me tel you more about my "time killers" (this is what I cal my courses, because al we ever do is try to make the days go by as quickly as

possible so we are that much closer to the end of our time here). I adore mythology,

espe cial y the Greek and Roman gods. Everyone here thinks my interest is just a

passing fancy, since they've never heard of a teenager with an appreciation of

mythology. Well then, I guess I'm the first!

Mr. van Daan has a cold. Or rather, he has a scratchy throat, but he's making an

enormous to-do over it. He gargles with camomile tea, coats the roof of his mouth

with a tincture of myrrh and rubs Mentholatum over his chest, nose, gums and tongue.

And to top it off, he's in a foul mood!

Rauter, some German bigwig, recently gave a speech. "Al Jews must be out of the

German-occupied territories before July 1. The province of Utrecht will be cleansed

of Jews [as if they were cockroaches] between April 1 and May 1, and the provinces

of North and South Hol and between May 1 and June 1." These poor people are being

shipped off to filthiy slaughterhouses like a herd of sick and neglected cattle. But I'll say no more on the subject. My own thoughts give me nightmares!

One good piece of news is that the Labor Exchange was set on fire in an act of

sabotage. A few days later the County Clerk's Office also went up in flames. Men

posing as German police bound and gagged the guards and managed to destroy some

important documents.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

I'm not real y in the mood for pranks (see the date).

On the contrary, today I can safely quote the saying" Misfortunes never come singly."

First, Mr. Kleiman, our merry sunshine, had another bout of gastrointestinal

hemorrhaging yesterday and wil have to stay in bed for at least three weeks. I

should tell you that his stomach has been bothering him quite a bit, and there's no

cure. Second, Bep has the flu. Third, Mr. Voskuijl has to go to the hospital next week.

He probably has an ulcer and wil have to undergo surgery. Fourth, the managers of

Pomosin Industries came from Frankfurt to discuss the new Opekta deliveries. Father

had gone yer the important points with Mr. Kleiman, and there wasn't enough time to

give Mr. Kugler a thor ough briefing.

The gentlemen arrived from Frankfurt, and Father was already shaking at the thought

of how the talks would go. "If only I could be there, if only I were downstairs," he exclaimed.

"Go lie down with your ear to the floor. They'l be brought to the private office, and you'l be able to hear everything.'

Father's face cleared, and yesterday morning at ten-thirty Margot and Pim (two ears

are better than one) took up their posts on the floor. By noon the talks weren't

finished, but Father was in no shape to continue his listen ing campaign. He was in

agony from having to lie for hours in such an unusual and uncomfortable position. At

two-thirty we heard voices in the hall, and I took his

place; Margot kept me

company. The conversation was so long-winded and boring that I suddenly fel asleep

on the cold, hard linoleum. Margot didn't dare touch me for fear they'd hear us, and of

course she couldn't shout. I slept for a good half hour and then awoke with a start,

having forgotten every word of the important discussion. Luckily, Margot had paid

more attention.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Oh my, another item has been added to my list of sins. Last night~ was lying in bed,

waiting for Father to tuck me in an say my prayers with me, when Mother came into

the room, sat on my bed and asked very gently, "Anne, Daddy isn't ready. How about

if I listen to your prayers tonight?"

"No, Momsy," I replied.

Mother got up, stood beside my bed for a moment and then slowly walked toward the

door. Suddenly she turned, her face contorted with pain, and said, "I don't want to be angry with you. I can't make you love me!" A few tears slid down her cheeks as she

went out the door.

I lay still, thinking how mean it was of me to reject her so cruel y, but I also knew

that I was incapable of answering her any other way. I can't be a hypocrite and pray

with her when I don't feel like it. It just doesn't work that way. I felt sorry for

Mother -- very, very sorry -- because for the first time in my life I noticed she

wasn't indifferent to my coldness. I saw the sorrow in her face when she talked about

not being able to make me love her. It's hard to tel the truth, and yet the truth is

that she's the one who's rejected me. She's the one whose tactless comments and

cruel jokes about matters I don't think are funny have made me insensitive to any sign

of love on her part. Just as my heart sinks every time I hear her harsh words, that's

how her heart sank when she realized there was no more love between us.

She cried half the night and didn't get any sleep. Father has avoided looking at me,

and if his eyes do happen to cross mine, I can read his unspoken words: "How can

you be so unkind? How dare you make your mother so sad!"

Everyone expects me to apologize, but this is not something I can apologize for,

because I told the truth, and sooner or later Mothjr was bound to find out anyway. I

seem to be indifferent to Mother's tears and Father's glances, and I am, because both

of them are now feeling what I've always felt. I can only feel sorry for Mother, who

will have to figure out what her attitude should be al by herself. For my part, I wil

continue to remain silent and aloof, and I don't intend to shrink from the truth,

because the longer it's postponed, the harder it wil be for them to accept it when

they do hear it!

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, APRIL 27, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

The house is still trembling from the aftereffects of the quarrels. Everyone is mad at

everyone else: Mother and I, Mr. van Daan and Father, Mother and Mrs. van D.

Terrific atmosphere, don't you think? Once again Anne's usual list of shortcomings has

been extensively aired.

Our German visitors were back last Saturday. They stayed until six. We al sat

upstairs, not daring to move an inch. If there's no one else working in the building or

in the neighborhood, you can hear every single step in the private office. I've got

ants in my pants again from having to sit stil so long.

Mr. Voskuijl has been hospitalized, but Mr. Kleiman's back at the office. His stomach

stopped bleeding sooner than it normal y does. He told us that the County Clerk's

Office took an extra beating because the firemen flooded the entire building instead of

just putting out the fire. That does my heart good!

The Carlton Hotel has been destroyed. Two British planes loaded with firebombs

landed right on top of the

German Officers' Club. The entire corner of Vijzelstraat and Singel has gone up in

flames. The number of air strikes on German cities is increasing daily. We haven't had

a good night's rest in ages, and I have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep.

Our food is terrible. Breakfast consists of plain, unbuttered brea and ersatz coffee. For the last two weeks lunch has been e. spinach or cooked lettuce with huge potatoes

that have a rotten, sweetish taste. If you're trying to diet, the Annex is the place to

be! Upstairs they complain bitterly, but we don't think it's such a tragedy.

Al the Dutch men who either fought or were mobilized in 1940 have been cal ed up

to work in prisoner-of-war camps. I bet they're taking this precaution because of the

invasion!

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, MAY 1, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Yesterday was Dussel's birthday. At first he acted as if he didn't want to celebrate it, but when Miep arrived with a large shopping bag overflowing with gifts, he was as

excited as a little kid. His darling' 'Lotje" has sent him eggs, butter, cookies,

lemonade, bread, cognac, spice cake, flowers, oranges, chocolate, books and writing

paper. He piled his presents on a table and displayed them for no fewer than three

days, the sil y old goat!

You mustn't get the idea that he's starving. We found bread, cheese, jam and eggs in

his cupboard. It's absolutely disgraceful that Dussel, whom we've treated with such

kindness and whom we took in to save from destruction, should stuff himself behind

our backs and not give us anything. After al , we've shared all we had with him! But

what's worse, in our opinion, is that he's so stingy with respect to Mr. Kleiman, Mr.

Voskuijl and Bep. He doesn't give them a thing. In Dussel's view the oranges that

Kleiman so badly needs for his sick stomach will benefit his own stomach even more.

Tonight the guns have been banging away so much that I've already had to gather up

my belongings four times. Today I packed a suitcase Wl f;the stuff I'd need in case

we had to flee, but as M ther correctly noted,

"Where would you go?"

Al of Holland is being punishe or the workers' strikes. Martial law has been declared,

and everyone is going to get one less butter coupon. What naughty children.

I washed Mother's hair this evening, which is no easy task these days. We have to

use a very sticky liquid cleanser because there's no more shampoo. Besides that,

Moms had a hard time combing her hair because the family comb has only ten teeth

left.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, MAY 2, 1943

When I think about our lives here, I usual y come to the conclusion that we live in a

paradise compared to the Jews who aren't in hiding. All the same, later on, when

everything has returned to normal, I'l probably wonder how we, who always lived in

such comfortable circumstances, could have "sunk" so low. With respect to manners, I mean. For example, the same oilcloth has covered the dining table ever since we've

been here. After so much use, it's hardly what you'd cal spotless. I do my best to

clean it, but since the dishcloth was also purchased before we went into hiding and

consists of more holes than cloth, it's a thankless task. The van Daans have been

sleeping al winter long on the same flannel sheet, which can't be washed because

detergent is rationed and in short supply. Besides, it's of such poor quality that it's

practical y useless. Father is walking around in frayed trousers, and his tie is also

showing signs of wear and tear. Mama's corset snapped today and is beyond repair,

while Margot is wearing a bra that's two sizes too smal , Mother and Margot have

shared the same three undershorts the entire winter, and mine are so small they don't

even cover my stomach. These are all things that can be overcome, but I sometimes

wonder: how can we, whose every possession, from my underpants to Father's shaving

brush, is so old and worn, ever hope to regain the position we had before the war?

SUNDAY, MAY 2, 1943

The Attitude of the Annex Residents Toward the War

Mr. van Daan. In the opinion of us all, this revered gentleman has great insight into

politics. Nevertheless, he predicts we'l have to stay here until the end of '43. That's

a very long time, and yet it's possible to hold out until then. But who can assure us

that this war, which has caused nothing but pain and sorrow, wil then be over? And

that nothing will have happened to us and our helpers long before that time? No one!

That's why each and every day is fil ed with tension. Expectation and hope generate

tension, as does fear -- for example, when we hear a noise inside or outside the

house, when the guns go off or when we read new "proclamations" in the paper, since we're afraid our helpers might be forced to go into hiding themselves sometime. These

days everyone is talking about having to hide. We don't know how many people are

actually in hiding; of course, the number is relatively smal compared to the general

population, but later on we'l no doubt be astonished at how many good people in

Hol and were wil ing to take Jews and Christians, with or without money, into their

homes. There're also an unbelievable number of people with false identity papers.

Mrs. van Daan. When this beautiful damsel (by her own account) heard that it was

getting easier these days to obtain false IDs, she immediately proposed that we each

have one made. As if there were nothing to it, as if Father and Mr. van Daan were

made of money.

Mrs. van Daan is always sating the most ridiculous things, and her Putti is often

exasperated. But that's not surprising, because one day Kerli announces, "When this is al over, I'm going to have myself baptized"; and the next, "As long as I can remember, I've wanted to go to Jerusalem. I only feel at home with other jews!"

Pim is a big optimist, but he always has his reasons.

Mr. Dussel makes up everything as he goes along, and anyone wishing to contradict

His Majesty had better think twice. In Alfred Dussel's home his word is law, but that

doesn't suit Anne Frank in the least.

What the other members of the Annex family think about the war doesn't matter.

When it comes to politics, these four are the only ones who count. Actually, only two

of them do, but Madame van Daan and Dussel include themselves as wel .

TUESDAY, MAY 18, 1943

Dearest Kit,

I recently witnessed a fierce dogfight between German and English pilots.

Unfortunately, a couple of Al ied airmen had to jump out of their burning plane. Our

milkman, who lives in Halfweg, saw four Canadians sitting along the side of the road,

and one of them spoke fluent Dutch. He asked the milkman if he had a light for his

cigarette, and then told him the crew had consisted of six men. The pilot had been

burned to death, and the fifth crew member had hidden himself somewhere. The

German Security Police came to pick up the four remaining men, none of whom were

injured. After parachuting out of a flaming plane, how can anyone have such presence

of mind?

Although it's undeniably hot, we have to light a fire every other day to burn our

vegetable peelings and garbage. We can't throw anything into trash cans, because the

warehouse employees might see it. One small act of carelessness and we're done for!

Al col ege students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect that

they "sympathize with the Germans and approve of the New Order." Eighty percent have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty wil be severe.

Any student refusing to sign wil be sent to a German labor camp. What's to become

of the youth of our country if they've al got to do hard labor in Germany?

Last night the guns were making so much noise that Mother shut the window; I was

in Pim's bed. Suddenly, right above our heads, we heard Mrs. van D. leap up, as if

she'd been bitten by Mouschi. This was fol owed by a loud boom, which sounded as if

a firebomb had landed beside my bed. "Lights! Lights!" I screamed.

Pim switched on the lamp. I expected the room to burst into flames any minute.

Nothing happened. We all rushed upstairs to see what was going on. Mr. and Mrs. van

D. had seen a red glow through the open window, and he thought there was a fire

nearby, while she was certain our house was ablaze. Mrs. van D. was already standing

beside her bed with her knees knocking when the boom came. Dussel stayed upstairs

to smoke a cigarette, and we crawled back into bed. Less than fifteen minutes later

the shooting started again. Mrs. van D. sprang out of bed and went downstairs to

Dussel' s room to seek the comfort she was unable to find with her spouse. Dussel

welcomed her with the words "Come into my bed, my child!"

We burst into peals of laughter, and the roar of the guns bothered us no more; our

fears had al been swept away.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, JUNE 13, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

The poem Father composed for my birthday is too nice to keep to myself.

Since Pim writes his verses only in German, Margot volunteered to translate it into

Dutch. See for yourself whether Margot hasn't done herself proud. It begins with the

usual summary of the year's events and then continues:

As youngest among us, but small no more,

Your life can be trying, for we have the chore

Of becoming your teachers, a terrible bore.

"We've got experience! Take it from me!"

"We've done this al before, you see.

We know the ropes, we know the same."

Since time immemorial, always the same.

One's own shortcomings are nothing but fluff,

But everyone else's are heavier stuff:

Faultfinding comes easy when this is our plight,

But it's hard for your parents, try as they might,

To treat you with fairness, and kindness as wel ;

Nitpicking's a habit that's hard to dispel.

Men you're living with old folks, al you can do

Is put up with their nagging -- it's hard but it's true.

The pil may be bitter, but down it must go,

For it's meant to keep the peace, you know.

The many months here have not been in vain,

Since wasting time noes against your Brain.

You read and study nearly al the day,

Determined to chase the boredom away.

The more difficult question, much harder to bear,

Is "What on earth do I have to wear?

I've got no more panties, my clothes are too tight,

My shirt is a loincloth, I'm real y a siaht!

To put on my shoes I must off my toes,

Dh dear, I'm plagued with so many woes!"

Margot had trouble getting the part about food to rhyme, so I'm leaving it out. But

aside from that, don't you think it's a good poem?

For the rest, I've been thoroughly spoiled and have received a number of lovely

presents, including a big book on my favorite subject, Greek and Roman mythology.

Nor can I complain about the lack of candy; everyone had dipped into their last

reserves. As the Benjamin of the Annex, I got more than I deserve.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, JUNE 15, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Heaps of things have happened, but I often think I'm boring you with my dreary

chitchat and that you'd just as soon have fewer letters. So I'l keep the news brief.

Mr. Voskuijl wasn't operated on for his ulcer after all. Once the doctors had him on

the operating table and opened him up, they saw that he had cancer. It was in such an

advanced stage that an operation was pointless. So they stitched him up again, kept

him in the hospital for three weeks, fed him wel and sent him back home. But they

made an unforgivable error: they told the poor man exactly what was in store for him.

He can't work anymore, and he's just sitting at home, surrounded by his eight children,

brooding about his approaching death. I feel very sorry for him and hate not being able

to go out; otherwise, I'd visit him as often as I could and help take his mind off

matters. Now the good man can no longer let us know what's being said and done in

the warehouse, which is a disaster for us. Mr. Voskuijl was our greatest source of

help and suppor when it came to safety measures. We miss him very much.

Next month it's our turn to hand over our radio to the authorities. Mr. Kleiman has a

smal set hidden in his home that he's giving us to replace our beautiful cabinet radio.

It's a pity we have to turn in our big Philips, but when you're in hiding, you can't

afford to bring the authorities down on your heads. Of course, we'l put the "baby"

radio upstairs. What's a clandestine radio when there are already clandestine Jews and

clandestine money?

Al over the country people are trying to get hold of an old radio that they can hand

over instead of their "morale booster." It's true: as the reports from outside grow worse and worse, the radio, with its wondrous voice, helps us not to lose heart and to

keep tel ing ourselves, "Cheer up, keep your spirits high, things are bound to get

better!"

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, JULY 11, 1943

Dear Kitty,

To get back to the subject of child-rearing (for the umpteenth time), let me tel you

that I'm doing my best to be helpful, friendly and kind and to do all I can to keep the

rain of rebukes down to a light drizzle. It's not easy trying to behave like a model

child with people you can't stand, especial y when you don't mean a word of it. But I

can see that a little hypocrisy gets me a lot further than myoid method of saying

exactly what I think (even though no one ever asks my opinion or cares one way or

another). Of course, I often forget my role and find it impossible to curb my anger

when they're unfair, so that they spend the next month saying the most impertinent

girl in the world. Don't you think I'm to be pitied sometimes? It's a good thing I'm not the grouchy type, because then I might become sour and bad-tempered. I can usual y

see the humorous side of their scoldings, but it's easier when somebody else is being

raked over the coals.

Further, I've decided (after a great deal of thought) to drop the shorthand. First, so

that I have more time for my other subjects, and second, because of my eyes. That's

a sad story. I've become very nearsighted and should have had glasses ages ago.

(Ugh, won't I look like a dope!). But as you know, people in hiding can't. . .

Yesterday all anyone here could talk about was Anne's eyes, because Mother had

suggested I go to the ophthalmologist with Mrs. Kleiman. Just hearing this made my

knees weak, since it's no small matter. Going outside! Just think of it, walking down

the street! I can't imagine it. I was petrified at first, and then glad. But it's not as simple as al that; the various authorities who had to approve such a step were unable

to reach a quick decision. They first had to careful y weigh al the difficulties and

risks, though Miep was ready to set off immediately with me in tow. In the meantime,

I'd taken my gray coat from the closet, but it was so smal it looked as if it might

have belonged to my little sister. We lowered the hem, but I stil couldn't button it.

I'm really curious to see what they decide, only I don't think they'll ever work out a

plan, because the British have landed in Sicily and Father's all set for a "quick finish."

Bep's been giving Margot and me a lot of office work to do. It makes us both feel

important, and it's a big help to her. Anyone can file letters and make entries in a

sales book, but we do it with remarkable accuracy.

Miep has so much to carry she looks like a pack mule. She goes forth nearly every

day to scrounge up vegetables, and then bicycles back with her purchases in large

shopping bags. She's also the one who brings five library books with her every

Saturday. We long for Saturdays because that means books. We're like a bunch of

little kids with a present. Ordinary people don't know how much books can mean to

someone who's cooped up.

Our only diversions are reading, studying and listening to the radio.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, JULY 13, 1943

The Best Little Table

Yesterday afternoon Father gave me permission to ask Mr. Dussel whether he would

please be so good as to allow me (see how polite I am?) to use the table in our room

two afternoons a week, from four to five-thirty. I already sit there every day from

two-thirty to four while Dussel takes a nap, but the rest of the time the room and

the table are off-limits to me. It's impossible to study next door in the afternoon,

because there's too much going on. Besides, Father sometimes likes to sit at the desk

during the afternoon.

So it seemed like a reasonable request, and I asked Dussel very politely. What do you

think the learned gentleman's reply was? "No." Just plain "No!"

I was incensed and wasn't about to let myself be put off like that. I asked him the

reason for his "No," but this didn't get me anywhere. The gist of his reply was: "I have to study too, you know, and if I can't do that in the afternoons, I won't be able

to fit it in at al . I have to finish the task I've set for myself; otherwise, there's no point in starting. Besides, you aren't serious about your studies. Mythology -- what

kind of work is that? Reading and knitting don't count either. I use that table and I'm

not going to give it up!"

I replied, "Mr. Dussel, I do take my wsork seriously. I can't study next door in the afternoons, and I would appreciate it if you would reconsider my request!"

Having said these words, the insulted Anne turned around and pretended the learned

doctor wasn't there. I was seething with rage and felt that Dussel had been incredibly

rude (which he certainly had been) and that I'd been very polite.

That evening, when I managed to get hold of Pim, I told him what had happened and

we discussed what my next step should be, because I had no intention of giving up

and preferred to deal with the matter myself. Pim gave me a rough idea of how to

approach Dussel, but cautioned me to wait until the next day, since I was in such a

flap. I ignored this last piece of advice and waited for Dussel after the dishes had

been done. Pim was sitting next door and that had a calming effect.

I began, "Mr. Dussel, you seem to believe further discussion of the matter is

pointless, but I beg you to reconsider."

Dussel gave me his most charming smile and said, "I'm always prepared to discuss the matter, even though it's already been settled."

I went on talking, despite Dussel's repeated interruptions. When you first came here,"

I said, "we agreed that the room was to be shared by the two of us. If we were to

divide it fairly, you'd have the entire morning and I'd have the entire afternoon! I'm

not asking for that much, but two afternoons a week does seem reasonable to me."

Dussel leapt out of his chair as if he'd sat on a pin. "You have no business talking about your rights to the room. Where am I supposed to go? Maybe I should ask Mr.

van Daan to build me a cubbyhole in the attic. You're not the only one who can't find

a quiet place to work. You're always looking for a fight. If your sister Margot, who

has more right to work space than you do, had come to me with the same request, I'd

never even have thought of refusing, but you. . ."

And once again he brought up the business about the mythology and the knitting, and

once again Anne was insulted. However, I showed no sign of it and let Dussel finish:

"But no, it's impossible to talk to you. You're shamefully self-centered. No one else matters, as long as you get your way. I've never seen such a child. But after al is

said and done, I'l be obliged to let you have your way, since I don't want people

saying later on that Anne Frank failed her exams because Mr. Dussel refused to

relinquish his table!"

He went on and on until there was such a deluge of words I could hardly keep up.

For one fleeting moment I thought, "Him and his lies. I'l smack his ugly mug so hard he'l go bouncing off the wal !" But the next moment I thought, "Calm down, he's not worth getting so upset about!"

At long last Mr. Dussel' s fury was spent, and he left the room with an expression of

triumph mixed with wrath, his coat pockets bulging with food.

I went running over to Father and recounted the entire story, or at least those parts

he hadn't been able to follow himself. rim decided to talk to Dussel that very same

evening, and they spoke for more than half an hour.

They first discussed whether Anne should be allowed to use the table, yes or no.

Father said that he and Dussel had dealt with the subject once before, at which time

he'd professed to agree with Dussel because he didn't want to contradict the elder in

front of the younger, but that, even then, he hadn't thought it was fair. Dussel felt I

had no right to talk as if he were an intruder laying claim to everything in sight. But

Father protested strongly, since he himself had heard me say nothing of the kind. And

so the conversation went back and forth, with Father defending my "selfishness" and my "busywork" and Dussel grumbling the whole time.

Dussel final y had to give in, and I was granted the opportunity to work without

interruption two afternoons a week. Dussel looked very sul en, didn't speak to me for

two days and made sure he occupied the table from five to five-thirty -- al very

childish, of course.

Anyone who's so petty and pedantic at the age of fifty-four was born that way and is

never going to change.

FRIDAY, JULY 16, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

There's been another break-in, but this time a real one! Peter went down to the

warehouse this morning at seven, as usual, and noticed at once that both the

warehouse door and the street door were open. He immediately reported this to Pim,

who went to the private office, tuned the radio to a German station and locked the

door. Then they both went back upstairs. In such cases our orders are not to wash

ourselves or run any water, to be quiet, to be dressed by eight and not to go to the

bathroom," and as usual we followed these to the letter. We were al glad we'd slept so well and hadn't heard anything. For a while we were indignant because no one from

the office came upstairs the entire morning; Mr. Kleiman left us on tenterhooks until

eleven-thirty. He told that the burglars had forced the outside door and the warehouse

door with a crowbar, but when they didn't find anything worth stealing, they tried

their luck on the next floor. They stole two cashboxes containing 40 guilders, blank

checkbooks and, worst of al , coupons for 330 pounds of sugar, our entire al otment. It

won't be easy to wangle new ones.

Mr. Kugler thinks this burglar belongs to the same gang as the one who made an

unsuccessful attempt six weeks ago to open al three doors (the warehouse door and

the two outside doors).

The burglary caused another stir, but the Annex seems to thrive on excitement.

Natural y, we were glad the cash register and the typewriters had been safely tucked

away in our clothes closet.

Yours, Anne

PS. Landing in Sicily. Another step closer to the . . . !

MONDAY, JULY 19,1943

Dearest Kitty,

North Amsterdam was very heavily bombed on Sunday. There was apparently a great

deal of destruction. Entire streets are in ruins, and it wil take a while for them to dig out al the bodies. So far there have been two hundred dead and countless wounded;

the hospitals are bursting at the seams. We've been told of children searching forlornly in the smoldering ruins for their dead parents. It stil makes me shiver to think of the

dul , distant drone that signified the approaching destruction.

FRIDAY, JULY 23, 1943

Bep is currently able to get hold of notebooks, especially journals and ledgers, useful

for my bookkeeping sister! Other kinds are for sale as wel , but don't ask what they're

like or how long they'l last. At the moment \ they're all labeled "No Coupons

Needed!" Like everything else you can purchase without ration stamps, they're i totally worthless. They consist of twelve sheets of gray I paper with narrow lines that slant

across the page. Margot is thinking about taking a course in calligraphy; I've advised

her to go ahead and do it. Mother won't let me because of my eyes, but I think that's

sil y. Whether I do I that or something else, it all comes down to the same I thing.

Since you've never been through a war, Kitty, and since you know very little about

life in hiding, in spite of my letters, let me tel you, just for fun, what we each want

to do first when we're able to go outside again.

Margot and Mr. van Daan wish, above al else, to have a hot bath, filled to the brim,

which they can lie in for more than half an hour. Mrs. van Daan would like a cake,

Dussel can think of nothing but seeing his Charlotte, and Mother is dying for a cup of

real coffee. Father would like to visit Mr. Voskuijl, Peter would go downtown, and as

for me, I'd be so overjoyed I wouldn't know where to begin.

Most of al I long to have a home of our own, to be able to move around freely and

have someone help me with my homework again, at last. In other words, to go back to

school!

Bep has offered to get us some fruit, at so-cal ed bargain prices: grapes 2.50 guilders

a pound, gooseberries 70 cents a pound, one peach 50 cents, melons 75 cents a

pound. No wonder the papers write every evening in big, fat letters: "Keep Prices

Down!"

MONDAY, JULY 26, 1943

Dear Kitty,

Yesterday was a very tumultuous day, and we're stil al wound up. Actual y, you may

wonder if there's ever a day that passes without some kind of excitement.

The first warning siren went off in the morning while we were at breakfast, but we

paid no attention, because it only meant that the planes were crossing the coast. I had

a terrible headache, so I lay down for an hour after breakfast and then went to the

office at around two.

At two-thirty Margot had finished her office work and was just gathering her things

together when the sirens began wailing again. So she and I trooped back upstairs.

None too soon, it seems, for less than five minutes later the guns were booming so

loudly that we went and stood in the hal . The house shook and the bombs kept

fal ing. I was clutching my "escape bag," more because I wanted to have something to hold on to than because I wanted to run away. I know we can't leave here, but if we

had to, being seen on the streets would be just as dangerous as getting caught in an

air raid. After half an hour the drone of engines faded and the house began to hum

with activity again. Peter emerged from his lookout post in the front attic, Dussel

remained in the front office, Mrs. van D. felt safest in the private office, Mr. van

Daan had been watching from the loft, and those of us on the landing spread out to

watch the columns of smoke rising from the harbor. Before long the smel of fire was

everywhere, and outside it looked as if the city were enveloped in a thick fog.

A big fire like that is not a pleasant sight, but fortunately for us it was all over, and we went baCk to our various chores. Just as we were starting dinner: another air-raid

alarm. The food was good, but I lost my appetite the moment I heard the siren.

Nothing happened, however, and forty-five minutes later the al clear was sounded.

After the dishes had been washed: another air-raid warning, gunfire and swarms of

planes. "Oh, gosh, twice in one day," we thought, "that's twice in one day," we thought, "that's twice too many." Little good that did us, because once agai the bombs rained down, this time on the others of the city. According to British reports, Schiphol Airport was bombed. The planes dived and climbed, the air was abuzz with the drone

of engines. It was very scary, and the whole time I kept thinking, "Here it comes, this is it."

I can assure you that when I went to bed at nine, my legs were stil shaking. At the

stroke of midnight I woke up again: more planes! Dussel was undressing, but I took

no notice and leapt up, wide awake, at the sound of the first shot. I stayed in Father's bed until one, in my own bed until one-thirty, and was back in Father's bed at two.

But the planes kept on coming. At last they stopped firing and I was able to go back

"home" again. I finally fel asleep at half past two.

Seven o'clock. I awoke with a start and sat up in bed. Mr. van Daan was with Father.

My first thought was: burglars. "Everything," I heard Mr. van Daan say, and I thought everything had been stolen. But no, this time it was wonderful news, the best we've

had in months, maybe even since the war began. Mussolini has resigned and the King

of Italy has taken over the government.

We jumped for joy. After the awful events of yesterday, finally something good

happens and brings us. . . hope! Hope for an end to the war, hope for peace.

Mr. Kugler dropped by and told us that the Fokker aircraft factory had been hit hard.

Meanwhile, there was another air-raid alarm this morning, with planes flying over, and

another warning siren. I've had it up to here with alarms. I've hardly slept, and the

last thing I want to do is work. But now the suspense about Italy and the hope that

the war will be over by the end of the year are keeping us awake. .

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, JULY 29, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Mrs. van Daan, Dussel and I were doing the dishes, and I was extremely quiet. This

is very unusual for me and they were sure to notice, so in order to avoid any

questions, I quickly racked my brains for a neutral topic. I thought the book Henry

from Across the Street might fit the bill, but I couldn't have been more wrong; if Mrs.

van Daan doesn't jump down my throat, Mr. Dussel does. It al boiled down to this:

Mr. Dussel had recommended the book to Margot and me as an example of excel ent

writing. We thought it was anything but that. The little boy had been portrayed well,

but as for the rest. . . the less said the better. I mentioned something to that effect

while we were doing the dishes, and Dussel launched into a veritable tirade.

"How can you possibly understand the psychology of a man? That of a child isn't so

difficult [!]. But you're far too young to read a book like that. Even a

twenty-year-old man would be unable to comprehend it." (So why did he go out of

his way to recommend it to Margot and me?)

Mrs. van D. and Dussel continued their harangue: "You know way too much about

things you're not supposed to. You've been brought up al wrong. Later on, when

you're older, you won't be able to enjoy anything anymore. You'll say, 'Oh, I read that

twenty years ago in some book.' You'd better hurry if you want to catch a husband or

fal in love, since everything is bound to be a disappointment to you. You already

know all there is to know in theory. But in practice? That's another story!"

Can you imagine how I felt? I astonished myself by calmly replying, "You may think I haven't been raised properly, but many people would disagree!"

They apparently believe that good child-rearing includes trying to pit me against my

parents, since that's al they ever do. And not telling a girl my age about grown-up

subjects is fine. We can al see what happens when. people are raised that way.

At that moment I could have slapped them both for poking fun at me. I was beside

myself with rage, and if I only knew how much longer we had to put up with each

other's company, I'd start counting the days.

Mrs. van Daan's a fine one to talk! She sets an example all right -- a bad one!

She's known to be exceedingly pushy, egotistical, cunning, calculating and perpetual y

dissatisfied. Add to that, vanity and coquettishness and there's no question about it:

she's a thoroughly despicable person. I could write an entire book about Madame van

Daan, and who knows, maybe someday I wil . Anyone can put on a charming exterior

when they want to. Mrs. van D. is friendly to strangers, especial y men, so it's easy

to make a mistake when you first get to know her.

Mother thinks that Mrs. van D. is too stupid for words, Margot that she's too

unimportant, Pim that she's too ugly (literal y and figuratively!), and after long

observation (I'm never prejudiced at the beginning), I've come to the conclusion that

she's al three of the above, and lots more besides. She has so many bad traits, why

should I single out just one of them?

Yours, Anne

P.S. Will the reader please take into consideration that this story was written before

the writer's fury had cooled?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 3, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Things are going wel on the political front. Italy has banned the Fascist Party. The

people are fighting the Fascists in many places -- even the army has joined the

fight. How can a country like that continue to wage war against England?

Our beautiful radio was taken away last week. Dussel was very angry at Mr. Kugler

for turning it in on the appointed day. Dussel is slipping lower and lower in my

estimation, and he's already below zero. hatever he says about politics, history,

geography or ything else is so ridiculous that I hardly dare repeat it: Hitler wil fade

from history; the harbor in Rotterdam is bigger than the one in Hamburg; the English

are idiots for not taking the opportunity to bomb Italy to smithereens; etc., etc.

We just had a third air raid. I decided to grit my teeth and practice being courageous.

Mrs. van Daan, the one who always said "Let them fall" and "Better to end with a bang than not to end at al ," is the most cowardly one among us. She was shaking like a leaf this morning and even burst into tears. She was comforted by her husband, with

whom she recently declared a truce after a week of squabbling; I nearly got

sentimental at the sight.

Mouschi has now proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that having a cat has

disadvantages as wel as advantages. The whole house is crawling with fleas, and it's

getting worse each day. Mr. Kleiman sprinkled yel ow powder in every nook and

cranny, but the fleas haven't taken the slightest notice. It's making us all very jittery; we're forever imagining a bite on our arms and legs or other parts of our bodies, so

we leap up and do a few exercises, since it gives us an excuse to take a better look

at our arms or necks. But now we're paying the price for having had so little physical

exercise; we're so stiff we can hardly turn our heads. The real calisthenics fell by the wayside long ago.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4,1943

Dearest Kitty,

Now that we've been in hiding for a little over a year, you know a great deal about

our lives. Stil , I can't possibly tel you everything, since it's all so different compared to ordinary times and ordinary people. Nevertheless, to give you a closer look into our

lives, from time to time I'l describe part of an ordinary day. I'll start with the

evening and night.

Nine in the evening. Bedtime always begins in the Annex with an enormous hustle and

bustle. Chairs are shifted, beds pul ed out, blankets unfolded -- nothing stays where

it is during the daytime. I sleep on a small divan, which is only five feet long, so we

have to add a few chairs to make it longer. Comforter, sheets, pil ows, blankets:

everything has to be removed from Dussel' s bed, where it's kept during the day.

In the next room there's a terrible creaking: that's Margot's folding bed being set up.

More blankets and pil ows, anything to make the wooden slats a bit more comfortable.

Upstairs it sounds like thunder, but it's only Mrs. van D.'s bed being shoved against

the window so that Her Majesty, arrayed in her pink bed jacket, can sniff the night air

through her delicate little nostrils.

Nine o'clock. After Peter's finished, it's my turn for the bathroom. I wash myself from

head to toe, and more often than not I find a tiny flea floating in the sink (only

during the hot months, weeks or days). I brush my teeth, curl my hair, manicure my

nails and dab peroxide on my upper lip to bleach the black hairs -- all this in less

than half an hour.

Nine-thirty. I throw on my bathrobe. With soap in one hand, and potty, hairpins,

panties, curlers and a wad of cotton in the other, I hurry out of the bathroom. The

next in line invariably cal s me back to remove the graceful y curved but unsightly

hairs that I've left in the sink.

Ten o'clock. Time to put up the blackout screen and say good-night. For the next

fifteen minutes, at least, the house is fil ed with the creaking of beds and the sigh of broken springs, and then, provided our upstairs neighbors aren't having a marital spat

in bed, al is quiet.

Eleven-thirty. The bathroom door creaks. A narrow strip of light falls into the room.

Squeaking shoes, a large coat, even larger than the man inside it . . . Dussel is

returning from his nightly work in Mr. Kugler's office. I hear him shuffiing back and

forth for ten whole minutes, the rustle of paper (from the food he's tucking away in

his cupboard) and the bed being made up. Then the figure disappears again, and the

only sound is the occasional suspicious noise from the bathroom.

Approximately three o'clock. I have to get up to use the tin can under my bed, which,

to be on the safe side, has a rubber mat underneath in case of leaks. I always hold

my breath while I go, since it clatters into the can like a brook down a mountainside.

The potty is returned to its place, and the figure in the white nightgown (the one that

causes Margot to exclaim every evening, "Oh, that indecent nighty!") climbs back into bed. A certain somebody lies awake for about fifteen minutes, listening to the sounds

of the night. In the first place, to hear whether there are any burglars downstairs, and then to the various beds -- upstairs, next door and in my room -- to tell whether

the others are asleep or half awake. This is no fun, especial y when it concerns a

member of the family named Dr. Dussel. First, there's the sound of a fish gasping for

air, and this is repeated nine or ten times. Then, the lips are moistened profusely.

This is alternated with little smacking sounds, fol owed by a long period of tossing and turning and rearranging the pil ows. After five minutes of perfect quiet, the same

sequence repeats itself three more times, after which he's presumably lul ed himself

back to sleep for a while.

Sometimes the guns go off during the night, between one and four. I'm never aware of

it before it happens, but all of a sudden I find myself standing beside my bed, out of

sheer habit. Occasional y I'm dreaming so deeply (of irregular French verbs or a

quarrel upstairs) that I realize only when my dream is over that the shooting has

stopped and that I've remained quietly in my room. But usual y I wake up. Then I

grab a pillow and a handkerchief, throw on my robe and slippers and dash next door

to Father, just the way Margot described in this birthday poem:

When shots rino out in the dark of night,

The door creaks open and into sight

Come a hanky, a pil ow, a figure in white. . .

Once I've reached the big bed, the worst is over, except when the shooting is extra

loud.

Six forty-five. Brrring . . . the alarm clock, which raises its shrill voice at any hour of the day or night, whether you want it to or not. Creak. . . wham. . . Mrs. van D.

turns it off. Screak . . . Mr. van D. gets up, puts on the water and races to the

bathroom.

Seven-fifteen. The door creaks again. Dussel can go to the bathroom. Alone at last, I

remove the blackout screen . . . and a new day begins in the Annex.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Today let's talk about the lunch break.

It's twelve-thirty. The whole gang breathes a sigh of relief: Mr. van Maaren, the man

with the shady past, and

Mr. de Kok have gone home for lunch.

Upstairs you can hear the thud of the vacuum cleaner on Mrs. van D.'s beautiful and

only rug. Margot tucks a few books under her arm and heads for the class for "slow

learners," which is what Dussel seems to be. Pim goes and sits in a corner with his constant companion, Dickens, in hopes of finding a bit of peace and quiet. Mother

hastens upstairs to help the busy little housewife, and I tidy up both the bathroom and

myself at the same time.

Twelve forty-five. One by one they trickle in: first Mr.

Gies and then either Mr. Kleiman or Mr. Kugler, followed by Bep and sometimes even

Miep.

One. Clustered around the radio, they al listen raptly to the BBC. This is the only

time the members of the Annex family don't interrupt each other, since even Mr. van

Daan can't argue with the speaker.

One-fifteen. Food distribution. Everyone from downstairs gets a cup of soup, plus

dessert, if there happens to be any. A contented Mr. Gies sits on the divan or leans

against the desk with his newspaper, cup and usual y the cat at his side. If one of the

three is missing, he doesn't hesitate to let his protest be heard. Mr. Kleiman relates

the latest news from town, and he's an excel ent source. Mr. Kugler hurries up the

stairs, gives a short but solid knock on the door and comes in either wringing his

hands or rubbing them in glee, depending on whether he's quiet and in a bad mood or

talkative and in a good mood.

One forty-five. Everyone rises from the table and goes about their business. Margot

and Mother do the dishes, Mr. and Mrs. van D. head for the divan, Peter for the attic,

Father for his divan, Dussel too, and Anne does her homework.

What comes next is the quietest hour of the day; when they're all asleep, there are

no disturbances. To judge by his face, Dussel is dreaming of food. But I don't look at

him long, because the time whizzes by and before you know it, it'l be 4 P.M. and the

pedantic Dr. Dussel will be standing with the clock in his hand because I'm one minute

,late clearing off the table.

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

A few weeks ago I started writing a story, something I made up from beginning to

end, and I've enjoyed it so much that the products of my pen are piling up.

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

We now continue with a typical day in the Annex. Since we've already had lunch, it's

time to describe dinner.

Mr. van Daan. Is served first, and takes a generous portion of whatever he likes.

Usual y joins in the conversation, never fails to give his opinion. Once he's spoken, his word is final. If anyone dares to suggest otherwise, Mr. van D. can put up a good

fight. Oh, he can hiss like a cat. . . but I'd rather he didn't. Once you've seen it, you never want to see it again. His opinion is the best, he knows the most about

everything. Granted, the man has a good head on his shoulders, but it's swelled to no

smal degree.

Madame. Actual y, the best thing would be to say nothing. Some days, especial y when

a foul mood is on the way, her face is hard to read. If you analyze the discussions,

you realize she's not the subject, but the guilty party! A fact everyone prefers to

ignore. Even so, you could cal her the instigator. Stirring up trouble, now that's what

Mrs. van Daan cal s fun. Stirring up trouble between Mrs. Frank and Anne. Margot and

Mr. Frank aren t qwte as easy.

But let's return to the table. Mrs. van D. may think she doesn't always get enough,

but that's not the case. The choicest potatoes, the tastiest morsel, the tenderest bit of whatever there is, that's Madame's motto. The others can al have their turn, as long

as I get the best. (Exactly what she accuses Anne Frank of doing.) Her second

watchword is: keep talking. As long as somebody's listening, it doesn't seem to occur

to her to wonder whether they're interested. She must think that whatever Mrs. van

Daan says wil interest everyone.

Smile coquettishly, pretend you know everything, offer everyone a piece of advice and

mother them -- that's sure to make a good impression. But if you take a better look,

the good impression fades. One, she's hardworking; two, cheerful; three, coquettish --

and sometimes a cute face. That's Petronella van Daan.

The third diner. Says very little. Young Mr. van Daan is usual y quiet and hardly

makes his presence known. As far as his appetite is concerned, he's a Danaldean

vessel that never gets full. Even after the most substantial meal, he can look you

calmly in the eye and claim he could have eaten twice as much.

Number four -- Margot. Eats like a bird and doesn't talk at al . She eats only

vegetables and fruit. "Spoiled," in the opinion of the van Daans. "Too little exercise and fresh air," in ours.

Beside her -- Mama. Has a hearty appetite, does her share of the talking. No one

has the impression, as they do with Mrs. van Daan, that this is a housewife. What's

the difference between the two? Wel , Mrs. van D. does the cooking and Mother does

the dishes and polishes the furniture.

Numbers six and seven. I won't say much about Father and me. The former is the

most modest person at the table. He always looks to see whether the others have

been served first. He needs nothing for himself; the best things are for the children.

He's goodness personified. Seated next to him is the Annex's little bundle of nerves.

Dussel. Help yourself, keep your eyes on the food, eat and don't talk. And if you have

to say something, then for goodness' sake talk about food. That doesn't lead to

quarrels, just to bragging. He consumes enormous portions, and "no" is not part of his vocabulary, whether the food is good or bad.

Pants that come up to his chest, a red jacket, black patent-leather slippers and

horn-rimmed glasses -- that's how he looks when he's at work at the little table,

always studying and never progressing. This is interrupted only by his afternoon nap,

food and -- his favorite spot -- the bathroom. Three, four or five times a day

there's bound to be someone waiting outside the bathroom door, hopping impatiently

from one foot to another, trying to hold it in and barely managing. Does Dussel care?

Not a whit. From seven-fifteen to seven-thirty, from twelve-thirty to one, from two

to two-fifteen, from four to four-fifteen, from six to six-fifteen, from eleven-thirty

to twelve. You can set your watch by them; these are the times for his "regular

sessions." He never deviates or lets himself be swayed by the voices outside the door, begging him to open up before a disaster occurs.

Number nine is not part of our Annex family, although she does share our house and

table. Hep has a healthy appetite. She cleans her plate and isn't choosy. Hep's easy to

please and that pleases us. She can be characterized as fol ows: cheerful,

good-humored, kind and wil ing.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1943

Dearest Kitty, .

A new idea: during meals I talk more to myself than to the others, which has two

advantages. First, they're glad they don't have to listen to my continuous chatter, and

second, I don't have to get annoyed by their opinions. I don't think my opinions are

stupid but other people do, so it's better to keep them to myself. I apply the same

tactic when I have to eat something I loathe. I put the dish in front of me, pretend

it's delicious, avoid looking at it as much as possible, and it's gone before I've had

time to realize what it is. When I get up in the morning, another very disagreeable

moment, I leap out of bed, think to myself, "You'l be slipping back under the covers soon," walk to the window, take down the blackout screen, sniff at the crack until I feel a bit of fresh air, and I'm awake. I strip the bed as fast as I can so I won't be

tempted to get back in. Do you know what Mother calls this sort of thing? The art of

living. Isn't that a funny expression?

We've al been a little confused this past week because our dearly beloved

Westertoren bel s have been carted off to be melted down for the war, so we have no

idea of the exact time, either night or day. I stil have hopes that they'l come up with

a substitute, made of tin or copper or some such thing, to remind the neighborhood of

the clock.

Everywhere I go, upstairs or down, they al cast admiring glances at my feet, which

are adorned by a pair of exceptionally beautiful (for times like these!) shoes. Miep

managed to snap them up for 27.50 guilders. Burgundy-colored suede and leather with

medium-sized high heels. I feel as if I were on stilts, and look even tal er than I

already am.

Yesterday was my unlucky day. I pricked my right thumb with the blunt end of a big

needle. As a result, Margot had to peel potatoes for me (take the good with the bad),

and writing was awkward. Then I bumped into the cupboard door so hard it nearly

knocked me over, and was scolded for making such a racket. They wouldn't let me run

water to bathe my forehead, so now I'm walking around with a giant lump over my

right eye. To make matters worse, the little toe on my right foot got stuck in the

vacuum cleaner. It bled and hurt, but my other ailments were already causing me so

much trouble that I let this one slide, which was stupid of me, because now I'm

walking around with an infected toe. What with the salve, the gauze and the tape, I

can't get my heavenly new shoe on my foot.

Dussel has put us in danger for the umpteenth time. He actual y had Miep bring him a

book, an anti-Mussolini tirade, which has been banned. On the way here she was

knocked down by an SS motorcycle. She lost her head and shouted "You brutes!" and went on her way. I don't dare think what would have happened if she'd been taken

down to headquarters.

Yours, Anne

A Daily Chore in Our Little Community: Peeling Potatoes!

One person goes to get some newspapers; another, the knives (keeping the best for

himself, of course); the third, the potatoes; and the fourth, the water.

Mr. Dussel begins. He may not always peel them very wel , but he does peel nonstop,

glancing left and right to see if everyone is doing it the way he does. No, they're not!

"Look, Anne, I am taking peeler in my hand like so and going from the top to bottom!

Nein, not so . . . but so!"

"I think my way is easier, Mr. Dussel," I say tentatively.

"But this is best way, Anne. This you can take from me. Of course, it is no matter, you do the way you want."

We go on peeling. I glance at Dussel out of the corner of my eye. Lost in thought, he

shakes his head (over me, no doubt), but says no more.

I keep on peeling. Then I look at Father, on the other side of me. To Father, peeling

potatoes is not a chore, but precision work. When he reads, he has a deep wrinkle in

the back of his head. But when he's preparing potatoes, beans or vegetables, he seems

to be total y absorbed in his task. He puts on his potato-peeling face, and when it's

set in that particular way, it would be impossible for him to turn out anything less

than a perfectly peeled potato.

I keep on working. I glance up for a second, but that's al the time I need. Mrs. van

D. is trying to attract Dussel's attention. She starts by looking in his direction, but

Dussel pretends not to notice. She winks, but Dussel goes on peeling. She laughs, but

Dussel stil doesn't look up. Then Mother laughs too, but Dussel pays them no mind.

Having failed to achieve her goal, Mrs. van D. is obliged to change tactics. There's a

brief silence. Then she says, "Putti, why don't you put on an apron? Otherwise, I'l have to spend all day tomorrow trying to get the spots out of your suit!"

"I'm not getting it dirty."

Another brief silence. "Putti, why don't you sit down?'

"I'm fine this way. I like standing up!"

Silence.

"Putti, look out, du spritzt schon!".* [*Now you're splashing!]

"I know, Mommy, but I'm being careful."

Mrs. van D. casts about for another topic. "Tel me, Putti, why aren't the British

carrying out any bombing raids today?"

"Because the weather's bad, Kerli!"

"But yesterday it was such nice weather and they weren't flying then either."

"Let's drop the subject."

"Why? Can't a person talk about that or offer an opinion?'

"Wel , why in the world not?"

"Oh, be quiet, Mammichen!"* [*Mommy]

"Mr. Frank always answers his wife."

Mr. van D. is trying to control himself. This remark always rubs him the wrong way,

but Mrs. van D.'s not one to quit: "Oh, there's never going to be an invasion!"

Mr. van D. turns white, and when she notices it, Mrs. van D. turns red, but she's not

about to be deterred: "The British aren't doing a thing!"

The bomb bursts. "And now shut up, Donnerwetter noch mal!* [*For crying out

loud!"]

Mother can barely stifle a laugh, and I stare straight ahead.

Scenes like these are repeated almost daily, unless they've just had a terrible fight. In that case, neither Mr. nor Mrs. van D. says a word.

It's time for me to get some more potatoes. I go up to the attic, where Peter is busy

picking fleas from the cat.

He looks up, the cat notices it, and whoosh. . . he's gone. Out the window and into

the rain gutter.

Peter swears; I laugh and slip out of the room.

Freedom in the Annex

Five-thirty. Bep's arrival signals the beginning of our nightly freedom. Things get

going right away. I go upstairs with Bep, who usual y has her dessert before the rest

of us. The moment she sits down, Mrs. van D. begins stating her wishes. Her list

usually starts with "Oh, by the way, Bep, something else I'd like. . ." Bep winks at me. Mrs. van D. doesn't miss a chance to make her wishes known to whoever comes

upstairs. It must be one of the reasons none of them like to go up there.

Five forty-five. Bep leaves. I go down two floors to have a look around: first to the

kitchen, then to the private office and then to the coal bin to open the cat door for

Mouschi.

After a long tour of inspection, I wind up in Mr. Kugler's office. Mr. van Daan is

combing all the drawers and files for today's mail. Peter picks up Boche and the

warehouse key; Pim lugs the typewriters upstairs; Margot looks around for a quiet

place to do her office work; Mrs. van D. puts a kettle of water on the stove; Mother

comes down the stairs with a pan of potatoes; we al know our jobs.

Soon Peter comes back from the warehouse. The first question they ask him is

whether he's remembered the bread. No, he hasn't. He crouches before the door to the

front office to make himself as smal as possible and crawls on his hands and knees to

the steel cabinet, takes out the bread and starts to leave. At any rate, that's what he

intends to do, but before he knows what's happened, Mouschi has jumped over him and

gone to sit under the desk.

Peter looks al around him. Aha, there's the cat! He crawls back into the office and

grabs the cat by the tail. Mouschi hisses, Peter sighs. What has he accomplished?

Mouschi's now sitting by the window licking herself, very pleased at having escaped

Peter's clutches. Peter has no choice but to lure her with a piece of bread. Mouschi

takes the bait, fol ows him out, and the door closes.

I watch the entire scene through a crack in the door.

Mr. van Daan is angry and slams the door. Margot and I exchange looks and think the

same thing: he must have worked himself into a rage again because of some blunder

on Mr. Kugler's part, and he's forgotten al about the Keg Company next door.

Another step is heard in the hallway. Dussel comes in, goes toward the window with

an air of propriety, sniffs. . . coughs, sneezes and clears his throat. He's out of luck

-- it was pepper. He continues on to the front office. The curtains are open, which

means he can't get at his writing paper. He disappears with a scowl.

Margot and I exchange another glance. "One less page for his sweetheart tomorrow," I hear her say. I nod in agreement.

An elephant's tread is heard on the stairway. It's Dussel, seeking comfort in his

favorite spot.

We continue working. Knock, knock, knock. . . Three taps means dinnertime!

MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 1943

Wenn Die Uhr Halb Neune Schlaat . . .* [* When the clock strikes half past eight.]

Margot and Mother are nervous. "Shh . . . Father. Be quiet, Otto. Shh . . . Pim! It's eight-thirty.

Come here, you can't run the water anymore. Walk softly!" A sample of what's said to Father in the bathroom. At the stroke of half past eight, he has to be in the living

room. No running water, no flushing toilet, no walking around, no noise whatsoever. As

long as the office staff hasn't arrived, sounds travel more easily to the warehouse.

The door opens upstairs at eight-twenty, and this is fol owed by three gentle taps on

the floor. . . Anne's hot cereal. I clamber up the stairs to get my doggie dish.

Back downstairs, everything has to be done quickly, quickly: I comb my hair, put away

the potty, shove the bed back in place. Quiet! The clock is striking eight-thirty! Mrs.

van D. changes shoes and shuffles through the room in her slippers; Mr. van D. too

-- a veritable Charlie Chaplin. Al is quiet.

The ideal family scene has now reached its high point. I want to read or study and

Margot does too. Father and Mother ditto. Father is sitting (with Dickens and the

dictionary, of course) on the edge of the sagging, squeaky bed, which doesn't even

have a decent mattress. Two bolsters can be piled on top of each other. "I don't need these," he thinks. "I can manage without them!"

Once he starts reading, he doesn't look up. He laughs now and then and tries to get

Mother to read a story.

"I don't have the time right now!"

He looks disappointed, but then continues to read.

A little while later, when he comes across another good passage, he tries again: "You have to read this, Mother!"

Mother sits on the folding bed, either reading, sewing, knitting or studying, whichever

is next on her list. An idea suddenly occurs to her, and she quickly says, so as not to

forget, "Anne, remember to . . . Margot, jot this down. . . "

After a while it's quiet again. Margot slams her book shut; Father knits his forehead,

his eyebrows forming a funny curve and his wrinkle of concentration reappearing I at

the back of his head, and he buries himself in his book 1 again; Mother starts chatting

with Margot; and I get curious and listen too. Pim is drawn into the conversation . . .

Nine o'clock. Breakfast!

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Every time I write to you, something special has happened, usually unpleasant rather

than pleasant. This time, however, something wonderful is going on.

On Wednesday, September 8, we were listening to the seven o'clock news when we

heard an announcement: "Here is some of the best news of the war so far: Italy has

capitulated." Italy has unconditional y surrendered! The Dutch broadcast from England began at eight-fifteen with the news: "Listeners, an hour and fifteen minutes ago, just as I finished writing my daily report, we received the wonderful news of Italy's

capitulation. I tel you, I never tossed my notes into the wastepaper basket with more

delight than I did today!"

"God Save the King," the American national anthem and the Russian' 'Internationale"

were played. As always, the Dutch program was uplifting without being too optimistic.

The British have landed in Naples. Northern Italy is occupied by the Germans. The

truce was signed on Friday, September 3, the day the British landed in Italy. The

Germans are ranting and raving in al the newspapers at the treachery of Badoglio and

the Italian king.

Stil , there's bad news as well. It's about Mr. Kleiman. As you know, we al like him

very much. He's unfailingly cheerful and amazingly brave, despite the fact that he's

always sick and in pain and can't eat much or do a lot of walking. "When Mr. Kleiman enters a room, the sun begins to shine," Mother said recently, and she's absolutely right.

Now it seems he has to go to the hospital for a very difficult operation on his

stomach, and wil have to stay there for at least four weeks. You should have seen

him when he told us good-bye. He acted so normal y, as though he were just off to

do an errand.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Relationships here in the Annex are getting worse all the time. We don't dare open

our mouths at mealtime (except to slip in a bite of food), because no matter what we

say, someone is bound to resent it or take it the wrong way. Mr. Voskuijl occasional y

comes to visit us. Unfortunately, he's not doing very well. He isn't making it any

easier for his family, because his attitude seems to be: what do I care, I'm going to

die anyway! When I think how touchy everyone is here, I can just imagine what it

must be like at the Voskuijls'.

I've been taking valerian every day to fight the anxiety and depression, but it doesn't

stop me from being even more miserable the next day. A good hearty laugh would

help better than ten valerian drops, but we've almost forgotten how to laugh.

Sometimes I'm afraid my face is going to sag with al this sorrow and that my mouth

is going to permanently droop at the corners. The others aren't doing any better.

Everyone here is dreading the great terror known as winter.

Another fact that doesn't exactly brighten up our days is that Mr. van Maaren, the

man who works in the warehouse, is getting suspicious about the Annex. A person

with any brains must have noticed by now that Miep sometimes says she's going to

the lab, Bep to the file room and Mr. Kleiman to the Opekta supplies, while Mr.

Kugler claims the Annex doesn't belong to this building at all, but to the one next

door.

We wouldn't care what Mr. van Maaren thought of the situation except that he's

known to be unreliable and to possess a high degree of curiosity. He's not one who

can be put off with a flimsy excuse.

One day Mr. Kugler wanted to be extra cautious, so at twenty past twelve he put on

his coat and went to the drugstore around the corner. Less than five minutes later he

was back, and he sneaked up the stairs like a thief to visit us. At one-fifteen he

started to leave, but Bep met him on the landing and warned him that van Maaren was

in the office. Mr. Kugler did an about-face and stayed with us until one-thirty. Then

he took off his shoes and went in his stockinged feet (despite his cold) to the front

attic and down the other stairway, taking one step at a time to avoid the creaks. It

took him fifteen minutes to negotiate the stairs, but he wound up safely in the office

after having entered from the outside.

In the meantime, Bep had gotten rid of van Maaren and come to get Mr. Kugler from

the Annex. But he'd already left and at that moment was stil tiptoeing down the

stairs. What must the passersby have thought when they saw the manager putting on

his shoes outside? Hey, you there, in the socks!

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

It's Mrs. van Daan's birthday. Other than one ration stamp each for cheese, meat and

bread, al she received from us was a jar of jam. Her husband, Dussel and the office

staff gave her nothing but flowers and also food. Such are the times we live in!

Bep had a nervous fit last week because she had so many errands to do. Ten times a

day people were sending her out for something, each time insisting she go right away

or go again or that she'd done it al wrong. And when you think that she has her

regular office work to do, that Mr. Kleiman is sick, that Miep is home with a cold and

that Bep herself has a sprained ankle, boyfriend troubles and a grouchy father, it's no

wonder she's at the end of her tether. We comforted her and told her that if she'd put

her foot down once or twice and say she didn't have the time, the shopping lists

would shrink of their own accord.

Saturday there was a big drama, the likes of which have never been seen here before.

It started with a discussion of van Maaren and ended in a general argument and tears.

Dussel complained to Mother that he was being treated like a leper, that no one was

friendly to him and that, after all, he hadn't done anything to deserve it. This was

followed by a lot of sweet talk, which luckily Mother didn't fall for this time. She told him we were disappointed in him and that, on more than one occasion, he'd been a

source of great annoyance. Dussel promised her the moon, but, as usual, we haven't

seen so much as a beam.

There's trouble brewing with the van Daans, I can tell! Father's furious because

they're cheating us: they've been holding back meat and other things. Oh, what kind of

bombshel is about to burst now? If only I weren't so involved in al these skirmishes!

If only I could leave here! They're driving us crazy!

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Mr. Kleiman is back, thank goodness! He looks a bit pale, and yet he cheerful y set

off to sel some clothes for Mr. van Daan. The disagreeable fact is that Mr. van Daan

has run out of money. He lost his last hundred guilders in the warehouse, which is

still creating trouble for us: the men are wondering how a hundred guilders could wind

up in the warehouse on a Monday morning. Suspicion abounds. Meanwhile, the hundred

guilders have been stolen. Who's the thief?

But I was talking about the money shortage. Mrs. van D. has scads of dresses, coats

and shoes, none of which she feels she can do without. Mr. van D.'s suit is difficult to sel , and Peter's bike was put on the block, but is back again, since nobody wanted it.

But the story doesn't end there. You see, Mrs. van D. is going to have to part with

her fur coat. In her opinion, the firm should pay for our upkeep, but that's ridiculous.

They just had a flaming row about it and have entered the "oh, my sweet Putti" and

"darling Kerli" stage of reconciliation.

My mind boggles at the profanity this honorable house has had to endure in the past

month. Father walks around with his lips pressed together, and whenever he hears his

name, he looks up in alarm, as ifhe's afraid he'l be cal ed upon to resolve another

delicate problem. Mother's so wrought up her cheeks are blotched with red, Margot

complains of headaches, Dussel can't sleep, Mrs. van D. frets and fumes al day long,

and I've gone completely round the bend. To tell you the truth, I sometimes forget

who we're at odds with and who we're not. The only way to take my mind off it is to

study, and I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29,1943

My dearest Kitty,

Mr. Kleiman is out again; his stomach won't give him a moment's peace. He doesn't

even know whether it's stopped bleeding. He came to tel us he wasn't feeling well

and was going home, and for the first time he seemed real y down.

Mr. and Mrs. van D. have had more raging battles. The reason is simple: they're

broke. They wanted to sel an overcoat and a suit of Mr. van D. 's, but were unable

to find any buyers. His prices were way too high.

Some time ago Mr. Kleiman was talking about a furrier he knows. This gave Mr. van

D. the idea of sel ing his wife's fur coat. It's made of rabbit skin, and she's had it for seventeen years. Mrs. van D. got 325 guilders for it, an enormous amount. She wanted

to keep the money herself to buy new clothes after the war, and it took some doing

before Mr. van D. could make her understand that it was desperately needed to cover

household expenses.

You can't imagine the screaming, shouting, stamping of feet and swearing that went on.

It was terrifying. My family stood holding its breath at the bottom of the stairs, in

case it might be necessary to drag them apart. Al the bickering, tears and nervous

tension have become such a stress and strain that I fal into my bed at night crying

and thanking my lucky stars that I have half an hour to myself.

I'm doing fine, except I've got no appetite. I keep hearing: "Goodness, you look

awful!" I must admit they're doing their best to keep me in condition: they're plying me with dextrose, cod-liver oil, brewer's yeast and calcium. My nerves often get the

better of me, especial y on Sundays; that's when I real y feel miserable. The

atmosphere is stifling, sluggish, leaden. Outside, you don't hear a single bird, and a

deathly, oppressive silence hangs over the house and clings to me as if it were going

to drag me into the deepest regions of the underworld. At times like these, Father,

Mother and Margot don't matter to me in the least. I wander from room to room,

climb up and down the stairs and feel like a songbird whose wings have been ripped

off and who keeps hurling itself against the bars of its dark cage. "Let me out, where there's fresh air and laughter!" a voice within me cries. I don't even bother to reply anymore, but lie down on the divan. Sleep makes the silence and the terrible fear go

by more quickly, helps pass the time, since it's impossible to kill it.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

To take our minds off matters as well as to develop them, Father ordered a catalog

from a correspondence school. Margot pored through the thick brochure three times

without finding anything to her liking and within her budget. Father was easier to

satisfy and decided to write and ask for a trial lesson in "Elementary Latin." No sooner said than done. The lesson arrived, Margot set to work enthusiastical y and

decided to take the course, despite the expense. It's much too hard for me, though I'd

really like to learn Latin.

To give me a new project as wel , Father asked Mr. Kleiman for a children's Bible so

I could final y learn something about the New Testament.

"Are you planning to give Anne a Bible for Hanukkah?" Margot asked, somewhat

perturbed.

"Yes. . . Wel , maybe St. Nicholas Day would be a better occasion," Father replied.

Jesus and Hanukkah don't exactly go together.

Since the vacuum cleaner's broken, I have to take an old brush to the rug every night.

The window's closed, the light's on, the stove's burning, and there I am brushing away

at the rug. "That's sure to be a problem," I thought to myself the first time. "There're bound to be complaints." I was right: Mother got a headache from the thick clouds of dust whirling around the room, Margot's new Latin dictionary was caked with dirt, and

rim grumbled that the floor didn't look any different anyway. Small thanks for my

pains.

We've decided that from now on the stove is going to be lit at seven-thirty on

Sunday mornings instead of five-thirty. I think it's risky. What will the neighbors

think of our smoking chimney?

It's the same with the curtains. Ever since we first went into hiding, they've been

tacked firmly to the windows. Sometimes one of the ladies or gentlemen can't resist

the urge to peek outside. The result: a storm of reproaches. The response: "Oh,

nobody will notice." That's how every act of carelessness begins and ends. No one

will notice, no one will hear, no one will pay the least bit of attention. Easy to say,

but is it true?

At the moment, the tempestuous quarrels have subsided; only Dussel and the van

Daans are stil at loggerheads. When Dussel is talking about Mrs. van D., he invariably

calls her' 'that old bat" or "that stupid hag," and conversely, Mrs. van D. refers to our ever so learned gentleman as an "old maid" or a "touchy neurotic spinster, etc.

The pot cal ing the kettle black!

Yours, Anne

MONDAY EVENING, NOVEMBER 8,1943

Dearest Kitty,

If you were to read al my letters in one sitting, you'd be struck by the fact that they

were written in a variety of moods. It annoys me to be so dependent on the moods

here in the Annex, but I'm not the only one: we're al subject to them. If I'm

engrossed in a book, I have to rearrange my thoughts before I can mingle with other

people, because otherwise they might think I was strange. As you can see, I'm

currently in the middle of a depression. I couldn't really tell you what set it off, but I think it stems from my cowardice, which confronts me at every turn. This evening,

when Bep was stil here, the doorbel rang long and loud. I instantly turned white, my

stomach churned, and my heart beat wildly -- and all because I was afraid.

At night in bed I see myself alone in a dungeon, without Father and Mother. Or I'm

roaming the streets, or the Annex is on fire, or they come in the middle of the night

to take us away and I crawl under my bed in desperation. I see everything as if it

were actual y taking place. And to think it might al happen soon!

Miep often says she envies us because we have such peace and quiet here. That may

be true, but she's obviously not thinking about our fear.

I simply can't imagine the world wil ever be normal again for us. I do talk about

"after the war," but it's as if I were talking about a castle in the air, something that can Ii never come true.

I see the ei ght of us in the Annex as if we were a patch of blue sky surrounded by

menacing black clouds. The perfectly round spot on which we're standing is stil safe,

but the clouds are moving in on us, and the ring between us and the approaching

danger is being pul ed tighter and tighter. We're surrounded by darkness and danger,

and in our desperate search for a way out we keep bumping into each other. We look

at the fighting down below and the peace and beauty up above. In the meantime,

we've been cut off by the dark mass of clouds, so that we can go neither up nor

down. It looms before us like an impenetrable wal , trying to crush us, but not yet

able to. I can only cry out and implore, "Oh, ring, ring, open wide and let us out!"

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

I have a good title for this chapter:

Ode to My Fountain Pen

In Memoriam

My fountain pen was always one of my most prized possessions; I valued it highly,

especially because it had a thick nib, and I can only write neatly with thick nibs. It

has led a long and interesting fountain-pen life, which I wil summarize below.

When I was nine, my fountain pen (packed in cotton) arrived as a "sample of no

commercial value" al the way from Aachen, where my grandmother (the kindly donor)

used to live. I lay in bed with the flu, while the February winds howled around the

apartment house. This splendid fountain pen came in a red leather case, and I showed

it to my girlfriends the first chance I got. Me, Anne Frank, the proud owner of a

fountain pen.

When I was ten, I was al owed to take the pen to school, and to my surprise, the

teacher even let me write with it. When I was eleven, however, my treasure had to

be tucked away again, because my sixth-grade teacher allowed us to use only school

pens and inkpots. When I was twelve, I started at the Jewish Lyceum and my fountain

pen was given a new case in honor of the occasion. Not only did it have room for a

pencil, it also had a zipper, which was much more impressive. When I was thirteen,

the fountain pen went with me to the Annex, and together we've raced through

countless diaries and compositions. I'd turned fourteen and my fountain pen was

enjoying the last year of its life with me when . . .

It was just after five on Friday afternoon. I came out of my room and was about to

sit down at the table to write when I was roughly pushed to one side to make room

for Margot and Father, who wanted to practice their Latin. The fountain pen remained

unused on the table, while its owner, sighing, was forced to make do with a very tiny

corner of the table, where she began rubbing beans. That's how we remove mold from

the beans and restore them to their original state. At a quarter to six I swept the

floor, dumped the dirt into a news paper, along with the rotten beans, and tossed it

into the stove. A giant flame shot up, and I thought it was wonderful that the stove,

which had been gasping its last breath, had made such a miraculous recovery.

Al was quiet again. The Latin students had left, and I sat down at the table to pick

up where I'd left off. But no matter where I looked, my fountain pen was nowhere in

sight. I took another look. Margot looked, Mother looked, Father looked, Dussel looked.

But it had vanished.

"Maybe it fel in the stove, along with the beans!" Margot suggested.

"No, it couldn't have!" I replied.

But that evening, when my fountain pen stil hadn't turned up, we al assumed it had

been burned, especial y because celluloid is highly inflammable. Our darkest fears were

confirmed the next day when Father went to empty the stove and discovered the clip,

used to fasten it to a pocket, among the ashes. Not a trace of the gold nib was left.

"It must have melted into stone," Father conjectured.

I'm left with one consolation, smal though it may be: my fountain pen was cremated,

just as I would like to be someday!

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Recent events have the house rocking on its foundations. Owing to an outbreak of

diphtheria at Bep's, she won't be allowed to come in contact with us for six weeks.

Without her, the cooking and shopping wil be very difficult, not to mention how much

we'l miss her company. Mr. Kleiman is stil in bed and has eaten nothing but gruel

for three weeks. Mr. Kugler is up to his neck in work.

Margot sends her Latin lessons to a teacher, who corrects and then returns them.

She's registered under Bep's name. The teacher's very nice, and witty too. I bet he's

glad to have such a smart student.

Dussel is in a turmoil and we don't know why. It all began with Dussel's saying

nothing when he was upstairs; he didn't exchange so much as a word with either Mr.

or Mrs. van Daan. We al noticed it. This went on for a few days, and then Mother

took the opportunity to warn him about Mrs. van D., who could make life miserable

for him. Dussel said Mr. van Daan had started the silent treatment and he had no

intention of breaking it. I should explain that yesterday was November 16, the first

anniversary of his living in the Annex. Mother received a plant in honor of the

occasion, but Mrs. van Daan, who had al uded to the date for weeks and made no

bones about the fact that she thought Dussel should treat us to dinner, received

nothing. Instead of making use of the opportunity to thank us -- for the first time

-- for unselfishly taking him in, he didn't utter a word. And on the morning of the

sixteenth, when I asked him whether I should offer him my congratulations or my

condolences, he replied that either one would do. Mother, having cast herself in the

role of peacemaker, made no headway whatsoever, and the situation finally ended in a

draw.

I can say without exaggeration that Dussel has definitely got a screw loose. We often

laugh to ourselves because he has no memory, no fixed opinions and no common

sense. He's amused us more than once by trying to pass on the news he's just heard,

since the message invariably gets garbled in transmission. Furthermore, he answers

every reproach or accusation with a load of fine 1\ promises, which he never manages

to keep.

"Der Mann hat einen grossen Geist

Una ist so klein van Taten!"*

[*A wel -known expression:

"The spirit of the man is great,

How puny are his deeds."

Yours, Anne

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Last night, just as I was fal ing asleep, Hanneli suddenly appeared before me.

I saw her there, dressed in rags, her face thin and worn. She looked at me with such

sadness and reproach in her enormous eyes that I could read the message in them:

"Oh, Anne, why have you deserted me? Help me, help me, rescue me from this hell!"

And I can't help her. I can only stand by and watch while other people suffer and die.

Al I can do is pray to God to bring her back to us. I saw Hanneli, and no one else,

and I understood why. I misjudged her, wasn't mature enough to understand how

difficult it was for her. She was devoted to her girlfriend, and it must have seemed as

though I were trying to take her away. The poor thing, she must have felt awful! I

know, because I recognize the feeling in myself! I had an occasional flash of

understanding, but then got selfishly wrapped up again in my own problems and

pleasures.

It was mean of me to treat her that way, and now she was looking at me, oh so

helplessly, with her pale face and beseeching eyes. If only I could help her! Dear God,

I have everything I could wish for, while fate has her in its deadly clutches. She was

as devout as I am, maybe even more so, and she too wanted to do what was right.

But then why have I been chosen to live, while she's probably going to die? What's

the difference between us? Why are we now so far apart?

To be honest, I hadn't thought of her for months -- no, for at least a year. I hadn't

forgotten her entirely, and yet it wasn't until I saw her before me that I thought of al her suffering.

Oh, Hanneli, I hope that if you live to the end of the war and return to us, I'l be able to take you in and make up for the wrong I've done you.

But even if I were ever in a position to help, she wouldn't need it more than she does

now. I wonder if she ever thinks of me, and what she's feeling?

Merciful God, comfort her, so that at least she won't be alone. Oh, if only You could

tell her I'm thinking of her with compassion and love, it might help her go on.

I've got to stop dwelling on this. It won't get me anywhere. I keep seeing her

enormous eyes, and they haunt me. Does Hanneli real y and truly believe in God, or

has religion merely been foisted upon her? I don't even know that. I never took the

trouble to ask.

Hanneli, Hanneli, if only I could take you away, if only I could share everything I have with you. It's too late. I can't help, or undo the wrong I've done. But I'l never forget her again and I'll always pray for her!

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

The closer it got to St. Nicholas Day, the more we al thought back to last year's

festively decorated basket.

More than anyone, I thought it would be terrible to skip a celebration this year. After

long deliberation, I final y came up with an idea, something funny. I consulted rim, and a week ago we set to work writing a verse for each person.

Sunday evening at a quarter to eight we trooped upstairs carrying the big laundry

basket, which had been decorated with cutouts and bows made of pink and blue carbon

paper. On top was a large piece of brown wrapping paper with a note attached.

Everyone was rather amazed at the sheer size of the gift. I removed the note and

read it aloud:

"Once again St. Nicholas Day

Has even come to our hideaway;

It won't be quite as Jun, I fear,

As the happy day we had last year.

Then we were hopeful, no reason to doubt

That optimism would win the bout,

And by the time this year came round,

We'd all be free, and s* and sound.

Stil , let's not Jorget it's St. Nicholas Day,

Though we've nothing left to give away.

We'l have to find something else to do:

So everyone please look in their shoe!"

As each person took their own shoe out of the basket, there was a roar of laughter.

Inside each shoe was a little wrapped package addressed to its owner.

Yours, Anne

Dearest Kitty,

A bad case of flu has prevented me from writing to you until today. Being sick here

is dreadful. With every cough, I had to duck under the blanket -- once, twice, three

times -- and try to keep from coughing anymore.

Most of the time the tickle refused to go away, so I had to drink milk with honey,

sugar or cough drops. I get dizzy just thinking about al the cures I've been subjected

to: sweating out the fever, steam treatment, wet compresses, dry compresses, hot

drinks, swabbing my throat, lying still, heating pad, hot-water bottles, lemonade and,

every two hours, the thermometer. Wil these remedies real y make you better? The

worst part was when Mr. Dussel decided to play doctor and lay his pomaded head on

my bare chest to listen to the sounds. Not only did his hair tickle, but I was

embarrassed, even though he went to school thirty years ago and does have some kind

of medical degree. Why should he lay his head on my heart? After al , he's not my

boyfriend! For that matter, he wouldn't be able to tel a healthy sound from an

unhealthy one.

He'd have to have his ears cleaned first, since he's becoming alarmingly hard of

hearing. But enough about my il ness. I'm fit as a fiddle again. I've grown almost half

an inch and gained two pounds. I'm pale, but itching to get back to my books.

Ausnahmsweise* (the only word that wil do here [* By way of exception]), we're al

getting on wel together. No squabbles, though that probably won't last long. There

hasn't been such peace and quiet in this house for at least six months.

Bep is still in isolation, but any day now her sister wil no longer be contagious.

For Christmas, we're getting extra cooking oil, candy and molasses. For Hanukkah, Mr.

Dussel gave Mrs. van Daan and Mother a beautiful cake, which he'd asked Miep to

bake. On top of al the work she has to do! Margot and I received a brooch made out

of a penny, al bright and shiny. I can't real y describe it, but it's lovely.

I also have a Christmas present for Miep and Bep. For a whole month I've saved up

the sugar I put on my hot cereal, and Mr. Kleiman has used it to have fondant made.

The weather is drizzly and overcast, the stove stinks, and the food lies heavily on our

stomachs, producing a variety of rumbles.

The war is at an impasse, spirits are low.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1943

Dear Kitty,

As I've written you many times before, moods have a tendency to affect us quite a

bit here, and in my case it's been getting worse lately. "Himmelhoch jauchzend, zu

Tode betru'bt"* [* A famous line from Goethe: "On top of the world, or in the depths of despair."] certainly applies to me. I'm "on top of the world" when I think of how fortunate we are and compare myself to other Jewish children, and "in the depths of despair" when, for example, Mrs. Kleiman comes by and talks about Jopie's hockey

club, canoe trips, school plays and afternoon teas with friends.

I don't think I'm jealous of Jopie, but I long to have a real y good time for once and

to laugh so hard it hurts.

We're stuck in this house like lepers, especially during winter and the Christmas and

New Year's holidays. Actually, I shouldn't even be writing this, since it makes me

seem so ungrateful, but I can't keep everything to myself, so I'l repeat what I said at

the beginning: "Paper is more patient than people."

Whenever someone comes in from outside, with the wind in their clothes and the cold

on their cheeks, I feel like burying my head under the blankets to keep from thinking,

"When wil we be allowed to breathe fresh air again?" I can't do that -- on the contrary, I have to hold my head up high and put a bold face on things, but the

thoughts keep coming anyway. Not just once, but over and over.

Believe me, if you've been shut up for a year and a half, it can get to be too much

for you sometimes. But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful

they seem. I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, look at the world, feel young and

know that I'm free, and yet I can't let it show. just imagine what would happen if al

eight of us were to feel sorry for ourselves or walk around with the discontent clearly

visible on our faces. Where would that get us? I sometimes wonder if anyone wil

ever understand what I mean, if anyone will ever overlook my ingratitude and not

worry about whether or not I'm Jewish and merely see me as a teenager badly in

need of some good plain fun. I don't know, and I wouldn't be able to talk about it with

anyone, since I'm sure I'd start to cry. Crying can bring relief, as long as you don't

cry alone. Despite al my theories and efforts, I miss -- every day and every hour of

the day -- having a mother who understands me. That's why with everything I do

and write, I imagine the kind of mom I'd like to be to my children later on. The kind

of mom who doesn't take everything people say too seriously, but who does take me

seriously. I find it difficult to describe what I mean, but the word' 'mom" says it al .

Do you know what I've come up with? In order to give me the feeling of cal ing my

mother something that sounds like "Mom," I often call her" Momsy." Sometimes I shorten it to "Moms"; an imperfect "Mom." I wish I could honor her by removing the

"s." It's a good thing she doesn't realize this, since it would only make her unhappy.

Wel , that's enough of that. My writing has raised me somewhat from "the depths of

despair."

Yours, Anne

It's the day after Christmas, and I can't help thinking about Pim and the story he told

me this time last year. I didn't understand the meaning of his words then as wel as I

do now. If only he'd bring it up again, I might be able to show him I understood what

he meant!

I think Pim told me because he, who knows the "intimate secrets" of so many others, needed to express his own feelings for once; Pim never talks about himself, and I

don't think Margot has any inkling of what he's been through. Poor Pim, he can't fool

me into thinking he's forgotten that girl. He never wil . It's made him very

accommodating, since he's not blind to Mother's faults. I hope I'm going to be a little

like him, without having to go through what he has!

Anne

MONDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1943

Friday evening, for the first time in my life, I received a Christmas present. Mr.

Kleiman, Mr. Kugler and the girls had prepared a wonderful surprise for us. Miep

made a delicious Christmas cake with "Peace 1944" written on top, and Bep provided a batch of cookies that was up to prewar standards.

There was a jar of yogurt for Peter, Margot and me, and a bottle of beer for each of

the adults. And once again everything was wrapped so nicely, with pretty pictures

glued to the packages. For the rest, the holidays passed by quickly for us.

Anne

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 1943

I was very sad again last night. Grandma and Hanneli came to me once more.

Grandma, oh, my sweet Grandma. How little we understood what she suffered, how

kind she always was and what an interest she took in everything that concerned us.

And to think that al that time she was careful y guarding her terrible secret. *

[*Anne's grandmother was terminal y ill.]

Grandma was always so loyal and good. She would never have let any of us down.

Whatever happened, no matter how much I misbehaved, Grandma always stuck up for

me. Grandma, did you love me, or did you not understand me either? I don't know.

How lonely Grandma must have been, in spite of us. You can be lonely even when

you're loved by many people, since you're stil not bd'"dI" any 0 y s one an only.

And Hanneli? Is she stil alive? What's she doing? Dear God, watch over her and bring

her back to us. Hanneli, you're a reminder of what my fate might have been. I keep

seeing myself in your place. So why am I often miserable about what goes on here?

Shouldn't I be happy, contented and glad, except when I'm thinking of Hanneli and

those suffering along with her? I'm selfish and cowardly. Why do I always think and

dream the most awful things and want to scream in terror? Because, in spite of

everything, I still don't have enough faith in God. He's given me so much, which I

don't deserve, and yet each day I make so many mistakes!

Thinking about the suffering of those you hold dear can reduce you to tears; in fact,

you could spend the whole day crying. The most you can do is pray for God to

perform a miracle and save at least some of them. And I hope I'm doing enough of

that!

Anne

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1943

Dearest Kitty,

Since the last raging quarrels, things have settled down here, not only between

ourselves, Dussel and "upstairs," but also between Mr. and Mrs. van D. Nevertheless, a few dark thunderclouds are heading this way, and al because of . . . food. Mrs. van

D. came up with the ridiculous idea of frying fewer potatoes in the morning and saving

them for later in the day. Mother and Dussel and the rest of us didn't agree with her,

so now we're dividing up the potatoes as well. It seems the fats and oils aren't being

doled out fairly, and Mother's going to have to put a stop to it. I'll let you know if

there are any interesting developments. For the last few months now we've been

splitting up the meat (theirs with fat, ours without), the soup (they eat it, we don't), the potatoes (theirs peeled, ours not), the extras and now the fried potatoes too.

If only we could split up completely!

Yours, Anne

P.S. Bep had a picture postcard of the entire Royal Family copied for me. Juliana

looks very young, and so does the Queen. The three little girls are adorable. It was

incredibly nice of Bep, don't you think?

SUNDAY, JANUARY 2, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

This morning, when I had nothing to do, I leafed through the pages of my diary and

came across so many letters dealing with the subject of "Mother" in such strong terms that I was shocked. I said to myself, "Anne, is that real y you talking about hate? Oh, Anne, how could you?"

I continued to sit with the open book in my hand and wonder why I was fil ed with so

much anger and hate that I had to confide it all to you. I tried to understand the Anne

of last year and make apologies for her, because as long as I leave you with these

accusations and don't attempt to explain what prompted them, my conscience won't be

clear. I was suffering then (and stil do) from moods that kept my head under water

(figuratively speaking) and al owed me to see things only from my own perspective,

without calmly considering what the others -- those whom I, with my mercurial

temperament, had hurt or offended -- had said, and then acting as they would have

done.

I hid inside myself, thought of no one but myself and calmly wrote down al my joy,

sarcasm and sorrow in my diary. Because this diary has become a kind of memory

book, it means a great deal to me, but I could easily write "over and done with" on many of its pages.

I was furious at Mother (and still am a lot of the time). It's true, she didn't

understand me, but I didn't understand her either. Because she loved me, she was

tender and affectionate, but because of the difficult situations I put her in, and the sad circumstances in which she found herself, she was nervous and irritable, so I can

understand why she was often short with me.

I was offended, took it far too much to heart and was insolent and beastly to her,

which, in turn, made her unhappy. We were caught in a vicious circle of

unpleasantness and sorrow. Not a very happy period for either of us, but at least it's

coming to an end. I didn't want to see what was going on, and I felt very sorry for

myself, but that's understandable too.

Those violent outbursts on paper are simply expressions of anger that, in normal life,

I could have worked off by locking myself in my room and stamping my foot a few

times or cal ing Mother names behind her back.

The period of tearful y passing judgment on Mother is over. I've grown wiser and

Mother's nerves are a bit steadier. Most of the time I manage to hold my tongue

when I'm annoyed, and she does too; so on the surface, we seem to be getting along

better. But there's one thing I can't do, and that's to love Mother with the devotion of a child.

I soothe my conscience with the thought that it's better for unkind words to be down

on paper than for Mother to have to carry them around in her heart.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Today I have two things to confess. It's going to take a long time, but I have to tel

them to someone, and you're the most likely candidate, since I know you'll keep a

secret, no matter what happens.

The first is about Mother. As you know, I've frequently complained about her and then

tried my best to be nice. I've suddenly realized what's wrong with her. Mother has

said that she sees us more as friends than as daughters. That's al very nice, of

course, except that a friend can't take the place of a mother. I need my mother to set

a good example and be a person I can respect, but in most matters she's an example

of what not to do. I have the feeling that Margot thinks so differently about these

things that she'd never be able to understand what I've just told you. And Father

avoids al conversations having to do with Mother.

I imagine a mother as a woman who, first and foremost, possesses a great deal of

tact, especial y toward her adolescent children, and not one who, like Momsy, pokes

fun at me when I cry. Not because I'm in pain, but because of other things.

This may seem trivial, but there's one incident I've never forgiven her for. It happened one day when I had to go to the dentist. Mother and Margot planned to go with me

and agreed I should take my bicycle. When the dentist was finished and we were back

outside, Margot and Mother very sweetly informed me that they were going downtown

to buy or look at something, I don't remember what, and of course I wanted to go

along. But they said I couldn't come because I had my bike with me. Tears of rage

rushed to my eyes, and Margot and Mother began laughing at me. I was so furious

that I stuck my tongue out at them, right there on the street. A little old lady

happened to be passing by, and she looked terribly shocked. I rode my bike home and

must have cried for hours. Strangely enough, even though Mother has wounded me

thousands of times, this particular wound still stings whenever I think of how angry I

was.

I find it difficult to confess the second one because it's about myself. I'm not prudish, Kitty, and yet every time they give a blow-by-blow account of their trips to the

bathroom, which they often do, my whole body rises in revolt.

Yesterday I read an article on blushing by Sis Heyster. It was as if she'd addressed it

directly to me. Not that I blush easily, but the rest of the article did apply. What she basical y says is that during puberty girls withdraw into themselves and begin thinking

about the wondrous changes taking place in their bodies. I feel that too, which

probably accounts for my recent embarrassment over Margot, Mother and Father. On

the other hand, Margot is a lot shyer than I am, and yet she's not in the least

embarrassed.

I think that what's happening to me is so wonderful, and I don't just mean the changes

taking place on the outside of my body, but also those on the inside. I never discuss

myself or any of these things with others, which is why I have to talk about them to

myself. Whenever I get my period (and that's only been three times), I have the

feeling that in spite of al the pain, discomfort and mess, I'm carrying around a sweet

secret. So even though it's a nuisance, in a certain way I'm always looking forward to

the time when I'l feel that secret inside me once again.

Sis Heyster also writes that girls my age feel very insecure about themselves and are

just beginning to discover that they're individuals with their own ideas, thoughts and

habits. I'd just turned thirteen when I came here, so I started thinking about myself

and realized that I've become an "independent person" sooner than most girls.

Sometimes when I lie in bed at night I feel a terrible urge to touch my breasts and

listen to the quiet, steady beating of my heart.

Unconsciously, I had these feelings even before I came here. Once when I was

spending the night at Jacque's, I could no longer restrain my curiosity about her body,

which she'd always hidden from me and which I'd never seen. I asked her whether, as

proof of our friendiship, we could touch each other's breasts. Jacque refused.

I also had a terrible desire to kiss her, which I did. Every time I see a female nude,

such as the Venus in my art history book, I go into ecstasy. Sometimes I find them

so exquisite I have to struggle to hold back my tears. If only I had a girlfriend!

THURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

My longing for someone to talk to has become so unbearable that I somehow took it

into my head to select Peter for this role. On the few occasions when I have gone to

Peter's room during the day, I've always thought it was nice and cozy. But Peter's too

polite to show someone the door when they're bothering him, so I've never dared to

stay long. I've always been afraid he'd think I was a pest. I've been looking for an

excuse to linger in his room and get him talking without his noticing, and yesterday I

got my chance. Peter, you see, is currently going through a crossword-puzzle craze,

and he doesn't do anything else al day. I was helping him, and we soon wound up

sitting across from each other at his table, Peter on the chair and me on the divan.

It gave me a wonderful feeling when I looked into his dark blue eyes and saw how

bashful my unexpected visit had made him. I could read his innermost thoughts, and in

his face I saw a look of helplessness and uncertainty as to how to behave, and at the

same time a flicker of awareness of his masculinity. I saw his shyness, and I melted.

I wanted to say, "Tel me about yourself. Look beneath my chatty exterior." But I found that it was easier to think up questions than to ask them.

The evening came to a close, and nothing happened, except that I told him about the

article on blushing. Not what I wrote you, of course, just that he would grow more

secure as he got older. "

That night I lay in bed and cried my eyes out, al the i while making sure no one

could hear me. The idea that I had to beg Peter for favors was simply revolting. But

people wil do almost anything to satisfy their longings; take me, for example, I've

made up my mind to visit Peter more often and, somehow, get him to talk to me.

You mustn't think I'm in love with Peter, because I'm not. If the van Daans had had a

daughter instead of a son, I'd have tried to make friends with her.

This morning I woke up just before seven and immediately remembered what I'd been

dreaming about. I was sitting on a chair and across from me was Peter. . . Peter

Schiff. We were looking at a book of drawings by Mary Bos. The dream was so vivid

I can even remember some of the drawings. But that wasn't al -- the dream went

on. Peter's eyes suddenly met mine, and I stared for a long time into those velvety

brown eyes. Then he said very softly, "If I'd only known, I'd have come to you long ago!" I turned abruptly away, overcome by emotion. And then I felt a soft,

oh-so-cool and gentle cheek against mine, and it felt so good, so good . . .

At that point I woke up, stil feeling his cheek against mine and his brown eyes

staring deep into my heart, so deep that he could read how much I'd loved him and

how much I stil do. Again my eyes filled with tears, and I was sad because I'd lost

him once more, and yet at the same time glad because I knew with certainty that

Peter is stil the only one for me. '

It's funny, but I often have such vivid images in my dreams. One night I saw

Grammy* [*Grammy is Anne's grandmother on her father's side, and Grandma her

grandmother on her mother's side.] so clearly that I could even make out her skin of

soft, crinkly velvet. Another time Grandma appeared to me as a guardian angel. After

that it was Hanneli, who still symbolizes to me the suffering of my friends as wel as

that of Jews in general, so that when I'm praying for her, I'm also praying for al the

Jews and al those in need.

And now Peter, my dearest Peter. I've never had such a clear mental image of him. I

don't need a photograph, I can see him oh so well.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, ]ANUARY 7, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I'm such an idiot. I forgot that I haven't yet told you the story of my one true love.

When I was a little girl, way back in kindergarten, I took a liking to Sally Kimmel.

His father was gone, and he and his mother lived with an aunt. One of Sally's cousins

was a good-looking, slender, dark-haired boy named Appy, who later turned out to

look like a movie idol and aroused more admiration than the short, comical, chubby

Sal y. For a long time we went everywhere together, but aside from that, my love was

unrequited until Peter crossed my path. I had an out-and-out crush on him. He liked

me too, and we were inseparable for one whole summer. I can still see us walking

hand in hand through our neighborhood, Peter in a white cotton suit and me in a short

summer dress. At the end of the summer vacation he went to the seventh grade at

the middle school, while I was in the sixth grade at the grammar school. He'd pick me

up on the way home, or I'd pick him up. Peter was the ideal boy: tall, good-looking

and slender, with a serious, quiet and intelligent face. He had dark hair, beautiful

brown eyes, ruddy cheeks and a nicely pointed nose. I was crazy about his smile,

which made him look so boyish and mischievous.

I'd gone away to the countryside during summer vacation, and when I came back,

Peter was no longer at his old address; he'd moved and was living with a much older

boy, who apparently told him I was just a kid, because Peter stopped seeing me. I

loved him so much that I didn't want to face the truth. I kept clinging to him until the day I finally realized that if I continued to chase after him, people would say I was

boy-crazy.

The years went by. Peter hung around with girls his own age and no longer bothered

to say hel o to me. I started school at the Jewish Lyceum, and several boys in my

class were in love with me. I enjoyed it and felt honored by their attentions, but that

was al . Later on, Hello had a terrible crush on me, but as I've already told you, I

never fel in love again.

There's a saying: "Time heals all wounds." That's how it was with me. I told myself I'd forgotten Peter and no longer liked him in the least. But my memories of him were

so strong that I had to admit to myself that the only reason I no longer liked him was

that I was jealous of the other girls. This morning I realized that nothing has changed; on the contrary, as I've grown older and more mature, my love has grown along with

me. I can understand now that Peter thought I was childish, and yet it still hurts to

think he'd forgotten me completely. I saw his face so clearly; I knew for certain that

no one but Peter could have stuck in my mind that way.

I've been in an utter state of confusion today. When Father kissed me this morning, I

wanted to shout, "Oh, if only you were Peter!" I've been thinking of him constantly, and al day long I've been repeating to myself, "Oh, Petel, my darling, darling Petel . .

."

Where can I find help? I simply have to go on living and praying to God that, if we

ever get out of here, Peter's path wil cross mine and he'll gaze into my eyes, read

the love in them and say, "Oh, Anne, if I'd only known, I'd have come to you long

ago."

Once when Father and I were talking about sex, he said I was too young to

understand that kind of desire. But I thought I did understand it, and now I'm sure I

do. Nothing is as dear to me now as my darling Petel!

I saw my face in the mirror, and it looked so different. My eyes were clear and deep,

my cheeks were rosy, which they hadn't been in weeks, my mouth was much softer. I

looked happy, and yet there was something so sad in my expression that the smile

immediately faded from my lips. I'm not happy, since I know Petel's not thinking of

me, and yet I can stil feel his beautiful eyes gazing at me and his cool, soft cheek

against mine. . . Oh, Petel, Petel, how am I ever going to free myself from your

image? Wouldn't anyone who took your place be a poor substitute? I love you, with a

love so great that it simply couldn't keep growing inside my heart, but had to leap out

and reveal itself in al its magnitude.

A week ago, even a day ago, if you'd asked me, "Which of your friends do you think

you'd be most likely to marry?" I'd have answered, "Sal y, since he makes me feel good, peaceful and safe!" But now I'd cry, "Petel, because I love him with all my heart and all my soul. I surrender myself completely!" Except for that one thing: he may touch my face, but that's as far as it goes.

This morning I imagined I was in the front attic with Petel, sitting on the floor by the windows, and after talking for a while, we both began to cry. Moments later I felt his

mouth and his wonderful cheek! Oh, Petel, come to me. Think of me, my dearest

Petel!

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Bep's been back for the last two weeks, though her sister won't be al owed back at

school until next week. Bep herself spent two days in bed with a bad cold. Miep and

Jan were also out for two days, with upset stomachs.

I'm currently going through a dance and bal et craze and am diligently practicing my

dance steps every evening. I've made an ultramodern dance costume out of a lacy

lavender slip belonging to Momsy. Bias tape is threaded through the top and tied just

above the bust. A pink corded ribbon completes the ensemble. I tried to turn my

tennis shoes into ballet slippers, but with no success. My stiff limbs are wel on the

way to becoming as limber as they used to be. A terrific exercise is to sit on the

floor, place a heel in each hand and raise both legs in the air. I have to sit on a

cushion, because otherwise my poor backside really takes a beating.

Everyone here is reading a book cal ed A Cloudless Morning. Mother thought it was

extremely good because it describes a number of adolescent problems. I thought to

myself, a bit ironical y, "Why don't you take more interest in your own adolescents first!"

I think Mother believes that Margot and I have a better relationship with our parents

than anyone in the whole wide world, and that no mother is more involved in the lives

of her children than she is. She must have my sister in mind, since I don't believe

Margot has the same problems and thoughts as I do. Far be it from me to point out

to Mother that one of her daughters is not at all what she imagines. She'd be

completely bewildered, and anyway, she'd never be able to change; I'd like to spare

her that grief, especial y since I know that everything would remain the same. Mother

does sense that Margot loves her much more than I do, but she thinks I'm just going

through a phase.

Margot's gotten much nicer. She seems a lot different than she used to be. She's not

nearly as catty these days and is becoming a real friend. She no longer thinks of me

as a litde kid who doesn't count.

It's funny, but I can sometimes see myself as others see me. I take a leisurely look

at the person cal ed "Anne Frank" and browse through the pages of her life as though she were a stranger.

Before I came here, when I didn't think about things as much as I do now, I

occasional y had the feeling that I didn't belong to Momsy, Pim and Margot and that I

would always be an outsider. I sometimes went around for six months at a time

pretending I was an orphan. Then I'd chastise myself for playing the victim, when

really, I'd always been so fortunate. After that I'd force myself to be friendly for a

while. Every morning when I heard footsteps on the stairs, I hoped it would be

Mother coming to say good morning. I'd greet her warmly, because I honesly did look

forward to her affectionate glance. But then she'd snap at me for having made some

comment or other (and I'd go off to school feeling completely discouraged.

On the way home I'd make excuses for her, tel ing myself that she had so many

worries. I'd arrive home in high spirits, chatting nineteen to the dozen, until the events of the morning would repeat themselves and I'd leave the room with my schoolbag in

my hand and a pensive look on my face. Sometimes I'd decide to stay angry, but then

I always had so much to talk about after school that I'd forget my resolution and want

Mother to stop whatever she was doing and lend a wil ing ear. Then the time would

come once more when I no longer listened for the steps on the stairs and felt lonely

and cried into my pil ow every night.

Everything has gotten much worse here. But you already knew that. Now God has sent

someone to help me: Peter. I fondle my pendant, press it to my lips and think, "What do I care! Petel is mine and nobody knows it!" With this in mind, I can rise above

every nasty remark. Which of the people here would suspect that so much is going on

in the mind of a teenage girl?

SATURDAY, JANUARY 15, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

There's no reason for me to go on describing al our quarrels and arguments down to

the last detail. It's enough to tel you that we've divided many things like meat and

fats and oils and are frying our own potatoes. Recently we've been eating a little

extra rye bread because by four o'clock we're so hungry for dinner we can barely

control our rumbling stomachs.

Mother's birthday is rapidly approaching. She received some extra sugar from Mr.

Kugler, which sparked off jealousy on the part of the van Daans, because Mrs. van D.

didn't receive any on her birthday. But what's the point of boring you with harsh

words, spiteful conversations and tears when you know they bore us even more?

Mother has expressed a wish, which isn't likely to come true any time soon: not to

have to see Mr. van Daan's face for two whole weeks. I wonder if everyone who

shares a house sooner or later ends up at odds with their fel ow residents. Or have

we just had a stroke of bad luck? At mealtime, when Dussel helps himself to a

quarter of the half-fil ed gravy boat and leaves the rest of us to do without, I lose

my appetite and feel like jumping to my feet, knocking him off his chair and throwing

him out the door.

Are most people so stingy and selfish? I've gained some insight into human nature

since I came here, which is good, but I've had enough for the present. Peter says the

same.

The war is going to go on despite our quarrels and our longing for freedom and fresh

air, so we should try to make the best of our stay here.

I'm preaching, but I also believe that if I live here much longer, I'l turn into a

dried-up old beanstalk. And al I real y want is to be an honest-to-goodness

teenager!

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY EVENING, JANUARY 19, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I (there I go again!) don't know what's happened, but since my dream I keep noticing

how I've changed. By the way, I dreamed about Peter again last night and once again I

felt his eyes penetrate mine, but this dream was less vivid and not quite as beautiful

as the last.

You know that I always used to be jealous of Margot's relationship with Father.

There's not a trace of my jealousy left now; I stil feel hurt when Father's nerves

cause him to be unreasonable toward me, but then I think, "I can't blame you for

being the way you are. You talk so much about the minds of children and adolescents,

but you don't know the first thing about them!" I long for more than Father's

affection, more than his hugs and kisses. Isn't it awful of me to be so preoccupied

with myself? Shouldn't I, who want to be good and kind, forgive them first? I forgive

Mother too, but every time she makes a sarcastic remark or laughs at me, it's al I

can do to control myself.

I know I'm far from being what I should; wil I ever be?

Anne Frank

P.S. Father asked if I told you about the cake. For Mother's birthday, she received a

real mocha cake, prewar quality, from the office. It was a really nice day! But at the

moment there's no room in my head for things like that.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Can you tell me why people go to such lengths to hide their real selves? Or why I

always behave very differently when I'm in the company of others? Why do people

have so little trust in one another? I know there must be a reason, but sometimes I

think it's horrible that you can't ever confide in anyone, not even those closest to you.

It seems as if I've grown up since the night I had that dream, as if I've become more

independent. You'l be amazed when I tel you that even my attitude toward the van

Daans has changed. I've stopped looking at all the discussions and arguments from my

family's biased point of view. What's brought on such a radical change? Wel , you see,

I suddenly realized that if Mother had been different, if she'd been a real mom, our

relationship would have been very, very different. Mrs. van Daan is by no means a

wonderful person, yet half the arguments could have been avoided if Mother hadn't

been so hard to deal with every time they got onto a tricky subject. Mrs. van Daan

does have one good point, though: you can talk to her. She may be selfish, stingy and

underhanded, but she'll readily back down as long as you don't provoke her and make

her unreasonable. This tactic doesn't work every time, but if you're patient, you can

keep trying and see how far you get.

Al the conflicts about our upbringing, about not pampering children, about the food

-- about everything, absolutely everything -- might have taken a different turn if

we'd remained open and on friendly terms instead of always seeing the worst side.

I know exactly what you're going to say, Kitty.

"But, Anne, are these words real y coming from your lips? From you, who have had to put up with so many unkind words from upstairs? From you, who are aware of all the

injustices?"

And yet they are coming from me. I want to take a fresh look at things and form my

own opinion, not just ape my parents, as in the proverb "The apple never falls far

from the tree." I want to reexamine the van Daans and decide for myself what's true and what's been blown out of proportion. If I wind up being disappointed in them, I

can always side with Father and Mother. But if not, I can try to change their attitude.

And if that doesn't work, I'l have to stick with my own opinions and judgment. I'l

take every opportunity to speak openly to Mrs. van D. about our many differences and

not be afraid -- despite my reputation as a smart aleck -- to offer my impartial

opinion. I won't say anything negative about my own family, though that doesn't mean

I won't defend them if somebody else does, and as of today, my gossiping is a thing

of the past.

Up to now I was absolutely convinced that the van Daans were entirely to blame for

the quarrels, but now I'm sure the fault was largely ours. We were right as far as the

subject matter was concerned, but intel igent people (such as ourselves!) should have

more insight into how to deal with others.

I hope I've got at least a touch of that insight, and that I'l find an occasion to put it to good use.

Yours, Anne

MONDAY, JANUARY 24, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

A very strange thing has happened to me. (Actual y, "happened" isn't quite the right word.)

Before I came here, whenever anyone at home or at school talked about sex, they

were either secretive or disgusting. Any words having to do with sex were spoken in

a low whisper, and kids who weren't in the know were often laughed at. That struck

me as odd, and I often wondered why people were so mysterious or obnoxious when

they talked about this subject. But because I couldn't change things, I said as little as possible or asked my girlfriends for information.

After I'd learned quite a lot, Mother once said to me, "Anne, let me give you some

good advice. Never discuss this with boys, and if they bring it up, don't answer them."

I stil remember my exact reply. "No, of course not," I exclaimed. "Imagine!" And nothing more was said.

When we first went into hiding, Father often told me about things I'd rather have

heard from Mother, and I learned the rest from books or things I picked up in

conversations.

Peter van Daan wasn't ever as obnoxious about this subject as the boys at school. Or

maybe just once or twice, in the beginning, though he wasn't trying to get me to talk.

Mrs. van Daan once told us she'd never discussed these matters with Peter, and as far

as she knew, neither had her husband. Apparently she didn't even know how much

Peter knew or where he got his information.

Yesterday, when Margot, Peter and I were peeling potatoes, the conversation somehow

turned to Boche. "We're still not sure whether Boche is a boy or a girl, are we?" I asked.

Yes we are, he answered. "Boche is a tomcat."

I began to laugh. "Some tomcat if he's pregnant."

Peter and Margot joined in the laughter. You see, a month or two ago Peter informed

us that Boche was sure to have kittens before long, because her stomach was rapidly

swel ing. However, Boche's fat tummy turned out to be due to a bunch of stolen

bones. No kittens were growing inside, much less about to be born.

Peter felt called upon to defend himself against my accusation. "Come with me. You

can see for yourself. I was horsing around with the cat one day, and I could definitely

see it was a 'he.' "

Unable to restrain my curiosity, I went with him to the warehouse. Boche, however,

wasn't receiving visitors at that hour, and was nowhere in sight. We waited for a

while, but when it got cold, we went back upstairs.

Later that afternoon I heard Peter go downstairs for the second time. I mustered the

courage to walk through the silent house by myself and reached the warehouse. Boche

was on the packing table, playing with Peter, who was getting ready to put him on the

scale and weigh him.

"Hi, do you want to have a look?" Without any preliminaries, he picked up the cat, turned him over on his back, deftly held his head and paws and began the lesson.

"This is the male sexual organ, these are a few stray hairs, and that's his backside."

The cat flipped himself over and stood up on his little white feet.

If any other boy had pointed out the "male sexual organ" to me, I would never have given him a second glance. But Peter went on talking in a normal voice about what is

otherwise a very awkward subject. Nor did he have any ulterior motives. By the time

he'd finished, I felt so much at ease that I started acting normally too. We played

with Boche, had a good time, chatted a bit and final y sauntered through the long

warehouse to the door. "Were you there when Mouschi was fixed?"

"Yeah, sure. It doesn't take long. They give the cat an anesthetic, of course."

"Do they take something out?"

"No, the vet just snips the tube. There's nothing to see on the outside."

I had to get up my nerve to ask a question, since it wasn't as "normal" as I thought.

"Peter, the German word Geschlechtsteil means 'sexual organ,' doesn't it? But then the male and female ones have different names."

"I know that."

"The female one is a vagina, that I know, but I don't know what it's called in males."

"Oh wel ," I said. "How are we supposed to know these words? Most of the time you just come across them by accident."

"Why wait? I'l ask my parents. They know more than I do and they've had more

experience."

We were already on the stairs, so nothing more was said.

Yes, it real y did happen. I'd never have talked to a girl about this in such a normal

tone of voice. I'm also certain that this isn't what Mother meant when she warned me

about boys.

Al the same, I wasn't exactly my usual self for the rest of the day. When I thought

back to our talk, it struck me as odd. But I've learned at least one thing: there are

young people, even those of the opposite sex, who can discuss these things natural y,

without cracking jokes.

Is Peter really going to ask his parents a lot of questions? Is he real y the way he

seemed yesterday?

Oh, what do I know?!!!

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

In recent weeks I've developed a great liking for family trees and the genealogical

tables of royal families. I've come to the conclusion that once you begin your search,

you have to keep digging deeper and deeper into the past, which leads you to even

more interesting discoveries.

Although I'm extremely diligent when it comes to my schoolwork and can pretty much

follow the BBC Home Service on the radio, I still spend many of my Sundays sorting

out and looking over my movie-star collection, which has grown to a very respectable

size. Mr. Kugler makes me happy every Monday by bringing me a copy of Cinema &

Theater magazine. The less worldly members of our household often refer to this

smal indulgence as a waste of money, yet they never fail to be surprised at how

accurately I can list the actors in any given movie, even after a year. Bep, who often

goes to the movies with her boyfriend on her day off, tel s me on

Saturday the name of the show they're going to see, and I then proceed to rattle off

the names of the leading actors and actresses and the reviews. Moms recently

remarked ; that I wouldn't need to go to the movies later on, because !

I know all the plots, the names of the stars and the reviews by heart.

Whenever I come sailing in with a new hairstyle, I I can read the disapproval on their

faces, and I can be sure someone wil ask which movie star I'm trying to imitate. My

reply, that it's my own invention, is greeted with ~ skepticism. As for the hairdo, it

doesn't hold its set for ~ more than half an hour. By that time I'm so sick and tired i

of their remarks that I race to the bathroom and restore my hair to its normal mass

of curls.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

This morning I was wondering whether you ever felt like a cow, having to chew my

stale news over and over again until you're so fed up with the monotonous fare that

you yawn and secretly wish Anne would dig up something new.

Sorry, I know you find it dull as ditchwater, but imagine how sick and tired I am of

hearing the same old stuff. If the talk at mealtime isn't about politics or good food,

then Mother or Mrs. van D. trot out stories about their childhood that we've heard a

thousand times before, or Dussel goes on and on about beautiful racehorses, his

Charlotte's extensive wardrobe, leaky rowboats, boys who can swim at the age of four,

aching muscles and frightened patients. It all boils down to this: whenever one of the

eight of us opens his mouth, the other seven can finish the story for him. We know

the punch line of every joke before it gets told, so that whoever's tel ing it is left to laugh alone. The various milkmen, grocers and butchers of the two former housewives

have been praised to the skies or run into the ground so many times that in our

imaginations they've grown as old as Methuselah; there's absolutely no chance of

anything new or fresh being brought up for discussion in the Annex.

Stil , al this might be bearable if only the grown-ups weren't in the habit of repeating the stories we hear from Mr. Kleiman, jan or Miep, each time embel ishing them with

a few details of their own, so that I often have to pinch my arm under the table to

keep myself from setting the enthusiastic storytel er on the right track. Little children, such as Anne, must never, ever correct their elders, no matter how many blunders

they make or how often they let their imaginations run away with them.

Jan and Mr. Kleiman love talking about people who have gone underground or into

hiding; they know we're eager to hear about others in our situation and that we truly

sympathize with the sorrow of those who've been arrested as well as the joy of

prisoners who've been freed.

Going underground or into hiding has become as routine as the proverbial pipe and

slippers that used to await the man of the house after a long day at work. There are

many resistance groups, such as Free Netherlands, that forge identity cards, provide

financial support to those in hiding, organize hiding places and find work for young

Christians who go underground. It's amazing how much these generous and unselfish

people do, risking their own lives to help and save others.

The best example of this is our own helpers, who have managed to pul us through so

far and wil hopeful y bring us safely to shore, because otherwise they'l find

themselves sharing the fate of those they're trying to protect. Never have they uttered

a single word about the burden we must be, never have they complained that we're

too much trouble. They come upstairs every day and talk to the men about business

and politics, to the women about food and wartime difficulties and to the children

about books and newspapers. They put on their most cheerful expressions, bring

flowers and gifts for birthdays and holidays and are always ready to do what they can.

That's something we should never forget; while others display their heroism in battle

or against the Germans, our helpers prove theirs every day by their good spirits and

affection.

The most bizarre stories are making the rounds, yet most of them are really true. For

instance, Mr. Kleiman reported this week that a soccer match was held in the province

of Gelderland; one team consisted entirely of men who had gone underground, and the

other of eleven Military Policemen. In Hilversum, new registration cards were issued.

In order for the many people in hiding to get their rations (you have to show this

card to obtain your ration book or else pay 60 guilders a book), the registrar asked all those hiding in that district to pick up their cards at a specified hour, when the

documents could be col ected at a separate table.

Al the same, you have to be careful that stunts like these don't reach the ears of the

Germans.

Yours, Anne

SUNDAY, JANUARY 30, 1944

My dearest Kit,

Another Sunday has rol ed around; I don't mind them as much as I did in the

beginning, but they're boring enough.

I stil haven't gone to the warehouse yet, but maybe sometime soon. Last night I went

downstairs in the dark, al by myself, after having been there with Father a few nights

before. I stood at the top of the stairs while German planes flew back and forth, and I

knew I was on my own, that I couldn't count on others for support. My fear vanished.

I looked up at the sky and trusted in God.

I have an intense need to be alone. Father has noticed I'm not my usual self, but I

can't tel him what's bothering me. Al I want to do is scream "Let me be, leave me

alone!"

Who knows, perhaps the day will come when I'm left alone more than I'd like!

Anne Frank

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Invasion fever is mounting daily throughout the country. If you were here, I'm sure

you'd be as impressed as I am at the many preparations, though you'd no doubt laugh

at all the fuss we're making. Who knows, it may all be for nothing!

The papers are ful of invasion news and are driving everyone insane with such

statements as: "In the event of a British landing in Holland, the Germans wil do what they can to defend the country, even flooding it, if necessary." They've published

maps of Holland with the potential flood areas marked. Since large portions of

Amsterdam were shaded in, our first question was what we should do if the water in

the streets rose to above our waists. This tricky question elicited a variety of

responses:

"It'll be impossible to walk or ride a bike, so we'll have to wade through the water."

"Don't be silly. We'l have to try and swim. We'll all put on our bathing suits and caps and swim underwater as much as we can, so nobody can see we're Jews."

"Oh, baloney! I can just imagine the ladies swimming with the rats biting their legs!"

(That was a man, of course; we'l see who screams loudest!)

"We won't even be able to leave the house. The warehouse is so unstable it'l collapse if there's a flood."

"Listen, everyone, al joking aside, we really ought to try and get a boat."

"Why bother? I have a better idea. We can each take a packing crate from the attic

and row with a wooden spoon."

"I'm going to walk on stilts. I used to be a whiz at it when I was young."

"Jan Gies won't need to. He'll let his wife ride piggyback, and then Miep wil be on stilts."

So now you have a rough idea of what's going on, don't you, Kit? This lighthearted

banter is al very amusing, but reality wil prove otherwise. The second question about

the invasion was bound to arise: what should we do if the Germans evacuate

Amsterdam?

"Leave the city along with the others. Disguise ourselves as wel as we can."

"Whatever happens, don't go outside! The best thing to do is to stay put! The

Germans are capable of herding the entire population of Holland into Germany, where

they'l al die."

"Of course we'll stay here. This is the safest place.

We'l try to talk Kleiman and his family into coming here to live with us. We'l

somehow get hold of a bag of wood shavings, so we can sleep on the floor. Let's ask

Miep and Kleiman to bring some blankets, just in case. And we'l order some extra

cereal grains to supplement the sixty-five pounds we already have. Jan can try to find

some more beans. At the moment we've got about sixty-five pounds of beans and ten

pounds of split peas. And don't forget the fifty cans of vegetables."

"What about the rest, Mother? Give us the latest figures.' ,

"Ten cans of fish, forty cans of milk, twenty pounds of powdered milk, three bottles of oil, four crocks of butter, four jars of meat, two big jars of strawberries, two jars of raspberries, twenty jars of tomatoes, ten pounds of oatmeal, nine pounds of rice.

That's it."

Our provisions are holding out fairly wel . Al the same, we have to feed the office

staff, which means dipping into our stock every week, so it's not as much as it seems.

We have enough coal and firewood, candles too.

"Let's al make little moneybags to hide in our clothes so we can take our money with us if we need to leave here."

"We can make lists of what to take first in case we have to run for it, and pack our knapsacks in advance."

"When the time comes, we'll put two people on the lookout, one in the loft at the

front of the house and one in the back."

"Hey, what's the use of so much food if there isn't any water, gas or electricity?"

"We'l have to cook on the wood stove. Filter the water and boil it. We should clean some big jugs and fil them with water. We can also store water in the three kettles

we use for canning, and in the washtub."

"Besides, we stil have about two hundred and thirty pounds of winter potatoes in the spice storeroom."

Al day long that's al I hear. Invasion, invasion, nothing but invasion. Arguments about

going hungry, dying, bombs, fire extinguishers, sleeping bags, identity cards, poison

gas, etc., etc. Not exactly cheerful.

A good example of the explicit warnings of the male contingent is the following

conversation with Jan:

Annex: "We're afraid that when the Germans retreat, they'l take the entire population with them."

Jan: "That's impossible. They haven't got enough trains."

Annex: "Trains? Do you real y think they'd put civilians on trains? Absolutely not.

Everyone would have to hoof it." (Or, as Dussel always says, per pedes apostolorum.) Jan: "I can't believe that. You're always looking on the dark side. What reason would they have to round up al the civilians and take them along?"

Annex: "Don't you remember Goebbels saying that if the Germans have to go, they'll

slam the doors to all the occupied territories behind them?"

Jan: "They've said a lot of things."

Annex: "Do you think the Germans are too noble or humane to do it? Their reasoning

is: if we go under, we'l drag everyone else down with us."

Jan: "You can say what you like, I just don't believe

Annex: "It's always the same old story. No one wants to see the danger until it's

staring them in the face."

Jan: "But you don't know anything for sure. You're just making an assumption."

Annex: "Because we've already been through it al ourselves, First in Germany and

then here. What do you think's happening in Russia?"

Jan: "You shouldn't include the Jews. I don't think anyone knows what's going on in Russia. The British and the Russians are probably exaggerating for propaganda

purposes, just like the Germans."

Annex: "Absolutely not. The BBC has always told the truth. And even if the news is

slightly exaggerated, the facts are bad enough as they are. You can't deny that

mil ions of peace-loving citizens in Poland and Russia have been murdered or gassed."

I'll spare you the rest of our conversations. I'm very calm and take no notice of all

the fuss. I've reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die. The world

will keep on turning without me, and I can't do anything to change events anyway. I'll

just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope that everything

will be al right in the end.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1944

Dear Kitty,

I can't tell you how I feel. One minute I'm longing for peace and quiet, and the next

for a little fun. We've forgotten how to laugh -- I mean, laughing so hard you can t

stop.

This morning I had "the giggles"; you know, the kind we used to have at school.

Margot and I were giggling like real teenagers.

Last night there was another scene with Mother. Margot was tucking her wool blanket

around her when suddenly she leapt out of bed and careful y examined the blanket.

What do you think she found? A pin! Mother had patched the blanket and forgotten to

take it out. Father shook his head meaningful y and made a comment about how

careless Mother is. Soon afterward Mother came in from the bathroom, and just to

tease her I said, "Du bist doch eine echte Rabenmutter." [Oh, you are cruel.]

Of course, she asked me why I'd said that, and we told her about the pin she'd

overlooked. She immediately assumed her haughtiest expression and said, "You're a

fine one to talk. When you're sewing, the entire floor is covered with pins. And look,

you've left the manicure set lying around again. You never put that away either!"

I said I hadn't used it, and Margot backed me up, since she was the guilty party.

Mother went on talking about how messy I was until I got fed up and said, rather

curtly, "I wasn't even the one who said you were careless. I'm always getting blamed for other people's mistakes!"

Mother fel silent, and less than a minute later I was obliged to kiss her good-night.

This incident may not have been very important, but these days everything gets on

my nerves.

Anne Mary Frank

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

The sun is shining, the sky is deep blue, there's a magnificent breeze, and I'm longing

-- real y longing -- for everything: conversation, freedom, friends, being alone. I

long. . . to cry! I feel as if I were about to explode. I know crying would help, but I

can't cry. I'm restless. I walk from one room to another, breathe through the crack in

the window frame, feel my heart beating as if to say, "Fulfill my longing at last. . ."

I think spring is inside me. I feel spring awakening, I feel it in my entire body and

soul. I have to force myself to act normal y. I'm in a state of utter confusion, don't

know what to read, what to write, what to do. I only know that I'm longing for

something. . .

Yours, Anne

186 ANNE FRANK

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

A lot has changed for me since Saturday. What's happened is this: I was longing for

something (and stil am), but. . . a smal , a very small, part of the problem has been

resolved.

On Sunday morning I noticed, to my great joy (I'll be honest with you), that Peter

kept looking at me. Not in the usual way. I don't know, I can't explain it, but I

suddenly had the feeling he wasn't as in love with Margot as I used to think. Al day

long I tried not to look at him too much, because whenever I did, I caught him looking

at me and then -- wel , it made me feel wonderful inside, and that's not a feeling I

should have too often.

Sunday evening everyone, except Pim and me, was clustered around the radio,

listening to the "Immortal Music of the German Masters." Dussel kept twisting and turning the knobs, which annoyed Peter, and the others too. After restraining himself

for half an hour, Peter asked somewhat irritably if he would stop fiddling with the

radio. Dussel replied in his haughtiest tone, "Ich mach' das schon!" [I'l decide that.]

Peter got angry and made an insolent remark. Mr. van Daan sided with him, and

Dussel had to back down. That was it.

The reason for the disagreement wasn't particularly interesting in and of itself, but

Peter has apparently taken the matter very much to heart, because this morning, when

I was rummaging around in the crate of books in the attic, Peter came up and began

telling me what had happened. I didn't know anything about it, but Peter soon realized

he'd found an attentive listener and started warming up to his subject.

"Wel , it's like this," he said. "I don't usually talk much, since I know beforehand I'l just be tongue-tied. I start stuttering and blushing and I twist my words around so

much I final y have to stop, because I can't find the right words. That's what happened

yesterday. I meant to say something entirely different, but once I started, I got all

mixed up. It's awful. I used to have a bad habit, and sometimes I wish I still did:

whenever I was mad at someone, I'd beat them up instead of arguing with them. I

know this method won't get me anywhere, and that's why I admire you. You're never

at a loss for words: you say exactly what you want to say and aren't in the least bit

shy."

"Oh, you're wrong about that," I replied. "Most of what I say comes out very differently from the way I'd planned. Plus I talk too much and too long, and that's just as bad."

"Maybe, but you have the advantage that no one can see you're embarrassed. You

don't blush or go to pieces."

I couldn't help being secretly amused at his words. However, since I wanted him to go

on talking quietly about himself, I hid my laughter, sat down on a cushion on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and gazed at him intently.

I'm glad there's someone else in this house who flies into the same rages as I do.

Peter seemed relieved that he could criticize Dussel without being afraid I'd tel . As

for me, I was pleased too, because I sensed a strong feeling of fel owship, which I

only remember having had with my girlfriends.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1944

The minor run-in with Dussel had several repercussions, for which he had only

himself to blame. Monday evening Dussel came in to see Mother and told her

triumphantly that Peter had asked him that morning if he'd slept wel , and then added

how sorry he was about what had happened Sunday evening -- he hadn't real y

meant what he'd said. Dussel assured him he hadn't taken it to heart. So everYthing

was right as rain again. Mother passed this story on to me, and I was secretly amazed

that Peter, who'd been so angry at Dussel, had humbled himself, despite al his

assurances to the contrary.

I couldn't refrain from sounding Peter out on the subject, and he instantly replied that Dussel had been lying. You should have seen Peter's face. I wish I'd had a camera.

Indignation, rage, indecision, agitation and much more crossed his face in rapid

succession.

That evening Mr. van Daan and Peter real y told Dussel off. But it couldn't have been

al that bad, since Peter had another dental appointment today.

Actually, they never wanted to speak to each other again.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1944

Peter and I hadn't talked to each other al day, except for a few meaningless words. It

was too cold to go up to the attic, and anyway, it was Margot's birthday. At

twelve-thirty he came to look at the presents and hung around chatting longer than

was strictly necessary, something he'd never have done otherwise. But I got my

chance in the afternoon. Since I felt like spoiling Margot on her birthday, I went to

get the coffee, and after that the potatoes. When I came to Peter's room, he

immediately took his papers off the stairs, and I asked if I should close the trapdoor

to the attic.

"Sure," he said, "go ahead. When you're ready to come back down, just knock and I'll open it for you."

I thanked him, went upstairs and spent at least ten minutes searching around in the

barrel for the smal est potatoes. My back started aching, and the attic was cold.

Natural y, I didn't bother to knock but opened the trap-door myself. But he obligingly

got up and took the pan out of my hands.

"I did my best, but I couldn't find any smaller ones."

"Did you look in the big barrel?"

"Yes, I've been through them all."

By this time I was at the bottom of the stairs, and he examined the pan of potatoes

he was still holding. "Oh, but these are fine," he said, and added, as I took the pan from him, "My compliments!"

As he said this, he gave me such a warm, tender look that I started glowing inside. I

could tel he wanted to please me, but since he couldn't make a long complimentary

speech, he said everything with his eyes. I understood him so wel and was very

grateful. It stil makes me happy to think back to those words and that look!

When I went downstairs, Mother said she needed more potatoes, this time for dinner,

so I volunteered to go back up. When I entered Peter's room, I apologized for

disturbing him again. As I was going up the stairs, he stood up, went over to stand

between the stairs and the wal , grabbed my arm and tried to stop me.

"I'l go," he said. "I have to go upstairs anyway."

I replied that it wasn't real y necessary, that I didn't have to get only the smal ones

this time. Convinced, he let go of my arm. On my way back, he opened the trapdoor

and once again took the pan from me. Standing by the door, I asked, "What are you

working on?"

"French," he replied.

I asked if I could take a look at his lessons. Then I went to wash my hands and sat

down across from him on the divan.

After I'd explained some French to him, we began to talk. He told me that after the

war he wanted to go to the Dutch East Indies and live on a rubber plantation. He

talked about his life at home, the black market and how he felt like a worthless bum.

I told him he had a big inferiority complex. He talked about the war, saying that

Russia and England were bound to go to war against each other, and about the Jews.

He said life would have been much easier if he'd been a Christian or could become

one after the war. I asked if he wanted to be baptized, but that wasn't what he meant

either. He said he'd never be able to feel like a Christian, but that after the war he'd make sure nobody would know he was Jewish. I felt a momentary pang. It's such a

shame he still has a touch of dishonesty in him.

Peter added, "The Jews have been and always will be the chosen people!"

I answered, "Just this once, I hope they'l be chosen for something good!"

But we went on chatting very pleasantly, about Father, about judging human character

and al sorts of things, so many that I can't even remember them al .

I left at a quarter past five, because Bep had arrived.

That evening he said something else I thought was nice. We were talking about the

picture of a movie star I'd once given him, which has been hanging in his room for at

least a year and a half. He liked it so much that I offered to give him a few more.

"No," he replied, "I'd rather keep the one I've got. I look at it every day, and the people in it have become my friends."

I now have a better understanding of why he always hugs Mouschi so tightly. He

obviously needs affection too. I forgot to mention something else he was talking about.

He said, "No, I'm not afraid, except when it comes to things about myself, but I'm

working on that."

Peter has a huge inferiority complex. For example, he always thinks he's so stupid and

we're so smart. When I help him with French, he thanks me a thousand times. One of

these days I'm going to say, "Oh, cut it out! You're much better at English and

geography!"

Anne Frank

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1944

Dear Kitty,

I was upstairs this morning, since I promised Mrs. van D. I'd read her some of my

stories. I began with "Eva's Dream," which she liked a lot, and then I read a few passages from "The Secret Annex," which had her in stitches. Peter also listened for a while (just the last part) and asked if I'd come to his room sometime to read more.

I decided I had to take a chance right then and there, so I got my notebook and let

him read that bit where Cady and Hans talk about God. I can't real y tel what kind of

impression it made on him. He said something I don't quite remember, not about

whether it was good, but about the idea behind it. I told him I just wanted him to see

that I didn't write only amusing things. He nodded, and I left the room. We'll see if I

hear anything more!

Yours, Anne Frank

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

Whenever I go upstairs, it's always so I can see "him." Now that I have something to look forward to, my life here has improved greatly.

At least the object of my friendship is always here, and I don't have to be afraid of

rivals (except for Margot). Don't think I'm in love, because I'm not, but I do have the

feeling that something beautiful is going to develop between Peter and me, a kind of

friendship and a feeling of trust. I go see him whenever I get the chance, and it's not

the way it used to be, when he didn't know what to make of me. On the contrary,

he's stil talking away as I'm heading out the door. Mother doesn't like me going

upstairs. She always says I'm bothering Peter and that I should leave him alone.

Honestly, can't she credit me with some intuition? She always looks at me so oddly

when I go to Peter's room. When I come down again, she asks me where I've been.

It's terrible, but I'm beginning to hate her!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

It's Saturday again, and that should tel you enough. This morning al was quiet. I

spent nearly an hour upstairs making meatballs, but I only spoke to "him" in passing.

When everyone went upstairs at two-thirty to either read or take a nap, I went

downstairs, with blanket and al , to sit at the desk and read or write. Before long I

couldn't take it anymore. I put my head in my arms and sobbed my heart out. The

tears streamed down my cheeks, and I felt desperately unhappy. Oh, if only' 'he" had come to comfort me.

It was past four by the time I went upstairs again. At five o'clock I set off to get

some potatoes, hoping once again that we'd meet, but while I was still in the bathroom

fixing my hair, he went to see Boche.

I wanted to help Mrs. van D. and went upstairs with my book and everything, but

suddenly I felt the tears coming again. I raced downstairs to the bathroom, grabbing

the hand mirror on the way. I sat there on the toilet, ful y dressed, long after I was

through, my tears leaving dark spots on the red of my apron, and I felt utterly

dejected.

Here's what was going through my mind: "Oh, I'l never reach Peter this way. Who

knows, maybe he doesn't even like me and he doesn't need anyone to confide in.

Maybe he only thinks of me in a casual sort of way. I'l have to go back to being

alone, without anyone to confide in and without Peter, without hope, comfort or

anything to look forward to. Oh, if only I could rest my head on his shoulder and not

feel so hopelessly alone and deserted! Who knows, maybe he doesn't care for me at

al and looks at the others in the same tender way. Maybe I only imagined it was

especially for me. Oh, Peter, if only you could hear me or see me. If the truth is

disappointing, I won't be able to bear it."

A little later I felt hopeful and full of expectation again, though my tears were stil

flowing -- on the inside.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1944

What happens in other people's houses during the rest of the week happens here in

the Annex on Sundays. While other people put on their best clothes and go strol ing in

the sun, we scrub, sweep and do the laundry.

Eight o'clock. Though the rest of us prefer to sleep in,

Dussel gets up at eight. He goes to the bathroom, then downstairs, then up again and

then to the bathroom, where he devotes a whole hour to washing himself.

Nine-thirty. The stoves are lit, the blackout screen is taken down, and Mr. van Daan

heads for the bathroom. One of my Sunday morning ordeals is having to lie in bed and

look at Dussel's back when he's praying. I know it sounds strange, but a praying

Dussel is a terrible sight to behold. It's not that he cries or gets sentimental, not at al , but he does spend a quarter of an hour -- an entire fifteen minutes -- rocking

from his toes to his heels. Back and forth, back and forth. It goes on forever, and if I don't shut my eyes tight, my head starts to spin.

Ten-fifteen. The van Daans whistle; the bathroom's free. In the Frank family quarters,

the first sleepy faces are beginning to emerge from their pillows. Then everything

happens fast, fast, fast. Margot and I take turns doing the laundry. Since it's quite

cold downstairs, we put on pants and head scarves. Meanwhile, Father is busy in the

bathroom. Either Margot or I have a turn in the bathroom at eleven, and then we're all

clean.

Eleven-thirty. Breakfast. I won't dwel on this, since there's enough talk about food

without my bringing the subject up as wel .

Twelve-fifteen. We each go our separate ways. Father, clad in overal s, gets down on

his hands and knees and brushes the rug so vigorously that the room is enveloped in a

cloud of dust. Mr. Dussel makes the beds (al wrong, of course), always whistling the

same Beethoven violin concerto as he goes about his work. Mother can be heard

shuffling around the attic as she hangs up the washing. Mr. van Daan puts on his hat

and disappears into the lower regions, usual y fol owed by Peter and Mouschi. Mrs.

van D. dons a long apron, a black wool jacket and overshoes, winds a red wool scarf

around her head, scoops up a bundle of dirty laundry and, with a wel -rehearsed

washerwoman's nod, heads downstairs. Margot and I do the dishes and straighten up

the room.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 23,1944

My dearest Kitty,

The weather's been wonderful since yesterday, and I've perked up quite a bit. My

writing, the best thing I have, is coming along wel . I go to the attic almost every

morning to get the stale air out of my lungs. This morning when I went there, Peter

was busy cleaning up. He finished quickly and came over to where I was sitting on

my favorite spot on the floor. The two of us looked out at the blue sky, the bare

chestnut tree glistening with dew, the seagulls and other birds glinting with silver as

they swooped through the air, and we were so moved and entranced that we couldn't

speak. He stood with his head against a thick beam, while I sat. We breathed in the

air, looked outside and both felt that the spell shouldn't be broken with words. We

remained like this for a long while, and by the time he had to go to the loft to chop

wood, I knew he was a good, decent boy. He climbed the ladder to the loft, and I

followed; during the fifteen minutes he was chopping wood, we didn't say a word

either. I watched him from where I was standing, and could see he was obviously

doing his best to chop the right way and show off his strength. But I also looked out

the open window, letting my eyes roam over a large part of Amsterdam, over the

rooftops and on to the horizon, a strip of blue so pale it was almost invisible.

"As long as this exists," I thought, "this sunshine and this cloudless sky, and as long as I can enjoy it, how can I be sad?"

The best remedy for those who are frightened, lonely or unhappy is to go outside,

somewhere they can be alone, alone with the sky, nature and God. For then and only

then can you feel that everything is as it should be and that God wants people to be

happy amid nature's beauty and simplicity.

As long as this exists, and that should be forever, I know that there will be solace for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances. I firmly believe that nature can bring

comfort to al who suffer.

Oh, who knows, perhaps it won't be long before I can share this overwhelming feeling

of happiness with someone who feels the same as I do.

Yours, Anne

P.S. Thoughts: To Peter.

We've been missing out on so much here, so very much, and for such a long time. I

miss it just as much as you do. I'm not talking about external things, since we're wel

provided for in that sense; I mean the internal things. Like you, I long for freedom

and fresh air, but I think we've been amply compensated for their loss. On the inside,

I mean.

This morning, when I was sitting in front of the window and taking a long, deep look

outside at God and nature, I was happy, just plain happy. Peter, as long as people feel

that kind of happiness within themselves, the joy of nature, health and much more

besides, they'l always be able to recapture that happiness.

Riches, prestige, everything can be lost. But the happiness in your own heart can only

be dimmed; it wil always be there, as long as you live, to make you happy again.

Whenever you're feeling lonely or sad, try going to the loft on a beautiful day and

looking outside. Not at the houses and the rooftops, but at the sky. As long as you

can look fearlessly at the sky, you'l know that you're pure within and will find

happiness once more.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

From early in the morning to late at night, all I do is think about Peter. I fal asleep

with his image before my eyes, dream about him and wake up with him stil looking at

me.

I have the strong feeling that Peter and I aren't real y as different as we may seem

on the surface, and I'l explain why: neither Peter nor I have a mother. His is too

superficial, likes to flirt and doesn't concern herself much with what goes on in his

head. Mine takes an active interest in my life, but has no tact, sensitivity or motherly understanding.

Both Peter and I are struggling with our innermost feelings. We're stil unsure of

ourselves and are too vulnerable, emotional y, to be dealt with so roughly. Whenever

that happens, I want to run outside or hide my feelings. Instead, I bang the pots and

pans, splash the water and am general y noisy, so that everyone wishes I were miles

away. Peter's reaction is to shut himself up, say little, sit quietly and daydream, al

the while careful y hiding his true self.

But how and when wil we final y reach each other?

I don't know how much longer I can continue to keep this yearning under control.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

It's like a nightmare, one that goes on long after I'm awake. I see him nearly every

hour of the day and yet I can't be with him, I can't let the others notice, and I have

to pretend to be cheerful, though my heart is aching.

Peter Schiff and Peter van Daan have melted into one Peter, who's good and kind and

whom I long for desperately. Mother's horrible, Father's nice, which makes him even

more exasperating, and Margot's the worst, since she takes advantage of my smiling

face to claim me for herself, when all I want is to be left alone.

Peter didn't join me in the attic, but went up to the loft to do some carpentry work.

At every rasp and bang, another chunk of my courage broke off and I was even more

unhappy. In the distance a clock was tol ing' 'Be pure in heart, be pure in mind!"

I'm sentimental, I know. I'm despondent and foolish, I know that too.

Oh, help me!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

My own affairs have been pushed to the background by . . . a break-in. I'm boring

you with al my break-ins, but what can I do when burglars take such pleasure in

honoring Gies & Go. with their presence? This incident is much more complicated than the last one, in July 1943.

Last night at seven-thirty Mr. van Daan was heading, as usual, for Mr. Kugler's office

when he saw that both the glass door and the office door were open. He was

surprised, but he went on through and was even more astonished to see that the

alcove doors were open as well and that there was a terrible mess in the front office.

"There's been a burglary" flashed through his mind. But just to make sure, he went downstairs to the front door, checked the lock and found everything closed. "Bep and Peter must just have been very careless this evening," Mr. van. D. concluded. He

remained for a while in Mr. Kugler's office, switched off the lamp and went upstairs

without worrying much about the open doors or the messy office.

Early this morning Peter knocked at our door to tel us that the front door was wide

open and that the projector and Mr. Kugler's new briefcase had disappeared from the

closet. Peter was instructed to lock the door. Mr. van Daan told us his discoveries of

the night before, and we were extremely worried.

The only explanation is that the burglar must have had a duplicate key, since there

were no signs of a forced entry. He must have sneaked in early in the evening, shut

the door behind him, hidden himself when he heard Mr. van Daan, fled with the loot

after Mr. van Daan went upstairs and, in his hurry, not bothered to shut the door.

Who could have our key? Why didn't the burglar go to the warehouse? Was it one of

our own warehouse employees, and wil he turn us in, now that he's heard Mr. van

Daan and maybe even seen him?

It's really scary, since we don't know whether the burglar will take it into his head to try and get in again. Or was he so startled when he heard someone else in the

building that he'l stay away?

Yours, Anne

P.S. We'd be delighted if you could hunt up a good detective for us. Obviously, there's

one condotion: he must be relied upon not to mform on people in hiding.

THURSDAY, MARCH 2, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Margot and I were in the attic together today. I can't enjoy being there with her the

way I imagine it'd be with Peter (or someone else). I know she feels the same about

most things as I do!

While doing the dishes, Bep began talking to Mother and Mrs. van Daan about how

discouraged she gets. What help did those two offer her? Our tactless mother,

especially, only made things go from bad to worse. Do you know what her advice

was? That she should think about all the other people in the world who are suffering!

How can thinking about the misery of others help if you're miserable yourself? I said

as much. Their response, of course, was that I should stay out of conversations of

this sort.

The grown-ups are such idiots! As if Peter, Margot, Bep and I didn't all have the

same feelings. The only thing that helps is a mother's love, or that of a very, very

close friend. But these two mothers don't understand the first thing about us! Perhaps

Mrs. van Daan does, a bit more than Mother. Oh, I wish I could have said something

to poor Bep, something that I know from my own experience would have helped. But

Father came between us, pushing me roughly aside. They're all so stupid!

I also talked to Margot about Father and Mother, about how nice it could be here if

they weren't so aggravating. We'd be able to organize evenings in which everyone

could take turns discussing a given subject. But we've already been through al that.

It's impossible for me to talk here! Mr. van Daan goes on the offensive, Mother i gets

sarcastic and can't say anythina in a normal voice, Father doesn't feel like taking part, nor does Mr. Dussel, and Mrs. van D. is attacked so often that she just sits there

with a red face, hardly able to put up a fight anymore. And what about us? We aren't

al owed to have an opinion! My, my, aren't they progressive! Not have an opinion!

People can tell you to shut up, but they can't keep you from having an opinion. You

can't forbid someone to have an opinion, no matter how young they are! The only

thing that would help Bep, Margot, Peter and me would be great love and devotion,

which we don't get here. And no one, especial y not the idiotic sages around here, is

capable of understanding us, since we're more sensitive and much more advanced in

our thinking than any of them ever suspect!

Love, what is love? I don't think you can real y put it into words. Love is

understanding someone, caring for him, sharing his joys and sorrows. This eventual y

includes physical love. You've shared something, given something away and received

something in return, whether or not you're married, whether or not you have a baby.

Losing your virtue doesn't matter, as long as you know that for as long as you live

you'l have someone at your side who understands you, and who doesn't have to be

shared with anyone else!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

At the moment, Mother's grouching at me again; she's clearly jealous because I talk to

Mrs. van Daan more than to her. What do I care!

I managed to get hold of Peter this afternoon, and we talked for at least forty-five

minutes. He wanted to tel me something about himself, but didn't find it easy. He

finally got it out, though it took a long time. I honestly didn't know whether it was

better for me to stay or to go. But I wanted so much to help him! I told him about

Bep and how tactless our mothers are. He told me that his parents fight constantly,

about politics and cigarettes and all kinds of things. As I've told you before, Peter's

very shy, but not too shy to admit that he'd be perfectly happy not to see his parents

for a year or two. "My father isn't as nice as he looks," he said. "But in the matter of the cigarettes, Mother's absolutely right."

I also told him about my mother. But he came to Father's defense. He thought he was

a "terrific guy."

Tonight when I was hanging up my apron after doing the dishes, he called me over

and asked me not to say anything downstairs about his parents' having had another

argument and not being on speaking terms. I promised, though I'd already told Margot.

But I'm sure Margot won't pass it on.

"Oh no, Peter," I said, you don't have to worry about me. I've learned not to blab everything I hear. I never repeat what you tel me."

He was glad to hear that. I also told him what terrible gossips we are, and said,

"Margot's quite right, of course, when she says I'm not being honest, because as much as I want to stop gossiping, there's nothing I like better than discussing Mr. Dussel."

"It's good that you admit it," he said. He blushed, and his sincere compliment almost embarrassed me too.

Then we talked about "upstairs" and "downstairs" some more. Peter was really rather surprised to hear that don't like his parents. "Peter," I said, "you know I'm always honest, so why shouldn't I tel you this as wel ? We can see their faults too."

I added, "Peter, I'd really like to help you. Wil you let me? You're caught in an

awkward position, and I know, even though you don't say anything, that it upsets you."

"Oh, your help is always welcome!"

"Maybe it'd be better for you to talk to Father. You can tell him anything, he won't pass it on."

"I know, he's a real pal."

"You like him a lot, don't you?"

Peter nodded, and I continued, "Wel , he likes you too, you know!"

He looked up quickly and blushed. It was really touching to see how happy these few

words made him.

"You think so?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "You can tel from the little things he lets slip now and then."

Then Mr. van Daan came in to do some dictating.

Peter's a "terrific guy," just like Father!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, MARCH 3,1944

My dearest Kitty,

When I looked into the candle tonight, I felt calm and happy again. It seems Grandma

is in that candle, and it's Grandma who watches over and protects me and makes me

feel happy again. But. . . there's someone else who governs al my moods and that's. .

. Peter. I went to get the potatoes today, and while I was standing on the stairway

with my pan ful , he asked, "What did you do during the lunch break?"

I sat down on the stairs, and we began to talk. The potatoes didn't make it to the

kitchen until five-fifteen (an hour after I'd gone to get them). Peter didn't say

anything more about his parents; we just talked about books and about the past. Oh,

he gazes at me with such warmth in his eyes; I don't think it wil take much for me

to fal in love with him.

He brought the subject up this evening. I went to his room after peeling potatoes and

remarked on how hot it was. "You can tel the temperature by looking at Margot and

me, because we turn white when it's cold and red when it's hot." I said.

"In love?" he asked.

"Why should I be in love?" It was a pretty sil y answer (or, rather, question).

"Why not?" he said, and then it was time for dinner.

What did he mean? Today I finally managed to ask him whether my chatter bothered

him. All he said was,

"Oh, it's fine with me!" I can't tell how much of his reply was due to shyness.

Kitty, I sound like someone who's in love and can talk about nothing but her dearest

darling. And Peter is a darling. Will I ever be able to tel him that? Only if he thinks

the same of me, but I'm the kind of person you have to treat with kid gloves, I know

that al too wel .

And he likes to be left alone, so I don't know how much he likes me. In any case,

we're getting to know each other a little better. I wish we dared to say more. But

who knows, maybe that time wil come sooner than I think!

Once or twice a day he gives me a knowing glance, I wink back, and we're both

happy. It seems crazy to talk about his being happy, and yet I have the overwhelming

feeling he thinks the same way I do.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MARCH 4, 1944

Dear Kitty,

This is the first Saturday in months that hasn't been tiresome, dreary and boring. The

reason is Peter. This morning as I was on my way to the attic to hang up my apron,

Father asked whether I wanted to stay and practice my French, and I said yes. We

spoke French together for a while and I explained something to Peter, and then we

worked on our English. Father read aloud from Dickens, and I was in seventh heaven,

since I was sitting on Father's chair, close to Peter.

I went downstairs at quarter to eleven. When I went back up at eleven-thirty, Peter

was already waiting for me on the stairs. We talked until quarter to one. Whenever I

leave the room, for example after a meal, and Peter has a chance and no one else can

hear, he says, "Bye, Anne, see you later."

Oh, I'm so happy! I wonder if he's going to fall in love with me after all? In any case, he's a nice boy, and you have no idea how good it is to talk to him!

Mrs. van D. thinks it's al right for me to talk to

Peter, but today she asked me teasingly, "Can I trust you two up there?"

"Of course," I protested. "I take that as an insult!"

Morning, noon and night, I look forward to seeing Peter.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

PS. Before I forget, last night everything was blanketed in snow. Now it's thawed and

there's almost nothing left.

MONDAY, MARCH 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Ever since Peter told me about his parents, I've felt a certain sense of responsibthty

toward him-don't you think that's strange? It's as though their quarrels were just as

much my business as his, and yet I don't dare bring it up anymore, because I'm afraid

it makes him uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to intrude, not for all the money in the

world.

I can tel by Peter's face that he ponders things just as deeply as I do. Last night I

was annoyed when Mrs. van D. scoffed, "The thinker!" Peter flushed and looked

embarrassed, and I nearly blew my top.

Why don't these people keep their mouths shut?

You can't imagine what it's like to have to stand on the sidelines and see how lonely

he is, without being able to do anything. I can imagine, as if I were in his place, how

despondent he must sometimes feel at the quarrels. And about love. Poor Peter, he

needs to be loved so much!

It sounded so cold when he said he didn't need any friends. Oh, he's so wrong! I don't

think he means it. He clings to his masculinity, his solitude and his feigned indif-

ference so he can maintain his role, so he'l never, ever have to show his feelings.

Poor Peter, how long can he keep it up? Won't he explode from this superhuman

effort?

Oh, Peter, if only I could help you, if only you would let me! Together we could

banish our loneliness, yours and mine!

I've been doing a great deal of thinking, but not saying much. I'm happy when I see

him, and happier still if the sun shines when we're together. I washed my hair

yesterday, and because I knew he was next door, I was very rambunctious. I couldn't

help it; the more quiet and serious I am on the inside, the noisier I get on the

outside!

Who wil be the first to discover the chink in my armor?

It's just as well that the van Daans don't have a daughter. My conquest could never be

so chal enging, so beautiful and so nice with someone of the same sex!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

PS. You know I'm always honest with you, so I think I should tell you that I live from

one encounter to the next. I keep hoping to discover that he's dying to see me, and

I'm in raptures when I notice his bashful attempts. I think he'd like to be able to

express himself as easily as I do; little does he know it's his awkwardness that I find

so touching.

TUESDAY, MARCH 7,1944

Dearest Kitty,

When I think back to my life in 1942, it al seems so unreal. The Anne Frank who

enjoyed that heavenly existence was completely different from the one who has grown

wise within these walls. Yes, it was heavenly. Five admirers on every street corner,

twenty or so friends, the favorite of most of my teachers, spoiled rotten by Father

and Mother, bags ful of candy and a big allowance. What more could anyone ask for?

You're probably wondering how I could have charmed al those people. Peter says It s

ecause I m "attractive," but that isn't it entirely. The teachers were amused and entertained by my clever answers, my witty remarks, my smthng face and my critical

mind. That's all I was: a terrible flirt, coquettish and amusing. I had a few plus points, which kept me in everybody's good graces: I was hardworking, honest and generous. I

would never have refused anyone who wanted to peek at my answers, I was

magnanimous with my candy, and I wasn't stuck-up.

Would al that admiration eventually have made me overconfident? It's a good thing

that, at the height of my glory, I was suddenly plunged into reality. It took me more

than a year to get used to doing without admiration.

How did they see me at school? As the class comedian, the eternal ringleader, never

in a bad mood, never a crybaby. Was it any wonder that everyone wanted to bicycle

to school with me or do me little favors?

I look back at that Anne Frank as a pleasant, amusing, but superficial girl, who has

nothing to do with me. What did Peter say about me? "Whenever I saw you, you were

surrounded by a flock of girls and at least two boys, you were always laughing, and

you were always the center of attention!" He was right.

What's remained of that Anne Frank? Oh, I haven't forgotten how to laugh or toss off

a remark, I'm just as good, if not better, at raking people over the coals, and I can

still flirt and be amusing, if I want to be . . .

But there's the catch. I'd like to live that seemingly carefree and happy life for an

evening, a few days, a week. At the end of that week I'd be exhausted, and would be

grateful to the first person to talk to me about something meaningful. I want friends,

not admirers. Peo- ple who respect me for my character and my deeds, not my

flattering smile. The circle around me would be much smal er, but what does that

matter, as long as they're sincere?

In spite of everything, I wasn't altogether happy in 1942; I often felt I'd been

deserted, but because I was on the go al day long, I didn't think about it. I enjoyed

myself as much as I could, trying consciously or unconsciously to fill the void with

jokes.

Looking back, I realize that this period of my life has irrevocably come to a close; my

happy-go-lucky, carefree schooldays are gone forever. I don't even miss them. I've

outgrown them. I can no longer just kid around, since my serious side is always there.

I see my life up to New Year's 1944 as if I were looking through a powerful

magnifying glass. When I was at home, my life was fil ed with sunshine. Then, in the

middle of 1942, everything changed overnight. The quarrels, the accusations -- I

couldn't take it al in. I was caught off guard, and the only way I knew to keep my

bearings was to talk back.

The first half of 1943 brought crying spel s, loneliness and the gradual realization of

my faults and short- comings, which were numerous and seemed even more so. I

fil ed the day with chatter, tried to draw Pim closer to me and failed. This left me on

my own to face the difficult task of improving myself so I wouldn't have to hear their

reproaches, because they made me so despondent.

The second half of the year was slightly better. I became a teenager, and was treated

more like a grown-up. I began to think about things and to write stories, finally

coming to the conclusion that the others no longer had anything to do with me. They

had no right to swing me back and forth like a pendulum on a clock. I wanted to

change myself in my own way. I realized I could man- age without my mother,

completely and total y, and that hurt. But what affected me even more was the

realization that I was never going to be able to confide in Father. I didn't trust anyone but myself.

After New Year's the second big change occurred: my dream, through which I

discovered my longing for . . . a boy; not for a girlfriend, but for a boyfriend. I also discovered an inner happiness underneath my superficial and cheerful exterior. From

time to time I was quiet. Now I live only for Peter, since what happens to me in the

future depends largely on him!

I lie in bed at night, after ending my prayers with the words "Ich Janke air fur al das Cute una Liebe una Schone,"* [* Thank you, God, for al that is good and dear and

beautiful.] and I'm filled with joy. I think of going into hiding, my health and my

whole being as das Cute; Peter's love (which is stil so new and fragile and which

neither of us dares to say aloud), the future, happiness and love as das Liebe; the

world, nature and the tremendous beauty of everything, al that splendor, as das

Schone.

At such moments I don't think about all the misery, but about the beauty that stil

remains. This is where Mother and I differ greatly. Her advice in the face of

melancholy is: "Think about al the suffering in the world and be thankful you're not part of it." My advice is: "Go outside, to the country, enjoy the sun and al nature has to offer. Go outside and try to recapture the happiness within yourself; think of al the beauty in yourself and in everything around you and be happy."

I don't think Mother's advice can be right, because what are you supposed to do if

you become part of the suffering? You'd be completely lost. On the contrary, beauty

remains, even in misfortune. If you just look for it, you discover more and more

happiness and regain your balance. A person who's happy will make others happy; a

person who has courage and faith will never die in misery!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 8, 1944

Margot and I have been writing each other notes, just for fun, of course.

Anne: It's strange, but I can only remember the day after what has happened the night

before. For example, I suddenly remembered that Mr. Dussel was snoring loudly last

night. (It's now quarter to three on Wednesday af- ternoon and Mr. Dussel is snoring

again, which is why it flashed through my mind, of course.) When I had to use the

potty, I deliberately made more noise to get the snoring to stop.

Margot: Which is better, the snoring or the gasping for air?

Anne: The snoring's better, because it stops when I make noise, without waking the

person in question.

What I didn't write to Margot, but what I'l confess to you, dear Kitty, is that I've

been dreaming of Peter a great deal. The night before last I dreamed I was skating

right here in our living room with that little boy from the Apol o ice-skating rink; he

was with his sister, the girl with the spindly legs who always wore the same blue

dress. I introduced myself, overdoing it a bit, and asked him his name. It was Peter.

In my dream I wondered just how many Peters I actual y knew!

Then I dreamed we were standing in Peter's room, facing each other beside the stairs.

I said something to him; he gave me a kiss, but replied that he didn't love me all that

much and that I shouldn't flirt. In a desperate and pleading voice I said, "I'm not flirting, Peter!"

When I woke up, I was glad Peter hasn't said it after al .

Last night I dreamed we were kissing each other, but

Peter's cheeks were very disappointing: they weren't as soft as they looked. They

were more like Father's cheeks -- the cheeks of a man who already shaves.

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

The proverb "Misfortunes never come singly" defi- nitely applies to today. Peter just got through saying it. Let me tell you all the awful things that have happened and that

are still hanging over our heads.

First, Miep is sick, as a result of Henk and Aagje's wedding yesterday. She caught

cold in the Westerkerk, where the service was held. Second, Mr. Kleiman hasn't

returned to work since the last time his stomach started bleeding, so Bep's been left

to hold down the fort alone. Third, the police have arrested a man (whose name I

won't put in writing). It's terrible not only for him, but for us as wel , since he's been supplying us with potatoes, butter and jam. Mr. M., as I'l cal him, has five children

under the age of thirteen, and another on the way.

Last night we had another little scare: we were in the middle of dinner when suddenly

someone knocked on the wall next door. For the rest of the evening we were nervous

and gloomy.

Lately I haven't been at al in the mood to write down what's been going on here. I've

been more wrapped up in myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm terribly upset about what's

happened to poor, good-hearted Mr. M., but there's not much room for him in my

diary.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I was in Peter's room from four-thirty to

five-fifteen. We worked on our French and chatted about one thing and another. I

really look forward to that hour or so in the afternoon, but best of all is that I think Peter's just as pleased to see me.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL 213

SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I haven't been able to sit stil lately. I wander up- stairs and down and then back

again. I like talking to Peter, but I'm always afraid of being a nuisance. He's told me a bit about the past, about his parents and about himself, but it's not enough, and every

five minutes I wonder why I find myself longing for more. He used to think I was a

real pain in the neck, and the feeling was mutual. I've changed my mind, but how do I

know he's changed his? I think he has, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to

become the best of friends, although as far as I'm concerned, it would make our time

here more bearable. But I won't let this drive me crazy. I spend enough time thinking

about him and don't have to get you al worked up as wel , simply because I'm so

miserable!

SUNDAY, MARCH 12, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Things are getting crazier here as the days go by.

Peter hasn't looked at me since yesterday. He's been acting as if he's mad at me. I'm

doing my best not to chase after him and to talk to him as little as possible, but it's

not easy! What's going on, what makes him keep me at arm's length one minute and

rush back to my side the next? Perhaps I'm imagining that it's worse than it really is.

Perhaps he's just moody like me, and tomorrow everything will be al right again!

I have the hardest time trying to maintain a normal facade when I'm feeling so

wretched and sad. I have to talk, help around the house, sit with the others and,

above al , act cheerful! Most of al I miss the outdoors and having a place where I can

be alone for as long as I want! I think I'm getting everything all mixed up, Kitty, but

then, I'm in a state of utter confusion: on the one hand, I'm half crazy with desire for him, can hardly be in the same room without looking at him; and on the other hand, I

wonder why he should matter to me so much and why I can't be calm again!

Day and night, during every waking hour, I do nothing but ask myself, "Have you

given him enough chance to be alone? Have you been spending too much time

upstairs? Do you talk too much about serious subjects he's not yet ready to talk

about? Maybe he doesn't even like you? Has it al been your imagination? But then

why has he told you so much about himself? Is he sorry he did?" And a whole lot

more.

Yesterday afternoon I was so worn out by the sad news from the outside that I lay

down on my divan for a nap. Al I wanted was to sleep and not have to think. I slept

until four, but then I had to go next door. It wasn't easy, answering al Mother's

questions and inventing an excuse to explain my nap to Father. I pleaded a headache,

which wasn't a lie, since I did have one. . . on the inside!

Ordinary people, ordinary girls, teenagers like myself, would think I'm a little nuts

with al my self-pity. But that's just it. I pour my heart out to you, and the rest of

the time I'm as impudent, cheerful and self-confident as possible to avoid questions

and keep from getting on my own nerves.

Margot is very kind and would like me to confide in her, but I can't tel her

everything. She takes me too seriously, far too seriously, and spends a lot of time

thinking about her loony sister, looking at me closely whenever I open my mouth and

wondering, "Is she acting, or does she real y mean it?"

It's because we're always together. I don't want the person I confide in to be around

me al the time. When will I untangle my jumbled thoughts? When will I find inner

peace again?

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, MARCH 14, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

It might be amusing for you (though not for me) to hear what we're going to eat

today. The cleaning lady is working downstairs, so at the moment I'm seated at the

van Daans' oilcloth-covered table with a handkerchief sprinkled with fragrant prewar

perfume pressed to my nose and mouth. You probably don't have the faintest idea

what I'm talking about, so let me "begin at the begin- ning." The people who supply us with food coupons have been arrested, so we have just our five black-market ra-

-, tion books-no coupons, no fats and oils. Since Miep and Mr. Kleiman are sick

again, Bep can't manage the shop- ping. The food is wretched, and so are we. As of

tomor- row, we won't have a scrap of fat, butter or margarine. We can't eat fried

potatoes for breakfast (which we've been doing to save on bread), so we're having hot

cereal instead, and because Mrs. van D. thinks we're starving, we bought some

half-and-half. Lunch today consists of mashed potatoes and pickled kale. This

explains the precautionary measure with the handkerchief. You wouldn't believe how

much kale can stink when it's a few years old! The kitchen smel s like a mixture of

spoiled plums, rotten eggs and brine. Ugh, just the thought of having to eat that muck

makes me want to throw up! Besides that, our potatoes have contracted such strange

diseases that one out of every two buckets of pommes de terre winds up in the

garbage. We entertain ourselves by trying to figure out which disease they've got, and

we've reached the conclusion that they suffer from cancer, smal pox and measles.

Honestly, being in hiding during the fourth year of the war is no picnic. If only the

whole stinking mess were over!

To tel you the truth, the food wouldn't matter so much to me if life here were more

pleasant in other ways. But that's just it: this tedious existence is starting to make us al disagreeable. Here are the opinions of the five grown-ups on the present situation

(children aren't allowed to have opinions, and for once I'm sticking to the rules):

Mrs. van Daan: "I'd stopped wanting to be queen of the kitchen long ago. But sitting around doing nothing was boring, so I went back to cooking. Stil , I can't help

complaining: it's impossible to cook without oil, and all those disgusting smells make

me sick to my stomach. Besides, what do I get in return for my efforts? Ingratitude

and rude remarks. I'm always the black sheep; I get blamed for everything. What's

more, it's my opinion that the war is making very little progress. The Germans wil

win in the end. I'm terrified that we're going to starve, and when I'm in a bad mood, I

snap at everyone who comes near."

Mr. van Daan: "I just smoke and smoke and smoke. Then the food, the political

situation and Kerli's moods don't seem so bad. Kerli's a sweetheart. If I don't have

anything to smoke, I get sick, then I need to eat meat, life becomes unbearable,

nothing's good enough, and there's bound to be a flaming row. My Kerli's an idiot."

Mrs. Frank: "Food's not very important, but I'd love a slice of rye bread right now, because I'm so hungry. If I were Mrs. van Daan, I'd have put a stop to Mr. van

Daan's smoking long ago. But I desperately need a cigarette now, because my head's

in such a whirl. The van Daans are horrible people; the English may make a lot of

mistakes, but the war is progressing. I should keep my mouth shut and be grateful I'm

not in Poland."

Mr. Frank: "Everything's fine, I don't need a thing. Stay calm, we've got plenty of time. Just give me my potatoes, and I'l be quiet. Better set aside some of my rations

for Bep. The political situation is improving, I'm extremely optimistic."

Mr. Dussel: "I must complete the task I've set for myself, everything must be finished on time. The political situation is looking 'gut,' it's 'eempossible' for us to get caught.

Me, me, me . . . ."

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 16, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Whew! Released from the gloom and doom for a few moments! All I've been hearing

today is: "If this and that happens, we're in trouble, and if so-and-so gets sick, we'l be left to fend for ourselves, and if . . ."

Wel , you know the rest, or at any rate I assume you're famthar enough with the

residents of the Annex to guess what they'd be talking about.

The reason for al the "ifs" is that Mr. Kugler has been cal ed up for a six-day work detail, Bep is down with a bad cold and will probably have to stay home tomorrow,

Miep hasn't gotten over her flu, and Mr. Kleiman's stom- ach bled so much he lost

consciousness. What a tale of woe!

We think Mr. Kugler should go directly to a reliable doctor for a medical certificate of ill health, which he can present to the City Hal in Hilversum. The warehouse --

employees have been given a day off tomorrow, so Bep wil be alone in the office. If

(there's another "if') Bep has to stay home, the door wil remain locked and we'l have to be as quiet as mice so the Keg Company won't hear us. At one o'clock Jan wil

come for half an hour to check on us poor forsaken souls, like a zookeeper.

This afternoon, for the first time in ages, Jan gave us some news of the outside

world. You should have seen us gathered around him; it looked exactly like a print:

"At Grandmother's Knee."

He regaled his grateful audience with talk of-what else?-food. Mrs. P., a friend of

Miep's, has been cooking his meals. The day before yesterday Jan ate carrots with

green peas, yesterday he had the leftovers, today she's cooking marrowfat peas, and

tomorrow she's plan- ning to mash the remaining carrots with potatoes.

We asked about Miep's doctor.

"Doctor?" said Jan. "What doctor? I called him this morning and got his secretary on the line. I asked for a flu prescription and was told I could come pick it up tomorrow morning between eight and nine. If you've got a particularly bad case of flu, the

doctor himself comes to the phone and says, 'Stick out your tongue and say "Aah."

Oh, I can hear it, your throat's infected. I'l write out a prescription and you can bring it to the phar- macy. Good day.' And that's that. Easy job he's got, diagnosis by

phone. But I shouldn't blame the doctors." After al , a person has only two hands, and these days there're too many patients and too few doctors."

Stil , we al had a good laugh at Jan's phone cal . I can just imagine what a doctor's

waiting room looks like these days. Doctors no longer turn up their noses at the

poorer patients, but at those with minor il nesses. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

they think. "Go to the end of the line; real patients have priority!"

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 16, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

The weather is gorgeous, indescribably beautiful; I'l be going up to the attic in a

moment.

I now know why I'm so much more restless than Peter. He has his own room, where

he can work, dream, think and sleep. I'm constantly being chased from one corner to

another. I'm never alone in the room I share with Dussel, though I long to be so

much. That's another reason I take refuge in the attic. When I'm there, or with you, I

can be myself, at least for a little while. Still, I don't want to moan and groan. On the contrary, I want to be brave!

Thank goodness the others notice nothing of my innermost feelings, except that every

day I'm growing cooler and more contemptuous of Mother, less affection- ate to

Father and less willing to share a single thought with Margot; I'm closed up tighter

than a drum. Above all, I have to maintain my air of confidence. No one must know

that my heart and mind are constantly at war with each other. Up to now reason has

always won the battle, but will my emotions get the upper hand? Sometimes I fear

they wil , but more often I actual y hope they do!

Oh, it's so terribly hard not to talk to Peter about these things, but I know I have to

let him begin; it's so hard to act during the daytime as if everything I've said and

done in my dreams had never taken place! Kitty, Anne is crazy, but then these are

crazy times and even crazier circumstances.

The nicest part is being able to write down al my thoughts and feelings; otherwise,

I'd absolutely suffocate. I wonder what Peter thinks about all these things? I keep

thinking I'l be able to talk to him about them one day. He must have guessed

something about the inner me, since he couldn't possibly love the outer Anne he's

known so far! How could someone like Peter, who loves peace and quiet, possibly

stand my bustle and noise? Wil he be the first and only person to see what's beneath

my granite mask? Will it take him long? Isn't there some old saying about love being

akin to pity? Isn't that what's happening here as well? Because I often pity him as

much as I do myself!

I honestly don't know how to begin, I real y don't, so how can I expect Peter to when

talking is so much harder for him? If only I could write to him, then at least he'd

know what I was trying to say, since it's so hard to say it out loud!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 1944

My dearest darling,

Everything turned out all right after all; Bep just had a sore throat, not the flu, and

Mr. Kugler got a medical certificate to excuse him from the work detail. The entire

Annex breathed a huge sigh of relief. Everything's fine here! Except that Margot and I

are rather tired of our parents.

Don't get me wrong. I still love Father as much as ever and Margot loves both Father

and Mother, but when you're as old as we are, you want to make a few decisions for

yourself, get out from under their thumb. Whenever I go upstairs, they ask what I'm

going to do, they won't let me salt my food, Mother asks me every evening at

eight-fifteen if it isn't time for me to change into my nighty, I and they have to

approve every book I read. I must admit, they're not at al strict about that and let

me read nearly everything, but Margot and I are sick and tired of having to listen to

their comments and questions al day long.

There's something else that displeases them: I no longer feel like giving them little

kisses morning, noon and night. Al those cute nicknames seem so affected, and

Father's fondness for talking about farting and going to the bathroom is disgusting. In

short, I'd like nothing better than to do without their company for a while, and they

don't understand that. Not that Margot and I have ever said any of this to them. What

would be the point? They wouldn't understand anyway.

Margot said last night, "What real y bothers me is that if you happen to put your head in your hands and sigh once or twice, they immediately ask whether you have a

headache or don't feel well."

For both of us, it's been quite a blow to suddenly realize that very little remains of

the close and harmoni- ous family we used to have at home! This is mostly because

everything's out of kilter here. By that I mean that we're treated like children when it comes to external matters, while, inwardly, we're much older than other girls our age.

Even though I'm only fourteen, I know what I want, I know who's right and who's

wrong, I have my own opinions, ideas and principles, and though it may sound odd

coming from a teenager, I feel I'm more of a person than a child -- I feel I'm

completely independent of others. I know I'm better at debating or carrying on a

discussion than Mother, I know I'm more objective, I don't exaggerate as much, I'm

much tidier and better with my hands, and because of that I feel (this may make you

laugh) that I'm superior to her in many ways. To love someone, I have to admire and

respect the person, but I feel neither respect nor admiration for Mother!

Everything would be all right if only I had Peter, since I admire him in many ways.

He's so decent and clever!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MARCH 18, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I've told you more about myself and my feelings than I've ever told a living soul, so

why shouldn't that include sex?

Parents, and people in general, are very peculiar when it comes to sex. Instead of

telling their sons and daughters everything at the age of twelve, they send the

children out of the room the moment the subject arises and leave them to find out

everything on their own. Later on, when parents notice that their children have,

somehow, come by their information, they assume they know more (or less) than they

actually do. So why don't they try to make amends by asking them what's what?

A major stumbling block for the adults -- though in my opinion it's no more than a

pebble -- is that they're afraid their children wil no longer look upon marriage as

sacred and pure once they realize that, in most cases, this purity is a lot of nonsense.

As far as I'm concerned, it's not wrong for a man to bring a little experience to a

marriage. After al , it has nothing to do with the marriage itself, does it?

Soon after I turned eleven, they told me about menstruation. But even then, I had no

idea where the blood came from or what it was for. When I was twelve and a half, I

learned some more from Jacque, who wasn't as ignorant as I was. My own intuition

told me what a man and a woman do when they're together; it seemed like a crazy

idea at first, but when Jacque confirmed it, I was proud of myself for having figured it out!

It was also Jacque who told me that children didn't come out of their mother's

tummies. As she put it, "Where the ingredients go in is where the finished product

comes out!" Jacque and I found out about the hymen, and quite a few other details,

from a book on sex education. I also knew that you could keep from having children,

but how that worked inside your body remained a mystery. When I came here, Father

told me about prostitutes, etc., but all in all there are stil unanswered questions.

If mothers don't tel their children everything, they hear it in bits and pieces, and that can't be right.

Even though it's Saturday, I'm not bored! That's because I've been up in the attic with

Peter. I sat there dreaming with my eyes closed, and it was wonderful.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SUNDAY, MARCH 19, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Yesterday was a very important day for me. After lunch everything was as usual. At

five I put on the potatoes, and Mother gave me some blood sausage to take to Peter.

I didn't want to at first, but I final y went. He wouldn't accept the sausage, and I had the dreadful feel- ing it was stil because of that argument we'd had about distrust.

Suddenly I couldn't bear it a moment longer and my eyes fil ed with tears. Without

another word, I re- turned the platter to Mother and went to the bathroom to have a

good cry. Afterward I decided to talk things out with Peter. Before dinner the four of

us were helping him with a crossword puzzle, so I couldn't say anything. But as we

were sitting down to eat, I whispered to him, "Are you going to practice your

shorthand tonight, Peter?"

"No," was his reply.

"I'd like to talk to you later on."

He agreed.

After the dishes were done, I went to his room and asked if he'd refused the sausage

because of our last quar- rel. Luckily, that wasn't the reason; he just thought it was

bad manners to seem so eager. It had been very hot downstairs and my face was as

red as a lobster. So after taking down some water for Margot, I went back up to get

a little fresh air. For the sake of appearances, I first went and stood beside the van

Daans' window before going to Peter's room. He was standing on the left side of the

open window, so I went over to the right side. It's much easier to talk next to an

open window in semidarkness than in broad daylight, and I think Peter felt the same

way. We told each other so much, so very much, that I can't repeat it al . But it felt

good; it was the most won- derful evening I've ever had in the Annex. I'l give you a

brief description of the various subjects we touched on.

First we talked about the quarrels and how I see them in a very different light these

days, and then about how we've become alienated from our parents. I told Peter about

Mother and Father and Margot and myself. At one point he asked, "You always give

each other a good-night kiss, don't you?"

"One? Dozens of them. You don't, do you?"

"No, I've never real y kissed anyone."

"Not even on your birthday?"

"Yeah, on my birthday I have."

We talked about how neither of us real y trusts our parents, and how his parents love

each other a great deal and wish he'd confide in them, but that he doesn't want to.

How I cry my heart out in bed and he goes up to the loft and swears. How Margot

and I have only recently gotten to know each other and yet stil tel each other very

little, since we're always together. We talked about every imaginable thing, about

trust, feelings and ourselves. Oh, Kitty, he was just as I thought he would be.

Then we talked about the year 1942, and how different we were back then; we don't

even recognize ourselves from that period. How we couldn't stand each other at first.

He'd thought I was a noisy pest, and I'd quickly concluded that he was nothing special.

I didn't understand why he didn't flirt with me, but now I'm glad. He also mentioned

how he often used to retreat to his room. I said that my noise and exuberance and his

silence were two sides of the same coin, and that I also liked peace and quiet but

don't have anything for myself alone, except my diary, and that everyone would rather

see the back of me, starting with Mr. Dussel, and that I don't always want to sit with

my parents. We discussed how glad he is that my parents have children and how glad

I am that he's here.

How I now understand his need to withdraw and his relationship to his parents, and

how much I'd like to help him when they argue.

"But you're always a help to me!" he said.

"How?" I asked, greatly surprised.

"By being cheerful."

That was the nicest thing he said al evening. He also told me that he didn't mind my

coming to his room the way he used to; in fact, he liked it. I also told him that all of Father's and Mother's pet names were meaningless, that a kiss here and there didn't

automatical y lead to trust. We also talked about doing things your own way, the diary,

loneliness, the difference between everyone's inner and outer selves, my mask, etc.

It was wonderful. He must have come to love me as a friend, and, for the time being,

that's enough. I'm so grateful and happy, I can't find the words. I must apolo- gize,

Kitty, since my style is not up to my usual standard today. I've just written whatever

came into my head!

I have the feeling that Peter and I share a secret. Whenever he looks at me with

those eyes, with that smile and that wink, it's as if a light goes on inside me. I hope

things will stay like this and that we'll have many, many more happy hours together.

Your grateful and happy Anne

MONDAY, MARCH 20, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

This morning Peter asked me if I'd come again one evening. He swore I wouldn't be

disturbing him, and said that where there was room for one, there was room for two.

I said I couldn't see him every evening, since my parents didn't think it was a good

idea, but he thought I shouldn't let that bother me. So I told him I'd like to come

some Saturday evening and also asked him if he'd let me know when you could see

the moon.

"Sure," he said, "maybe we can go downstairs and look at the moon from there." I agreed; I'm not really so scared of burglars.

In the meantime, a shadow has fallen on my happiness. For a long time I've had the

feeling that Margot likes Peter. Just how much I don't know, but the whole situation is

very unpleasant. Now every time I go see Peter I'm hurting her, without meaning to.

The funny thing is that she hardly lets it show. I know I'd be insanely jealous, but

Margot just says I shouldn't feel sorry for her.

"I think it's so awful that you've become the odd one out," I added.

"I'm used to that," she replied, somewhat bitterly.

I don't dare tel Peter. Maybe later on, but he and I need to discuss so many other

things first.

Mother slapped me last night, which I deserved. I mustn't carry my indifference and

contempt for her too far. In spite of everything, I should try once again to be friendly and keep my remarks to myself!

Even Pim isn't as nice as he used to be. He's been trying not to treat me like a child,

but now he's much too cold. We'll just have to see what comes of it! He's warned me

that if I don't do my algebra, I won't get any tutoring after the war. I could simply

wait and see what happens, but I'd like to start again, provided I get a new book.

That's enough for now. I do nothing but gaze at Peter, and I'm fil ed to overflowing!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

Evidence of Margot's goodness. I received this today, March 20, 1944:

Anne, yesterday when I said I wasn't jeal- ous of you, I wasn't being entirely honest.

The situation is this: I'm not jealous of either you or Peter. I'm just sorry I haven't

found anyone willi whom to share my thoughts and feelings, and I'm not likely to in

the near future. But that's why I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that you wil

both be able to place your trust in each other. You're already missing out on so much

here, things other people take for granted.

On the other hand, I'm certain I'd never have gotten as far with Peter, because I think

I'd need to feel very close to a person before I could share my thoughts. I'd want to

have the feeling that he understood me through and through, even if I didn't say much.

For this reason it would have to be someone I felt was intellectual y superior to me,

and that isn't the case with Peter. But I can imagine your feeling close to him.

So there's no need for you to reproach yourself because you think you' te taking

something I was entitled to; nothing could be further from the truth. You and Peter

have everything to gain by your friendship.

My answer:

Dearest Margot,

Your letter was extremely kind, but I stil don't feel completely happy about the

situation, and I don't think I ever wil .

At the moment, Peter and I don't trust each other as much as you seem to think. It's

just that when you're standing beside an open window at twthght, you can say more to

each other than in bright sunshine. It's also easier to whisper your feelings than to

shout them from the rooftops. I think you've begun to feel a kind of sisterly affection

for Peter and would like to help him, just as much as I would. Perhaps you'l be able

to do that someday, though that's not the kind of trust we have in mind. I believe that

trust has to corne from both sides; I also think that's the reason why Father and I

have never really grown so close. But let's not talk about it anymore. If there's

anything you still want to discuss, please write, because it's easier for me to say what I mean as on paper than face-to-face. You know how le much I admire you, and only

hope that some of your goodness and Father's goodness wil rub off on me, because,

in that sense, you two are a lot alike.

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22,1944

Dearest Kitty,

I received this letter last night from Margot:

Dear Anne,

After your letter of yesterday I have the unpleasant feeling that your conscience

bothers you whenever you go to Peter's to work or talk; there's really no reason for

that. In my heart, I know there's someone who deserves t my trust (as I do his), and

I wouldn't be able to tolerate Peter in his place.

However, as you wrote, I do think of Peter as a kind of brother. . . a younger

brother; we've been sending out feelers, and a brotherly and sisterly affection mayor

may not develop at some later date, but it's certainly not reached that stage yet. So

there's no need for you to feel sorry for me. Now that you've found companionship,

enjoy it as much as you can.

In the meantime, things are getting more and more wonderful here. I think, Kitty, that

true love may be developing in the Annex. All those jokes about marrying Peter if we

stayed here long enough weren't so sil y after al . Not that I'm thinking of marrying

him, mind you. I don't even know what he'l be like when he grows up. Or if we'l

even love each other enough to get married.

I'm sure now that Peter loves me too; I just don't know in what way. I can't figure

out if he wants only a good friend, or if he's attracted to me as a girl or as a sister.

When he said I always helped him when his parents were arguing, I was tremendously

happy; it was one step toward making me believe in his friendship. I asked him

yesterday what he'd do if there were a dozen Annes who kept popping in to see him.

His answer was: "If they were all like you, it wouldn't be so bad." He's extremely hospitable, and I think he real y likes to see me. Mean- while, he's been working hard

at learning French, even studying in bed until ten-fifteen.

Oh, when I think back to Saturday night, to our words, our voices, I feel satisfied with myself for the very first time; what I mean is, I'd stil say the same and wouldn't

want to change a thing, the way I usual y do. He's so handsome, whether he's smthng

or just sitting stil . He's so sweet and good and beautiful. I think what surprised him

most about me was when he discovered that I'm not at al the superficial, worldly

Anne I appear to be, but a dreamer, like he is, with just as many troubles!

Last night after the dinner dishes, I waited for him to ask me to stay upstairs. But

nothing happened; I went away. He came downstairs to tel Dussel it was time to

listen to the radio and hung around the bathroom for a while, but when Dussel took

too long, he went back upstairs. He paced up and down his room and went to bed

early.

The entire evening I was so restless I kept going to the bathroom to splash cold

water on my face. I read a bit, daydreamed some more, looked at the clock and

waited, waited, waited, al the while listening to his foot- steps. I went to bed early,

exhausted.

Tonight I have to take a bath, and tomorrow?

Tomorrow's so far away!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

My answer:

Dearest Margot,

I think the best thing is simply to wait and see what happens. It can't be much longer

before Peter and I will have to decide whether to go back to the way we were or do

some- thing else. I don't know how it'l turn out; I can't see any farther than the end

of my nose.

But I'm certain of one thing: if Peter and I do become friends, I'm going to tel him

you're also very fond of him and are prepared to help him if he needs you. You

wouldn't want me to, I'm sure, but I don't care; I don't know what Peter thinks of

you, but I'l ask him when the time comes. It's certainly nothing bad -- on the

contrary! You're welcome to join us in the attic, or wherever we are. You won't be

disturbing us, because we have an unspoken agreement to talk only in the evenings

when it's dark.

Keep your spirits up! I'm doing my best, though it's not always easy. Your time may

come sooner than you think.

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 23, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Things are more or less back to normal here. Our coupon men have been released

from prison, thank goodness!

Miep's been back since yesterday, but today it was her husband's turn to take to his

bed-chills and fever, the usual flu symptoms. Bep is better, though she still has a

cough, and Mr. Kleiman will have to stay home for a long time.

Yesterday a plane crashed nearby. The crew was able to parachute out in time. It

crashed on top of a school, but luckily there were no children inside. There was a

smal fire and a couple of people were kil ed. As the airmen made their descent, the

Germans sprayed them with bullets. The Amsterdammers who saw it seethed with

rage at such a dastardly deed. We-by which I mean the ladies-were also scared out

of our wits. Brrr, I hate the sound of gunfire.

Now about myself.

I was with Peter yesterday and, somehow, I honestly don't know how, we wound up

talking about sex. I'd made up my mind a long time ago to ask him a few things. He

knows everything; when I said that Margot and I weren't very well informed, he was

amazed. I told him a lot about Margot and me and Mother and Father and said that

lately I didn't dare ask them anything. He offered to enlighten me, and I gratefully

accepted: he described how contraceptives work, and I asked him very boldly how

boys could tel they were grown up. He had to think about that one; he said he'd tel

me tonight. I told him what had happened to Jacque, and said that girls are

defenseless against strong boys. "Wel , you don't have to be afraid of me," he said.

When I came back that evening, he told me how it is with boys. Slightly embarrassing,

but stil awful y nice to be able to discuss it with him. Neither he nor I had ever

imagined we'd be able to talk so openly to a girl or a boy, respectively, about such

intimate matters. I think I know everything now. He told me a lot about what he

called Prasentivmitteln* [* Should be Praservativmitteln: prophylactics] in German.

That night in the bathroom Margot and I were talking about Bram and Trees, two

friends of hers.

This morning I was in for a nasty surprise: after breakfast Peter beckoned me

upstairs. "That was a dirty trick you played on me," he said. "I heard what you and Margot were saying in the bathroom last night. I think you just wanted to find out

how much Peter knew and then have a good laugh!"

I was stunned! I did everything I could to talk him out of that outrageous idea; I

could understand how he must have felt, but it just wasn't true!

"Oh no, Peter," I said. "I'd never be so mean. I told you I wouldn't pass on anything you said to me and I won't. To put on an act like that and then deliberately be so

mean. . . No,Peter, that's not my idea ofa joke.

It wouldn't be fair. I didn't say anything, honest. Won't you believe me?" He assured me he did, but I think we'll have to talk about it again sometime. I've done nothing al

day but worry about it. Thank goodness he came right out and said what was on his

mind. Imagine if he'd gone around thinking I could be that mean. He's so sweet!

Now I'l have to tel him everything!

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, MARCH 24, 1944

Dear Kitty,

I often go up to Peter's room after dinner nowadays to breathe in the fresh evening

air. You can get around to meaningful conversations more quickly in the dark than with

the sun tickling your face. It's cozy and snug sitting beside him on a chair and looking outside. The van Daans and Dussel make the sil iest remarks when I disappear into his

room. "Annes zweite Heimat,"* [* Anne's second home] they say, or "Is it proper for a gentleman to receive young girls in his room at night with the lights out?" Peter has amazing presence of mind in the face of these so-cal ed witticisms. My mother,

incidentally, is also bursting with curiosity and simply dying to ask what we talk

about, only she's secretly afraid I'd refuse to answer. Peter says the grown-ups are

just jealous because we're young and that we shouldn't take their obnoxious comments

to heart.

Sometimes he comes downstairs to get me, but that's awkward too, because in spite

of al his precautions his face turns bright red and he can hardly get the words out of

his mouth. I'm glad I don't blush; it must be extremely unpleasant.

Besides, it bothers me that Margot has to sit downstairs al by herself, while I'm

upstairs enjoying Peter's company. But what can I do about it? I wouldn't mind it if

she came, but she'd just be the odd one out, sitting there like a lump on a log.

I've had to listen to countless remarks about our sudden friendship. I can't tel you

how often the conversation at meals has been about an Annex wedding, should the war

last another five years. Do we take any notice of this parental chitchat? Hardly, since

it's al so sil y. Have my parents forgotten that they were young once? Apparently

they have. At any rate, they laugh at us when we're serious, and they're serious when

we're joking.

I don't know what's going to happen next, or whether we'l run out of things to say.

But if it goes on like this, we'l eventual y be able to be together without talking. If

only his parents would stop acting so strangely. It's probably because they don't like

seeing me so often; Peter and I certainly never tel them what we talk about. Imagine

if they knew we were discussing such intimate things.

I'd like to ask Peter whether he knows what girls look like down there. I don't think

boys are as complicated as girls. You can easily see what boys look like in

photographs or pictures of male nudes, but with women it's different. In women, the

genitals, or whatever they're cal ed, are hidden between their legs. Peter has probably

never seen a girl up close. To tel you the truth, neither have I. Boys are a lot easier.

How on earth would I go about describing a girl's parts? I can tel from what he said

that he doesn't know exactly how it all fits together. He was talking about the

"Muttermund," [* cervix], but that's on the inside, where you can't see it. Everything's pretty wel arranged in us women. Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn't realize there

was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn't see them. What's even

funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris. I asked Mother one time what

that little bump was, and she said she didn't know. She can really play dumb when

she wants to!

But to get back to the subject. How on earth can you explain what it all looks like

without any models?

Shal I try anyway? Okay, here goes!

When you're standing up, al you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there

are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when

you're standing, so you can't see what's inside. They separate when you sit down, and

they're very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer

labia, there's a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That's the clitoris. Then come the inner labia, which are also pressed together in a kind of

crease. When they open up, you can see a fleshy little mound, no bigger than the top

of my thumb. The upper part has a couple of smal holes in it, which is where the

urine comes out. The lower part looks as if it were just skin, and yet that's where

the vagina is. You can barely find it, because the folds of skin hide the opening. The

hole's so smal I can hardly imagine how a man could get in there, much less how a

baby could come out. It's hard enough trying to get your index finger inside. That's al

there is, and yet it plays such an important role!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MARCH 25, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

You never realize how much you've changed until after it's happened. I've changed

quite drastical y, everything about me is different: my opinions, ideas, critical outlook.

Inwardly, outwardly, nothing's the same. And, I might safely add, since it's true, I've

changed for the better. I once told you that, after years of being adored, it was hard

for me to adjust to the harsh reality of grown-ups and rebukes. But Father and

Mother are largely to blame for my having to put up with so much. At home they

wanted me to enjoy life, which was fine, but here they shouldn't have encouraged me

to agree with them and only shown me "their" side of al the quarrels and gossip. It was a long time before I discovered the score was fifty-fifty. I now know that many

blunders have been committed here, by young and old alike. Father and Mother's

biggest mistake in dealing with the van Daans is that they're never candid and friendly

(admittedly, the friendliness might have to be feigned). Above al , I want to keep the

peace, and to neither quarrel nor gossip. With Father and Margot that's not difficult,

but it is with Mother, which is why I'm glad she gives me an occasional rap on the

knuckles. You can win Mr. van Daan to your side by agreeing with him, listening

quietly, not saying much and most of all . . . responding to his teasing and his corny

jokes with a joke of your own. Mrs. van D. can be won over by talking openly to her

and admitting when you're wrong. She also frankly admits her faults, of which she has

many. I know al too well that she doesn't think as badly of me as she did in the

beginning. And that's simply because I'm honest and tell people right to their faces

what I think, even when it's not very flattering. I want to be honest; I think it gets

you further and also makes you feel better about yourself.

Yesterday Mrs. van D. was talking about the rice we gave Mr. Kleiman. "Al we do is

give, give, give. But at a certain point I think that enough is enough. If he'd only take the trouble, Mr. Kleiman could scrounge up his own rice. Why should we give away all

our supplies? We need them just as badly."

"No, Mrs. van Daan," I replied. "I don't agree with you. Mr. Kleiman may very wel be able to get hold of a little rice, but he doesn't like having to worry about it. It's not our place to criticize the people who are helping us. We should give them whatever

they need if we can possibly spare it. One less plate of rice a week won't make that

much difference; we can always eat beans."

Mrs. van D. didn't see it my way, but she added that, even though she disagreed, she

was willing to back down, and that was an entirely different matter.

Wel , I've said enough. Sometimes I know what my place is and sometimes I have my

doubts, but I'll eventual y get where I want to be! I know I wil ! Especial y now that I have help, since Peter helps me through many a rough patch and rainy day!

I honestly don't know how much he loves me and whether we'll ever get as far as a

kiss; in any case, I don't want to force the issue! I told Father I often go see Peter

and asked if he approved, and of course he did!

It's much easier now to tel Peter things I'd nor- mal y keep to myself; for example,

I told him I want to write later on, and if I can't be a writer, to write in addition to my work.

I don't have much in the way of money or worldly possessions, I'm not beautiful,

intel igent or clever, but I'm happy, and I intend to stay that way! I was born happy, I love people, I have a trusting nature, and I'd like everyone else to be happy too.

Your devoted friend, Anne M. Frank

An empty day, though clear and bright,

Is just as dark as any night.

(I wrote this a few weeks ago and it no longer holds true, but I included it because

my poems are so few and far between.)

MONDAY, MARCH 27, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

At least one long chapter on our life in hiding should be about politics, but I've been

avoiding the subject, since it interests me so little. Today, however, I'l devote an

entire letter to politics.

Of course, there are many different opinions on this topic, and it's not surprising to

hear it frequently discussed in times of war, but. . . arguing so much about politics is just plain stupid! Let them laugh, swear, make bets, grumble and do whatever they

want as long as they stew in their own juice. But don't let them argue, since that only

makes things worse. The people who come from outside bring us a lot of news that

later proves to be untrue; however, up to now our radio has never lied. Jan, Miep, Mr.

Kleiman, Bep and Mr. Kugler go up and down in their political moods, though Jan least

of al .

Here in the Annex the mood never varies. The end- less debates over the invasion,

air raids, speeches, etc., etc., are accompanied by countless exclamations such as

"Eempossible!, Urn Gottes Wil en* [* Oh, for heaven's sake]. If they're just getting started now, how long is it going to last!, It's going splendidly, But, great!"

Optimists and pessimists -- not to mention the realists -- air their opinions with

unflagging energy, and as with everything else, they're al certain that they have a

monopoly on the truth. It annoys a certain lady that her spouse has such supreme

faith in the British, and a certain husband attacks his wife because of her teasing and

dispar- aging remarks about his beloved nation!

And so it goes from early in the morning to late at night; the funny part is that they

never get tired of it. I've discovered a trick, and the effect is overwhelming, just like pricking someone with a pin and watching them jump. Here's how it works: I start

talking about politics.

Al it takes is a single question, a word or a sentence, and before you know it, the

entire family is involved!

As if the German "Wehrmacht News" and the English BBC weren't enough, they've

now added special air-raid announcements. In a word, splendid. But the other side of

the coin is that the British Air Force is operating around the clock. Not unlike the

German propaganda machine, which is cranking out lies twenty-four hours a day!

So the radio is switched on every morning at eight (if not earlier) and is listened to

every hour until nine, ten or even eleven at night. This is the best evidence yet that

the adults have infinite patience, but also that their brains have turned to mush (some

of them, I mean, since I wouldn't want to insult anyone). One broadcast, two at the

most, should be enough to last the entire day. But no, those old nincompoops. . .

never mind, I've already said it al ! "Music While You Work," the Dutch broadcast from England, Frank Phil ips or Queen Wilhelmina, they each get a turn and fInd a

willing listener. If the adults aren't eating or sleeping, they're clustered around the

radio talking about eating, sleeping and politics. Whew! It's getting to be a bore, and

it's al I can do to keep from turning into a dreary old crone myself! Though with al

the old folks around me, that might not be such a bad idea!

Here's a shining example, a speech made by our beloved Winston Churchil .

Nine o'clock, Sunday evening. The teapot, under its cozy, is on the table, and the

guests enter the room.

Dussel sits to the left of the radio, Mr. van D. in front of it and Peter to the side.

Mother is next to Mr. van D., willi Mrs. van D. behind them. Margot and I are sitting

in the last row and Pim at the table. I realize this isn't a very clear description of our seating arrangements, but it doesn't matter. The men smoke, Peter's eyes close from

the strain of listening, Mama is dressed in her long, dark negligee, Mrs. van D. is

trembling because of the planes, which take no notice of the speech but fly blithely on

toward Essen, Father is slurping his tea, and Margot and I are united in a sisterly way

by the sleeping Mouschi, who has taken possession of both our knees. Margot's hair is

in curlers and my nightgown is too small, too tight and too short. It al looks so

intimate, cozy and peaceful, and for once it real y is. Yet I await the end of the

speech willi dread. They're impatient, straining at the leash to start another argument!

Pst, pst, like a cat luring a mouse from its hole, they goad each other into quarrels

and dissent.

Yours, Anne

TUESDAY, MARCH 28, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

As much as I'd like to write more on politics, I have lots of other news to report

today. First, Mother has virtual y forbidden me to go up to Peter's, since, according to her, Mrs. van Daan is jealous. Second, Peter's invited Margot to join us upstairs.

Whether he real y means it or is just saying it out of politeness, I don't know. Third,

I asked Father if he thought I should take any notice of Mrs. van Daan's jealousy and

he said I didn't have to.

What should I do now? Mother's angry, doesn't want me going upstairs, wants me to

go back to doing my homework in the room I share wil i Dussel. She may be jealous

herself. Father doesn't begrudge us those few hours and thinks it's nice we get along

so wel . Margot likes Peter too, but feels that three people can't talk about the same

things as two.

Furthermore, Mother thinks Peter's in love with me. To tell you the truth, I wish he

were. Then we'd be even, and it'd be a lot easier to get to know each other. She also

claims he's always looking at me. Wel , I suppose we do give each other the

occasional wink. But I can't help it if he keeps admiring my dimples, can I?

I'm in a very difficult position. Mother's against me and I'm against her. Father turns a blind eye to the silent struggle between Mother and me. Mother is sad, because she

still loves me, but I'm not at al unhappy, because she no longer means anything to

me.

As for Peter. . . I don't want to give him up. He's so sweet and I admire him so

much. He and I could have a really beautiful relationship, so why are the old folks

poking their noses into our business again? Fortu- nately, I'm used to hiding my

feelings, so I manage not to show how crazy I am about him. Is he ever going to say

anything? Am I ever going to feel his cheek against mine, the way I felt Petel's cheek

in my dream? Oh, Peter and

Petel, you're one and the same! They don't understand us; they'd never understand

that we're content just to sit beside each other and not say a word. They have no

idea of what draws us together! Oh, when wil we overcome al these difficulties? And

yet it's good that we have to surmount them, since it makes the end that much more

beautiful. When he lays his head on his arms and closes his eyes, he's stil a child;

when he plays with Mouschi or talks about her, he's loving; when he carries the

potatoes or other heavy loads, he's strong; when he goes to watch the gunfire or

walks through the dark house to look for burglars, he's brave; and when he's so

awkward and clumsy, he's hopelessly endearing. It's much nicer when he explains

something to me than when I have to teach him. I wish he were superior to me in

nearly every way!

What do we care about our two mothers? Oh, if only he'd say something.

Father always says I'm conceited, but I'm not, I'm merely vain! I haven't had many

people tell me I was pretty, except for a boy at school who said I looked so cute

when I smiled. Yesterday Peter paid me a true com- pliment, and just for fun I'll give

you a rough idea of our conversation.

Peter often says, "Smile!" I thought it was strange, so yesterday I asked him, "Why do you always want me to smile?"

"Because you get dimples in your cheeks. How do you do that?"

"I was born with them. There's also one in my chin. It's the only mark of beauty I

possess."

"No, no, that's not true!"

"Yes it is. I know I'm not beautiful. I never have been and I never will be!"

"I don't agree. I think you're pretty."

"I am not."

"I say you are, and you'll have to take my word for it." So of course I then said the same about him.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 29, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Mr. Bolkestein, the Cabinet Minister, speaking on the Dutch broadcast from London,

said that after the war a col ection would be made of diaries and letters dealing with

the war. Of course, everyone pounced on my diary. Just imagine how interesting it

would be if I were to publish a novel about the Secret Annex. The title alone would

make people think it was a detective story.

Seriously, though, ten years after the war people would find it very amusing to read

how we lived, what we ate and what we talked about as Jews in hiding. Although I

tell you a great deal about our lives, you stil know very little about us. How

frightened the women are during air raids; last Sunday, for instance, when 350 British

planes dropped 550 tons of bombs on IJmuiden, so that the houses trembled like

blades of grass in the wind. Or how many epidemics are raging here.

You know nothing of these matters, and it would take me all day to describe

everything down to the last detail. People have to stand in line to buy vegetables and

al kinds of goods; doctors can't visit their patients, since their cars and bikes are

stolen the moment they turn their backs; burglaries and thefts are so common that you

ask yourself what's suddenly gotten into the Dutch to make them so light-fingered.

Little children, eight- and eleven- year-olds, smash the windows of people's homes

and steal whatever they can lay their hands on. People don't dare leave the house for

even five minutes, since they're liable to come back and find al their belongings gone.

Every day the newspapers are filled with reward notices for the return of stolen

typewriters, Persian rugs, electric clocks, fabrics, etc. The electric clocks on street

corners are dismantled, public phones are stripped down to the last wire.

Morale among the Dutch can't be good. Everyone's hungry; except for the ersatz

coffee, a week's food ration doesn't last two days. The invasion's long in coming, the

men are being shipped off to Germany, the children are sick or undernourished,

everyone's wearing worn-out clothes and run-down shoes. A new sole costs 7.50

guil- ders on the black market. Besides, few shoemakers wil do repairs, or if they

do, you have to wait four months for your shoes, which might very wel have

disappeared in the meantime.

One good thing has come out of this: as the food gets worse and the decrees more

severe, the acts of sabo- tage against the authorities are increasing. The ration board, the police, the officials-they're al either helping their fel ow citizens or denouncing

them and sending them off to prison. Fortunately, only a smal percentage of Dutch

people are on the wrong side.

Yours, Anne

FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Just imagine, it's stil fairly cold, and yet most people have been without coal for

nearly a month. Sounds awful, doesn't it? There's a general mood of optimism about

the Russian front, because that's going great guns! I don't often write about the

political situation, but I must tell you where the Russians are at the moment. They've

reached the Polish border and the Prut River in Romania. They're close to Odessa, and

they've surrounded Ternopol. Every night we're expecting an extra communique from

Stalin.

They're firing off so many salutes in Moscow, the city must be rumbling and shaking

al day long. Whether they like to pretend the fighting's nearby or they simply don't

have any other way to express their joy, I don't know!

Hungary has been occupied by German troops.

There are still a mil ion Jews living there; they too are doomed.

Nothing special is happening here. Today is Mr. van Daan's birthday. He received two

packets of tobacco, one serving of coffee, which his wife had managed to save, lemon

punch from Mr. Kugler, sardines from Miep, eau de cologne from us, lilacs, tulips and,

last but not least, a cake with raspberry fil ing, slightly gluey because of the poor

quality of the flour and the lack of butter, but deli- cious anyway.

Al that talk about Peter and me has died down a bit. He's coming to pick me up

tonight. Pretty nice of him, don't you think, since he hates doing it! We're very good

friends. We spend a lot of time together and talk about every imaginable subject. It's

so nice not having to hold back when we come to a delicate topic, the way I would

with other boys. For example, we were talking about blood and somehow the

conversation turned to menstruation, etc. He thinks we women are quite tough to be

able to withstand the loss of blood, and that I am too. I wonder why?

My life here has gotten better, much better. God has not forsaken me, and He never

will.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, APRIL 1, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

And yet everything is stil so difficult. You do know what I mean, don't you? I long so

much for him to kiss me, but that kiss is taking its own sweet time. Does he still

think of me as a friend? Don't I mean anything more?

You and I both know that I'm strong, that I can carry most burdens alone. I've never

been used to sharing my worries with anyone, and I've never clung to a mother, but

I'd love to lay my head on his shoulder and just sit there quietly.

I can't, I simply can't forget that dream of Peter's cheek, when everything was so

good! Does he have the same longing? Is he just too shy to say he loves me? Why

does he want me near him so much? Oh, why doesn't he say something?

I've got to stop, I've got to be calm. I'l try to be strong again, and if I'm patient, the rest will fol ow. But -- and this is the worst part -- I seem to be chasing him. I'm

always the one who has to go upstairs; he never comes to me. But that's because of

the rooms, and he understands why I object. Oh, I'm sure he understands more than I

think .

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, APRIL 3, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

Contrary to my usual practice, I'm going to write you a detailed description of the

food situation, since it's become a matter of some difficulty and importance, not only

here in the Annex, but in all of Holland, all of Europe and even beyond.

In the twenty-one months we've lived here, we've been through a good many "food

cycles" -- you'l understand what that means in a moment. A "food cycle" is a period in which we have only one particular dish or type of vegetable to eat. For a long time

we ate nothing but endive. Endive with sand, endive without sand, endive with mashed

potatoes, endive-and-mashed potato casserole. Then it was spinach, fol owed by

kohlrabi, salsify, cucumbers, tomatoes, sauerkraut, etc., etc.

It's not much fun when you have to eat, say, sauer- kraut every day for lunch and

dinner, but when you're hungry enough, you do a lot of things. Now, however, we're

going through the most delightful period so far, because there are no vegetables at al .

Our weekly lunch menu consists of brown beans, split-pea soup, potatoes with

dumplings, potato kugel and, by the grace of God, turnip greens or rotten carrots, and

then it's back to brown beans. Because of the bread shortage, we eat potatoes at

every meal, starting with breakfast, but then we fry them a little. To make soup we

use brown beans, navy beans, potatoes, packages of vege- table soup, packages of

chicken soup and packages of bean soup. There are brown beans in everything,

including the bread. For dinner we always have potatoes with imitation gravy and --

thank goodness we've still got it -- beet salad. I must tel you about the dumplings.

We make them with government-issue flour, water and yeast. They're so gluey and

tough that it feels as if you had rocks in your stomach, but oh well!

The high point is our weekly slice of liverwurst, and the jam on our unbuttered bread.

But we're still alive, and much of the time it still tastes good too!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

For a long time now I didn't know why I was bothering to do any schoolwork. The

end of the war still seemed so far away, so unreal, like a fairy tale. If the war isn't

over by September, I won't go back to school, since I don't want to be two years

behind.

Peter fil ed my days, nothing but Peter, dreams and thoughts until Saturday night,

when I felt so utterly miserable; oh, it was awful. I held back my tears when I was

with Peter, laughed uproariously with the van Daans as we drank lemon punch and was

cheerful and excited, but the minute I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes

out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very

fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, al

huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth, and I choked

back my tears, since I didn't want anyone next door to hear me. Then I tried to pul

myself together, saying over and over, "I must, I must, I must. . . " Stiff from sitting in such an unusual position, I fel back against the side of the bed and kept up my

struggle until just before ten-thirty, when I climbed back into bed. It was over!

And now it's really over. I finally realized that I must do my schoolwork to keep from

being ignorant, to get on in life, to become a journalist, because that's what I want! I know I can write. A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the Secret Annex

are humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but. . . it remains to be seen

whether I real y have talent.

"Eva's Dream" is my best fairy tale, and the odd thing is that I don't have the faintest idea where it came from. Parts of "Cady's Life" are also good, but as a whole it's nothing special. I'm my best and harshest critic. I know what's good and what isn't.

Unless you write yourself, you can't know how wonderful it is; I always used to

bemoan the fact that I couldn't draw, but now I'm overjoyed that at least I can write.

And if I don't have the talent to write books or newspaper articles, I can always write

for myself. But I want to achieve more than that. I can't imagine having to live like

Mother, Mrs. van Daan and al the women who go about their work and are then

forgotten. I need to have something besides a husband and children to devote myself

to! I don't want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring

enjoyment to al people, even those I've never met. I want to go on living even after

my death! And that's why I'm so grateful to God for having given me this gift, which

I can use to develop myself and to express al that's inside me!

When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sor- row disappears, my spirits are

revived! But, and that's a big question, wil I ever be able to write something great,

will I ever become a journalist or a writer?

I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing al ows me to record everything,

al my thoughts, ideals and fantasies.

I haven't worked on "Cady's Life" for ages. In my mind I've worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn't seem to be coming along very wel . I might never

finish it, and it'l wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That's a horrible

thought, but then I say to myself, "At the age of fourteen and with so little

experience, you can't write about philosophy."

So onward and upward, with renewed spirits. It'l al work out, because I'm determined

to write!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

THURSDAY, APRIL 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

You asked me what my hobbies and interests are and I'd like to answer, but I'd better

warn you, I have lots of them, so don't be surprised.

First of all: writing, but I don't really think of that as a hobby.

Number two: genealogical charts. I'm looking in every newspaper, book and document I

can find for the family trees of the French, German, Spanish, English, Austrian,

Russian, Norwegian and Dutch royal famthes. I've made great progress with many of

them, because for ! a long time I've been taking notes while reading biogra- I, phies

or history books. I even copy out many of the passages on history.

So my third hobby is history, and Father's already bought me numerous books. I can

hardly wait for the day when I'll be able to go to the public library and ferret out Ii

the information I need.

Number four is Greek and Roman mythology. I have various books on this subject too.

I can name the nine Muses and the seven loves of Zeus. I have the wives of

Hercules, etc., etc., down pat.

My other hobbies are movie stars and family photographs. I'm crazy about reading and

books. I adore the history of the arts, especial y when it concerns writers, poets and

painters; musicians may come later. I loathe algebra, geometry and arithmetic. I enjoy

al my other school subjects, but history's my favorite!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

My head's in a whirl, I real y don't know where to begin. Thursday (the last time I

wrote you) everything

was as usual. Friday afternoon (Good Friday) we played

Monopoly; Saturday afternoon too. The days passed very quickly. Around two o'clock

on Saturday, heavy firing ii began-machine guns, according to the men. For the rest,

everything was quiet.

Sunday afternoon Peter came to see me at four-thirty, at my invitation. At

five-fifteen we went to the Ii front attic, where we stayed until six. There was a

beautil ful Mozart concert on the radio from six to seven-fifteen; I especial y enjoyed

the Kleine Nachtmusik. I can hardly bear to listen in the kitchen, since beautiful music stirs me to the very depths of my soul. Sunday evening Peter couldn't take his balli,

because the washtub was down in the office kitchen, filled with laundry. The two of

us went to the front attic together, and in order to be able to sit comfortably, I took

along the only cushion I could find in my room. We seated ourselves on a packing

crate. Since both the crate and the cushion were very narrow, we were sitting quite

close, leaning against two other crates; Mouschi kept us company, so we weren't

without a chaperon. Suddenly, at a quarter to nine, Mr. van Daan whistled and asked if

we had Mr. Dussel's cushion. We jumped up and went downstairs willi the cushion, the

cat and Mr. van Daan. This cushion was the source of much misery. Dussel was angry

because I'd taken the one he uses as a pillow, and he was afraid it might be covered

with fleas; he had the entire house in an uproar because of this one cushion. In

revenge, Peter and I stuck two hard brushes in his bed, but had to take them out

again when Dussel unexpectedly decided to go sit in his room. We had a real y good

laugh at this little intermezzo.

But our fun was short-lived. At nine-thirty Peter knocked gently on the door and

asked Father to come upstairs and help him with a difficult English sentence.

"That sounds fishy," I said to Margot. "It's obviously a pretext. You can tel by the way the men are talking that there's been a break-in!" I was right. The warehouse

was being broken into at that very moment. Father, Mr. van Daan and Peter were

downstairs in a flash. Margot, Mother, Mrs. van D. and I waited. Four frightened

women need to talk, so that's what we did until we heard a bang downstairs. After

that al was quiet. The clock struck quarter to ten. The color had drained from our

faces, but we remained calm, even though we were afraid. Where were the men? What

was that bang? Were they fighting with the burglars? We were too scared to think; al

we could do was wait.

Ten o'clock, footsteps on the stairs. Father, pale and nervous, came inside, fol owed

by Mr. van Daan. "Lights out, tiptoe upstairs, we're expecting the police!" There wasn't time to be scared. The lights were switched off, I grabbed a jacket, and we sat

down upstairs.

"What happened? Tel us quickly!"

There was no one to tell us; the men had gone back downstairs. The four of them

didn't come back up until ten past ten. Two of them kept watch at Peter's open

window. The door to the landing was locked, the book- case shut. We draped a

sweater over our night-light, and then they told us what had happened:

Peter was on the landing when he heard two loud bangs. He went downstairs and saw

that a large panel was missing from the left half of the warehouse door. He dashed

upstairs, alerted the "Home Guard," and the four of them went downstairs. When they entered the warehouse, the burglars were going about their business. Without thinking,

Mr. van Daan yel ed "Police!" Hur- ried footsteps outside; the burglars had fled. The board was put back in the door so the police wouldn't notice the gap, but then a swift

kick from outside sent it flying to the floor. The men were amazed at the burglars'

audacity. Both Peter and Mr. van Daan felt a murderous rage come over them. Mr. van

Daan slammed an ax against the floor, and all was quiet again. Once more the panel

was re- placed, and once more the attempt was foiled. Outside, a man and a woman

shone a glaring flashlight through the opening, lighting up the entire warehouse. "What the . . ." mumbled one of the men, but now their roles had been reversed. Instead of policemen, they were now burglars. Al four of them raced upstairs. Dussel and Mr.

van Daan snatched up Dussel's books, Peter opened the doors and windows in the

kitchen and private office, hurled the phone to the ground, and the four of them final y ended up behind the bookcase.

END OF PART ONE

In al probability the man and woman with the flashlight had alerted the police. It was

Sunday night, Easter Sunday. The next day, Easter Monday, the office was going to

be closed, which meant we wouldn't be able to move around until Tuesday morning.

Think of it, having to sit in such terror for a day and two nights! We thought of

nothing, but simply sat there in pitch darkness -- in her fear, Mrs. van D. had

switched off the lamp. We whispered, and every time we heard a creak, someone said,

"Shh, shh."

It was ten-thirty, then eleven. Not a sound. Father and Mr. van Daan took turns

coming upstairs to us. Then, at eleven-fifteen, a noise below. Up above you could

hear the whole family breathing. For the rest, no one moved a muscle. Footsteps in

the house, the private office, the kitchen, then. . . on the staircase. Al sounds of

breathing stopped, eight hearts pounded. Foot- steps on the stairs, then a rattling at

the bookcase. This moment is indescribable.

"Now we're done for," I said, and I had visions of al fifteen of us being dragged away by the Gestapo that very night.

More rattling at the bookcase, twice. Then we heard a can fal , and the footsteps

receded. We were out of danger, so far! A shiver went though everyone's body, I

heard several sets of teeth chattering, no one said a word. We stayed like this until

eleven-thirty.

There were no more sounds in the house, but a light was shining on our landing, right

in front of the bookcase. Was that because the police thought it looked so suspicious

or because they simply forgot? Was anyone going to come back and turn it off? We

found our tongues again.

There were no longer any people inside the building, but perhaps someone was

standing guard outside. We then did three things: tried to guess what was going on,

trembled with fear and went to the bathroom. Since the buckets were in the attic, al

we had was Peter's metal wastepaper basket. Mr. van Daan went first, then Father,

but Mother was too embarrassed. Father brought the waste- basket to the next room,

where Margot, Mrs. van Daan and I grateful y made use of it. Mother final y gave in.

There was a great demand for paper, and luckily I had some in my pocket.

The wastebasket stank, everything went on in a whisper, and we were exhausted. It

was midnight.

"Lie down on the floor and go to sleep!" Margot and I were each given a pil ow and a blanket. Margot lay down near the food cupboard, and I made my bed between the

table legs. The smell wasn't quite so bad when you were lying on the floor, but Mrs.

van Daan quietly went and got some powdered bleach and draped a dish towel over

the potty as a further precaution.

Talk, whispers, fear, stench, farting and people continual y going to the bathroom; try

sleeping through that! By two-thirty, however, I was so tired I dozed off and didn't

hear a thing until three-thirty. I woke up when Mrs. van D. lay her head on my feet.

"For heaven's sake, give me something to put on!" I said. I was handed some clothes, but don't ask what: a pair of wool slacks over my pajamas, a red sweater and a black

skirt, white understockings and tattered kneesocks.

Mrs. van D. sat back down on the chair, and Mr. van D. lay down with his head on

my feet. From three- thirty onward I was engrossed in thought, and stil shiver- ing

so much that Mr. van Daan couldn't sleep. I was preparing myself for the return of

the police. We'd tel them we were in hiding; if they were good people, we'd be safe,

and if they were Nazi sympathizers, we could try to bribe them!

"We should hide the radio!" moaned Mrs. van D.

"Sure, in the stove," answered Mr. van D. "If they find us, they might as well find the radio!"

"Then they'l also find Anne's diary," added Father.

"So burn it," suggested the most terrified of the group.

This and the police rattling on the bookcase were the moments when I was most

afraid. Oh, not my diary; if my diary goes, I go too! Thank goodness Father didn't say

anything more.

There's no point in recounting all the conversations; so much was said. I comforted

Mrs. van Daan, who was very frightened. We talked about escaping, being interrogated

by the Gestapo, phoning Mr. Kleiman and being courageous.

"We must behave like soldiers, Mrs. van Daan. If our time has come, well then, it'l be for Queen and Country, for freedom, truth and justice, as they're always tel ing us on

the radio. The only bad thing is that we'l drag the others down with us!"

After an hour Mr. van Daan switched places with his wife again, and Father came and

sat beside me. The men smoked one cigarette after another, an occasional sigh was

heard, somebody made another trip to the potty, and then everything began al over

again.

Four o'clock, five, five-thirty. I went and sat with Peter by his window and listened,

so close we could feel each other's bodies trembling; we spoke a word or two from

time to time and listened intently. Next door they took down the blackout screen.

They made a list of everything they were planning to tell Mr. Kleiman over the phone,

because they intended to cal him at seven and ask him to send someone over. They

were taking a big chance, since the police guard at the door or in the warehouse

might hear them cal ing, but there was an even greater risk that the police would

return.

I'm enclosing their list, but for the sake of clarity, I'll copy it here.

Buralary: Police in building, up to bookcase, but no farther. Burglars apparently

interrupted, forced warehouse door, fled through garden. Main entrance bolted; Kugler

must have left through second door.

Typewriter and adding machine safe in black chest in private office.

Miep's or Bep's laundry in washtub in kitchen.

Only Bep or Kugler have key to second door; lock may be broken.

Try to warn jan and get key, look around office; also feed cat.

For the rest, everything went according to plan. Mr. Kleiman was phoned, the poles

were removed from the doors, the typewriter was put back in the chest. Then we al

sat around the table again and waited for either jan or the police.

Peter had dropped off to sleep and Mr. van Daan ANNE FRANK and I were lying on

the floor when we heard loud footsteps below. I got up quietly. "It's Jan!"

"No, no, it's the police!" they al said.

There was a knocking at our bookcase. Miep whis- tled. This was too much for Mrs.

van Daan, who sank limply in her chair, white as a sheet. If the tension had lasted

another minute, she would have fainted.

Jan and Miep came in and were met with a delightful scene. The table alone would

have been worth a photograph: a copy of Cinema &. Theater, opened to a page of

dancing girls and smeared with jam and pectin, which we'd been taking to combat the

diarrhea, two jam jars, half a bread rol , a quarter of a bread rol , pectin, a mirror, a comb, matches, ashes, cigarettes, tobacco, an ashtray, books, a pair of underpants, a

flashlight, Mrs. van Daan's comb, toilet paper, etc.

Jan and Miep were of course greeted with shouts and tears. Jan nailed a pinewood

board over the gap in the door and went off again with Miep to inform the police of

the break-in. Miep had also found a note under the ware- house door from Sleegers,

the night watchman, who had noticed the hole and alerted the police. Jan was also

planning to see Sleegers.

So we had half an hour in which to put the house and ourselves to rights. I've never

seen such a transformation as in those thirty minutes. Margot and I got the beds

ready downstairs, went to the bathroom, brushed our teeth, washed our hands and

combed our hair. Then I straightened up the room a bit and went back upstairs. The

table had already been cleared, so we got some water, made coffee and tea, boiled the

milk and set the table. Father and Peter emptied our improvised potties and rinsed

them with warm water and powdered bleach. The largest one was fil ed to the brim

and was so heavy they had a hard time lifting it. To make things worse, it was

leaking, so they had to put it in a bucket.

At eleven o'clock Jan was back and joined us at the table, and gradual y everyone

began to relax. Jan had the fol owing story to tel :

Mr. Sleegers was asleep, but his wife told Jan that her husband had discovered the

hole in the door while making his rounds. He cal ed in a policeman, and the two of

them searched the building. Mr. Sleegers, in his capacity as night watchman, patrols

the area every night on his bike, accompanied by his two dogs. His wife said he would

come on Tuesday and tel Mr. Kugler the rest. No one at the police station seemed to

know anything about the break-in, but they made a note to come first thing Tuesday

morning to have a look.

On the way back Jan happened to run into Mr. van Hoeven, the man who supplies us

with potatoes, and told him of the break-in. "I know," Mr. van Hoeven calmly replied.

"Last night when my wife and I were walking past your building, I saw a gap in the

door. My wife wanted to walk on, but I peeked inside with a flashlight, and that's

when the burglars must have run off. To be on the safe side, I didn't call the police. I thought it wouldn't be wise in your case. I don't know anything, but I have my

suspicions." Jan thanked him and went on. Mr. van Hoeven obviously suspects we're

here, because he always delivers the potatoes at lunchtime. A decent man!

It was one o'clock by the time Jan left and we'd done the dishes. Al eight of us went

to bed. I woke up at quarter to three and saw that Mr. Dussel was already up. My

face rumpled with sleep, I happened to run into Peter in the bathroom, just after he'd

come downstairs. We agreed to meet in the office. I freshened up a bit and went

down.

"After al this, do you still dare go to the front attic?" he asked. I nodded, grabbed my pil ow, with a cloth wrapped around it, and we went up together. The weather was

gorgeous, and even though the air-raid sirens soon began to wail, we stayed where

we were. Peter put his arm around my shoulder, I put mine around his, and we sat

quietly like this until four o'clock, when Margot came to get us for coffee.

We ate our bread, drank our lemonade and joked (we were final y able to again), and

for the rest everything was back to normal. That evening I thanked Peter because he'd

been the bravest of us al .

None of us have ever been in such danger as we were that night. God was truly

watching over us. Just think-the police were right at the bookcase, the light was on,

and stil no one had discovered our hiding place! "Now we're done for!" I'd whispered at that moment, but once again we were spared. When the invasion comes and the

bombs start fal ing, it'll be every man for himself, but this time we feared for those

good, innocent Christians who are helping us.

"We've been saved, keep on saving us!" That's all we can say.

This incident has brought about a whole lot of changes. As of now, Dussel will be

doing his work in the bathroom, and Peter will be patrol ing the house between

eight-thirty and nine-thirty. Peter isn't al owed to open his window anymore, since

one of the Keg people noticed it was open. We can no longer flush the toilet after

nine-thirty at night. Mr. Sleegers has been hired as night watchman, and tonight a

carpenter from the underground is coming to make a barricade out of our white

Frankfurt bedsteads. Debates are going on left and right in the Annex. Mr. Kugler has

reproached us for our carelessness. Jan also said we should never go downstairs. What

we have to do now is find out whether Sleegers can be trusted, whether the dogs wil

bark if they hear someone behind the door, how to make the barricade, al sorts of

things.

We've been strongly reminded of the fact that we're Jews in chains, chained to one

spot, without any rights, but with a thousand obligations. We must put our feelings

aside; we must be brave and strong, bear discomfort with- out complaint, do whatever

is in our power and trust in God. One day this terrible war will be over. The time will

come when we'll be people again and not just Jews!

Who has inflicted this on us? Who has set us apart from al the rest? Who has put us

through such suffering? It's God who has made us the way we are, but it's also God

who will lift us up again. In the eyes of the world, we're doomed, but if, after all this suffering, there are stil Jews left, the Jewish people will be held up as an example.

Who knows, maybe our religion wil teach the world and al the people in it about

goodness, and that's the reason, the only reason, we have to suffer. We can never be

just Dutch, or just English, or whatever, we wil always be Jews as wel . And we'll

have to keep on being Jews, but then, we'l want to be.

Be brave! Let's remember our duty and perform it without complaint. There will be a

way out. God has never deserted our people. Through the ages Jews have had to

suffer, but through the ages they've gone on living, and the centuries of suffering have only made them stronger. The weak shal fal and the strong shal survive and not be

defeated!

That night I really thought I was going to die. I waited for the police and I was ready

for death, like a soldier on a battlefield. I'd gladly have given my life for my country.

But now, now that I've been spared, my first wish after the war is to become a Dutch

citizen. I love the Dutch, I love this country, I love the language, and I want to work

here. And even if I have to write to the Queen herself, I won't give up until I've

reached my goal!

I'm becoming more and more independent of my parents. Young as I am, I face life

with more courage and have a better and truer sense of justice than Mother. I know

what I want, I have a goal, I have opinions, a religion and love. If only I can be

myself, I'l be satisfied. I know that I'm a woman, a woman with inner strength and a

great deal of courage!

If God lets me live, I'l achieve more than Mother ever did, I'l make my voice heard,

I'll go out into the world and work for mankind!

I now know that courage and happiness are needed first!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 1944

Dear Kitty,

Everyone here is stil very tense. Pim has nearly reached the bothng point; Mrs. van

D. is lying in bed with a cold, grumbling; Mr. van D. is growing pale without his

cigarettes; Dussel, who's having to give up many of his comforts, is carping at

everyone; etc., etc. We seem to have run out of luck lately. The toilet's leaking, and

the faucet's stuck. Thanks to our many connections, we'l soon be able to get these

repaired.

I'm occasional y sentimental, as you know, but from time to time I have reason to be:

when Peter and I are sitting close together on a hard wooden crate among the junk

and dust, our arms around each other's shoulders, Peter toying with a lock of my hair;

when the birds outside are trilling their songs, when the trees are in bud, when the

sun beckons and the sky is so blue--oh, that's when I wish for so much!

Al I see around me are dissatisfied and grumpy faces, all I hear are sighs and stifled

complaints. You'd think our lives had taken a sudden turn for the worse. Honestly,

things are only as bad as you make them. Here in the Annex no one even bothers to

set a good example. We each have to figure out how to get the better of our own

moods!

Every day you hear, "If only it were all over!"

Work, love, courage and hope,

Make me good and help me cope!

I really believe, Kit, that I'm a little nutty today, and I don't know why. My writing's al mixed up, I'm jump- ing from one thing to another, and sometimes I seriously

doubt whether anyone wil ever be interested in this drivel. They'l probably cal it

"The Musings of an Ugly Duckling." My diaries certainly won't be of much use to Mr.

Bolkestein or Mr. Gerbrandy.* [* Gerrit Bolkestein was the Minister of Education and

Pieter Gerbrandy was the Prime Minister of the Dutch government in exile in London.

See Anne's letter of March 29, 1944.]

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, APRIL 15, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

"There's just one bad thing after another. When wil it all end?" You can sure say that again. Guess what's happened now? Peter forgot to unbolt the front door. As a result,

Mr. Kugler and the warehouse employees couldn't get in. He went to Keg's, smashed

in our office kitchen window and got in that way. The windows in the Annex were

open, and the Keg people saw that too. What must they be thinking? And van Maaren?

Mr. Kugler's furious. We accuse him of not doing anything to reinforce the doors, and

then we do a stupid thing like this! Peter's extremely upset. At the table, Mother said

she felt more sorry for Peter than for anyone else, and he nearly began to cry. We're

equal y to blame, since we usual y ask him every day if he's unbolted the door, and so

does Mr. van Daan. Maybe I can go comfort him later on. I want to help him so

much!

Here are the latest news bulletins about life in the Secret Annex over the last few

weeks:

A week ago Saturday, Boche suddenly got sick. He sat quite still and started drooling.

Miep immediately picked him up, rol ed him in a towel, tucked him in her shopping bag

and brought him to the dog-and-cat clinic. Boche had some kind of intestinal problem,

so the vet gave him medicine. Peter gave it to him a few times, but Boche soon made

himself scarce. I'l bet he was out courting his sweetheart. But now his nose is

swol en and he meows whenever you pick him up-he was probably trying to steal

food and somebody smacked him. Mouschi lost her voice for a few days. Just when

we decided she had to be taken to the vet too, she started getting better.

We now leave the attic window open a crack every night. Peter and I often sit up

there in the evening.

Thanks to rubber cement and oil paint, our toilet ; could quickly be repaired. The

broken faucet has been replaced.

Luckily, Mr. Kleiman is feeling better. He's going to see a specialist soon. We can

only hope he won't need an operation.

This month we received eight Tation books. Unfortunately, for the next two weeks

beans have been substituted for oatmeal or groats. Our latest delicacy is piccalil i. If you're out of luck, al you get is a jar ful of cucumber and mustard sauce.

Vegetables are hard to come by. There's only lettuce, lettuce and more lettuce. Our

meals consist entirely of potatoes and imitation gravy.

The Russians are in possession of more than half the Crimea. The British aren't

advancing beyond Cassino. We'll have to count on the Western Wal . There have been

a lot of unbelievably heavy air raids. The Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages in

The Hague was bombed. All Dutch people wil be issued new ration registration cards.

Enough for today.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SUNDAY, APRIL 16, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

Remember yesterday's date, since it was a red-letter day for me. Isn't it an important

day for every girl when she gets her first kiss? Wel then, it's no less important to

me. The time Bram kissed me on my right cheek or Mr. Woudstra on my right hand

doesn't count. How did I suddenly come by this kiss? I'l tell you.

Last night at eight I was sitting with Peter on his divan and it wasn't long before he

put an arm around me. (Since it was Saturday, he wasn't wearing his overalls.)"Why

don t we move over a little," I said, "so won t keep bumping my head against the cupboard."

He moved so far over he was practical y in the corner. I slipped my arm under his

and across his back, and he put his arm around my shoulder, so that I was nearly

engulfed by him. We've sat like this on other occasions, but never so close as we

were last night. He held me firmly against him, my left side against his chest; my

heart had already begun to beat faster, but there was more to come. He wasn't

satisfied until my head lay on his shoulder, with his on top of mine. I sat up again

after about five minutes, but before long he took my head in his hands and put it back

next to his. Oh, it was so wonderful. I could hardly talk, my pleasure was too intense;

he caressed my cheek and arm, a bit clumsily, and played with my hair. Most of the

time our heads were touching.

I can't tel you, Kitty, the feeling that ran through me. I was too happy for words, and

I think he was too.

At nine-thirty we stood up. Peter put on his tennis shoes so he wouldn't make much

noise on his nightly round of the building, and I was standing next to him. How I

suddenly made the right movement, I don't know, but before we went downstairs, he

gave me a. kiss, through my hair, half on my left cheek and half on my ear. I tore

downstairs without looking back, and I long so much for today.

Sunday morning, just before eleven.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, APRIL 17, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Do you think Father and Mother would approve of a girl my age sitting on a divan and

kissing a seventeen-and- a-half-year-old boy? I doubt they would, but I have to

trust my own judgment in this matter. It's so peaceful and safe, lying in his arms and

dreaming, it's so thrilling to feel his cheek against mine, it's so wonderful to know

there's someone waiting for me. But, and there is a but, will Peter want to leave it at

that? I haven't forgotten his promise, but. . . he is a boy!

I know I'm starting at a very young age. Not even fifteen and already so independent

-- that's a little hard for other people to understand. I'm pretty sure Margot would

never kiss a boy unless there was some talk of an engagement or marriage. Neither

Peter nor I has any such plans. I'm also sure that Mother never touched a man before

she met Father. What would my girlfriends or Jacque say if they knew I'd lain in

Peter's arms with my heart against his chest, my head on his shoulder and his head

and face against mine!

Oh, Anne, how terribly shocking! But seriously, I don't think it's at al shocking; we're cooped up here, cut off from the world, anxious and fearful, especially lately. Why

should we stay apart when we love each other? Why shouldn't we kiss each other in

times like these? Why should we wait until we've reached a suitable age? Why should

we ask anybody's permission?

I've decided to look out for my own interests. He'd never want to hurt me or make

me unhappy. Why shouldn't I do what my heart tells me and makes both of us happy?

Yet I have a feeling, Kitty, that you can sense my doubt. It must be my honesty

rising in revolt against all this sneaking around. Do you think it's my duty to tel

Father what I'm up to? Do you think our secret should be shared with a third person?

Much of the beauty would be lost, but would it make me feel better inside? I'll bring

it up with him.

Oh, yes, I still have so much I want to discuss with him, since I don't see the point

of just cuddling. Sharing our thoughts with each other requires a great deal of trust,

but we'l both be stronger because of it!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

P.S. We were up at six yesterday morning, because the whole family heard the sounds

of a break-in again. It must have been one of our neighbors who was the victim this

time. When we checked at seven o'clock, our doors were stil shut tight, thank

goodness!

TUESDAY, APRIL 18,1944

Dearest Kitty,

Everything's fine here. Last night the carpenter came again to put some sheets of iron

over the door panels. Father just got through saying he definitely expects large-scale

operations in Russia and Italy, as wel as in the West, before May 20; the longer the

war lasts, the harder it is to imagine being liberated from this place.

Yesterday Peter and I final y got around to having the talk we've been postponing for

the last ten days. I told him all about girls, without hesitating to discuss the most

intimate matters. I found it rather amusing that he thought the opening in a woman's

body was simply left out of il ustrations. He couldn't imagine that it was actually

located between a woman's legs. The evening ended with a mutual kiss, near the

mouth. It's real y a lovely feeling!

I might take my "favorite quotes notebook" up with me sometime so Peter and I can go more deeply into matters. I don't think lying in each other's arms day in and day

out is very satisfying, and I hope he feels the same.

After our mild winter we've been having a beautiful spring. April is glorious, not too

hot and not too cold, with occasional light showers. Our chestnut tree is in leaf, and

here and there you can already see a few smal blossoms.

Bep presented us Saturday with four bouquets of flowers: three bouquets of daffodils,

and one bouquet of grape hyacinths for me. Mr. Kugler is supplying us with more and

more newspapers.

It's time to do my algebra, Kitty. Bye.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19, 1944

Dearest Darling,

(That's the title of a movie with Dorit Kreysler, Ida Wust and Harald Paulsen!)

What could be nicer than sitting before an open window, enjoying nature, listening to

the birds sing, feeling the sun on your cheeks and holding a darling boy in your arms?

I feel so peaceful and safe with his arm around me, knowing he's near and yet not

having to speak; how can this be bad when it does me so much good? Oh, if only we

were never disturbed again, not even by Mouschi.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, APRIL 21,1944

My dearest Kitty,

I stayed in bed yesterday with a sore throat, but since I was already bored the very

first afternoon and didn't have a fever, I got up today. My sore throat has nearly

"verschwunden"* [* disappeared].

Yesterday, as you've probably already discovered, was our Fi hrer's fifty-fifth

birthday. Today is the eighteenth birthday of Her Royal Highness Princess Elizabeth of

York. The BBC reported that she hasn't yet been declared of age, though royal

children usual y are. We've been wondering which prince they'll marry this beauty off

to, but can't think of a suitable candidate; perhaps her sister, Princess Margaret Rose, can have Crown Prince Baudouin of Belgium!

Here we've been going from one disaster to the next. No sooner have the outside

doors been reinforced than van Maaren rears his head again. In al likelihood he's the

one who stole the potato flour, and now he's trying to pin the blame on Bep. Not

surprisingly, the Annex is once again in an uproar. Bep is beside herself with rage.

Perhaps Mr. Kugler will final y have this shady character tailed.

The appraiser from Beethovenstraat was here this morning. He offered us 400 guilders

for our chest; in our opinion, the other estimates are also too low.

I want to ask the magazine The Prince if they'll take one of my fairy tales, under a

pseudonym, of course. But up to now al my fairy tales have been too long, so I don't

think I have much of a chance.

Until the next time, darling.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

For the last ten days Dussel hasn't been on speaking terms with Mr. van Daan, and al

because of the new security measures since the break-in. One of these was that he's

no longer allowed to go downstairs in the evenings. Peter and Mr. van Daan make the

last round every night at nine-thirty, and after that no one may go downstairs. We

can't flush the toilet anymore after eight at night or after eight in the morning. The

windows may be opened only in the morning when the lights go on in Mr. Kugler's

office, and they can no longer be propped open with a stick at night. This last

measure is the reason for Dussel's sulking. He claims that Mr. van Daan bawled him

out, but he has only himself to blame. He says he'd rather live without food than

without air, and that they simply must figure out a way to keep the windows open.

"I'l have to speak to Mr. Kugler about this," he said to me.

I replied that we never discussed matters of this sort with Mr. Kugler, only within the

group.

"Everything's always happening behind my back. I'll have to talk to your father about that."

He's also not al owed to sit in Mr. Kugler's office anymore on Saturday afternoons or

Sundays, because the manager of Keg's might hear him if he happens to be next door.

Dussel promptly went and sat there anyway. Mr. van Daan was furious, and Father

went downstairs to talk to Dussel, who came up with some flimsy excuse, but even

Father didn't fal for it this time. Now Father's keep- ing his dealings with Dussel to

a minimum because Dussel insulted him. Not one of us knows what he said, but it

must have been pretty awful.

And to think that that miserable man has his birthday next week. How can you

celebrate your birthday when you've got the sulks, how can you accept gifts from

people you won't even talk to?

Mr. Voskuijl is going downhil rapidly. For more than ten days he's had a temperature

of almost a hundred and four. The doctor said his condition is hopeless; they think the

cancer has spread to his lungs. The poor man, we'd so like to help him, but only God

can help him now!

I've written an amusing story cal ed "Blurry the Explorer," which was a big hit with my three listeners.

I stil have a bad cold and have passed it on to Margot, as wel as Mother and Father.

If only Peter doesn't get it. He insisted on a kiss, and cal ed me his El Dorado. You

can't cal a person that, sil y boy! But he's sweet anyway!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

THURSDAY, APRIL 27, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Mrs. van D. was in a bad mood this morning. Al she did was complain, first about her

cold, not being able to get cough drops and the agony of having to blow her nose all

the time. Next she grumbled that the sun wasn't shining, the invasion hadn't started,

we weren't al owed to look out the windows, etc., etc. We couldn't help but laugh at

her, and it couldn't have been that bad, since she soon joined in.

Our recipe for potato kugel, modified due to lack of onions:

Put peeled potatoes through a food mil and add a little dry government-issue flour

and salt. Grease a mold or ovenproof dish with paraffin or stearin and bake for 21/2

hours. Serve with rotten strawberry compote. (Onions not available. Nor oil for mold

or dough!)

At the moment I'm reading Emperor Charles V, written by a professor at the

University of Gottingen; he's spent forty years working on this book. It took me five

days to read fifty pages. I can't do any more than that. Since the book has 598 pages,

you can figure out just how long it's going to take me. And that's not even counting

the second volume. But. . . very interesting!

The things a schoolgirl has to do in the course of a single day! Take me, for

example. First, I translated a passage on Nelson's last battle from Dutch into English.

Then, I read more about the Northern War (1700-21) involving Peter the Great,

Charles XII, Augustus the Strong, Stanislaus Leczinsky, Mazeppa, von Gorz, Bran-

denburg, Western Pomerania, Eastern Pomerania and Denmark, plus the usual dates.

Next, I wound up in Brazil, where I read about Bahia tobacco, the abundance of coffee,

the one and a half mil ion inhabitants of Rio de Janeiro, Pernambuco and Sao Paulo

and, last but not least, the Amazon River. Then about Negroes, mulattoes, mestizos,

whites, the il iteracy rate -- over 50 percent -- and malaria. Since I had some time

left, I glanced through a genealogical chart: John the Old, William Louis, Ernest

Casimir I, Henry Casimir I, right up to little Margriet Franciska (born in 1943 in

Ottawa).

Twelve o'clock: I resumed my studies in the attic, reading about deans, priests,

ministers, popes and . . . whew, it was one o'clock!

At two the poor child (ho hum) was back at work. Old World and New World

monkeys were next. Kitty, tell me quickly, how many toes does a hippopotamus have?

Then came the Bible, Noah's Ark, Shem, Ham and Japheth. After that, Charles V.

Then, with Peter, Thack- eray's book about the colonel, in English. A French test,

and then a comparison between the Mississippi and the Missouri!

Enough for today. Adieu!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I've never forgotten my dream of Peter Schiff (see the beginning of January). Even

now I can stil feel his cheek against mine, and that wonderful glow that made up for

al the rest. Once in a while I'd had the same feeling with this Peter, but never so

intensely. . . until last night. We were sitting on the divan, as usual, in each other's arms. Suddenly the everyday Anne slipped away and the second Anne took her place.

The second Anne, who's never overconfident or amusing, but wants only to love and

be gentle.

I sat pressed against him and felt a wave of emotion come over me. Tears rushed to

my eyes; those from the left fel on his overal s, while those from the right trickled

down my nose and into the air and landed beside the first. Did he notice? He made no

movement to show that he had. Did he feel the same way I did? He hardly said a

word. Did he realize he had two Annes at his side? My questions went unanswered.

At eight-thirty I stood up and went to the window, where we always say good-bye. I

was still trembling, I was stil Anne number two. He came over to me, and I threw

my arms around his neck and kissed him on his left cheek. I was about to kiss the

other cheek when my mouth met his, and we pressed our lips together. In a daze, we

embraced, over and over again, never to stop, oh!

Peter needs tenderness. For the first time in his life he's discovered a girl; for the

first time he's seen that even the biggest pests also have an inner self and a heart,

and are transformed as soon as they're alone with you. For the first time in his life

he's given himself and his friendship to another person. He's never had a friend

before, boy or girl. Now we've found each other. I, for that matter, didn't know him

either, had never had someone I could confide in, and it's led to this . . .

The same question keeps nagging me: "Is it right?" Is it right for me to yield so soon, for me to be so passionate, to be fil ed with as much passion and desire as Peter?

Can I, a girl, al ow myself to go that far?

There's only one possible answer: "I'm longing so much. . . and have for such a long time. I'm so lonely and now I've found comfort!"

In the mornings we act normal y, in the afternoons too, except now and then. But in

the evenings the suppressed longing of the entire day, the happiness and the bliss of

al the times before come rushing to the surface, and al we can think about is each

other. Every night, after our last kiss, I feel like running away and never looking him

in the eyes again. Away, far away into the darkness and alone!

And what awaits me at the bottom of those fourteen stairs? Bright lights, questions

and laughter. I have to act normal y and hope they don't notice anything.

My heart is stil too tender to be able to recover so quickly from a shock like the one

I had last night. The gentle Anne makes infrequent appearances, and she's not about

to let herself be shoved out the door so soon after she's arrived. Peter's reached a

part of me that no one has ever reached before, except in my dream! He's taken hold

of me and turned me inside out. Doesn't everyone need a little quiet time to put

themselves to rights again? Oh, Peter, what have you done to me? What do you want

from me?

Where wil this lead? Oh, now I understand Bep. Now, now that I'm going through it

myself, I understand her doubts; if I were older and he wanted to marry me, what

would my answer be? Anne, be honest! You wouldn't be able to marry him. But it's so

hard to let go. Peter stil has too little character, too little wil power, too little

courage and strength. He's still a child, emotional y no older than I am; al he wants is happiness and peace of mind. Am I real y only fourteen? Am I really just a sil y

schoolgirl? Am I really so inexperienced in everything? I have more experience than

most; I've experienced something almost no one my age ever has.

I'm afraid of myself, afraid my longing is making me yield too soon. How can it ever

go right with other boys later on? Oh, it's so hard, the eternal struggle between heart

and mind. There's a time and a place for both, but how can I be sure that I've chosen

the right time?

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, MAY 2, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Saturday night I asked Peter whether he thinks I should tel Father about us. After

we'd discussed it, he said he thought I should. I was glad; it shows he's sensible, and

sensitive. As soon as I came downstairs, I went with Father to get some water. While

we were on the stairs, I said, "Father, I'm sure you've gathered that when Peter and I are together, we don't exactly sit at opposite ends of the room. Do you think that's

wrong?"

Father paused before answering: "No, I don't think it's wrong. But Anne, when you're living so close together, as we do, you have to be careful." He said some other words to that effect, and then we went upstairs.

Sunday morning he cal ed me to him and said, "Anne, I've been thinking about what

you said." (Oh, oh, I knew what was coming!) "Here in the Annex it's not such a good idea. I thought you were just friends. Is Peter in love with you?"

"Of course not," I answered.

"Wel , you know I understand both of you. But you must be the one to show restraint; don't go upstairs so often, don't encourage him more than you can help. In matters

like these, it's always the man who takes the active role, and it's up to the woman to

set the limits. Outside, where you're free, things are quite different. You see other

boys and girls, you can go outdoors, take part in sports and al kinds of activities. But here, if you're together too much and want to get away, you can't. You see each other

every hour of the day-all the time, in fact. Be careful, Anne, and don't take it too

seriously!

"I don't, Father, but Peter's a decent boy, a nice boy."

"Yes, but he doesn't have much strength of character. He can easily be influenced to do good, but also to do bad. I hope for his sake that he stays good, because he's

basical y a good person."

We talked some more and agreed that Father would speak to him too.

Sunday afternoon when we were in the front attic, Peter asked, "Have you talked to

your Father yet, Anne?"

"Yes," I replied, "I'l tel you al about it. He doesn't think it's wrong, but he says that here, where we're in such close quarters, it could lead to conflicts."

"We've already agreed not to quarrel, and I plan to keep my promise."

"Me too, Peter. But Father didn't think we were serious, he thought we were just

friends. Do you think we still can be?"

"Yes, I do. How about you?"

"Me too. I also told Father that I trust you. I do trust you, Peter, just as much as I do Father. And I think you're worthy of my trust. You are, aren't you?"

"I hope so." (He was very shy, and blushing.)

"I believe in you, Peter," I continued. "I believe you have a good character and that you'l get ahead in this world."

After that we talked about other things. Later I said, "If we ever get out of here, I know you won't give me another thought."

He got al fired up. "That's not true, Anne. Oh no, I won't let you even think that

about me!"

Just then somebody cal ed us.

Father did talk to him, he told me Monday. "Your Father thought our friendship might turn into love," he said. "But I told him we'd keep ourselves under control."

Father wants me to stop going upstairs so often, but I don't want to. Not just because

I like being with Peter, but because I've said I trust him. I do trust him, and I want

to prove it to him, but I'l never be able to if I stay downstairs out of distrust.

No, I'm going!

In the meantime, the Dussel drama has been resolved. Saturday evening at dinner he

apologized in beautiful Dutch. Mr. van Daan was immediately reconciled. Dussel must

have spent al day practicing his speech.

Sunday, his birthday, passed without incident. We gave him a bottle of good wine from

1919, the van Daans (who can now give their gift after al ) presented him with a jar

of piccalilli and a package of razor blades, and Mr. Kugler gave him a jar of lemon

syrup (to make lemonade), Miep a book, Little Martin, and Bep a plant. He treated

everyone to an egg.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, MAY 3, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

First the weekly news! We're having a vacation from politics. There's nothing, and I

mean absolutely nothing, to report. I'm also gradual y starting to believe that the

invasion wil come. After al , they can't let the Russians do all the dirty work;

actually, the Russians aren't doing anything at the moment either.

Mr. Kleiman comes to the office every morning now. He got a new set of springs for

Peter's divan, so Peter wil have to get to work reupholstering it; Not surprisingly, he

isn't at all in the mood. Mr. Kleiman also brought some flea powder for the cats.

Have I told you that our Boche has disappeared? We haven't seen hide nor hair of her

since last Thursday. She's probably already in cat heaven, while some animal lover has

turned her into a tasty dish. Perhaps some girl who can afford it wil be wearing a

cap made of Boche's fur. Peter is heartbroken.

For the last two weeks we've been eating lunch at eleven-thirty on Saturdays; in the

mornings we have to make do with a cup of hot cereal. Starting tomorrow it'l be like

this every day; that saves us a meal. Vegetables are still very hard to come by. This

afternoon we had rotten boiled lettuce. Ordinary lettuce, spinach and boiled let- tuce,

that's all there is. Add to that rotten potatoes, and you have a meal fit for a king!

I hadn't had my period for more than two months, but it finally started last Sunday.

Despite the mess and bother, I'm glad it hasn't deserted me.

As you can no doubt imagine, we often say in despair, "What's the point of the war?

Why, oh, why can't people live together peacefully? Why al this destruction?"

The question is understandable, but up to now no one has come up with a satisfactory

answer. Why is England manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at

the same time churning out new houses for reconstruction? Why are millions spent on

the war each day, while not a penny is available for medical science, artists or the

poor? Why do people have to starve when mountains of food are rotting away in other

parts of the world? Oh, why are people so crazy?

I don't believe the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists. Oh no, the

common man is every bit as guilty; otherwise, people and nations would have re-

bel ed long ago! There's a destructive urge in people, the urge to rage, murder and

kill. And until all of humanity, without exception, undergoes a metamorphosis, wars

will continue to be waged, and everything that has been careful y built up, cultivated

and grown wil be cut down and destroyed, only to start al over again!

I've often been down in the dumps, but never desperate. I look upon our life in hiding

as an interesting adventure, ful of danger and romance, and every privation as an

amusing addition to my diary. I've made up my mind to lead a different life from other

girls, and not to become an ordinary housewife later on. What I'm experiencing here is

a good beginning to an interesting life, and that's the reason -- the only reason --

why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.

I'm young and have many hidden qualities; I'm young and strong and living through a

big adventure; I'm right in the middle of it and can't spend al day complaining because

it's impossible to have any fun! I'm blessed with many things: happiness, a cheerful

disposition and strength. Every day I feel myself maturing, I feel liberation drawing

near, I feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of the people around me. Every

day I think what a fascinating and amusing adventure this is! With al that, why should

I despair?

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, MAY 5, 1944

Dear Kitty,

Father's unhappy with me. After our talk on Sunday he thought I'd stop going upstairs

every evening. He won't have any of that "Knutscherej"* [* Necking] going on. I can't stand that word. Talking about it was bad enough -- why does he have to make me

feel bad too! I'l have a word with him today. Margot gave me some good advice.

Here's more or less what I'd like to say:

I think you expect an explanation from me, Father, so I'll give you one. You're disap-

pointed in me, you expected more restraint from me, you no doubt want me to act the

way a fourteen-year-old is supposed to. But that's where you're wrong!

Since we've been here, from July 1942 until a few weeks ago, I haven't had an easy

time. If only you knew how much I used to cry at night, how unhappy and despondent

I was, how lonely I felt, you'd understand my wanting to go upstairs! I've now

reached the point where I don't need the support of Mother or anyone else. It didn't

happen overnight. I've struggled long and hard and shed many tears to become as

independent as I am now. You can laugh and refuse to believe me, but I don't care. I

know I'm an independent person, and I don't feel I need to account to you for my

actions. I'm only telling you this because I don't want you to think I'm doing things

behind your back. But there's only one person I'm accountable to, and that's me.

When I was having problems, everyone -- and that includes you -- closed their

eyes and ears and didn't help me. On the contrary, all I ever got were admonitions not

to be so noisy. I was noisy only to keep myself from being miserable al the time. I

was overconfident to keep from having to listen to the voice inside me. I've been

putting on an act for the last year and a half, day in, day out. I've never complained

or dropped my mask, nothing of the kind, and now. . . now the battle is over. I've

won! I'm independent, in both body and mind. I don't need a mother anymore, and I've

emerged from the struggle a stronger person.

Now that it's over, now that I know the battle has been won, I want to go my own

way, to fol ow the path that seems right to me. Don't think of me as a

fourteen-year-old, since al these troubles have made me older; I won't regret my

actions, I'l behave the way I think I should!

Gentle persuasion won't keep me from going upstairs. You'll either have to forbid it, or trust me through thick and thin. Whatever you do, just leave me alone!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Last night before dinner I tucked the letter I'd written into Father's pocket. According to Margot, he read it and was upset for the rest of the evening. (I was upstairs doing

the dishes!) Poor Pim, I might have known what the effect of such an epistle would

be. He's so sensitive! I immediately told Peter not to ask any questions or say

anything more. Pim's said nothing else to me about the matter. Is he going to?

Everything here is more or less back to normal. We can hardly believe what Jan, Mr.

Kugler and Mr. Kleiman tel us about the prices and the people on the outside; half a

pound of tea costs 350.00 guilders, half a pound of coffee 80.00 guilders, a pound of

butter 35.00 guilders, one egg 1.45 guilders. People are paying 14.00 guilders an

ounce for Bulgarian tobacco! Everyone's trading on the black market; every errand boy

has something to offer. The delivery boy from the bakery has supplied us with darning

thread-90 cents for one measly skein-the milkman can get hold of ration books, an

undertaker delivers cheese. Break-ins, murders and thefts are daily occurrences. Even

the police and night watchmen are getting in on the act. Everyone wants to put food

in their stomachs, and since salaries have been frozen, people have had to resort to

swindling. The police have their hands full trying to track down the many girls of

fifteen, sixteen, seventeen and older who are reported missing every day.

I want to try to finish my story about Ellen, the fairy. Just for fun, I can give it to

Father on his birthday, together with all the copyrights.

See you later! (Actual y, that's not the right phrase. In the German program broadcast

from England they always close with "Aufwiederhoren." So I guess I should say, "Until we write again.")

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SUNDAY MORNING, MAY 7,1944

Dearest Kitty,

Father and I had a long talk yesterday afternoon. I cried my eyes out, and he cried

too. Do you know what he said to me, Kitty?

"I've received many letters in my lifetime, but none as hurtful as this. You, who have had so much love from your parents. You, whose parents have always been ready to

help you, who have always defended you, no matter what. You talk of not having to

account to us for your actions! You feel you've been wronged and left to your own

devices. No, Anne, you've done us a great injustice!

"Perhaps you didn't mean it that way, but that's what you wrote. No, Anne, we have

done nothing to deserve such a reproach!"

Oh, I've failed miserably. This is the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life. I

used my tears to show off, to make myself seem important so he'd respect me. I've

certainly had my share of unhappiness, and everything I said about Mother is true. But

to accuse Pim, who's so good and who's done everything for me-no, that was too

cruel for words.

It's good that somebody has finally cut me down to size, has broken my pride,

because I've been far too smug. Not everything Mistress Anne does is good! Any-

one who deliberately causes such pain to someone they say they love is despicable,

the lowest of the low!

What I'm most ashamed of is the way Father has forgiven me; he said he's going to

throw the letter in the stove, and he's being so nice to me now, as if he were the

one who'd done something wrong. Wel , Anne, you still have a lot to learn. It's time

you made a beginning, in- stead of looking down at others and always giving them the

blame!

I've known a lot of sorrow, but who hasn't at my age? I've been putting on an act, but

was hardly even aware of it. I've felt lonely, but never desperate! Not like Father,

who once ran out into the street with a knife so he could put an end to it al . I've

never gone that far.

I should be deeply ashamed of myself, and I am. What's done can't be undone, but at

least you can keep it from happening again. I'd like to start al over, and that shouldn't be difficult, now that I have Peter. With him supporting me, I know I can do it! I'm

not alone anymore. He loves me, I love him, I have my books, my writing and my

diary. I'm not all that ugly, or that stupid, I have a sunny disposition, and I want to

develop a good character!

Yes, Anne, you knew ful well that your letter was unkind and untrue, but you were

actually proud of it! I'l take Father as my example once again, and I will improve

myself.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, MAY 8, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Have I ever told you anything about our family? I don't think I have, so let me begin.

Father was born in Frankfurt am Main to very wealthy parents: Michael Frank owned

a bank and became a mil ionaire, and Alice Stern's parents were prominent and

wel -to-do. Michael Frank didn't start out rich; he was a self-made man. In his

youth Father led the life of a rich man's son. Parties every week, bal s, banquets,

beautiful girls, waltzing, dinners, a huge house, etc. After Grandpa died, most of the

money was lost, and after the Great War and inflation there was nothing left at al . Up

until the war there were stil quite a few rich relatives. So Father was extremely

wel -bred, and he had to laugh yesterday because for the first time in his fifty-five

years, he scraped out the frying pan at the table.

Mother's family wasn't as wealthy, but still fairly wel -off, and we've listened

openmouthed to stories of private bal s, dinners and engagement parties with 250

guests.

We're far from rich now, but I've pinned al my hopes on after the war. I can assure

you, I'm not so set on a bourgeois life as Mother and Margot. I'd like to spend a year

in Paris and London learning the languages and studying art history. Compare that with

Margot, who wants to nurse newborns in Palestine. I still have visions of gorgeous

dresses and fascinating people. As I've told you many times before, I want to see the

world and do all kinds of exciting things, and a little money won't hurt!

This morning Miep told us about her cousin's engagement party, which she went to on

Saturday. The cousin's parents are rich, and the groom's are even richer. Miep made

our mouths water telling us about the food that was served: vegetable soup with

meatbal s, cheese, rolls with sliced meat, hors d'oeuvres made with eggs and roast

beef, rol s with cheese, genoise, wine and cigarettes, and you could eat as much as

you wanted.

Miep drank ten schnapps and smoked three cigarettes -- could this be our

temperance advocate? If Miep drank al those, I wonder how many her spouse

managed to toss down? Everyone at the party was a little tipsy, of course. There

were also two officers from the Homicide Squad, who took photographs of the wedding

couple. You can see we're never far from Miep's thoughts, since she promptly noted

their names and addresses in case anything should happen and we needed contacts

with good Dutch people.

Our mouths were watering so much. We, who'd had nothing but two spoonfuls of hot

cereal for breakfast and were absolutely famished; we, who get nothing but

half-cooked spinach (for the vitamins!) and rotten pota- toes day after day; we, who

fil our empty stomachs with nothing but boiled lettuce, raw lettuce, spinach, spinach

and more spinach. Maybe we'l end up being as strong as Popeye, though up to now

I've seen no sign of it!

If Miep had taken us along to the party, there wouldn't have been any rolls left over

for the other guests. If we'd been there, we'd have snatched up everything in sight,

including the furniture. I tel you, we were practical y pul ing the words right out of

her mouth. We were gathered around her as if we'd never in al our lives heard of"

delicious food or elegant people! And these are the granddaughters of the distinguished

mil ionaire. The world is a crazy place!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, MAY 9, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I've finished my story about Ellen, the fairy. I've copied it out on nice notepaper,

decorated it with red ink and sewn the pages together. The whole thing looks quite

pretty, but I don't know if it's enough of a birthday present. Margot and Mother have

both written poems.

Mr. Kugler came upstairs this afternoon with the news that starting Monday, Mrs.

Broks would like to spend two hours in the office every afternoon. Just imagine! The

office staff won't be able to come upstairs, the potatoes can't be delivered, Bep won't

get her dinner, we can't go to the bathroom, we won't be able to move and al sorts

of other inconveniences! We proposed a variety of ways to get rid of her. Mr. van

Daan thought a good laxative in her coffee might do the trick. "No," Mr. Kleiman answered, "please don't, or we'l never get her off the can.

A roar of laughter. "The can?" Mrs. van D. asked. "What does that mean?" An explanation was given. "Is it al right to use that word?" she asked in perfect innocence. "Just imagine," Bep giggled, "there you are shopping at The Bijenkorf and you ask the way to the can. They wouldn't even know what you were talking about!"

Dussel now sits on the "can," to borrow the expression, every day at twelve-thirty on the dot. This afternoon I boldly took a piece of pink paper and wrote:

Mr. Dussel's Toilet Timetable

Mornings from 7: 15 to 7:30 A.M.

Afternoons after 1 P.M.

Otherwise, only as needed!

I tacked this to the green bathroom door while he was still inside. I might wel have

added' 'Transgressors wil be subject to confinement!" Because our bathroom can be

locked from both the inside and the outside.

Mr. van Daan's latest joke:

After a Bible lesson about Adam and Eve, a thirteen-year-old boy asked his father,

"Tell me, Father, how did I get born?"

"Wel ," the father replied, "the stork plucked you out of the ocean, set you down in Mother's bed and bit her in the leg, hard. It bled so much she had to stay in bed for

a week."

Not fully satisfied, the boy went to his mother. "Tel me, Mother," he asked, "how did you get born and how did I get born?"

His mother told him the very same story. Final y, hoping to hear the fine points, he

went to his grandfather. "Tell me, Grandfather," he said, "how did you get born and how did your daughter get born?" And for the third time he was told exactly the same story.

That night he wrote in his diary: "After careful inquiry, I must conclude that there has been no sexual intercourse in our family for the last three generations!"

I still have work to do; it's already three o'clock.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

PS. Since I think I've mentioned the new cleaning lady, I just want to note that she's

married, sixty years old and hard of hearing! Very convenient, in view of all the noise

that eight people in hiding are capable of mak- ing.

Oh, Kit, it's such lovely weather. If only I could go outside!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

We were sitting in the attic yesterday afternoon working on our French when suddenly

I heard the splatter of water behind me. I asked Peter what it might be. Without

pausing to reply, he dashed up to the loft-the scene of the disaster -- and shoved

Mouschi, who was squatting beside her soggy litter box, back to the right place. This

was followed by shouts and squeals, and then Mouschi, who by that time had finished

peeing, took off downstairs. In search of something similar to her box, Mouschi had

found herself a pile of wood shavings, right over a crack in the floor. The puddle

immediately trickled down to the attic and, as luck would have it, landed in and next

to the potato barrel. The cethng was dripping, and since the attic floor has also got its share of cracks, little yel ow drops were leaking through the ceiling and onto the

dining table, between a pile of stockings and books.

I was doubled up with laughter, it was such a funny sight. There was Mouschi

crouched under a chair, Peter armed with water, powdered bleach and a cloth, and Mr.

van Daan trying to calm everyone down. The room was soon set to rights, but it's a

wel -known fact that cat puddles stink to high heaven. The potatoes proved that all

too wel , as did the wood shavings, which Father col ected in a bucket and brought

downstairs to burn.

Poor Mouschi! How were you to know it's impossible to get peat for your box?

Anne

THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

A new sketch to make you laugh:

Peter's hair had to be cut, and as usual his mother was to be the hairdresser. At

seven twenty-five Peter vanished into his room, and reappeared at the stroke of

seven-thirty, stripped down to his blue swimming trunks and a pair of tennis shoes.

"Are you coming?" he asked his mother.

"Yes, I'll be up in a minute, but I can't find the scissors!"

Peter helped her look, rummaging around in her cosmetics drawer. "Don't make such a mess, Peter," she grumbled.

I didn't catch Peter's reply, but it must have been insolent, because she cuffed him on

the arm. He cuffed her back, she punched him with al her might, and Peter pul ed his

arm away with a look of mock horror on his face. "Come on, old girl!"

Mrs. van D. stayed put. Peter grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her all around the

room. She laughed, cried, scolded and kicked, but nothing helped. Peter led his

prisoner as far as the attic stairs, where he was obliged to let go of her. Mrs. van D.

came back to the room and col apsed into a chair with a loud sigh.

"Die Enifu"hruna der Mutter,". I joked. [* The Abduction of Mother, a possible reference to Mozart's opera The Abduction from the Seraglio.]

"Yes, but he hurt me."

I went to have a look and cooled her hot, red wrists with water. Peter, stil by the

stairs and growing impa- tient again, strode into the room with his belt in his hand,

like a lion tamer. Mrs. van D. didn't move, but stayed by her writing desk, looking for

a handkerchief. "You've got to apologize first."

"All right, I hereby offer my apologies, but only because if I don't, we'l be here til midnight."

Mrs. van D. had to laugh in spite of herself. She got up and went toward the door,

where she felt obliged to give us an explanation. (By us I mean Father, Mother and

me; we were busy doing the dishes.) "He wasn't like this at home," she said. "I'd have belted him so hard he'd have gone flying down the stairs [!]. He's never been so

insolent. This isn't the first time he's deserved a good hiding. That's what you get

with a modern upbringing, modern children. I'd never have grabbed my mother like

that. Did you treat your mother that way, Mr. Frank?" She was very upset, pacing

back and forth, saying whatever came into her head, and she stil hadn't gone upstairs.

Final y, at long last, she made her exit.

Less than five minutes later she stormed back down the stairs, with her cheeks all

puffed out, and flung her apron on a chair. When I asked if she was through, she

replied that she was going downstairs. She tore down the stairs like a tornado,

probably straight into the arms of her Putti.

She didn't come up again until eight, this time with her husband. Peter was dragged

from the attic, given a merciless scolding and showered with abuse: il -mannered brat,

no-good bum, bad example, Anne this, Margot that, I couldn't hear the rest.

Everything seems to have calmed down again today!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

P.S. Tuesday and Wednesday evening our beloved Queen addressed the country. She's

taking a vacation so she'l be in good health for her return to the Netherlands.

She used words like "soon, when I'm back in Hol and," "a swift liberation," "heroism"

and "heavy burdens."

This was fol owed by a speech by Prime Minister Gerbrandy. He has such a squeaky

little child's voice that Mother instinctively said, "Oooh." A clergyman, who must have borrowed his voice from Mr. Edel, concluded by asking God to take care of the Jews,

al those in concentration camps and prisons and everyone working in Germany.

THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Since I've left my entire "junk box" -- including my fountain pen -- upstairs and I'm not allowed to disturb the grown-ups during their nap time (until two-thirty),

you'l have to make do with a letter in pencil.

I'm terribly busy at the moment, and strange as it may sound, I don't have enough

time to get through my pile of work. Shal I tel you briefly what I've got to do? Wel

then, before tomorrow I have to finish reading the first volume of a biography of

Galileo Galilei, since it has to be returned to the library. I started reading it yesterday and have gotten up to page 220 out of 320 pages, so I'll manage it. Next week I have

to read Palestine at the Cross- roads and the second volume of Galilei. Besides that,

I finished the first volume of a biography of Emperor Charles V yesterday, and I stil

have to work out the many genealogical charts I've col ected and the notes I've taken.

Next I have three pages of foreign words from my various books, all of which have to

be written down, memorized and read aloud. Number four: my movie stars are in a

terrible disarray and are dying to be straightened out, but since it'l take several days to do that and Professor Anne is, as she's already said, up to her ears in work, they'l

have to put up with the chaos a while longer. Then there're Theseus, Oedipus, Peleus,

Orpheus, Jason and Hercules al waiting to be untangled, since their various deeds are

running crisscross through my mind like mul- ticolored threads in a dress. Myron and

Phidias are also urgently in need of attention, or else I'l forget entirely how they fit into the picture. The same applies, for example, to the Seven Years' War and the Nine

Years' War. Now I'm getting everything al mixed up. Well, what can you do with a

memory like mine! Just imagine how forgetful I'l be when I'm eighty!

Oh, one more thing. The Bible. How long is it going to take before I come to the

story of the bathing Susanna? And what do they mean by Sodom and Gomorrah? Oh,

there's stil so much to find out and learn. And in the meantime, I've left Charlotte of

the Palatine in the lurch.

You can see, can't you, Kitty, that I'm ful to bursting?

And now something else. You've known for a long time that my greatest wish is to be

a journalist, and later on, a famous writer. We'l have to wait and see if these grand

illusions (or delusions!) will ever come true, but up to now I've had no lack of topics.

In any case, after the war I'd like to publish a book called The Secret Annex. It

remains to be seen whether I'll succeed, but my diary can serve as the basis.

I also need to finish "Cady's Life." I've thought up the rest of the plot. After being cured in the sanatorium, Cady goes back home and continues writing to Hans. It's

1941, and it doesn't take her long to discover Hans's Nazi sympathies, and since Cady

is deeply concerned with the plight of the Jews and of her friend Marianne, they begin

drifting apart. They meet and get back together, but break up when Hans takes up

with another girl. Cady is shattered, and because she wants to have a good job, she

studies nursing. After graduation she accepts a position, at the urging of her father's

friends, as a nurse in a TB sanatorium in Switzerland. During her first vacation she

goes to Lake Como, where she runs into Hans. He tells her that two years earlier

he'd married Cady's successor, but that his wife took her life in a fit of depression.

Now that he's seen his little Cady again, he realizes how much he loves her, and once

more asks for her hand in marriage. Cady refuses, even though, in spite of herself,

she loves him as much as ever. But her pride holds her back. Hans goes away, and

years later Cady learns that he's wound up in England, where he's struggling with ill

health.

When she's twenty-seven, Cady marries a wel -to-do man from the country, named

Simon. She grows to love him, but not as much as Hans. She has two daughters and a

son, Lthan, Judith and Nico. She and Simon are happy together, but Hans is always in

the back of her mind until one night she dreams of him and says farewell.

. . .

It's not sentimental nonsense: it's based on the story of Father's life.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

Yesterday was Father's birthday, Father and Mother's nineteenth wedding anniversary,

a day without the cleaning lady. . . and the sun was shining as it's never shone before

in 1944. Our chestnut tree is in ful bloom. It's covered with leaves and is even more

beautiful than last year.

Father received a biography of Linnaeus from Mr. Kleiman, a book on nature from Mr.

Kugler, The Canals of Amsterdam from Dussel, a huge box from the van Daans

(wrapped so beautifully it might have been done by a professional), containing three

eggs, a bottle of beer, a jar of yogurt and a green tie. It made our jar of molasses

seem rather paltry. My roses smel ed wonderful compared to Miep and Bep's red

carnations. He was thoroughly spoiled. Fifty petits fours arrived from Siemons'

Bakery, delicious! Father also treated us to spice cake, the men to beer and the ladies

to yogurt. Everything was scrumptious!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, MAY 16, 1944

My dearest Kitty, just for a change (since we haven't had one of these in so long) I'l

recount a little discussion between Mr. and Mrs. van D. last night:

Mrs. van D.: "The Germans have had plenty of time to fortify the Atlantic Wall, and they'l certainly do everything within their power to hold back the British. It's amazing how strong the Germans are!"

Mr. van D.: "Oh, yes, amazing.

Mrs. van D.: "It is!"

Mr. van D.: "They are so strong they're bound to win the war in the end, is that what you mean?"

Mrs. van D.: "They might. I'm not convinced that they won't."

Mr. van D.: "I won't even answer that."

Mrs. van D.: "You always wind up answering. You let yourself get carried away, every single time."

Mr. van D.: "No, I don't. I always keep my answers to the bare minimum."

Mrs. van D.: "But you always do have an answer and you always have to be right!

Your predictions hardly ever come true, you know!"

Mr. van D.: "So far they have."

Mrs. van D.: "No they haven't. You said the invasion was going to start last year, the Finns were supposed to have been out of the war by now, the Italian campaign ought

to have been over by last winter, and the Russians should already have captured

Lemberg. Oh no, I don't set much store by your predictions."

Mr. van D. (leaping to his feet): "Why don't you shut your trap for a change? I'll

show you who's right; someday you'll get tired of needling me. I can't stand your

bel yaching a minute longer. just wait, one day I'll make you eat your words!" (End of Act One.)

Actually, I couldn't help giggling. Mother couldn't either, and even Peter was biting his lips to keep from laughing. Oh, those stupid grown-ups. They need to learn a few

things first before they start making so many remarks about the younger generation!

Since Friday we've been keeping the windows open again at night.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

What Our Annex Family Is Interested In

(A Systematic Survey of Courses and Readina Matter)

Mr. van Daan. No courses; looks up many things in Knaur's Encyclopedia and Lexicon;

likes to read detective stories, medical books and love stories, exciting or trivial.

Mrs. van Daan. A correspondence course in English; likes to read biographical novels

and occasional y other kinds of novels.

Mr. Frank. Is learning English (Dickens!) and a bit of Latin; never reads novels, but

likes serious, rather dry descriptions of people and places.

Mrs. Frank. A correspondence course in English; reads everything except detective

stories.

Mr. Dussel. Is learning English, Spanish and Dutch with no noticeable results; reads

everything; goes along with the opinion of the majority.

Peter van Daan. Is learning English, French (correspondence course), shorthand in

Dutch, English and German, commercial correspondence in English, woodworking,

economics and sometimes math; seldom reads, sometimes geography.

Margot Frank. Correspondence courses in English, French and Latin, shorthand in

English, German and Dutch, trigonometry, solid geometry, mechanics, phys- ics,

chemistry, algebra, geometry, English literature, French literature, German literature,

Dutch literature, bookkeeping, geography, modern history, biology, economics; reads

everything, preferably on religion and medicine.

Anne Frank. Shorthand in French, English, German and Dutch, geometry, algebra,

history, geography, art history, mythology, biology, Bible history, Dutch literature; likes to read biographies, dul or exciting, and history books (sometimes novels and light

reading).

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I felt rotten yesterday. Vomiting (and that from Anne!), headache, stomachache and

anything else you can imagine. I'm feeling better today. I'm famished, but I think I'l

skip the brown beans we're having for dinner.

Everything's going fine between Peter and me. The poor boy has an even greater need

for tenderness than I do. He stil blushes every evening when he gets his good-night

kiss, and then begs for another one. Am I merely a better substitute for Boche? I

don't mind. He's so happy just knowing somebody loves him.

After my laborious conquest, I've distanced myself a little from the situation, but you

mustn't think my love has cooled. Peter's a sweetheart, but I've slammed the door to

my inner self; if he ever wants to force the lock again, he'll have to use a harder

crowbar!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, MAY 20, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Last night when I came down from the attic, I noticed, the moment I entered the

room, that the lovely vase of carnations had fal en over. Mother was down on her

hands and knees mopping up the water and Margot was fishing my papers off the

floor. "What happened?" I asked with anxious foreboding, and before they could reply, I assessed the damage from across the room. My entire genealogy file, my notebooks,

my books, everything was afloat. I nearly cried, and I was so upset I started speaking

German. I can't remember a word, but according to Margot I babbled something about

"unlioersehbarer Schaden, schrecklich, entsetzlich, nie zu ersetzen"* [* Incalculable loss, terrible, awful, irreplaceable.] and much more. Fadier burst out laughing and

Modier and Margot joined in, but I felt like crying because al my work and elaborate

notes were lost.

I took a closer look and, luckily, die "incalculable loss" wasn't as bad as I'd expected.

Up in die attic I carefully peeled apart die sheets of paper diat were stuck togedier

and dien hung diem on die clodiesline to dry. It was such a funny sight, even I had to

laugh. Maria de' Medici alongside Charles V, Wil iam of Orange and Marie Antoinette.

"It's Rassenschande,"* Mr. van Daan joked. [An affront to racial purity.]

After entrusting my papers to Peter's care, I went back downstairs.

"Which books are ruined?" I asked Margot, who was going dirough them.

"Algebra," Margot said.

But as luck would have it, my algebra book wasn't entirely ruined. I wish it had fallen

right in the vase. I've never loathed any book as much as that one. Inside the front

cover are the names of at least twenty girls who had it before I did. It's old,

yel owed, ful of scribbles, crossed-out words and revisions. The next time I'm in a

wicked mood, I'm going to tear the darned thing to pieces!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, MAY 22,1944

Dearest Kitty,

On May 20, Father lost his bet and had to give five jars of yogurt to Mrs. van Daan:

the invasion stil hasn't begun. I can safely say that al of Amsterdam, all of Hol and,

in fact the entire western coast of Europe, al the way down to Spain, are talking

about the invasion day and night, debating, making bets and . . . hoping.

The suspense is rising to fever pitch; by no means has everyone we think of as

"good" Dutch people kept their faith in the English, not everyone thinks the English bluff is a masterful strategical move. Oh no, people want deeds-great, heroic deeds.

No one can see farther than the end of their nose, no one gives a thought to the fact

that the British are fighting for their own country and their own people; everyone

thinks it's England's duty to save Hol and, as quickly as possible. What obligations do

the English have toward us? What have the Dutch done to deserve the generous help

they so clearly expect? Oh no, the Dutch are very much mistaken. The English,

despite their bluff, are certainly no more to blame for the war than all the other

countries, large and smal , that are now occupied by the Germans. The British are not

about to offer their excuses; true, they were sleeping during the years Germany was

rearming itself, but al the other countries, especially those bordering on Germany,

were asleep too. England and the rest of the world have discovered that burying your

head in the sand doesn't work, and now each of them, especial y England, is having to

pay a heavy price for its ostrich policy.

No country sacrifices its men without reason, and certainly not in the interests of

another, and England is no exception. The invasion, liberation and freedom wil come

someday; yet England, not the occupied territories, wil choose the moment.

To our great sorrow and dismay, we've heard that many people have changed their

attitude toward us Jews. We've been told that anti-Semitism has cropped up in circles

where once it would have been unthinkable. This fact has affected us al very, very

deeply. The reason for the hatred is understandable, maybe even human, but that

doesn't make it right. According to the Christians, the Jews are blabbing their secrets

to the Germans, denouncing their helpers and causing them to suffer the dreadful fate

and punishments that have already been meted out to so many. Al of this is true. But

as with everything, they should look at the matter from both sides: would Christians

act any differently if they were in our place? Could anyone, regardless of whether

they're Jews or Christians, remain silent in the face of German pressure? Everyone

knows it's practically impossible, so why do they ask the impossible of the Jews?

It's being said in underground circles that the German Jews who immigrated to Hol and

before the war and have now been sent to Poland shouldn't be allowed to return here.

They were granted the right to asylum in Holland, but once Hitler is gone, they should

go back to Germany.

When you hear that, you begin to wonder why we're fighting this long and difficult

war. We're always being told that we're fighting for freedom, truth and justice! The

war isn't even over, and already there's dissension and Jews are regarded as lesser

beings. Oh, it's sad, very sad that the old adage has been confirmed for the umpteenth

time: "What one Christian does is his own responsibthty, what one Jew does reflects on all Jews."

To be honest, I can't understand how the Dutch, a nation of good, honest, upright

people, can sit in judgment on us the way they do. On us-the most oppressed,

unfortunate and pitiable people in al the world.

I have only one hope: that this anti-Semitism is just a passing thing, that the Dutch

will show their true colors, that they'l never waver from what they know in their

hearts to be just, for this is unjust!

And if they ever carry out this terrible threat, the meager handful of Jews stil left in Hol and will have to go. We too wil have to shoulder our bundles and move on, away

from this beautiful country, which once so kindly took us in and now turns its back on

us.

I love Hol and. Once I hoped it would become a fatherland to me, since I had lost my

own. And I hope so stil !

Yours, Anne M. Frank

THURSDAY, MAY 25, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Bep's engaged! The news isn't much of a surprise, though none of us are particularly

pleased. Bertus may be a nice, steady, athletic young man, but Bep doesn't love him,

and to me that's enough reason to advise her against marrying him.

Bep's trying to get ahead in the world, and Bertus is pul ing her back; he's a laborer,

without any interests or any desire to make something of himself, and I don't think

that'll make Bep happy. I can understand Bep's wanting to put an end to her

indecision; four weeks ago she decided to write him off, but then she felt even worse.

So she wrote him a letter, and now she's engaged.

There are several factors involved in this engagement. First, Bep's sick father, who

likes Bertus very much. Second, she's the oldest of the Voskuijl girls and her mother

teases her about being an old maid. Third, she's just turned twenty-four, and that

matters a great deal to Bep.

Mother said it would have been better if Bep had simply had an affair with Bertus. I

don't know, I feel sorry for Bep and can understand her loneliness. In any case, they

can get married only after the war, since Bertus is in hiding, or at any rate has gone

underground. Besides, they don't have a penny to their name and nothing in the way

of a hope chest. What a sorry prospect for Bep, for whom we al wish the best. I

only hope Bertus improves under her influence, or that Bep finds another man, one

who knows how to appreciate her!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

THE SAME DAY

There's something happening every day. This morning Mr. van Hoeven was arrested.

He was hiding two Jews in his house. It's a heavy blow for us, not only because

those poor Jews are once again balancing on the edge of an abyss, but also because

it's terrible for Mr. van Hoeven.

The world's been turned upside down. The most decent people are being sent to

concentration camps, prisons and lonely cells, while the lowest of the low rule over

young and old, rich and poor. One gets caught for black marketeering, another for

hiding Jews or other un- fortunate souls. Unless you're a Nazi, you don't know what's

going to happen to you from one day to the next.

Mr. van Hoeven is a great loss to us too. Bep can't possibly lug such huge amounts of

potatoes all the way here, nor should she have to, so our only choice is to eat fewer

of them. I'l tel you what we have in mind, but it's certainly not going to make life

here any more agreeable. Mother says we'll skip breakfast, eat hot cereal and bread

for lunch and fried potatoes for dinner and, if possible, vegetables or lettuce once or

twice a week. That's al there is. We're going to be hungry, but nothing's worse than

being caught.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

At long, long last, I can sit quietly at my table before the crack in the window frame

and write you everything, everything I want to say.

I feel more miserable than I have in months. Even after the break-in I didn't feel so

utterly broken, inside and out. On the one hand, there's the news about Mr. van

Hoeven, the Jewish question (which is discussed in detail by everyone in the house),

the invasion (which is so long in coming), the awful food, the tension, the misera-

ble atmosphere, my disappointment in Peter. On the other hand, there's Bep's

engagement, the Pentecost reception, the flowers, Mr. Kugler's birthday, cakes and

stories about cabarets, movies and concerts. That gap, that enormous gap, is always

there. One day we're laugh- ing at the comical side of life in hiding, and the next day

(and there are many such days), we're frightened, and the fear, tension and despair

can be read on our faces.

Miep and Mr. Kugler bear the greatest burden for us, and for al those in hiding-Miep

in everything she does and Mr. Kugler through his enormous responsibthty for the

eight of us, which is sometimes so overwhelming that he can hardly speak from the

pent-up tension and strain. Mr. Kleiman and Bep also take very good care of us, but

they're able to put the Annex out of their minds, even if it's only for a few hours or

a few days. They have their own worries, Mr. Kleiman with his health and Bep with

her engagement, which isn't looking very promising lat the moment. But they also have

their outings, their visits with friends, their everyday lives as ordinary people, so that the tension is sometimes relieved, if only for a short while, while ours never is, never has been, not once in the two years we've been here. How much longer will this

increasingly oppressive, unbearable weight press I down on us?

The drains are clogged again. We can't run the wa- ter, or if we do, only a trickle;

we can't flush the toilet, so we have to use a toilet brush; and we've been putting our

dirty water into a big earthenware jar. We can man- age for today, but what wil

happen if the plumber can't fix it on his own? The Sanitation Department can't come

until Tuesday.

Miep sent us a raisin bread with "Happy Pentecost" written on top. It's almost as if she were mocking us, since our moods and cares are far from "happy."

We've all become more frightened since the van Hoeven business. Once again you hear

"shh" from al I sides, and we're doing everything more quietly. The police forced the door there; they could just as easily do that here too! What wil we do if we're ever.

. . no, I mustn't write that down. But the question won't let itself be pushed to the

back of my mind today; on the contrary, al the fear I've ever felt is looming before

me in al its horror.

I had to go downstairs alone at eight this evening to use the bathroom. There was no

one down there, since they were al listening to the radio. I wanted to be brave, but it

was hard. I always feel safer upstairs than in that huge, silent house; when I'm alone

with those mysterious muffied sounds from upstairs and the honking of horns in the

street, I have to hurry and remind myself where I am to keep from getting the

shivers.

Miep has been acting much nicer toward us since her talk with Father. But I haven't

told you about that yet. Miep came up one afternoon al flushed and asked Father

straight out if we thought they too were infected with the current anti-Semitism.

Father was stunned and quickly talked her out of the idea, but some of Miep's

suspicion has lingered on. They're doing more errands for us now and showing more

of an interest in our troubles, though we certainly shouldn't bother them with our

woes. Oh, they're such good, noble people!

I've asked myself again and again whether it wouldn't have been better if we hadn't

gone into hiding, if we were dead now and didn't have to go through this misery,

especially so that the others could be spared the burden. But we al shrink from this

thought. We stil love life, we haven't yet forgotten the voice of nature, and we keep

hoping, hoping for. . . everything.

Let something happen soon, even an air raid. Nothing can be more crushing than this

anxiety. Let the end come, however cruel; at least then we'll know whether we are to

be the victors or the vanquished.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday it was too hot to hold my fountain pen, which

is why I couldn't write to you. Friday the drains were clogged, Saturday they were

fixed. Mrs. Kleiman came for a visit in the afternoon and told us a lot about Jopiej

she and Jacque van Maarsen are in the same hockey club. Sunday Bep dropped by to

make sure there hadn't been a break-in and stayed for breakfast. Monday (a holiday

because of Pentecost), Mr. Gies served as the Annex watchman, and Tuesday we

were final y al owed to open the windows. We've seldom had a Pentecost weekend that

was so beautiful and warm. Or maybe "hot" is a better word. Hot weather is horrible in the Annex. To give you an idea of the numerous complaints, I'l briefly describe

these sweltering days.

Saturday: "Wonderful, what fantastic weather," we all said in the morning. "If only it weren't quite so hot," we said in the afternoon, when the windows had to be shut.

Sunday: "The heat's unbearable, the butter's melt- ing, there's not a cool spot

anywhere in the house, the bread's drying out, the milk's going sour, the windows

can't be opened. We poor outcasts are suffocating while everyone else is enjoying

their Pentecost." (According to Mrs. van D.)

Monday: "My feet hurt, I have nothing cool to wear, I can't do the dishes in this

heat!" Grumbling from early in the morning to late at night. It was awful.

I can't stand the heat. I'm glad the wind's come up today, but that the sun's stil

shining.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, JUNE 2, 1944 J

Dear Kitty,

"If you're going to the attic, take an umbrel a with you, preferably a large one!" This is to protect you from "household showers." There's a Dutch proverb: "High and dry, safe and sound," but it obviously doesn't apply to wartime (guns!) and to people in hiding (cat box!). Mouschi's gotten into the habit of relieving herself on some

newspapers or between the cracks in the floor boards, so we have good reason to fear

the splatters and, even worse, the stench. The new Moortje in the warehouse has the

same problem. Anyone who's ever had a cat that's not housebroken can imagine the

smel s, other than pepper and thyme, that permeate this house.

I also have a brand-new prescription for gunfire jitters: When the shooting gets loud,

proceed to the nearest wooden staircase. Run up and down a few times, making sure

to stumble at least once. What with the scratches and the noise of running and falling,

you won't even be able to hear the shooting, much less worry about it. Yours truly

has put this magic formula to use, with great success!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

MONDAY, JUNE 5, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

New problems in the Annex. A quarrel between Dussel and the Franks over the

division of butter. Capitulation on the part of Dussel. Close friendship between the

latter and Mrs. van Daan, flirtations, kisses and friendly little smiles. Dussel is

beginning to long for female companionship.

The van Daans don't see why we should bake a spice cake for Mr. Kugler's birthday

when we can't have one ourselves. Al very petty. Mood upstairs: bad. Mrs. van D.

has a cold. Dussel caught with brewer's yeast tablets, while we've got none.

The Fifth Army has taken Rome. The city neither destroyed nor bombed. Great

propaganda for Hitler.

Very few potatoes and vegetables. One loaf of bread was moldy.

Scharminkeltje (name of new warehouse cat) can't stand pepper. She sleeps in the cat

box and does her business in the wood shavings. Impossible to keep her.

Bad weather. Continuous bombing of Pas de Calais and the west coast of France.

No one buying dol ars. Gold even less interesting.

The bottom of our black moneybox is in sight. What are we going to live on next

month?

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, JUNE 6, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

"This is D Day," the BBC announced at twelve.

"This is the day." The invasion has begun!

This morning at eight the British reported heavy bombing of Calais, Boulogne, Le

Havre and Cherbourg, as wel as Pas de Calais (as usual). Further, as a precautionary

measure for those in the occupied territories, everyone living within a zone of twenty

miles from the coast was warned to prepare for bombardments. Where possible, the

British wil drop pamphlets an hour ahead of time.

According to the German news, British paratroopers have landed on the coast of

France. "British landing craft are engaged in combat with German naval units,"

according to the BBC.

Conclusion reached by the Annex while breakfasting at nine: this is a trial landing, like the one two years ago in Dieppe.

BBC broadcast in German, Dutch, French and other languages at ten: The invasion has

begun! So this is the "real" invasion. BBC broadcast in German at eleven: speech by Supreme Commander General Dwight Eisenhower.

BBC broadcast in English: "This is 0 Day." General Eisenhower said to the French people: "Stiff fighting wil come now, but after this the victory. The year 1944 is the year of complete victory. Good luck!"

BBC broadcast in English at one: 11,000 planes are shuttling back and forth or

standing by to land troops and bomb behind enemy lines; 4,000 landing craft and smal

boats are continual y arriving in the area between Cher- bourg and Le Havre. English

and American troops are already engaged in heavy combat. Speeches by Gerbrandy,

the Prime Minister of Belgium, King Haakon of Norway, de Gaulle of France, the King

of England and, last but not least, Churchil .

A huge commotion in the Annex! Is this really the beginning of the long-awaited

liberation? The liberation we've al talked so much about, which still seems too good,

too much of a fairy tale ever to come true? Wil this year, 1944, bring us victory? We

don't know yet. But where there's hope, there's life. It fil s us with fresh courage and makes us strong again. We'l need to be brave to endure the many fears and hardships

and the suffering yet to come. It's now a matter of remaining calm and steadfast, of

gritting our teeth and keeping a stiff upper lip! France, Russia, Italy, and even

Germany, can cry out in agony, but we don't yet have that right!

Oh, Kitty, the best part about the invasion is that I have the feeling that friends are

on the way. Those terrible Germans have oppressed and threatened us for so long that

the thought of friends and salvation means everything to us! Now it's not just the

Jews, but Holland and al of occupied Europe. Maybe, Margot says, I can even go back

to school in October or September.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

P.S. I'l keep you informed of the latest news!

This morning and last night, dummies made of straw and rubber were dropped from

the air behind German lines, and they exploded the minute they hit the ground. Many

paratroopers, their faces blackened so they couldn't be seen in the dark, landed as

wel . The French coast was bombarded with 5,500 tons of bombs during the night, and

then, at six in the morning, the first landing craft came ashore. Today there were

20,000 airplanes in action. The German coastal batteries were destroyed even before

the landing; a small bridgehead has already been formed. Everything's going wel ,

despite the bad weather. The army and the people are "one will and one hope."

FRIDAY, JUNE 9, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Great news of the invasion! The Al ies have taken Bayeux, a vil age on the coast of

France, and are now fighting for Caen. They're clearly intending to cut off the

peninsula where Cherbourg is located. Every evening the war correspondents report on

the difficulties, the courage and the fighting spirit of the army. To get their stories, they pull off the most amazing feats. A few of the wounded who are already back in

England also spoke on the radio. Despite the miserable weather, the planes are flying

dthgently back and forth. We heard over the BBC that Churchil wanted to land along

with the troops on D Day, but Eisenhower and the other generals managed to talk him

out of it. Just imagine, so much courage for such an old man he must be at least

seventy!

The excitement here has died down somewhat; stil , we're al hoping that the war wil

finally be over by the end of the year. It's about time! Mrs. van Daan's constant

griping is unbearable; now that she can no longer drive us crazy with the invasion, she

moans and groans all day about the bad weather. If only we could plunk her down in

the loft in a bucket of cold water!

Everyone in the Annex except Mr. van Daan and Peter has read the Hunaarian

Rhapsody trilogy, a biography of the composer, piano virtuoso and child prodigy Franz

Liszt. It's very interesting, though in my opinion there's a bit too much emphasis on

women; Liszt was not only the greatest and most famous pianist of his time, he was

also the biggest womanizer, even at the age of seventy. He had an affair with

Countess Marie d' Agoult, Princess Carolyne Sayn- Wittgenstein, the dancer Lola

Montez, the pianist Agnes Kingworth, the pianist Sophie Menter, the Circassian

princess Olga Janina, Baroness Olga Meyen- dorff, actress Lil a what's-her-name,

etc., etc., and there's no end to it. Those parts of the book dealing with music and the other arts are much more interesting. Some of the people mentioned are Schumann,

Clara Wieck, Hector Berlioz, Johannes Brahms, Beethoven, Joachim, Richard Wagner,

Hans von Bulow, Anton Rubinstein, Frederic Chopin, Victor Hugo, Honore de Balzac,

Hil er, Hummel, Czerny, Rossini, Cherubini, Paganini, Mendels- sohn, etc., etc.

Liszt appears to have been a decent man, very generous and modest, though

exceptional y vain. He helped others, put art above al else, was extremely fond of

cognac and women, couldn't bear the sight of tears, was a gentleman, couldn't refuse

anyone a favor, wasn't interested in money and cared about religious freedom and the

world.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

314 ANNE FRANK

TUESDAY, JUNE 13, 1944

Dearest Kit,

Another birthday has gone by, so I'm now fifteen. I received quite a few gifts:

Springer's five-volume art history book, a set of underwear, two belts, a handkerchief,

two jars of yogurt, a jar of jam, two honey cookies (small), a botany book from

Father and Mother, a gold bracelet from Margot, a sticker album from the van Daans,

Biomalt and sweet peas from Dussel, candy from Miep, candy and notebooks from Bep,

and the high point: the book Maria Theresa and three slices of full-cream cheese

from Mr. Kugler. Peter gave me a lovely bouquet of peonies; the poor boy had put a

lot of effort into finding a present, but nothing quite worked out.

The invasion is stil going splendidly, in spite of the miserable weather -- pouring

rains, gale winds and high seas.

Yesterday Churchill, Smuts, Eisenhower and Arnold visited the French vil ages that the

British have captured and liberated. Churchil was on a torpedo boat that shelled the

coast. Uke many men, he doesn't seem to know what fear is -- an enviable trait!

From our position here in Fort Annex, it's difficult to gauge the mood of the Dutch.

No doubt many people are glad the idle (!) British have final y rolled up their sleeves

and gotten down to work. Those who keep claim- ing they don't want to be occupied

by the British don't realize how unfair they're being. Their line of reasoning boils

down to this: England must fight, struggle and sacri- fice its sons to liberate Holland

and the other occupied countries. After that the British shouldn't remain in Hol- land:

they should offer their most abject apologies to al the occupied countries, restore the

Dutch East Indies to its rightful owner and then return, weakened and impoverished, to

England. What a bunch of idiots. And yet, as I've already said, many Dutch people can

be counted among their ranks. What would have become of Hol and and its neighbors if

England had signed a peace treaty with Germany, as it's had ample opportunity to do?

Hol and would have become German, and that would have been the end of that!

Al those Dutch people who stil look down on the British, scoff at England and its

government of old fogies, cal the English cowards, yet hate the Germans, should be

given a good shaking, the way you'd plump up a pil ow. Maybe that would straighten

out their jumbled brains!

Wishes, thoughts, accusations and reproaches are swirling around in my head. I'm not

really as conceited as many people think; I know my various faults and shortcomings

better than anyone else, but there's one difference: I also know that I want to change,

will change and already have changed greatly!

Why is it, I often ask myself, that everyone still thinks I'm so pushy and such a

know-it-al ? Am I real y so arrogant? Am I the one who's so arrogant, or are they?

It sounds crazy, I know, but I'm not going to cross out that last sentence, because it's not as crazy as it seems. Mrs. van Daan and Dussel, my two chief accusers, are

known to be totally unintel igent and, not to put too fine a point on it, just plain

"stupid"! Stupid people usual y can't bear it when others do something better than they do; the best examples of this are those two dummies, Mrs. van Daan and Dussel. Mrs.

van D. thinks I'm stupid because I don't suffer so much from this ailment as she does,

she thinks I'm pushy because she's even pushier, she thinks my dresses are too short

because hers are even shorter, and she thinks I'm such a know-it-al because she

talks twice as much as I do about topics she knows nothing about. The same goes for

Dussel. But one of my favorite sayings is "Where there's smoke there's fire," and I readily admit I'm a know-it-all.

What's so difficult about my personality is that I scold and curse myself much more

than anyone else does; if Mother adds her advice, the pile of sermons becomes so

thick that I despair of ever getting through them. Then I talk back and start

contradicting everyone until the old famthar Anne refrain inevitably crops up again:

"No one understands me!"

This phrase is part of me, and as unlikely as it may seem, there's a kernel of truth in

it. Sometimes I'm so deeply buried under self-reproaches that I long for a word of

comfort to help me dig myself out again. If only I had someone who took my feelings

seriously. Alas, I haven't yet found that person, so the search must go on.

I know you're wondering about Peter, aren't you, Kit? It's true, Peter loves me, not as

a girlfriend, but as a friend. His affection grows day by day, but some mysterious

force is holding us back, and I don't know what it is.

Sometimes I think my terrible longing for him was overexaggerated. But that's not

true, because if I'm unable to go to his room for a day or two, I long for him as

desperately as I ever did. Peter is kind and good, and yet I can't deny that he's

disappointed me in many ways. I especially don't care for his dislike of religion, his

table conversations and various things of that nature. Stil , I'm firmly convinced that

we'l stick to our agreement never to quarrel. Peter is peace-loving, tolerant and

extremely easygoing. He lets me say a lot of things to him that he'd never accept

from his mother. He's making a determined effort to remove the blots from his

copybook and keep his affairs in order. Yet why does he hide his innermost self and

never al ow me access? Of course, he's much more closed than I am, but I know from

experience (even though I'm constantly being accused of knowing al there is to know

in theory, but not in practice) that in time, even the most uncommunicative types wil

long as much, or even more, for someone to confide in.

Peter and I have both spent our contemplative years in the Annex. We often discuss

the future, the past and the present, but as I've already told you, I miss the real

thing, and yet I know it exists!

Is it because I haven't been outdoors for so long that I've become so smitten with

nature? I remember a time when a magnificent blue sky, chirping birds, moonlight and

budding blossoms wouldn't have captivated me. Things have changed since I came

here. One night during the Pentecost holiday, for instance, when it was so hot, I

struggled to keep my eyes open until eleven-thirty so I could get a good look at the

moon, al on my own for once. Alas, my sacrifice was in vain, since there was too

much glare and I couldn't risk opening a window. An- other time, several months ago,

I happened to be upstairs one night when the window was open. I didn't go back down

until it had to be closed again. The dark, rainy evening, the wind, the racing clouds,

had me spel bound; it was the first time in a year and a half that I'd seen the night

face-to-face. After that evening my longing to see it again was even greater than my

fear of burglars, a dark rat-infested house or robberies. I went downstairs al by

myself and looked out the windows in the kitchen and private office. Many people

think nature is beautiful, many people sleep from time to time under the starry sky,

and many people in hospitals and prisons long for the day when they'l be free to

enjoy what nature has to offer. But few are as isolated and cut off as we are from

dle joys of nature, which can be shared by rich and poor alike.

It's not just my imagination -- looking at dle sky, dle clouds, dle moon and dle stars

really does make me feel calm and hopeful. It's much better medicine than valerian or

bromide. Nature makes me feel humble and ready to face every blow with courage!

As luck would have it, I'm only able -- except for a few rare occasions-to view

nature through dusty curtains tacked over dirt-caked windows; it takes dle pleasure

out of looking. Nature is dle one thing for which dlere is no substitute!

One of dle many questions that have often bodlered me is why women have been, and

still are, thought to be so inferior to men. It's easy to say it's unfair, but that's not enough for me; I'd really like to know the reason for this great injustice!

Men presumably dominated women from the very beginning because of their greater

physical strength; it's men who earn a living, beget children and do as they please. . .

Until recently, women silently went along wil i this, which was stupid, since the longer it's kept up, the more deeply entrenched it becomes. Fortunately, education, work and

progress have opened women's eyes. In many countries they've been granted equal

rights; many people, mainly women, but also men, now realize how wrong it was to

tolerate this state of affairs for so long. Modern women want the right to be

completely independent!

But that's not al . Women should be respected as wel ! Generally speaking, men are

held in great esteem in all parts ofthe world, so why shouldn't women have their

share? Soldiers and war heroes are honored and commemorated, explorers are granted

immortal fame, martyrs are revered, but how many people look upon women too as

soldiers?

In the book Soldiers on the Home Front I was greatly struck by the fact that in

childbirth alone, women commonly suffer more pain, il ness and misery than any war

hero ever does. And what's her reward for enduring al that pain? She gets pushed

aside when she's disfigured by birth, her children soon leave, her beauty is gone.

Women, who struggle and suffer pain to ensure the con- tinuation of the human race,

make much tougher and more courageous soldiers than al those big-mouthed

freedom-fighting heroes put together!

I don't mean to imply that women should stop having children; on the contrary, nature

intended them to, and that's the way it should be. What I condemn are our system of

values and the men who don't acknowledge how great, difficult, but ultimately beautiful

women's share in society is.

I agree completely with Paul de Kruif, the author of this book, when he says that men

must learn that birth is no longer thought of as inevitable and unavoidable in those

parts of the world we consider civthzed. It's easy for men to talk -- they don't and

never wil have to bear the woes that women do!

I believe that in the course of the next century the notion that it's a woman's duty to

have children wil change and make way for the respect and admiration of al women,

who bear their burdens without complaint or a lot of pompous words!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, JUNE 16, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

New problems: Mrs. van D. is at her wit's end. She's talking about getting shot, being

thrown in prison, being hanged and suicide. She's jealous that Peter confides in me and

not in her, offended that Dussel doesn't re- spond sufficiently to her flirtations and

afraid her husband's going to squander all the fur-coat money on to- bacco. She

quarrels, curses, cries, feels sorry for herself, laughs and starts allover again.

What on earth can you do with such a sil y, sniveling specimen of humanity? Nobody

takes her seriously, she has no strength of character, she complains to one and al ,

and you should see how she walks around: von hinten Lyzeum, yon vorne Museum.*

[Acts like a schoolgirl, looks like a frump.] Even worse, Peter's becoming insolent,

Mr. van Daan irritable and Mother cynical. Yes, everyone's in quite a state! There's

only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It

sounds egotistical, but it's actual y the only cure for those suffering from self-pity.

Mr. Kugler's supposed to spend four weeks in Alkmaar on a work detail. He's trying

to get out of it with a doctor's certificate and a letter from Opekta. Mr. Kleiman's

hoping his stomach wil be operated on soon. Starting at eleven last night, all private

phones were cut off.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Nothing special going on here. The British have begun their all-out attack on

Cherbourg. According to Pim and Mr. van Oaan, we're sure to be liberated before

October 10. The Russians are taking part in the cam- paign; yesterday they started

their offensive near Vitebsk, exactly three years to the day that the Germans invaded

Russia.

Bep's spirits have sunk lower than ever. We're nearly out of potatoes; from now on,

we're going to count them out for each person, then everyone can do what they want

with them. Starting Monday, Miep's taking a week of vacation. Mr. Kleiman's doctors

haven't found anything on the X rays. He's torn between having an operation and

letting matters take their course.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, JUNE 27, 1944

My dearest Kitty,

The mood has changed, everything's going enormously wel . Cherbourg, Vitebsk and

Zhlobin fel today. They're sure to have captured lots of men and equipment. Five

German generals were kil ed near Cherbourg and two taken captive. Now that they've

got a harbor, the British can bring whatever they want on shore. The whole Cotentin

Peninsula has been captured just three weeks after the invasion! What a feat!

In the three weeks since D Day there hasn't been a day without rain and storms,

neither here nor in France, but this bad luck hasn't kept the British and the Americans

from displaying their might. And how! Of course, the Germans have launched their

wonder weapon, but a little firecracker like that won't hardly make a dent, except

maybe minor damage in England and screaming headlines in the Kraut newspapers.

Anyway, when they realize in "Krautland" that the Bolsheviks real y are getting closer, they'l be shaking in their boots.

Al German women who aren't working for the military are being evacuated, together

with their children, from the coastal regions to the provinces of Groningen, Friesland

and Gelderland. Mussert* [* The leader of the Dutch National Socialist (Nazi) Party]

has announced that if the invasion reaches Hol and, he'll enlist. Is that fat pig planning to fight? He could have done that in Russia long before now. Finland turned down a

peace offer some time ago, and now the negotiations have been broken off again.

Those numbskul s, they'll be sorry!

How far do you think we'l be on July 27?

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Bad weather from one at a stretch to the thirty June* [Anne's English.] Don't I say

that wel ? Oh yes, I already know a little English; just to prove it I'm reading An

Ideal Husband with the help of a dictionary! War's going wonderful y: Bobruysk,

Mogilev and Orsha have fal en, lots of prisoners.

Everything's al right here. Spirits are improving, our superoptimists are triumphant,

the van Daans are doing disappearing acts with the sugar, Bep' s changed her hair, and

Miep has a week off. That's the latest news!

I've been having real y ghastly root-canal work done on one of my front teeth. It's

been terribly painful. It was so bad Dussel thought I was going to faint, and I nearly

did. Mrs. van D. promptly got a toothache as well!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

P.S. We've heard from Basel that Bernd* [Cousin Bernhard (Buddy) Elias]. played the

part of the innkeeper in Minna von Barnhelm. He has "artistic leanings," says Mother.

THURSDAY, JULY 6, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

My blood runs cold when Peter talks about becoming a criminal or a speculator; of

course, he's joking, but I still have the feeling he's afraid of his own weakness.

Margot and Peter are always saying to me, "If I had your spunk and your strength, if I had your drive and unflagging energy, could. . .

Is it real y such an admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others? Am I

right in following my own conscience?

To be honest, I can't imagine how anyone could say "I'm weak" and then stay that way. If you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your

character? Their answer has always been: "Because it's much easier not to!" This reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged. Easy? Does that mean a life of deceit and

laziness is easy too? Oh no, that can't be true. It can't be true that people are so

readily tempted by ease. . . and money. I've given a lot of thought to what my answer

should be, to how I should get Peter to believe in himself and, most of al , to change

himself for the better. I don't know whether I'm on the right track.

I've often imagined how nice it would be if someone were to confide everything to

me. But now that it's reached that point, I realize how difficult it is to put yourself in someope else's shoes and find the right answer. Especial y since "easy" and "money"

are new and com- pletely alien concepts to me.

Peter's beginning to lean on me and I don't want that, not under any circumstances.

It's hard enough standing on your own two feet, but when you also have to remain

true to your character and soul, it's harder stil .

I've been drifting around at sea, have spent days searching for an effective antidote to that terrible word "easy." How can I make it clear to him that, while it may seem easy and wonderful, it will drag him down to the depths, to a place where he'l no

longer find friends, support or beauty, so far down that he may never rise to the

surface again?

We're all alive, but we don't know why or what for; we're al searching for happiness;

we're al leading lives that are different and yet the same. We three have been raised

in good famthes, we have the opportunity to get an education and make something of

ourselves. We have many reasons to hope for great happiness, but. . . we have to

earn it. And that's something you can't achieve by taking the easy way out. Earning

happiness means doing good and working, not speculating and being lazy. Laziness may

look inviting, but only work gives you true satisfaction.

I can't understand people who don't like to work, but that isn't Peter's problem either.

He just doesn't have a goal, plus he thinks he's too stupid and inferior to ever achieve anything. Poor boy, he's never known how it feels to make someone else happy, and

I'm afraid I can't teach him. He isn't religious, scoffs at Jesus Christ and takes the

Lord's name in vain, and though I'm not Orthodox either, it hurts me every time to

see him so lonely, so scornful, so wretched.

People who are religious should be glad, since not everyone is blessed with the ability

to believe in a higher order. You don't even have to live in fear of eternal punishment; the concepts of purgatory, heaven and hell are difficult for many people to accept, yet

religion itself, any religion, keeps a person on the right path. Not the fear of God, but upholding your own sense of honor and obeying your own conscience. How noble and

good everyone could be if, at the end of each day, they were to review their own

behavior and weigh up the rights and wrongs. They would automatical y try to do

better at the start of each new day and, after a while, would certainly accomplish a

great deal. Everyone is welcome to this prescription; it costs nothing and is definitely useful. Those who don't know will have to find out by experience that "a quiet

conscience gives you strength!"

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, JULY 8, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

Mr. Broks was in Beverwijk and managed to get hold of strawberries at the produce

auction. They arrived here dusty and full of sand, but in large quantities. No less than twenty-four crates for the office and us. That very same evening we canned the first

six jars and made eight jars of jam. The next morning Miep started making jam for

the office.

At twelve-thirty the outside door was locked, crates were lugged into the kitchen,

with Peter, Father and Mr. van Daan stumbling up the stairs. Anne got hot water from

the water heater, Margot"",went for a bucket, al hands on deck! With a funny feeling in my stomach, I entered the overcrowded office kitchen. Miep, Bep, Mr. Kleiman, Jan,

Father, Peter: the Annex contingent and the Supply Corps al mixed up together, and

that in the middle of the day! Curtains and windows open, loud voices, banging doors

-- I was trembling with excitement. I kept thinking, "Are we really in hiding?" This must be how it feels when you can final y go out into the world again. The pan was

full, so I dashed upstairs, where the rest of the family was hul ing strawberries around the kitchen table. At least that's what they were supposed to be doing, but more was

going into their mouths than into the buckets. They were bound to need another

bucket soon. Peter went back downstairs, but then the doorbel rang twice. Leaving the

bucket where it was, Peter raced upstairs and shut the bookcase behind him. We sat

kicking our heels impatiently; the strawberries were waiting to be rinsed, but we stuck

to the house rule: "No running water when strangers are downstairs -- they might

hear the drains."

Jan came up at one to tel us it had been the mail- man. Peter hurried downstairs

again. Ding-dong. . . the doorbel , about-face. I listened to hear if anyone was

coming, standing first at the bookcase, then at the top of the stairs. Finally Peter and I leaned over the banister, straining our ears like a couple of burglars to hear the

sounds from downstairs. No unfamthar voices. Peter tip- toed halfway down the stairs

and cal ed out, "Bep!"

Once more: "Bep!" His voice was drowned out by the racket in the kitchen. So he ran down to the kitchen while I nervously kept watch from above. "Go upstairs at once,

Peter, the accountant's here, you've got to leave!" It was Mr. Kugler's voice. Sighing, Peter came upstairs and closed the bookcase.

Mr. Kugler finally came up at one-thirty. "My gosh, the whole world's turned to

strawberries. I had strawber- ries for breakfast, Jan's having diem for lunch,

Kleiman's eating them as a snack, Miep's bothng them, Bep's hul ing them, and I can

smel them everywhere I go. I come upstairs to get away from all that red and what

do I see? People washing strawberries!"

The rest of the strawberries were canned. That evening: two jars came unsealed.

Father quickly turned them into jam. The next morning: two more lids popped up; and

that afternoon: four lids. Mr. van Daan hadn't gotten the jars hot enough when he was

sterthzing them, so Father ended up making jam every evening. We ate hot cereal with

strawberries, buttermilk with strawberries, bread with strawberries, strawberries for

dessert, straw- berries with sugar, strawberries with sand. For two days there was

nothing but strawberries, strawberries, strawberries, and then our supply was either

exhausted or in jars, safely under lock and key.

"Hey, Anne," Margot cal ed out one day, "Mrs. van Hoeven has let us have some peas, twenty pounds!"

"That's nice of her," I replied. And it certainly was, but it's so much work. . . ugh!

"On Saturday, you've aJI got to shell peas," Mother announced at the table.

And sure enough, this morning after breakfast our biggest enamel pan appeared on the

table, filled to the brim with peas. If you think shel ing peas is boring work, you ought to try removing the inner linings. I don't think many people realize that once you've

pul ed out the linings, the pods are soft, delicious and rich in vitamins. But an even

greater advantage is that you get nearly three times as much as when you eat just the

peas.

Stripping pods is a precise and meticulous job that might be suited to pedantic dentists or finicky spice experts, but it's a horror for an impatient teenager like me. We

started work at nine-thirty; I sat down at ten-thirty, got Up again at eleven, sat

down again at eleven-thirty. My ears were humming with the fol owing refrain: snap

the end, strip the pod, pull the string, pod in the pan, snap the end, strip the pod, pul the string, pod in the pan, etc., etc. My eyes were swimming: green, green, worm,

string, rotten pod, green, green. To fight the boredom and have something to do, I

chattered all morn- ing, saying whatever came into my head and making everyone

laugh. The monotony was kil ing me. Every string I pul ed made me more certain that

I never, ever, want to be just a housewife!

At twelve we final y ate breakfast, but from twelve-thirty to one-fifteen we had to

strip pods again. When I stopped, I felt a bit seasick, and so did the others. I napped

until four, stil in a daze because of those wretched peas.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

SATURDAY, JULY 15,1944

Dearest Kitty,

We've received a book from the library with the challenging title What Do You Think

of the Modern Young Girl? I'd like to discuss this subject today.

The writer criticizes "today's youth" from head to toe, though without dismissing them al as "hopeless cases." On the contrary, she believes they have it within their power to build a bigger, better and more beautiful world, but that they occupy themselves

with superficial things, without giving a thought to true beauty. In some passages I

had the strong feeling that the writer was directing her disapproval at me, which is

why I final y want to bare my soul to you and defend myself against this attack.

I have one outstanding character trait that must be obvious to anyone who's known me

for any length of time: I have a great deal of self-knowledge. In everything I do, I

can watch myself as if I were a stranger. I can stand c across from the everyday

Anne and, without being biased or making excuses, watch what she's doing, both the

good and the bad. This self-awareness never leaves me, and every time I open my

mouth, I think, "You should have said that differently" or "That's fine the way it is." I condemn myself in so many ways that I'm beginning to realize the truth of Father's

adage: "Every child has to raise itself." Parents can only advise their children or point them in the right direction. Ultimately, people shape their own characters. In addition, I face life with an extraordinary amount of courage. I feel so strong and capable of

bearing burdens, so young and free! When I first realized this, I was glad, because it

means I can more easily withstand the blows life has in store.

But I've talked about these things so often. Now I'd like to turn to the chapter "Father and Mother Don't Understand Me." My parents have always spoiled me rotten, treated

me kindly, defended me against the van Daans and done all that parents can. And yet

for the longest time I've felt extremely lonely, left out, neglected and misunderstood.

Father did everything he could to curb my rebel ious spirit, but it was no use. I've

cured myself by holding my behavior up to the light and looking at what I was doing

wrong.

Why didn't Father support me in my struggle? Why did he fal short when he tried to

offer me a helping hand? The answer is: he used the wrong methods. He always

talked to me as if I were a child going through a difficult phase. It sounds crazy,

since Father's the only one who's given me a sense of confidence and made me feel

as if I'm a sensible person. But he overlooked one thing: he failed to see that this

struggle to triumph over my difficulties was more important to me than anything else.

I didn't want to hear about "typical adolescent problems," or "other girls," or "you'l grow out of it." I didn't want to be treated the same as all-the-other-girls, but as Anne-in-her-own-right, and rim didn't understand that. Besides, I can't confide in

anyone unless they tel me a lot about themselves, and because I know very little

about him, I can't get on a more intimate footing. rim always acts like the elderly

father who once had the same fleeting im- pulses, but who can no longer relate to

me as a friend, no matter how hard he tries. As a result, I've never shared my

outlook on life or my long-pondered theories with anyone but my diary and, once in a

while, Margot. I've hid any- thing having to do with me from Father, never shared my

ideals with him, deliberately alienated myself from him.

I couldn't have done it any other way. I've let myself be guided entirely by my

feelings. It was egotistical, but I've done what was best for my own peace of mind. I

would lose that, plus the self-confidence I've worked so hard to achieve, if I were to

be subjected to criticism halfway through the job. It may sound hard-hearted, but I

can't take criticism from rim either, because not only do I never share my innermost

thoughts with him, but I've pushed him even further away by being irritable.

This is a point I think about quite often: why is it that rim annoys me so much

sometimes? I can hardly bear to have him tutor me, and his affection seems forced. I

want to be left alone, and I'd rather he ignored me for a while until I'm more sure of

myself when I'm talking to him! I'm still torn with guilt about the mean letter I wrote

him when I was so upset. Oh, it's hard to be strong and brave in every way!

. . .

Stil , this hasn't been my greatest disappointment. No, I think about Peter much more

than I do Father. I know very wel that he was my conquest, and not the other way

around. I created an image of him in my mind, pictured him as a quiet, sweet,

sensitive boy badly in need of friendship and love! I needed to pour out my heart to a

living person. I wanted a friend who would help me find my way again. I accomplished

what I set out to do and drew him, slowly but surely, toward me. When I final y got

him to be my friend, it automatical y developed into an intimacy that, when I think

about it now, seems outrageous. We talked about the most private things, but we

haven't yet touched upon the things closest to my heart. I still can't make head or tail of Peter. Is he superficial, or is it shyness that holds him back, even with me? But

putting al that aside, I made one mistake: I used intimacy to get closer to him, and in

doing so, I ruled out other forms of friendship. He longs to be loved, and I can see

he's beginning to like me more with each passing day. Our time together leaves him

feeling satisfied, but just makes me want to start al over again. I never broach the

subjects I long to bring out into the open. I forced Peter, more than he realizes, to

get close to me, and now he's holding on for dear life. I honestly don't see any

effective way of shaking him off and getting him back on his own two feet. I soon

realized he could never be a kindred spirit, but stil tried to help him break out of his narrow world and expand his youthful horizons.

"Deep down, the young are lonelier than the old." I read this in a book somewhere and it's stuck in my mind. As far as I can tell, it's true.

So if you're wondering whether it's harder for the adults here than for the children,

the answer is no, it's certainly not. Older people have an opinion about everything and

are sure of themselves and their actions. It's twice as hard for us young people to

hold on to our opinions at a time when ideals are being shattered and destroyed, when

the worst side of human nature predominates, when everyone has come to doubt truth,

justice and God.

Anyone who claims that the older folks have a more difficult time in the Annex

doesn't realize that the problems have a far greater impact on us. We're much too

young to deal with these problems, but they keep thrusting themselves on us until,

finally, we're forced to think up a solution, though most of the time our solutions

crumble when faced with the facts. It's difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It's a wonder I

haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to

them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

It's utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and

death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the

approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions.

And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for

the better, that this cruelty too shal end, that peace and tranquthty wil return once

more. In the meantime, I must hold on to my ideals. Perhaps the day wil come when

I'll be able to realize them!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

FRIDAY, JULY 21, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

I'm final y getting optimistic. Now, at last, things are going wel ! They really are!

Great news! An assassination attempt has been made on Hitler's life, and for once not

by Jewish Communists or English capitalists, but by a German general who's not only

a count, but young as wel . The Fuhrer owes his life to "Divine Providence": he escaped, unfortunately, with only a few minor burns and scratches. A number of the

officers and generals who were nearby were kil ed or wounded. The head of the

conspiracy has been shot.

This is the best proof we've had so far that many officers and generals are fed up

with the war and would like to see Hitler sink into a bottomless pit, so they can

establish a mthtary dictatorship, make peace with the Allies, rearm themselves and,

after a few decades, start a new war. Perhaps Providence is deliberately biding its

time getting rid of Hider, since it's much easier, and cheaper, for the Allies to let the impeccable Germans kil each other off. It's less work for the Russians and the British,

and it al ows them to start rebuilding their own cities all that much sooner. But we

haven't reached that point yet, and I'd hate to anticipate the glorious event. Still,

you've probably noticed that I'm telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the

truth. For once, I'm not rattling on about high ideals.

Furthermore, Hitler has been so kind as to announce to his loyal, devoted people that

as of today al mthtary personnel are under orders of the Gestapo, and that any

soldier who knows that one of his superiors was involved in this cowardly attempt on

the Fuhrer's life may shoot him on sight!

A fine kettle of fish that will be. Little Johnny's feet are sore after a long march and his commanding officer bawls him out. Johnny grabs his rifle, shouts, "You, you tried to kill the Fuhrer. Take that!" One shot, and the snooty officer who dared to

reprimand him passes into eternal life (or is it eternal death?). Eventually, every time an officer sees a soldier or gives an order, he'l be practical y wetting his pants,

because the soldiers have more say-so than he does.

Were you able to fol ow that, or have I been skipping from one subject to another

again? I can't help it, the prospect of going back to school in October is making me

too happy to be logical! Oh dear, didn't I just get through tel ing you I didn't want to anticipate events? Forgive me, Kitty, they don't cal me a bundle of contradictions for

nothing!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1, 1944

Dearest Kitty,

"A bundle of contradictions" was the end of my previous letter and is the beginning of this one. Can you please tell me exactly what "a bundle of contradictions" is? What does "contradiction" mean? Like so many words, it can be interpreted in two ways: a contradiction imposed from without and one imposed from within. The former means

not accepting other people's opinions, always knowing best, having the last word; in

short, al those unpleasant traits for which I'm known. The latter, for which I'm not

known, is my own secret.

As I've told you many times, I'm split in two. One side contains my exuberant

cheerfulness, my flippancy, my joy in life and, above al , my abthty to appreciate the

lighter side of things. By that I mean not finding anything wrong with flirtations, a

kiss, an embrace, an off-color joke. This side of me is usually lying in wait to

ambush the other one, which is much purer, deeper and finer. No one knows Anne's

better side, and that's why most people can't stand me. Oh, I can be an amusing clown

for an afternoon, but after that everyone's had enough of me to last a month. Actual y,

I'm what a romantic movie is to a profound thinker -- a mere diversion, a comic

interlude, something that is soon forgotten: not bad, but not particularly good either. I hate haVing to tel you this, but why shouldn't I admit it when I know it's true? My

lighter, more superficial side will always steal a march on the deeper side and

therefore always win. You can't imagine how often I've tried to p:ush away this Anne,

which is only half of what is known as Anne-to beat her down, hide her. But it

doesn't work, and I know why.

I'm afraid that people who know me as I usually am will discover I have another side,

a better and finer side. I'm afraid they'll mock me, think I'm ridiculous and sentimental and not take me seriously. I'm used to not being taken seriously, but only the

"lighthearted" Anne is used to it and can put up with it; the "deeper" Anne is too weak. If I force the good Anne into the spotlight for even fifteen minutes, she shuts

up like a clam the moment she's cal ed upon to speak, and lets Anne number one do

the talking. Before I realize it, she's disappeared.

So the nice Anne is never seen in company. She's never made a single appearance,

though she almost always takes the stage when I'm alone. I know exactly how I'd like

to be, how I am . . . on the inside. But unfortunately I'm only like that with myself.

And perhaps that's why-no, I'm sure that's the reason why -- I think of myself as

happy on the inside and other people think I'm happy on the outside. I'm guided by

the pure Anne within, but on the outside I'm nothing but a frolicsome little goat

tugging at its tether.

As I've told you, what I say is not what I feel, which is why I have a reputation for

being boy-crazy as well as a flirt, a smart aleck and a reader of romances. The

happy-go-lucky Anne laughs, gives a flippant reply, shrugs her shoulders and

pretends she doesn't give a darn. The quiet Anne reacts in just the opposite way. If

I'm being completely honest, I'll have to admit that it does matter to me, that I'm

trying very hard to change myself, but that I I'm always up against a more powerful

enemy.

A voice within me is sobbing, "You see, that's what's become of you. You're

surrounded by negative opinions, dismayed looks and mocking faces, people, who

dislike you, and all because you don't listen to the ; advice of your own better half."

Believe me, I'd like ;' to listen, but it doesn't work, because if I'm quiet and serious, everyone thinks I'm putting on a new act and I have to save myself with a joke, and

then I'm not even talking about my own family, who assume I must be sick, stuff me

with aspirins and sedatives, feel my neck and forehead to see if I have a temperature,

ask about my bowel movements and berate me for being in a bad mood, until I just

can't keep it up anymore, because j when everybody starts hovering over me, I get

cross, then sad, and finally end up turning my heart inside g out, the bad part on the

outside and the good part on the inside, and keep trying to find a way to become

what I'd like to be and what I could be if . . . if only there were no other people in

the world.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

-----------------------

ANNE'S DIARY ENDS HERE.

-----------------------

AFTERWORD

On the morning of August 4, 1944, sometime between ten and ten-thirty, a car pul ed

up at 263 Prinsengracht. Several figures emerged: an SS sergeant, Karl Josef

Silberbauer, in ful uniform, and at least three Dutch members of the Security Police,

armed but in civilian clothes. Someone must have tipped them off.

They arrested the eight people hiding in the Annex, as well as two of their helpers,

Victor Kugler and Johannes Kleiman -- though not Miep Gies and Elisabeth (Bep)

Voskuijl-and took al the valuables and cash they could find in the Annex.

After the arrest, Kugler and Kleiman were taken to a prison in Amsterdam. On

September 11, 1944, they were transferred, without benefit of a trial, to a camp in

Amersfoort (Holland). Kleiman, because of his poor health, was released on September

18, 1944. He remained in Amsterdam until his death in 1959.

Kugler managed to escape his imprisonment on March 28, 1945, when he and his

fellow prisoners were being sent to Germany as forced laborers. He immigrated to

Canada in 1955 and died in Toronto in 1989.

Elisabeth (Bep) Voskuijl Wijk died in Amsterdam in 1983.

Miep Santrouschitz Gies is stil living in Amsterdam; her husband Jan died in 1993.

Upon their arrest, the eight residents of the Annex were first brought to a prison in

Amsterdam and then transferred to Westerbork, the transit camp for Jews in the north

of Holland. They were deported on September 3, 1944, in the last transport to leave

Westerbork, and arrived three days later in Auschwitz (Poland).

Hermann van Pels (van Daan) was, according to the testimony of Otto Frank, gassed

to death in Auschwitz in October or November 1944, shortly before the gas chambers

were dismantled.

Auguste van Pels (Petronel a van Daan) was transported from Auschwitz to

Bergen-Belsen, from there to Buchenwald, then to Theresienstadt on April 9, 1945,

and apparently to another concentration camp after that. It is certain that she did not

survive, though the date of her death is unknown.

Peter van Pels (van Daan) was forced to take part in the January 16, 1945 "death

march" from Auschwitz to Mauthausen (Austria), where he died on May 5, 1945, three

days before the camp was liberated.

Fritz Pfeffer (Albert Dussel) died on December 20, 1944, in the Neuengamme

concentration camp, where he had been transferred from either Buchenwald or

Sachsenhausen.

Edith Frank died in Auschwitz-Birkenau on January 6, 1945, from hunger and

exhaustion.

Margot and Anne Frank were transported from Auschwitz at the end of October and

brought to Bergen Belsen, a concentration camp near Hannover (Germany). The typhus

epidemic that broke out in the winter of 1944-1945, as a result of the horrendous

hygenic conditions, killed thousands of prisoners, including Margot and, a few days

later, Anne. She must have died in late February or early March. The bodies of both

girls were probably dumped in Bergen-Belsen's mass graves. The camp was liberated

by British troops on April 12, 1945.

Otto Frank was the only one of the eight to survive the concentration camps. After

Auschwitz was liberated by Russian troops, he was repatriated to Amsterdam by way

of Odessa and Marseil e. He arrived in Amsterdam on June 3, 1945, and stayed there

until 1953, when he moved to Basel (Switzerland), where his sister and her family,

and later his brother, lived. He married Elfriede Markovits Geiringer, original y from

Vienna, who had survived Auschwitz and lost a husband and son in Mauthausen. Until

his death on August 19, 1980, Otto Frank continued to live in Birsfelden, outside

Basel, where he devoted himself to sharing the message of his daughter's diary with

people al over the world.

# # #

Doubleday - New York, London, Toronto, Sydney, Auckland

(c) 1991 by The Anne Frank-Fonds, Basel, Switzerland (www.annefrank.com)

English translation (c) 1995 by Doubleday, a division of

Bantam Doubleday Publishing Group, Inc.

Printed in the United States of America, March 1995

ISBN 0-385-47378-8

Scanned 09-2003, ver. 1.0

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This e-book is intended for nonprofit educational use only under "fair use" provisions of international copyright conventions and is not to be sold.

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